June 30, 2010

Masturbation is Overrated

Ok...before you look at me like I have 12 heads and say “this chick is crazy”...hear me out.

I love myself. Trust me...I REALLY do. And I’ve known since I was 12 years old and my mother explained “masturbation” that it was indeed ok to learn myself...what I like and love me like no other. But truth of the matter is…

..it just does NOTHING for me. In my 31 years on this earth...I can’t say I just had the best orgasms solo.

Oh...don’t get me wrong. I will use some (and invest in) tools and tricks every now and then to have a little fun (although admittedly, those things are usually only super fun with someone else in the mix). Usually, if I am having some solo time it’s to test out a new product and its bells and whistles. I’d just rather show my love and appreciation for myself with a new pair of shoes...a pedicure...a good meal...or hell...some good old fashioned sex itself. But if I am using them...and having fun with them...trust me it isn’t to “get me off”. Only one kind of stimulation can do that…a big, strong dose of vitamin D.

I mean I just can never fully “arrive” when I do that. This isn’t to say I don’t know what gets me going or what feels good. But...men do all the extras. You need an extra set of hands...lips…the vocals...feeling the warmth of breath on your neck. You can’t do that solo. I just need the extras. What am I going to do? Say my own name? Smack my own ass? Pull my own hair? So corny….LOL.

Like some chicks can sit there and do it for hours on end (think Samantha from Sex and the City) and be just fine... There is only so much “loving” myself I can take.

After a while…I get into it...

…I start thinking about the last fine hunk of man I was with.

..then I start thinking about how LAME I am doing this solo

…then I start wondering why the f**k I just didn’t call that dude

…then I realize WHY I can’t call that dude...because he’s a dingleberry

..then I get mad and throw the contraption across the room

..then I cry myself to sleep screaming “WHHYYYY!! I’m too fine for this” (lmao...I am kidding…sorta)



In all seriousness, I just can’t get into all of that masturbation. If you love it, you love it. But for me...I’ll just take a nice, strong man anyday.

June 28, 2010

Basic Fantasies

I was sitting here at work thinking to myself...I'm so damn basic.






You know how most women have these fantasies about thier lovers whisking them away to some island...dripping in diamonds..on a yacht...horseback...shirtless and tan... (like the Old Spice dude) and showering them with all these romantic gestures



I'm 31 years old. Long gone are the days where I JUST want that. Now..dont get me wrong..all that stuff is nice..but I am steeped in reality.



Howbout you bring me some lunch and flowers to work on a whim cause you know I got plastic plants in my office and a stale turkey sammich (today's lunch BTW....)



OR....have a maid service come and clean my place while I'm gone for the day....and steam clean my dirty ass carpet....



OR program my DVR to record a show you know I'd like to watch...


OR buying me the complete series of Thundercats and Fraggle Rock on DVD...(LOL)



OR...have dinner ready and IT TASTE GOOD....



Or get me a BIG wholesale box of Wooden Hangers so I can really organize my closet.





I dunno. I'm over the whole "romance me...twirl me around in a trance...etc". I just want a "REAL" love. I think about stuff my Dad does. For example...I know my dad loves me even though we dont have the best relationship. I used to be SO MAD that he'd just bring me what I felt was "useless shit". One day he brought me a blanket, a coffee mug. and a day planner........I thought to myself.."WTF do I need this for??" And sure enough....my fav blanket got ruined in the wash...i broke my favorite sorority coffee tumbler...and my Blackberry went on the fritz so I couldnt add stuff to my calendar. I just laughed..cause somehow dude had ESP or something. Just recently..I realized my wallet is a bit uhm.."juvenille" looking. My mama came to my house and goes.."Oh...this is from your Dad"...It was a crock mini-organizer wallet....I was like.."DERN! How'd he know I needed a new wallet!!"



See what I mean? That's real love right there! :).



My ex-husband even had his streaks of doing that kinda stuff.........but...that was few and far between and often times I was the one doing that stuff. I'd lay out his ties. Pack his lunch...I even brought him lunch to work one time at 1 am...when he worked over night (Lest we forget..........) It would be nice to have that kind of reciprocity.







I swear it seems like I'm not asking for much. But to some men...it's like pulling a freaking tooth and amputating a leg at the same time...torture











Enough about me...what's your "Fantasy"?

