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Showing posts from April, 2010

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling

open toed shoessand and beachesShania Twain and Faith Hill...(I LOVE them..I truly do)Dhani Jones (mercy...sweet Jesus that man is fine!)B.oB's album. someone washing my hair...while we are in the shower....(sexy)Broadway musicalsthe lyrics of this song....museum exhibitsBBC Americaall things Britis basically (see BBC America)Logo Channelstraight white teethmy DVR..why didnt I get one sooner????




Not Feeling

men with crusty black toe nailsNoah's Arc was cancelledmarried men contacting "single" me. Go on, you predator.women who use "church" to substitute for your lack of a man. *smh*people who use the bible in every argumentcomplicated recipes with expensive ingredientshaving a craving and being brokenot knowing how to swimmen who look at me strange when I say certain things I lack which leads them to be totally disinterested in me which brings me to another point......How superficial the MEN are here in ATL Such bitachnesspeople wanting to insert thems…

NSFW: The Weekly Porn Review

This week...I decided to focus on something I'd like to call...

"The Porn Parody"


I was watching the 2010 AVN awards late one night on Showtime. It's the porn industry's version of the Oscars. It was a star-studded crowd And I realized two things watching 1) I'm in the wrong industry because these joints make millions and 2) there are various porn catagories I had never heard of. Some were crazy like "gonzo" (based on the no frills style of photojournalism  described by Hunter Thompson) ....and best "Pov" (point of view). But the one that was the craziest thing to me was "parody porn". Apparently this is porn based on a real person or a TV show or movie that they spoof and add porn to... The thought of comedy mixed with porn intrigued me....so I decided to check out one of the nominated features based on my favorite show (which won the AVN 2010 best parody award)

Not the Cosby's XXX
Hustler Video (available on http://www.sitcums…

Philosophy: Poems

If God is Love
And I dont believe in love anymore...
Does that make me an atheist?

If God has yet to be proven to exist
And God is Love...
Does that mean love has yet to be proven to exist as well?

If faith without works is dead..
And I'm supposed to walk by faith..and not by sight?
Am I unfaithfully blind and lazy?

If faith is the substance of all things unseen...
and I have to have faith in God...and I lack faith
Do I lack substance?

If you are told to take all your problems to God
Yet you can't question God
Whats the point of having a conversation? That's question and answer.

Just because I allowed you to "insert" yourself in me
Doesn't give you the right
To "insert yourself" in my personal life.

My reaction to rejection is loathing
But when I loathe I lose
When I'd rather just be losing the rejection

If you say I'm a perfect woman
Yet you want to use me for substitute?
Wouldnt you say I'm just the perfect substitute?

It's Still a Lie

Why tell a lie when you don’t have to? What makes you think a lie of omission isn’t a lie?

It's STILL a lie.....

Scenario 1:

I think I told you all about the dude I met via the dating website. We didn’t work out. Actually, his behavior turned from positively weird and strange to downright disrespectful. All he did was text and never call. He was VERY cheap which made me think he had a cheapened view of women (and me in particular).  I did some cyber-snooping and realized dude had a girlfriend the whole time. (Actually, It wasnt even difficult to find because social networks tell EVERYTHING.) Even took her on a Caribbean trip to his “homeland”. I found it strange that his page said “in a relationship”. When asked what that meant, he said “Oh just to ward off folks”. Trust me I wasn’t dumb and sort of fed dude out of a long-handled spoon afterwards. Recently, he decided to contact me via text (he never called always texted which was also strange and disrespectful and lacked social co…

Don't Put Baby in a Corner

I was talking to someone and we were joking around. I was watching the NFL draft and commenting on the draft (Yeah...I watch football...so…yeah...basically I’m the world's most perfect woman...LMAO. Might as well get a ring on it now...) and the comment went to how good looking the dudes were.
I said (jokingly): “Oh yeah…I’m a winner. I’m on my draft sight hard. Dudes better recognize.”

