February 28, 2013

Thursday Tunes: Faith Evans "Tears of Joy"

I've been a Faith fan since her days back at  Bad Boy. Most know her for her marriage to Biggie.. But I was a fan of Faith in her own right. She was the first lady of Bad Boy that's for sure..

  I was championing her to be Etta James in "Cadillac Records" (cause it made sense! Lol) but we see how that worked out lmao. But I think I played her first albums out to the point where the CD skipped.. "Soon as I get Home" still is on that slow jam CD we all have to make babies (or practice making).

She returned back to the scene last year with a reality show but I wanna forget that. What I do want to remember is the songs produced from that collaborative effort .

"Tears of Joy" took me back to classic Faith Evans. I think I put that on repeat for a minute when it first dropped. The R&B Divas album wasn't commercially successful but this song is just everything :)




February 26, 2013

#Increasein2013: You are Where You Need to Be

I know I've been totally slacking over here. But I do want to commit to the idea of  "Increase in 2013" ..


So with that said.........here is a video blog. Enjoy:)

February 25, 2013

NSFW: The Weekly Porn Review

AKA "Ma'am...you are doing the  ABSOLUTE most........."

I know I haven't done this in a while..but I gotta shout out my good friend Kee who sent me this rachet video from WorldStarHipHop.com of someone's auntie (lol).. Angel of "Angel's Erotic Solutions" .giving fellatio techniques.




Ya know..I aint mad at her. Her tips are great and def promote oral sex w/ safe sex tips... (and she looks old den a mug so I am sure she got some miles on them lips!)

 But the sound effects though. LMAO!! I am crying laughing. and her commanding "Put your D8ck between your legs!" I think my man would look at me like "Have you lost your mind? This is not Rupaul's Drag Race! Aint nobody finna tuck and roll!"  And she is VICIOUS with it yo.....you might scare a dude. LMAO! Then there is a slow motion replay? Then the spit...... See..........folks play too much! I didn't need to see all that off of a rubber dildo.

(Random...I totally forgot that the part around the base of the head is called the "corona"...which makes me view my fav beer in a whole new way............)

This def isn't suitable for work..but lord...watch it on your cell phone at lunch and laugh like I did! I mean hey..it may help someone who is clueless..which is always a great thing. But does it take 20 minutes to teach all of this? Seriously?? A good BJ should take at least 5 to 8 minutes! ...at least..that's what I HEARD...*cough* (Ok so she says that too...but it don't take 20 minutes to teach blow jobs! LOL)


Enjoy :)

February 15, 2013

Feeling/Not Feeling: The Post Valentine's Day Edition


FEELING


  • that I am losing weight
  • that Valentine's Day is now a weekend.
  • At peace. All the chapters  in my life that need to be closed, after this weekend, will officially be closed.
  • Like this moment right now.........is maybe the happiest I've been and it havs VERY little to do w/ a new relationship. More like a renewed faith in myself
  • that my dissertation may come to me with much more eases
  • I  like wearing wigs now.
  • I am lazy with my makeup now. Its now just brows, mascara and sometimes lipstick. I only get jazzed on the weekends.
  • I am the same way w/ my clothes. It's leggings almost every weekend. *sigh*
  • BUT...I do like the ease of wigs.
  • I love my little side of ATL. 
  • I love Pinterest a little too much
  • Same goes for Greek Yogurt. I eat it everyday in some form or fashion.
  • Weight lifting.
  • Counting down to vacation with my beau
  • the ability to freeze your eggs
  • Brazilian Porn
  • The idea of a new stadium here in ATL
  • my new Keurig coffee maker. Best Xmas gift ever
  • like I am well overdue for some new hair color. I think March/April would be ideal..
  • ready to start this Weekend RIGHT NOW!
  • Harlem Shake Videos like this one
  • Alicia Keys/Maxwell "Fire We Make"
  • like some new, professional pics are well overdue...I need some.
  • braver by the minute.








NOT FEELING

  • how the weather is real schizo
  • This blog is not living up to its potential and I can only blame myself.
  • I'm losing weight...but obviously..the scale isn't moving so that is some crap! *smh*
  • That i still feel like I cant eat stuff. ugh tired of my stomach issues.
  • the process of finding a committee is too much about kissing ass than it is someone wanting you to succeed in the process.
  • No one responds back to emails anymore in a timely manner! Pisses me off
  • People wanting to me privy to your life........yet you haven't talked to them in a month of Sundays.
  • and folks you do talk to...violating trust. Not cool.
  • how I still am afraid to just fly......no holds barred.........in some many aspects of my life
  • I hate the idea of packing and moving..........
  • abrupt job transitions
  • people who wanna text you all random and out the blue. Boo..that chapter is closed.
  • Stilettos. Which is bad cause I have a blog about shoes. LOL.
  • I also am over shopping too. (See above)
  • my hair color..again...time to change it. 
  • the idea of cutting my locs off anymore. I will just deal.
  • my lack of closet space.
  • My Falcons didn't go to the Superbowl. Still hurts.
  • LilWayne is an asshat.
  • Football season is over.
  • How Chrissy gonna blast John Legend for not getting married yet? Boo...you are the nut for staying with this man for 7 years.
  • Speaking of weddings...I still don't feel like I should have another. I feel guilty about that. Like it's a waste of cash
  • Male strippers are STILL lame.
  • Kimye (blah)
  • where is the new Maxwell album?
  • None of the summer concert line ups.
  • like doing anything for my birthday..and I do something EVERY year.
  • Beyonce (double blah)
  • If I hear "Girl on Fire" one more time Imma burn my house down, Alicia Keys!
  • my indecisiveness
  • that I am not as "sexually liberated" as I thought I was. Oh well. LOL
  • The fact that I will be 34 is kinda scary. I am close to mid 30s!!!
  • and the fact that I don't have a kid is even sadder.
  • I realize that friends I did have..do have...arent really "friends" at all. Crazy. Cause I am truly no one's "best" friend.......
  • being at work..........cause I am ready to start THIS WEEKEND RIGHT NOW!