June 25, 2010

Can We Go Back: A Poem

Can we go back…


To the day that we met

And how you made my stomach do flips and turns

Instead of how when I look in your face

I want to throw up

I want to go back

Back to the day…

That you looked in my eyes and made me melt

And how my palms were sweaty with anticipation

Instead of how now my palms sweat with nervousness

And my palms itch ready to slap the sh*t outta you

I want to remember

How you felt in my arms during a hug

How your smile warmed me from the inside out

And how your touch sent chills down my spine

Instead of the chilling feeling I got

When I realized you might not be all together “there”

Back then..

You looked good

You smelled good

Now you look crazy

And I smell foolishness

I want to remember..

The anticipation I felt

In walking toward you

Now when I see crazy coming

I cross the damn street

Because I don’t want to remember

The crazy muthafucker you truly are

June 24, 2010

100 Dates of Summer.....So Far

So here we are..the first day of summer and I, TheMochaPeach, armed with on-line dating memberships have branched out and actually gone on a few dates....and well..some had better results than others. Here's a recap of the date's Ive been on:

Date #1: Mr. Buckhead
So I met a guy at the posh Buckhead (ATL) Starbucks in Lenox Mall. He was a gorgeous, 33 year old man who was a finance consultant.  Funny thing was..he didnt offer to buy me coffee OR even suggest we get coffee. He talked incessantly about how women in ATL want his money...and are lured in by his car and its so easy to impress women here. I felt the bile rise in my mouth. He asked me to walk around looking at ties in the mall. All of a sudden in the middle of Kenneth Cole, he hugs me and goes "Well...I'll leave you to shop", I was like.."That was weird". And  he just up and left. Didn't call back again. So weird...it was his idea to meet in the first place

Date #2: Dr. Cutie

So..I met up w/ Dr. Cutie, a  34 yr old PhD candidate and teacher in the local school system, at my local Waffle House. I actually walked there from my place (totally wasnt far). In walks a tall, dark, bald and handsome. I was instantly smitten. We talked for about 2 hrs in the waffle house. I was smitten, I will admit. He said all the right things. like "Oh you'll need an understanding partner in this process of PhD programs..."  And as a PhD student, he knew what I was going through. After the breakfast, we walked around Pier One. He opened all doors. He was very much a gentleman..and I hugged him. I sent a text thanking him for the date and said we had to do it again. He agreed. Well...a day goes by. No call.  I send a text...no reply.He finally calls like 2 days later, The convo was ok.. Then it wasnt another 3 days until I finally called and heard from him again. Gosh..all he did was ramble about nothing. *sigh*...then another WEEK goes by. I actually felt really bummed that he dissed me. Here I was thinking this guy and I had a lot in common. I had called him. It went straight to voicemail. So anyway....I hear from the guy later on..he calls me singing "Fistful of Tears". I thought to myself "Oh jesus..please dont make me hate Maxwell!!". HE said he called me work (LIE) and said he left messages on my housephone (another LIE). He def had me mixed up. Still...no talk about a second date. Instead..he  talked about reality TV...and was persistantly asking me why I didnt have a car (and making jokes about it..very insensitvely might I add). It turned me off. I told him quite bluntly..if me having a car is a pre-req for dating, then I need for you to kick rocks and move on. We haven't talked in about a week.

Date #3 Churchmouse
Churchmouse, 29,  actually worked at a local social services agency that another dude from my past (affectionately known as the Ambiguously Gay Wierdo) worked. Churchmouse also went to college with me so we knew some of the same people. The world was small. He had initally asked me to see a cheap, bootleg church play that his megachurch was putting on and I declined. I HATE those kind of plays. Instead, I opted to meet him on my own turf..and I cooked dinner (I made sure I put my bodyguards on alert) and rented a movie. Well...the first thing dude asks me is about my personal relationship with Jesus and had I recieved Christ as my personal savior. I was like.."Uhm...Im DEVELOPING a relationship". It made me so uncomfortable. I hate questions about religion on first dates. He ate my food and sorta frowned at it. Uhm....strike one. Then we were watching the  movie and he seemed disinterested....so...that was it. We hugged, parted ways, but havent communicated since.

Date #4: The Insecure Fireman

I actually blogged about him the other day.  (Yo..catch up! LOL) Since that time, me and the Sexy Fireman, 33,  went bowling as well while I was om vacay. He took a half-day at work, drove wall the way down to see me, and we had a great time. I'm a terrible bowler but dude was a PRO. Had his own ball, shoes, etc. I sucked.. Gutters all day long. He even awkwardly gave me a kiss of encouragement. I blushed because he had missed my lips all together and got the corner of my mouth. After the date...he chilled and talked outside for a while. I really liked him. But...all of a sudden the communication stopped. I called..he didnt return calls. I personally think that I lived too far for him. (at least an hr's drive....) so I am sorta out of the way for him And he has a 3 year old and I know he invests a lot of time into her (he has her every other week). This makes me sad...and I sorta went into a little funk about it. I sorta hope I do hear from him.

