Skip to main content

"Why Don't You Take Me Out Anymore?"


It's Friday night.

You are sitting on the couch with your boo.....again..

Law and Order SVU marathon on USA is on...again....

You yawn....He adjust himself.......AGAIN.

Here we go again.....

You look over to your man and go..."Why dont you take me OUT anymore??"

He rolls his eyes.........


Let's look at this dillema from two points.

What HE Says:

Look. I've gone out in my 20's and teens. I'm TIRED of going out. Aint shit out there in the streets. I WANNA spend the TIME with you. Why must I spend all this money? Why you always gotta GO Somewhere all the time? It aint no special occasion! It's not our anniversary..or birthday or holiday! We go on a few trips a year. And yes..going OUT in the city is a trip too! I did all that stuff when we were dating. We are a COUPLE now.  Isnt that what you wanted? Whats wrong with just saying in the house? Ive done all my running around. I'm settled.... IM TIRED! I work all day! I just wanna chill! And I wanna chill with you, babe! Besides..why cant we do what I wanna do?

What does the WOMAN hear: "He is just plain LAZY and uncreative! He's boring..."


What SHE says:
Why does it have to be about MONEY? Sure we can get a pizza and watch a Redbox movie...but we can also just do something like go to the park....or have a walk..a picnic...or go eat ice cream! It's about effort and time! I want balance. We can stay home AND go out sometimes. We dont have to do anything fancy! And why does it have to be just for a special occassion??? That isnt fair to me! I work hard! I want to have a little fun! See people! Do things. Not be all couped up in the house!!! I'm tired of you eating all my food up! All you wanna do is the same thing.....eat, sleep watch TV and do it!!!"

What does the MAN hear: "She is just NEVER satisfied! It's always about HER. Im not important unless we running the streets, spending cash and catering to her."


We have all been in this situation. After a while in a relationship, things get to the point where it gets stale. The man feels settled. The woman feels bored...and those famous words come out of her mouth.

So where do we go from here?

It's about respecting his needs and her needs....BALANCE

Fellas...take the girl out sometimes. Stuff that doesnt HAVE to cost money. Just be creative, thoughtful and nice about it. Look in the  local paper for free events. You might just enjoy it. It's about being attentive. And even if you do stay in the house, do something different. Hell..play naked Scrabble (oh...sorry..thats MY thing! LMAO!)

Ladies..listen to his needs. You dont have to go out ALL the time..but when you do stay in the house..do something that HE wants to do. His fav show. His fav food. Have a "theme night". Watch "The Mexican" and buy some mexican food. ANd if you do go out..make it about HIM sometimes. Treat him...he'd love that!



Love is a two way street....so travel down the road of love...together :)

(Which means you MUST get out the house sometimes! LMAO!)

Comments

  1. Man, I can relate to this post! We've fallen into a major "couples time" rut, but it has more so to do with finding affordable (read: FREE) babysitting so that we can leave the house and have a date night. But sadly, even when we're both home together, I feel like we could do more to enjoy the time we do have together... but we end up each getting engrossed in our own thing: me blogging, and him into some sports show. So we're essentially sitting next to one another on the couch, but barely talking, and in our own little worlds. Its sad! Thanks for this reminder that its not too late to get our romantic groove back, and get out of this lazy, "old folks" rut!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very good points!!! I agree.

    You should elaborate on naked scrabble, though! =D

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Jason..Naked Scrabble is easy. If you spell a word..and challenge..and its wrong...then you gotta strip. It's fun! LMAO!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loving this post.

    I bet if my woman were to read it, she'd swear up and down that I had told our business.

    I get in my moods as well where I don't look forward to rehashing the same ol same ol "dates"(well, besides casino and dinner).

    But, as you stated, I realized that beign attentive and creative does appear to go a long ways.


    Good stuff, Mocha.

    Oprah-like.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am not the "Stay in the house all the time" type of person so if I see me and mine falling into it, I'm going to do my best to insert some balance. If he has a real problem with it, we need to discuss. If we can't respect what the other is saying and trying to do for/with the relationship...well...

    ReplyDelete
  6. If you're a "settled" man, the goal is to find a settled woman. That is easier said than done. I don't know many women that don't like to be wined, dined, and taken out every weekend. Men who are ready to be married and become family men are usually done with all the running the streets by the time we find our Mrs. Going out becomes the anniversary trip or T-ball with the kids.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.

But..…

The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
*sigh*
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…