Dude goes: “Funny thing is, you’ll probably wind up with some artistic or roots and berry type dude that don’t even watch football”

Me: “Uhmm...I doubt that. Not liking football is non-negotiable. I don’t trust dudes who don’t watch sports. And don’t but Baby in a corner……I’m diverse w/ my men…”

Dude said: “Yeah...a dreadlock wearing, chew sticks eating, no pork tasting, poetry writing brutha who calls you “queen”. You’ll be watching the game and he’ll be going to a cipher...”

Me: “My ex husband was that dude. But...he also watched football all day long. Like I said...non-negotiable”

Dude (quite s…

Brain Dump: Haikus

Kiss me good night, babe
Tell me I’m the only one
Even if it’s lies


Ceiling fan turning

On a hot summer morning

We only wear sheets



He’s in love with me

Yet he shouldn’t be at all

Left-hand …ring finger



I listen to Soul

Records on my Ipod and

Think about old loves



I can’t keep writing

Love haikus about a love

That doesn’t exist



Maybe it’s my hair

..my weight..or my skin color

That keeps them away





While I ride this high

Nothing can bring me down..but

Knowing I’m alone



Southern heat..humid

Makes me think of sex..sweaty sex

Rubbing ice right there.



Balancing…tight rope

Trying to stay above it

Cannot hit the ground

One Day It'll Get Easier

Today would have been our 4th anniversary as husband and wife.



In 4 years..I had hoped to be pregnant with baby #1...or had her by now. (Oh yes..I was conviced it was going to be a girl despite my desire to have a boy). I had names picked out and everything. Yellow and pale green and chocolate brown... nursery colors (sounds ugly..but would have worked). I wanted to be in a rocking chair...on maternity leave..nursing my baby.



In 4 years...I would have been settled in our home....putting my finishing touches on it......making it cozy.



4 years...........so much "what if". And still unanswered questions as to why my best friend had to break my heart...or why we had to end up being apart...to be better friends. We are truly better friends.



Had we stayed married..would we have been happy? Would I have strayed? Would he have stayed? Would I be able to achieve some goals that have yet to allude me? Would we have gone through all that drama?





I miss my mother-in-law. My grandmother-i…

And The Winner Is.....

I am proud to announce the winner of our FIRST Giveaway on Sex and the Southern Belle.

The winner of  the Tracy Lynn $30 Gift Certificate is.......

H. Smith




YEAH!!! Congratulations!! I absolutely loved your answer as to how Traci Lynn would add sparkle/glamour to your wardobe. :

How would Traci Lynn Jewelry add sparkle and glamour to your wardrobe?” Traci Lynn Jewelry would add sparkle and glamour to my wardrobe because I feel 'settled' in my marriage. I feel as if I have to dress matronly. On a random day I appear as if I should be getting a shake in the old Chevy and preparing to do the twist (long skirts, ponytail, shirts to the neck). T.L. jewelry would bring me into the new millenium where I'd feel fashion forward, fun, and flirty. Traci Lynn jewelry is just what I need in my life.

 I could totally relate being married and trying to get out of the "style rut". I hope it helps you get your "groove" back style wise!!

Please contact me  in 3 business day…

The Cunning Linguist

There is someting about the fine art of conversation. A little face to face time. Wagging the tounge. Speaking in tounges. So much "conversation' that sounds become inaudible. But there's a lot of talking.


Samantha : ...Going down, giving head...
Carrie : ...Eating out...
Miranda : I never understood that. Shouldn't it be "eating in"?-Sex and the City There have been songs and odes to giving head. Uhm. That's great. But let's talk about that all important art of the "Love Snacking" also known as cunniligus.

Men may think they are superb lovers if they are dicking you down like crazy. But if you have no skills as a "cunning linguist", then you might as well pack your bags and leave.  Women aren't built like men. We  have nerve endings and complex clitoral stimulation (which in part is why lesbians do this so much better..they are women and KNOW where to push the buttons). Even with that, every women isn't built the same.

There …

Open Relationships: The World's Oldest Running Joke

One of my friends, Dani, asked me "So Mocha, what do you think about Open Relationships? You should blog about it"

So....I will oblidge her (cause she asked nicely).


Open Relationships are a complete misnomer. How can you be “open” when a relationship implies exclusivity? A relationship is a commitment between two people. Not you and a multitude of other people. Truthfully, do they even work? I have yet to meet a couple who have an open relationship that works. At some point, someone will catch feelings and feelings will be hurt.