And finally..the piece de resistance.....

Date #5: The Aggressive , MAGNAnamousTexter

Just recently (Monday), I went on a date with a guy who had been texting me non stop. Anyone who has read this blog knows I abhor the serial texters. I feel like they have poor communcation skills. He was funny though saying stuff like "When you get rid of those other busters, call me...." . And finally, he broke me down and convinced me to have drinks with him Monday.  I went into it with an attitude like "Look..dude is probably about to be a dick."

9:45 comes and dude says he's outside my complex....funny cause I was walking outside to go sit by my pool anyway...and listen to my Ipod..cause I thought for sure I was being stood up. I go outside...and I see dude. He gets out the car in dark denim...black shirt.....and grinning like a complete idiot. I was like...Here we go..*rolls eyes*...so he hugs me and I felt nothing but pure, solid muscle. Dude is 36,  like 6 feet so I was like..that's cool. And he smelled great...He hugged me..kissed my cheek.....

So I get in the car (of course after getting his tag info..) and he was laughing. HE said.."Girl..im not trying to kidnap you...seriously. That aint smart if I'm all on the internet! LMAO!". True. We talked and laughed. He def took note of my toes and shoes (What is UP w/ the men and the toe thing...LMAO!) . We had the windows down and it was a breeze..a hot breeze. He had asked me a while ago what my fav music was....and he was playing it on the Ipod (Wow..buddy...went all out).. And boy..could he talk! I dunno what it is abotu dudes from the NorthEast (He's from Boston)...but lawd they talk your head off. It was hot..and I was starting to sweat in places that we not good. He was VERY complimentary. He said I had amazing cheekbones ..I reminded him of Janet Jackson w/ the Cheekbones.. I was like..hmmm..ok.
Poor dude thought he was taking me to some new shit and was taking me to Cafe Intermezzo (VERY popular date spot here in ATL). It's dark, candlelit...french bistro/desserts are the bomb..drinks are always good. At first he was joking saying he was taking me to a strip club..LOL. But he said "thats a poor first date choice.." I got out the car and he literally walked around me. He said he had to do a 360 and check me out (lol). I just rolled my eyes. We sat in a corner and talked.. I think we covered so much stuff..divorce..family...etc. Found out he used to work for a major sports franchise in their accounts department.. He asked if I wanted kids and I blurted out inadvertantly "Oh God yes...". I felt embarassed and had to check myself. and said "I dont mean like RIGHT NOW! or looking for a donor" He smiled and said "Oh I knew what you meant... I want at least 2-3 more kids..I come from a family of 6...." He lived about 15 min from me and I said quickly.."I dont have a car..is that an issue". He was like.."Absolutely not. Even IF you had a car..I'd be picking you up...and if you ever need a ride..I'd gladly pick you up. Will your classes be running late? I can meet you if you need to..anytime...just call me...."
HE ordered a martini. I always take note of a man's drink. I think Martinis are james bond-like. LMAO! My skin was moist from the heat (then I put on too much baby oil combined w/ sweating in unnatural places)...and he said.."Your skin is glowing..beautiful mocha color...this heat must do amazing things for your skin....". I just laughed....(cause it sounded ridiculous! LMAO..this dude's lines were something)..and he stroked my bare arm...amd my stomach, once again..did a weird flip. I was like (internally) ....."WTF is going on, dude! I thought WE hated this cat...and his rampant texting.". Uh oh...... He noticed everything..my eyes..teeth..smile...skin..even the mole on my leg....I thought to myself "I thought my ex  was good at the compliments...this dude has him beat!" Dudes from up north are charmers...*smh*

After sitting and talking for almost 2 hrs...he took me back home. He hugged me at the door and kissed my cheek..and lingered. and squeezed. And after 2 more hugs.....a little small talk...I felt the flip in my stomach rise to become a lump in my throat. I laughed and I sorta smiled...he whispered "Good night."in my ear....and I had to let out a "Woo sah" as I was turning the key in the door....