February 7, 2013

Ghosts of Relationships Past



I'm in a happy place. My bills are paid. My family is still here (despite ongoing medical issues). And I still have a job. I'm on track to being "ABD" (all but dissertation) by my 35th birthday. And finally, after 4 years of heartbreak, disastrous dates, and just utter foolishness, I have the love of a good man who adores me from top to bottom, inside and out.

Yet the ghost of my past relationship keeps haunting me.

I don't mean that my ex husband is bothering me or keeping me from moving on. Quite the opposite. He's moved on and I have too. We are at a cordial place with each other from time to time (when I feel like being bothered). Basically, he ain't worried about me and I ain't worried about him.

What I'm talking about is the goddamn Internet and all its regrettable abilities to bring up old shit.

When I was married, my ex and I took some sexy, romantic and semi-boudoir shots for a friend of his. It was for her budding portfolio and for us to eventually have some pics outside of wedding ones to put up in the house. It was informal. We didn't sign a release though...  Of course, when our marriage dissolved, that never happened. And I sorta put those pics out my mind...

Which brings me to the past few months...

I'm on Twitter and a friend of mine send a me a link "hey.. Is this you?? It looks like you??" At first I thought t was spam until I opened the full version of her message and staring at me was a pic of me and my ex husband, his head in my lap and us looking loving. The pic has been reposted almost 500 times on Tumblr. I asked the friend to take it down. She gladly obliged. But there was no way I could contact the other 499 people.

Then in a span of 2 weeks I had been contacted at least a dozen times about the same picture. First my god brother like the idiot he is, decides to openly post the pic on my page (from some FB black love page) asking if it was me . I took it down and then contacted the FB page. Then another friend, sees the pic on some random blog! Again, I contact the owner of the blog to take it down and they did. And just yesterday, my friend contacted me about her new FB page on black love and marriage and said "I was gonna post this pic but I was like yo.. Wait., is that???" And sure enough, there was that damn pic. She didn't post it. But I saw it was on Pinterest! Pinterest of all places! Is nowhere sacred??? Funny thing is, this pic isn't even as risque as others...but somehow people loved to repost.

Finally, I sent a pleasant note to the photographer. I expressed I was troubled. I asked her to close the album from Flickr public view at the very least to cut down on traffic and reposting. It is her copyright that's being violated here. Not to mention, my beau wouldn't like it and my ex's old lady wouldn't either. I waited and waited for a reply. I wasn't rude. I chose my words carefully...

She never responded back.

That was the last straw. I finally had to contact m ex husband who, naturally, spoke to his friend more often. He had forgotten that the pics were even up. But said he told her to go ahead and take them down. She said she'd do what she can to take care of that.


Do what she can???

First off, I was pissed that she didn't have the decency to write me back. I know where her loyalty lies but if one party in the photo tells you take it down, then take it down. You don't need the other party's go ahead, especially if you know we've been divorced! You should have made it private to begin with. It shouldn't be about what it can do. You should do it, because it's the right thing to do. Besides, I never gave my consent to use it like this. This does have legal ramifications...

You may ask why I'm in such a tizzy over 6 year old pics. I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy. I felt like it was rehashing crap and opening up a scab that I worked very hard to heal. I remember at the time me and the ex weren't on the best of terms, but for a day, we looked like happy newlywed lovers. Amazing what a picture can do.... As those pics did a bit of a number on my new man's feelings.

Most of all, it broke my new beau's heart. He saw them. His face visibly disturbed. He twisted his mouth and tried to act like it didn't hurt, to say a word in jest, but I knew him all too well. It hurt. At first he laughs and goes.."Guess we can never take pics likt that".....then later on...(In a totally unrelated convo)... He said "it's like he got to have all the good parts of you.Some of the fun parts. Things I want to do (i. e. like take pics like this), you've already done". It wasn't about pics really. It was about the past. One that included a lot of firsts: first dances, first weddings, first homes to buy, first trips to take, first experiences to be had and even first pics to be photographed. My baby isn't naive. He knows I have a past and I'm divorced so naturally, some things come with the territory. But for him, the pics were like he couldn't escape my ex husband's shadow.

I've been adamant in saying I don't want another wedding. I don't want joint accounts. I don't want another house right now. And now, I don't ever want to take pics like this again. Seems like "I don't " comes from my lips a lot more than "I would like". And that's the part that hurts him. The man wants some experiences unique to us. That's understandable.

What he doesn't realize is that we are constantly making new memories. Everything about this is new for me. The pace we are going... The plans that we make... The love that we share.. The jokes and laughs that we experience.. even the food we eat.He has access to my heart and soul in ways that my ex husband couldn't even come close to. I'm older. I'm wiser. I'm stronger. The past made me a better woman for him.

I've got a smile so big right now that it's made for new beginnings. That has to mean something more than some old, empty pictures...

I'm still waiting for these pics to be hidden or deleted. But even if one happens to pop up on Facebook or Twitter.. tumblr or Pinterest... I know that it's a shadow of who I was. My past doesn't define me. Knowing this has mad me soften all the "I don't"'s to "maybe." That's definitely a step above..

The real pictures are just now being taken. God is the ultimate photographer. He's so amazing that he has memories stored up we have yet to realize. Right now is just a snapshot. The real portfolio is unfolding as we speak.. And they are full of first I've yet to experience. I can name one: holding a brown, bright eyed bundle of sweetness in my arms.


Now who wouldn't want to capture that? :)


ETA (2/19): The pics have now been taken down. Well...that's that 

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