I think people who say they want an open relationship are one of two things 1) scared and 2) greedy. A truly scared person wants an open relationship for fear of being committed and then being hurt. If there is no commitment, then they can’t get hurt by someone “without a title”. That person means nothing to them and they can dismiss emotions. It allows a person to hide behind a wall of constant fear and loathing of something that is truly unknown-op…

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling

Martinis (esp. lemon martinis)being SouthernATL in the summer time. (Really is gorgeous)pulling my locs during sex nude lipglossnetflixsleeping in the summer in just a t-shirt on jersey sheets"private" piercings (I dont have one though! LOL)The return of Dr. Dre w/ DetoxAdam Lambert's album (he has vocal chops)french pedicured toesgetting into the PhD program...(this should be #1. Highlight of my week...my month...my season!)GleeFacebook (still dig it)
Not Feeling

Tea Party aka Tea Baggers (LOL) and the wack movement.paying this rent SOLO (I need a live-in lover just to pay the rent.)frequent masterbation (that's just sad.....LOL)People thinking everyone in ATL is gaytounge piercings on dudes (now THAT is gay.....)unrequited crushes *sigh*Chris Brown's career in the toiletOutkast delaying their album....once againMyspace buying IMEEMgoing on 8 months w/no sex....yep...I'm over it. people worrying about why I dont have XYZ or ABC. people faking sophistica…

Mowing the Lawn

It's SPRING!!!

Flowers are in bloom... April showers feel and smell so fresh...the sun is warm against our cocoa colored skin...pollen is in full effect...and it can only mean one thing:

Time to do some yard work!
Trim the hedges...mow the lawn....pick the weeds....and most importantly..GET A BRAZILIAN WAX!


*sigh*

Ah yes...Spring signals that all important time in MY grooming timeline. Before I pull out a single skirt, I have to tidy up. Long gone are winters were a little more hair than normal is cool (Don't get me wrong..I do NOT go full African/Amazonian Bush woman..just not as low as usual.) Therefore, it's time to trim the hedges, clean the leaves out the yard, and get a brazilian wax. The beach is calling me...and hopefully..potential "summer boos".

 Call me a saddist, but I do mine myself. Oh yes..I do my OWN waxes.  I'm gangsta. I have a waxing kit that I love..then I follow up with a special bikini clipper. When I have the chance to splurge, I head to m…

NSFW: The Weekly Porn Review

..is all abut "orgies"

We are featuring:
TT Boy's Orgy World Brown and Round  9 Released: 2006 Director T.T. Boy


Starring Misty Stone, Nicole, Mone Devine, Angie, Pursuajon, Kina Kai, Raven Sky, Kaleah, Fantasy, Janae Foxx, Sensious, Oakland, Sensous


I got this DVD in a box given to me by my friend (who for all purposes shall remain nameless..but I'm sure she's reading this! LOL)..  Her husband's cousin (I think) was cleaning out the porn and he had (what she said) was garbage bags full and she sent me several  DVDs (of course after she, admittely, got all the good stuff).. I really appreciated it. Between the internet and her stashes she gave me (Oh she also gave me some as a wedding gift..LMAO!), I really didn't have to buy porn for the rest of my life (Yep..it's that much! LOL).

Now, I will preface this by saying I am NOT into orgies. I mean, if it's a threesome or something in a scene, I can tolerate it. But the thought of an actual party going …

New Age Pick Up Lines: A Poem

New Age Pick-Up Lines

What if we could be honest in what we wanted?
Upon first encounter?
What would you say?
Could you?
Would you?

Look, I want money
You want food and pussy
So...
Let's make a deal.

Im not trying to commit
I dont want to get married.
Let's just f*ck and live together.

I dont need no man!
I'm an indepenedent woman
But..
I'll call you when my BoB gets old and tired.

These b*tches ain't shit
All these hoes want is your money
Imma pimp till I die.
But at night...I cry myself to sleep
I just want to be held.

I just want to have a baby
You seem like your genes might be a good fit
Do you have good credit?