He called and let me know that he was home "I have to see you again"..he said. I told him to just let me know..I'd love to see him. He goes.."Wednesday...I want to see you Wednesday" I said.."No..I can see you tomorrow.

So on TUESDAY....things did a total 180......

 (Note: This is a VERY edited version of this because..well......I need to censor some shit! LOL)


So we are out chilling.... I look down and see what I thought was a little box of Magnums in his pocket. Dude gets up and they fall out his pocket,  I saw red and snapped. I said "i dunno what the fuck kinda party you think this is but we aint getting down. I don't care if your dick wraps around your leg twice.. We aint getting down". He goes "they musta fell out my bag". I said "negro I saw em in your pocket!!"So he's like "look. Just chill. I swear...It's not going down". I just gave him the side eye

Let's just say the rest of the night ended w/ him leaving with blue balls...and me being angry.




Ahh well...dating! *sigh*. I said I wanted an adventure and I got it.  I'm actually about to let my dating membership expire. So until then ...I got oh....94 more dates to go. Let's see how I can hold up.... :)

June 18, 2010

Feeling/Not Feeling: The Dating Version

Feeling

  • Politeness 
  • Promptness
  • Hand holding…
  • Dudes with thick, NFL “backer” butts.
  • People who call you. Communication is key 
  • Awkward first kisses that you laugh at … 
  • The fact that when they can’t sleep...they call you and you talk until they fall asleep.
  • Compliments on “unusual things” ….”I like your earlobes…..” (As long as you don’t creep me out) 
  • CLOSED mouth kisses. (You can wait to get tounged down….cmon son!)



Not Feeling

  • Sex talk TOO early in the friendship. Who knows what the hell we’ll do. Maybe nothing. AND you might be horrible. It makes me uncomfortable. 
  • Dudes who call you like it isn’t isht…like they hadn’t ignored your calls, texts etc. Insane…. I mean like everything is all good. That pisses me off so bad….F**k “not feeling”. It just plain pisses me da f*ck off.
  • People who are 5 milliseconds older than you claiming “I’m so wise”. You aren’t. 5 years older doesn’t make you a wise sage
  • People wondering why, despite being married before AND the age of 31, you have no kids. It’s called BIRTH CONTROL and planning. 
  • Asking questions like “What’s your personal relationship w/ Jesus” on first dates. Uhm…it makes me uncomfortable. Can we talk about music? 
  • Negros coming out the woodwork. You wasn’t paying me no mind...I swear...Summertime brings out fools 
  • Unwanted dating advice. 
  • Stuff you THINK are compliments like “You are fine as f*ck” or “…with your fine a**”. REALLY? 
  • Humility that can be translated as “self-consciousness” Not sexy playa!
  • The fact that me not having a car is/will STILL hender me in dating...*sigh*



June 15, 2010

The (Unnecessarily) Self-Conscious Man

I went out recently on a date with a guy. I put in my cutest summer dress with my French pedicure visible in Via Spiga sandals. My makeup was fresh and nude…and my nervousness was pretty apparent but I was so excited. After a pretty dissapointing outcome with the last guy (we just never communicated well...), I was glad to be getting out again. My summer dating goal was still on......
When I walked outside, I saw the guy get out his SUV. And I froze. When I say dude was fine, that was an understatement.  I probably couldnt wipe the cheese-eating grin off my face. Let me give you all an example of how fine he was. As you all know, I LOVE football. So the best example of how dude looked is probably closer to this:


(This is Brian Westbrook of the Eagles...ok this is about as CLOSE as I could get! *shrug*)


Yeah…..he was all that and a bag of Doritos. *wipes brow* I sent my girl Candi a text and said “Guuurrrrl…dude is thicker than a Snickers!!” (Yes…we ladies to talk like we are in a locker room at times too!) Not to mention, to be on the safe side and as a first date precaution...I was texting dude’s tag number and car description. (Ladies, please and ALWAYS do this…)



We had an AWESOME date. Good conversation. He was a gentleman. And unlike dates of before, I felt totally at ease after a while. The nervousness faded and we were really able to loosen up. Luckily for me, he liked to talk and he made jokes and laughed. We saw a dude that came into a pretty nice place with pants sagging, hat to the back, etc. like he was a drug dealer taking his chick out to a fancy spot to impress her. It was obvious neither one of them had any class. My date said “C’mon man! When are we going to dress better?” I said...”That’s true…I’m glad you don’t sag or anything”. He goes...”Me? Sag? Naw…I’m too big for all of that”. I kind of laughed and so did he.

