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Showing posts from January, 2010

Ask a Man

In a new weekly series, various women readers will be posing different questions to men in order to spark dialogue and get some male perspective>

This week's question comes come a reader, Candi. "Has the phone call died??? Do men actually call women or should I expect a text as the norm?"

Here is some feedback from some men (and women):

CC (man)
Before I answer... are you referring to that initial call after the first meeting & exchanging phone numbers... or are you referring to a call vs. a text message after a relationship is established?

@CC..I think in general. When a person asks for your number..instead of a first "call" get a series of text. Rarely if brothers take the time and call a sista on the phone.
Thu at 10:25am ·

Sooooo true Tati! I mean why even ask for your number?

Ah... I see what you're getting at. Well, did you ever think about how much pressure is put on us regarding that first call? How long to wait, what to talk…

More Haikus

Love isn’t really
What I feel for you right now
It’s more like contempt

They’ll never be me
Or have the title… they want
In….the First Wives Club

Black is the mood now
Nails..Hair..Clothes…Shoes..Make-Up.. Soul
Coal-colored ideas

My body is tight
Again as if I’m reborn
A virgin lotus

He kisses me and
Instantly I return there
Home are his kisses

Here I masterbate
Penetrating the cold
Where heart used to be

I pretend you are
Everything I hoped for
Sweet dreams turned nightmare

I authorize you
To do with me what you will
Cargo is fragile

I still believe in
The power of love and all
The hurt that comes with

Musical Interlude of the Week

This week's musical interlude of the week comes from a neo-soul artist that I dig a lot....

Can't Hardly Wait by N"Dambi.

Straight outta Texas, N"Dambi was the former big afro background singer for Erykah Badu. Her new album, Pink Elephant is a mix of funk, soul, and sexiness and blues that we have come to love from her previous work. This song mixes all of that and more sexy grooves. Can't Hardly Wait encompasses that!! Def a song with a LOT of attiude! The PERFECT Break-up song!!h

This Celibacy Thang the magic number.....

4. So has been almost 4 months since I've been intimate in ANY way with someone. And I purely just fell into it by accident. But now, I don't think celibacy (or abstinence...really that's what it is...celibacy is for monks...) is such a bad thing.

It's not like I was having it on the regular. It's not like it was all that good when I did get it. It was hit or miss, really. It's not like I cared about these dudes (well really..THIS dude) or was in love. They (he) certainly didn't love me. despite my attempts at being open, honest, and sweet. I don't even remember my last powerful and honest orgasm. Actually, I found out through the magic of Facebook that the dude I had been seeing had a girlfriend all along. It was a little twinge of pain...........but it just made my break even more needed. I needed to be shocked into reality. Lesson learned. I have no desire to fake an orgasm (lol)..or sweat my makeup off. or r brea…

Musical Interlude Of the Week

*I'm going to try something different in my blog. This blog is about love, relationships and I thought I'd introduce my other love to the mix: MUSIC. I'm a big music buff.....LOVE good songs that have meaning...and that touch your soul. So every week, I thought I'd introduce a little musical interlude that I a little about the artist...some artist you may know...some you may discover....Enjoy*


Song of the week: "Everybody Here Wants You" performed by Kenny Lattimore (from the album Timeless) (Originally recorded by the late Jeff Buckley (if you don't know him...get ON him...) in 1997, this song is so beautifully gives me chills.... Kenny, a well-known soul singer known for his beautiful vibrato and falsetto does it JUSTICE.)

Open Letter #1

Dear Men of the Universe:

Please retire the following tired, played-out, lame line...

"You deserve so much better...I are just too good for me"


Women who aren't dumb and can see through your facade and bullsh*t!

If I hear one more dude tell me that, Imma scream........

The Business of Relationships

I asked a guy friend of mine (a man I had once been madly attracted to..who I felt was this "ideal" dude..) about what made him choose his latest girlfriend. I was going to use this for a sweet, sugary V-day themed blog. I was anticipating fawning and overall gushing. But…his answer wasn’t what I was quite expecting.

Q: I’m working on my blog.....and I wanted to know if you could answer a general question:What’s are the qualities that your girlfriend has that sets her apart from other girls that you dated in the past (i.e. the "i need to lock this down" qualities) ?

A: It is interesting you asked that question ... I have come up with two conclusions--

1) I KNOW she loves me and is fully devoted to me. Not like I’m the center of her universe, because we both have lives outside of our relationship, but more along the lines of I know that I/this relationship is one of her top priorities. She makes most decisions with me/our relationship in mind-- from career choices to g…

If We Had Meddling Mothers...

I was reflecting more on the plight of the African American community and our lack of healthy, whole families. I, too, realize I am part of the problem. I’m a statistic.. But…I digress.

My friend Cee told me something earlier this week about how other cultures make it their duty, their obligation, to make sure that their kids find a mate. Her example was about the Jewish community and how mother’s (and fathers too) are vigilant about finding a mate for their child. If they don’t, they feel that they are a failure as a parent (and sometimes as grandparents). And aside from communities that participate in arranged marriages, there are other cultures that take it upon themselves to find their kids a mate. She was also saying that Asian parents search tirelessly in their communities for a mate. They stop at nothing and ask everyone if they have a free cousin/brother/sister/neice/nephew/grandson/granddaughter/godchild that is single and available as a partner for their child.

We don’t do tha…

Turn the Lights Down Low

Touch me here… there
Uhmmm...that feels good.
No...stop…not at THIS angle. don’t like how I look in this light…
Turn the lights the way off…

We have all been there. We meet a guy. We date for a while...and finally…tonight is the night. You put on your sexiest lingerie. You oil up your body. You spray the expensive perfume. You make sure you are waxed/shaved/plucked and your toes are painted the most luscious, suckable shade. You are perfecting your make-up in your favorite shade of MAC. All is going well until…..

You look in a mirror. Oh god! Those stretch marks on my butt. My stomach is hanging over my thong. I have that scar on my thigh when I fell of my bike when I was 12. Jesus..should he really SEE me like this?

Thus begins the self-doubt and self consciousness that comes with sex. We all get like that a time or two. One area or another of our body makes us rethink the “getting wild and kinky” part. Maybe he won’t like my legs? Or maybe my breasts …

What I'm NOT Having in 2010

So one of my girlfriend sent me a video of yet another sad, depressing video on why a large portion of black women are single..something from Nightline on ABC

I, for one, am SICK OF IT! I cant take it. If i see one more report on why we are single, I am going to fucking SCREAM! Im not going to take it! I'm not going to feed into this bullshit. IT'S BULLSHIT! I'm not going to believe that a bevy of well educated black women should be PUNISHED by spinsterhood for being goal-oriented! I'm not having it! I'm not taking it. T hey say "lower your standards" WHY??? WHITE girls dont lower their standards ! FUCK THAT! I dont have a long list of "must haves". BUT...I can tell you what I'm NOT having in 2010!

No more Greeks/Masons (As a member of a sorority, I KNOW first hand how men/frat boys take advantage of BONDS..they think it's instant PUSSY access! IT's NOT!)
No men who own more sneakers than suits/dress shoes
No more uneducated men (Must ha…