Why are we wasting times with dates?
I'm just taking you out
To get in those jeans.
So when you giving it up?

I really have a girl at home
I'm just weighing out my options
Seeing what's out there
Maybe I'll get something out of it.

I'm married
But I dont want to be
I dont have the courage to leave
But I dont have the courage to be ho…

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling
stillettosPJ MortonJeopardy (watch it EVERY single night)NFL bodies (tight ends, d-backs, ...not "The Fridge")honestyFirst kissiescaramel colored skin (and brown skin in general)having locssex on the dining room table (*looks over at my table. That hasn't happened yet....LOL*)creative first datesorange sodathe color redbig butts (I covet them cause I want one...LOL)KindlesNicki Minaj's Barbie Necklace (I want one that says MOCHA *wink* )
Not feeling

debt (esp the kind not created by you i.e. "divorce debt" )terrible dancerssloppy kissespollen in ATLnot having orange soda on a dietthe dating scenethe South being the only place you can get a proper glass of iced teaKFC trying to kill the community with this bullshitmen with skin color/hair texture  preferencespeople who don't read booksfucked up teethNicki Minaj's rapping styledudes who sweat TOO MUCH during sex (and grunt with it for that matter)

Mama's Baby...Daddy's Maybe

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me


Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too


Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now I'm left
Cleaning up the mess he made


So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too


Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart


On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the guide and the weight of her world


So fathers, be good to y…

When Somebody Loves You Back

I'm tired. I'm tired and I feel nothing. Void. Vacant. No Occupants reside here.
There I said it...I'm burnt out from men and all things pertaining to them.: relationships, sports, Home Depot, beer, cars (LOL)

I've adopted this new attitude.
Why love a group of men, of people, who don't want to love you back? Who choose not to love you back? OR you aren't loving them the way THEY thing is right..although you are trying your very best?  It's so much easier to just be with someone you actually despise, maybe even downright loathe and someone who especially is emotionally unavailable. WHY? Because you feel NOTHING. At the end of the day, you can walk away and feel nothing if they hurt you. Then againt, it'll be an attempt at hurting you. Because as we stated before, you can't feel....

Steve Harvey, Hill Harper and Sherri Shepard (of all people..hmpf) are doing a panel in Atlanta for ABC Night Line news this Friday (airing TBD ) to talk about why successful b…

NSFW: The Weekly Porn Review

Actually.. this review is isn't about porn at all. It's more of a product review. It is about Condom Cases for Ladies.

(Sourse: http://www.condomania.com/ )
In my search for a fab new white purse this season, I was looking through an old purse and found a condom. It was all old and shriveled up and deep down in the crevices of my purse. I had totally forgotten that it was even there. Which made me think of something I had seen in Essence magazine.: I need a condom holder.

Anyone who knows me knows I am totally obsessed with cases for my accessories. I have matching red cases for my Ipod, Blackberry, and my digital camera. (BTW...red is my fav color!)   Why should the man be responsible for protection? Why shouldnt I get a cute, fab and girly case for my condoms. I needed a few things in a condom holder:

1) it could hold more than one condom (Hey...might need more than one)
2) it needed to be cute and girly
3) it needed to be inexpensive.

Although I'm still on a "dry sp…

Crock Pot Chick in a Microwave World.

It's too many microwave b*tches in this world.

No...I'm not talking about moving fast...or going too fast or too modern (well..wait..I am). I mean actual chicks who know NOTHING of cooking but a damn microwave. I mean they may boil some water in a microwave for some instant ramen at that.

I am a  very southern girl (duh..hence the blog name). We are talking petticoats, easter hats, makeup, saying "Yes Ma'am" ...and most of all...knowing how to cook.  I was born and raised around aunts, cousins, a mother, grandmothers and GREAT grandmother (and even uncles/male relatives) who all knew how to THROW DOWN. And not just on some soul food (although that's our speciality) but they could master just about anything. At 5 years old, I was in my little matching apron, making pancakes and biscuits with my grandmother, having her sneak me the dough to eat..and cutting it with a battered tin biscuit cutter....etc. So it totally BAFFLES my mind that these broads nowadays don…