A few conversations later, dude brings up his size again. He’s like 5’9”/10 and about 240 lbs. All muscle. Arms like a boxer. He asked me was I OK with dating big guys, was he too big for me, and when I first saw him did I think “Wow...this joker is too big!” Say what? For one...didn’t I tell him how much I LOVED football? His size was definitely an asset and not a detriment. Secondly, I’m not a skinny chick what I look like with some rail thin dude? (Not that there is anything wrong with that...but if some sh*t pops off, I want to feel like I’m with a cat who can knock a muthafucka out!) Lastly, I’m southern. When do we ever like anything small? I tried to assure him that his size wasn’t a factor and part of me thought this was a joke. The tone in his voice changed...and he said “Well...I just asked. Some women just think I’m too big for them. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea”

I couldn’t believe it. The guy sounded totally deflated and defeated. I didn’t understand. A self-conscious man? An attractive, self-conscious man? That’s like a unicorn to me. Maybe I’ve just been around super cocky dudes who KNOW they are fine or super humble dudes (or ugly dudes who are neither humble NOR fine) but I had no idea men battled with issues of body image and etc. maybe even more so than some women do. I hugged dude 3 times on the date…I might have even sank into his big old arms. What part of that made it seem like I felt his size was a factor?

After a while, the self-deprecating humor about his size and etc became a turn off which made me realize something about myself: Am I guilty of this too? Some man HAS to be just as turned off as I am of this! (And some woman has to be turned off by hunky dude’s talking down about himself). I know I’m guilty. I’m ALWAYS talking about how I got jiggle here and there. How I have no butt or my locs aren’t appealing to some men. Now I realize I need to totally check myself. I don’t want to be perceived as not liking myself (because I do). You really have no reason to do this. It doesn’t show humility or anything. Quite the opposite, actually. It shows that you have a permeating fear of rejection and that your self-consciousness can eventually be the downfall of a relationship. If you are that self-conscious, it can translate into you being self-conscious about your partner, being fearful of them leaving you for someone better or cheating on you. It’s a shame spiral that doesn’t end. I remember being married and in counseling and I told the counselor I had a hard time taking compliments from my husband, when he said I was beautiful. I was like…”Gosh..I’m right back there…right now…except this time it’s the dude….not me…having such self-doubt.” Women aren’t the only ones who need reassuring.

I stopped the conversation:

“I’m sorry. I just don’t feel that way about you…or your size”


“Really?”


“Yes really. I think you’re handsome….”


“REALLY??? I mean….big as I am..”


“Dude…trust me...it’s not an issue”



While I listened to super-hunky footballer talk, I smiled to myself and thought…

“Hmpf….He just doesn’t know how fine he truly is….”

And that may be a good thing :)

June 10, 2010

A Dating Pre-Nup??

My girlfriend Tee and I were on our Blackberry Tour's just chatting away. Of course..we were talking about boys, silly games and dating. And she goes.."I heard on the radio they were talking about dating pre-nups. Hell...maybe I should get one"

Immediately I said, this is BLOG worthy! LMAO! A dating pre-nup? How frigging ridiculous! But..I didn't want to be totally bias without doing some research. So I ran across and article in the NY Post about it. I read with my mouth wide open. Damn...people are serious! Actually it's called a "co-hab", for folks who are dating (but not married) and want to set some guidlines for how their relationship should be ran and division of property if they cohabitat (it's mostly about property). Many are praising this as a new, effective means of communication in relationships. And apparently in the wacky ways of NYC law, these co-habs are legally binding contracts for a state that doesnt recognize unmarried couples.

The article gives a few tips:
Create your own pre-prenup


* Discuss the idea with your partner and decide if a pre-prenup is necessary and important to you both.


* If you have valuable possessions, consult a lawyer. “If you have nothing, you can split nothing both ways,” says family law attorney Philip A. Greenberg. “But if you have property, or one is putting the other through school, it’s not something you should do yourselves.”


* If your valuables are more big sentiment than big bucks, consider drafting your own agreement and put it in writing, complete with signatures and witnesses. “If the only issue is Fido, then you don’t need a lawyer,” Greenberg says. “Two intelligent people can come up with an agreement.”


* Choose what to include in your cohab agreement. Items to consider: shared property, partner support, pre-relationship or future debts, joint household purchases, educational expenses, pets, life insurance, health proxies and joint banking accounts — among others. You can even list rules for your relationship and possible breakup, although enforcing these can be tricky.


