Sex and The Southern Belle

So I made a conscious decision, sometime last year to have 1 year of celibacy until my birthday. Needless to say...that period is over. And I ended it.  (Yes...with sex). It was beautiful. Amazingly sensual. Connected in a way I hadn't experience in a very long time....And it was worth waiting for. The person respected my body and my needs. I didn't feel used .I didn't feel coerced or harassed. I didn't feel like I lost myself. If anything, I felt powerful that I had will power this long and did NOT give my cookies away to the first joker who batted his big brown eyes at me and flashed a cunning smile. I didn't feel once ounce of guilt or remorse. This isn't to say that I had this transcendental experience while making love. It was just.......... nice for a change. Yep...I waited a year. And I am better for it. Although some will judge and go, "Well..why not wait until your husband comes....".  Uh...while I want to get married...that may...

Remember back in the day (or perhaps you are too young for this) when they used to tease boys (and some girls), that masturbation would make you go blind, crippled and crazy? That touching yourself would lead to stupidity and overall frigidity? Masturbation was gonna lead to you going to hell and subsequently jacking off in a hell-pit of fire.... Well...Alfred Kinsey, famed biologist and sexual researcher, felt the opposite. So much so...that Masturbation as great....and well...necessary. But that's not the point of this blog..... As I was in my Sexuality and Society Class (part of my feminist theory requirement), we watched a PBS documentary on Alfred Kinsey. It was quite informative and we learned how groundbreaking (and controversial) he was. But one phrase  Kinsey said stuck in my head.... "There are only three kinds of sexual abnormalities : abstinence, celibacy and delayed marriage ". Instantly, I felt conflicted and convicted. I will be quite hon...

So what does celibacy look like for a man? *crickets* Oh let’s not think that it’s not possible. Or that is laughable to think of this as some alternative. Or that men are “biologically wired to plumage and plant their seeds”. Wrong! Men have something I like to call “self-restraint” and control. Something that God put within them as soon as God fashioned them as a human being. Men have this fatal and dangerous belief that for them, sex is a game. Sex is something they can detach from their psyche and take off and on like a fine pair of Kenneth Coles. Their penises are not attached to their souls or brains (Little Head/Big Head) and that falsely, every woman must have penis envy.   That isn’t true at all. What would a relationship look like for a man if he got rid of the sexual component? Would he be bored? Or would he grow as a man? The quote from the book puts it best: "Sexual favor before marriage simply stunts the growth of boys into real men who can shoulder the responsibi...

You feel it This attraction deep inside for someone It's magic Chemistry Like the earth stood still when your eyes met When the sound of his voice made your hairs stand on edge It's sex on fire It's smoldering sensuality Just one little problem........ You Can't Have him .....or Can you?? It's quite ironic really. Right after the post I made the other day abotu "crushes"...my little heart began to flutter and my mind started to imagine scenarios with a guy I've known a long time. You see...I dont know what it is just yet. Convos are small. Here and there. There's just something about him. I can't put my finger on it...and my finger isn't really what I want on IT anyway :) It's like a mystery... One problem. We have this friend in common...a close friend with close ties (almost like a relative)...and I REALLY think it would be VERY awkward to get something started with this person (esp since he knows me..our common friend...and I'm...

4...is the magic number..... 4. So far....it has been almost 4 months since I've been intimate in ANY way with someone. And I purely just fell into it by accident. But now, I don't think celibacy (or abstinence ...really that's what it is...celibacy is for monks...) is such a bad thing. It's not like I was having it on the regular. It's not like it was all that good when I did get it. It was hit or miss, really. It's not like I cared about these dudes (well really..THIS dude) or was in love. They (he) certainly didn't love me. despite my attempts at being open, honest, and sweet. I don't even remember my last powerful and honest orgasm. Actually, I found out through the magic of Facebook that the dude I had been seeing had a girlfriend all along. It was a little twinge of pain...........but it just made my break even more needed. I needed to be shocked into reality. Lesson learned. I have no desire to fake an orgasm ( lol )..or sweat my makeup off. or ...

I love sex. I really do. I have absolutely no qualms about being a sexual person or expressing myself sexually. I’m not shy. I’m not a prude…and never had I had a complaint. Some positions I do should be illegal…(LOL) It feels great when done right….But...I do have a confession. I don’t want it anymore Don’t get me wrong, if I get it and it’s good, I enjoy it. But afterwards, I feel so empty. It’s over with. They go home. I go home. The end. I feel like the character in Looking for Mr. Goodbar (except I don’t die...and nothing gets brutal...and there is no drugs…eh...so maybe that isn’t a good example) What’s the point of having sex if there is nothing deeper behind it? Yes, sex feels incredible. Orgasms are great…but at what (emotional) price. If I have to hurt my heart…is sex worth it? I think after my divorce, I increasingly had given up on love. The men I encountered didn’t want anything more than a sexual relationship and those men who rarely wanted more than that; I didn’t feel a...