* Revisit your dating prenup whenever a significant life event or change in circumstance occurs in your relationship. If you go from renting to owning together, or one wants to quit work for school, “you want to provide for that,” says Greenberg. “You have to use some common sense.”


And just for good measure, good ol' CBS News decided to talk about it on their morning show:





I sat there at first laughing. Why the hell should you need one when you are dating? What do you have to protect? Well..the answer is: Your Heart.........but nevertheless I sat and started to jot down the things I'd love to have in a dating Pre-Nup...and it would go a lil something like this...*hitting a B-girl stance*:

You, person of the opposite sex who wants to date me for an extended amount of time, will adhere to the following:
  • You will have sex with me a minimum for 3 times week. to last between 30 and 60 minutes per session  Unless I am sick or you have no issues riding the crimson wave.
  • On days I am tired from school, you will cook and/or take me out to eat or provide take-out.
  • On nights I get out late from class, you will pick me up
  • You will take me out at least once a week. And no, dinner and movies DO not count.
  • If we decided to co-habitat (which I doubt), you take all the sh*t back with you you came with (gifts notwithstanding). So don't sneak my CD's out the house!
  • If we get a big-ticket item together, we will split the costs and whoever uses it more keeps it if we break up (Wii,couches, etc) OR sell it and split the proceeds.
  • You will get a regular pedicure as to not sever my femural artery in the bed with your toes.
  • Pay all bills equally
  • If you make a mess, clean it up (your dirty socks included)
  • Fix stuff and/or hire a person to do so
  • Wash all Cars
  • We will go on vacations at least ONCE a summer.
  • Establish a little "fun" money fund for trips, etc.
In return I promise to:
  • Cook
  • Not talk a lot.
  • Do all the nasty freak sh*t you wanna do outside of three-somes and weird junk.
  • Keep a fairly tidy home
  • Not crowd the closet space if we cohabitat with my shoe addiction
  • Let you go to the strip club with your boys ONCE a month
  • Allow you to put a pole in our bedroom ONLY if you use real money
  • Give head during half-time of all sporting events on TV (with exception of Superbowl and when my team is on)


Now what dude wouldnt sign that????


*kanyeshrug*


So what would be in your dating pre-nup???

June 8, 2010

The "IT" Factor





I was sitting by my pool talking to my male friend., chilling and listening to my Ipod... We were talking about dating and relationships.

I was telling him about an awesome first date I recently had and how I felt that everything clicked…yet there has been a total lack of communication on the other person’s part. I didn’t understand. We had this awesome first date. I felt we connected.

“Well,” said my friend. “He probably didn’t feel the same way. It’s all about the IT factor…and maybe you don’t have it for him…at least not right away. It has nothing to do with you as a person or what you lack. It’s the natural chemistry”.

I was totally crushed. I thought I put on the charm on our date. I wasn’t expecting love at first sight but surely I was expecting him to dig me...and want to call me and at LEAST make a second date...

 Well over a week has passed by and my head is spinning and replaying the moment we went out over and over. I looked fresh and natural...very little (if any) makeup. I smiled a whole lot. I laughed at his jokes. I let him be a gentleman. I made sure my breath wasn’t stinky and I was just myself. Was wearing a “wife beater” and jeans and flip flops too casual?

Maybe being myself wasn’t enough. I thought the chemistry we had was unforced…totally natural. FOR ME, the “it” factor was/is how comfortable I was with the guy. How he made me laugh…and lord...how sexy the man made me feel and how sexy he was. I felt VERY confident and that is always a plus. And it has to be the way he looks at me when I speak...he has to focus on the conversation.

How do MEN especially know? What exactly is the “IT” factor? What takes a girl from a few random dates and calls to wanting to really get to know her? Especially after a first meeting…how do you know if that person has the “IT” factor?

I decided to ask a few men about it and here is what they had to say:

MM: The way she smells nails and hair correct ample amounts of backside pretty face got herself together…nice smile.


OH: I won’t lie…a big butt and a smile.


EJ: I’ve been searching for this word, maybe you can help; the "it" factor for me is a connection beyond the superficial. The moment when our spirits/auras touch and there’s an undeniable magnetic attraction. An affinity for each other that compelled us beyond reason. Usually what I look for is a woman who’s happy to be around me...making me feel if I had to give you a word …. The it factor I look for is joy! If I had to give you a word.... the it factor I look for is joy!


EW: For me the "it" factor has nothing to do with her at all. I just feel it....you know? That feeling you get in your stomach that's well past butterflies. I can't pinpoint one exact thing in her that does "it" for me. It' all relative.


TV: That she has a life of her own and goals.Her confidence and mysterious side that makes me inquire more.I don't know what the hell that is...lol, but a woman that has accomplished things but doesn't need to brag or define herself by her accomplishments or where she's been


JD: Confidence+Goodlooking+a little feisty. I think that "IT" factor is the confidence, and being comfortable in her own skin. Yeah, I had to think about it, but you are right. It's confidence+chemistry that makes a "got to have her" woman.

RH: Unspoken confidence; undeniable altruism; demanding presence; and a sensual aura!


RL:Positivity and Uniqueness/Individuality, and a Pretty Smile.





So what’s the IT factor for you??

June 7, 2010

Poem: I Want To Remember

I want to remember


What it feels like to have butterflies

In your stomach

And your heart bursting out of your chest

And a smile you can’t wipe off your face

Even on your worst day.

I want to remember

What it’s like to have that first kiss

Where you are left breathless

In the arms of someone

Who genuinely wants you

As much as you want them

I want to remember

Those first moments of silence

The morning after in bed…

As you watch them sleeping

And smile..Feeling lucky..

That the waking moments are with them

I want to remember

The pleasure of the unexpected phone calle

In the middle of the day

That makes me melt upon hearing your voice.



I want to remember.

I try to remember.

Can you help me remember?

You.

June 4, 2010

AND THE WINNER IS...

OMG! You guys..I am SO SORRY for not announcing a winner of
GIve Away #2: Just in Case  Condom Compact and Trojan Ecstacy Condoms I let things with school, personal and what not let it just SLIP away from me! I do apologize 1000 times over! HOWEVER...we do have a winner!




.....and the Winner is...
 diva5757

Her answer to the question: "How do you take charge of your sexual health?" was both funny and thorough


She said:

What do I do...

I attend my annual dr's visits and then nag my Fiancé to go to his appt.

I watch my diet, take my vitamins, sleep with no undies and wear them less in the summer too (gotta have ventilation, ha!)

Oooh and always use 3 toliet seat covers!

Yep...that's all I can think of. Pretty cool contest Mocha (thumbs up).
 
 
Congratulations, girlie!!  Thank you for sharing on Facebook as well as  being brave enough to answering the question!
 
Please email me with your information in the next 3 business days :)
 
Please stay tuned for Give Away #3......coming soon :)

June 3, 2010

Feeling/Not Feeling



Feeling


• Awesome first dates

• Guys who open EVERY door…and make me believe in chivalry

• Balanced conversation

• Tight hugs

• People calling you back in a timely manner

• French pedicure toes

• The smell of fresh roasted coffee

• My mom 

• Being a total girly-girl yet paradoxically a tomboy.

• The taste of new lipgloss

• Guys who dig my locs

• BBQ ribs…pass the pork!

• Men who can cook (and other than grilling…)

• Love letters...hand written, smelling like cologne... or typed





Not Feeling

• Terrible first dates

• Narcissistic babbling and rambling

• Limp handshakes

• Waiting by the phone ..for THE phone call

• People not returning calls or texts in a timely manner

• Chicks with feet like they are Third World citizens

• Sloppy kisses

• When your “crush” doesn’t have mutual feelings

• Stereotypical ideas and notions about the people of Atlanta (esp. women)

• Guys who ask me “So…when you gonna cut your hair??”

• Filling in for the front desk receptionist (this is way above my pay grade…*smh*)

• The dude who killed chivalry..and the women who allowed it

Tipper and Al separating after 40 years (CMON SON! Just DIE together! *smh*)

• Sleazy text messages

June 2, 2010

100 Dates of Summer

Memorial Day  signals the start of the "Operation: Summer Boo" plans. And part of Operation: Summer Boo entails a very ambitious effort on my part to date more, meet more people, and do more things.

100 Dates of Summer.

100 Dates of Summer (hopefully fueled by my recent membership to Match.com) is my attempt to get out there and meet new guys and experience new things.

 I started this experience with a coffee date...

..that went a little array.

I met the guy at a popular mall here at a coffee shop. I seemed like he was totally into me. I even got a new pair of shoes at the mall just to be on the safe side. He talked all about his money..how women in ATL WANT his money..and how he can easily pull chickenheads. I wasn't impressed but I was hoping he found me the exception. The date ended on his part abruptly...in the middle of Kenneth Cole..with a half-ass hug and him saying he had to go to the gym. And although I saw him days and days after that on-line, he had yet to contact me back.

Oh well....we press on.

The second experience...well..it just never really happpened. I received beautiful emails from a guy. He was extremely nice and a single dad to a 12 year old. However, he was extremely reluctant to send me clear pics of himself. FInally, upon asking several times, he goes "I will send a picture IF you agree to go out with me". Well..Mama didn't raise no fool. ANd I said.."Well..I'm cool with making new FRIENDS regardless of whether or not I'm attracted to you or not" And well...one scary photo later...I was not attracted to him. HE didn't look ANYTHING like the pics he posted. I couldnt even pass Go with that.

I chatted off and on with a few guys...but nothing really has materialized. All kinds of guys..black, white..older..younger. Finally, I was about to throw in the towel...and cancel this subscription that is...until.....

I got a little one-line message from a gorgeous guy. An educator also getting his PhD: tall, caramel, and athletic-built. Eventually...that little one line  convo lead to an almost 2 hr phone convo. At first, it was a bit rocky. I thought either dude was an asshole or ignorant....but it got a lot better. And eventually..that lead to him calling me EARLY morning for breakfast.where I met him.......and talked for almost another hour or so....and then afterwards...we walked around a popular home's store and I did my best "flirty girl" act..........(LOL..actually it wasn't an act.............) and ended the date with a big hug and a promise of another outing...:)...which left me with awesome butterflies in my stomach.....


.......

OK..maybe doing 100 Dates in Summer is VERY abitious...

Hhmmmm.....maybe I sould retitle this "50 First Dates".

(or hopefully 50 First Dates with the same dude)







........To Be Continued

June 1, 2010

Rules of "Phone" Engagement

The Scenario:
You meet a nice guy and have your first date/meeting. You all meet up, go out, and have a great time. You laugh and think even before the date ends."Gosh..I'd sure like to see this dude again!". He wants you to the door...and gives you a hug. You have butterflies and you call all your girlfriends and tell them "Ooooh girl...he was sooo fine! Lawd!"..and you all trade girlish giggles. The day passes and you sit and look at your cell phone. Hmm...why hasn't he called me?

Is it working?
Is the battery dead?
OH GOD! Maybe he didnt like the date at all.!!

Or.....should you call him??? I mean...You dont know what to do???? And should you call THE SAME DAY of the date? Is that too soon?


I'm reminded of that scene in He's Just Not That Into You where Gigi sits and after the first date, contemplates calling and is absolutely in agonizing pain as to if she should call..or let him call... She is torturing herself.

Truthfully, we all go through this dance and I've come to realize there are two schools of thought: Traditional and Modern.

The Traditional Approach
The Traditional school of thought says.."Let the man call you first after a date". I've ask several people this and most of them being men, and they say let the man call you first. A man I asked said "In general, a woman shouldnt make the first move on anything. So don't call him because he is the pursuer. Men are hunters. Let a man be a man and pursue you. Otherwise, she'll never be happy with the outcome."  Even some old-fashioned women say that a woman shouldnt appear too over-eager and just let the man make the first move.This is very traditional in the sense of the word. But this has it's complexities.

If you sit and wait for a man to call, do you relinquish the power to him to call you? So does that mean you have endless nights (and maybe even weeks) waiting by the phone? How long do you wait? And if he doesnt call, does that mean he doesnt like you OR that he's just extremely busy? Or worse...he's just a shy and self-concious man.  See....what a tangled web we weave!

Or you can take the alternative approach...

The Modern Approach

Women, when I posed this question, went into an uproar! "This is 2010", they said. YOU can call first if you want and WHEN you want. Take back the power and call the man! Let him know you had a great time! There are no rules anymore! Hell...if you want, set up the next date...... Men like it when a woman knows what she wants when she wants it.

Hmmm..this too has it's problems. If you make the first moves, when are you allowing the dude to "woo" you? And if you call first, only to be dissapointed with the outocme, how can you recover from the egg on your face? OR if you call first, would you sorta bruise the guy's ego who was eager to call you ON HIS OWN time? ANd if you call right away and too soon, then do you seem too desperate?


Ughhhhh! WTF! After a while, you are stuck still and just looking at the phone in agonizing pain, just like Gigi.


So Ladies (and Gents)...what do you think:

Who should make the first call after a first date (and WHEN should that call happen)?

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