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Showing posts from June, 2010

Masturbation is Overrated

Ok...before you look at me like I have 12 heads and say “this chick is crazy”...hear me out.

I love myself. Trust me...I REALLY do. And I’ve known since I was 12 years old and my mother explained “masturbation” that it was indeed ok to learn myself...what I like and love me like no other. But truth of the matter is…

..it just does NOTHING for me. In my 31 years on this earth...I can’t say I just had the best orgasms solo.

Oh...don’t get me wrong. I will use some (and invest in) tools and tricks every now and then to have a little fun (although admittedly, those things are usually only super fun with someone else in the mix). Usually, if I am having some solo time it’s to test out a new product and its bells and whistles. I’d just rather show my love and appreciation for myself with a new pair of shoes...a pedicure...a good meal...or hell...some good old fashioned sex itself. But if I am using them...and having fun with them...trust me it isn’t to “get me off”. Only one kind of stimula…

Basic Fantasies

I was sitting here at work thinking to myself...I'm so damn basic.






You know how most women have these fantasies about thier lovers whisking them away to some island...dripping in diamonds..on a yacht...horseback...shirtless and tan... (like the Old Spice dude) and showering them with all these romantic gestures



I'm 31 years old. Long gone are the days where I JUST want that. Now..dont get me wrong..all that stuff is nice..but I am steeped in reality.



Howbout you bring me some lunch and flowers to work on a whim cause you know I got plastic plants in my office and a stale turkey sammich (today's lunch BTW....)



OR....have a maid service come and clean my place while I'm gone for the day....and steam clean my dirty ass carpet....



OR program my DVR to record a show you know I'd like to watch...


OR buying me the complete series of Thundercats and Fraggle Rock on DVD...(LOL)



OR...have dinner ready and IT TASTE GOOD....



Or get me a BIG wholesale box of Wooden Hangers so I…

Can We Go Back: A Poem

Can we go back…


To the day that we met

And how you made my stomach do flips and turns

Instead of how when I look in your face

I want to throw up

I want to go back

Back to the day…

That you looked in my eyes and made me melt

And how my palms were sweaty with anticipation

Instead of how now my palms sweat with nervousness

And my palms itch ready to slap the sh*t outta you

I want to remember

How you felt in my arms during a hug

How your smile warmed me from the inside out

And how your touch sent chills down my spine

Instead of the chilling feeling I got

When I realized you might not be all together “there”

Back then..

You looked good

You smelled good

Now you look crazy

And I smell foolishness

I want to remember..

The anticipation I felt

In walking toward you

Now when I see crazy coming

I cross the damn street

Because I don’t want to remember

The crazy muthafucker you truly are

100 Dates of Summer.....So Far

So here we are..the first day of summer and I, TheMochaPeach, armed with on-line dating memberships have branched out and actually gone on a few dates....and well..some had better results than others. Here's a recap of the date's Ive been on:

Date #1: Mr. Buckhead
So I met a guy at the posh Buckhead (ATL) Starbucks in Lenox Mall. He was a gorgeous, 33 year old man who was a finance consultant.  Funny thing was..he didnt offer to buy me coffee OR even suggest we get coffee. He talked incessantly about how women in ATL want his money...and are lured in by his car and its so easy to impress women here. I felt the bile rise in my mouth. He asked me to walk around looking at ties in the mall. All of a sudden in the middle of Kenneth Cole, he hugs me and goes "Well...I'll leave you to shop", I was like.."That was weird". And  he just up and left. Didn't call back again. So weird...it was his idea to meet in the first place

Date #2: Dr. Cutie

So..I met up w/…

Feeling/Not Feeling: The Dating Version

Feeling

Politeness PromptnessHand holding…Dudes with thick, NFL “backer” butts.People who call you. Communication is key Awkward first kisses that you laugh at … The fact that when they can’t sleep...they call you and you talk until they fall asleep.Compliments on “unusual things” ….”I like your earlobes…..” (As long as you don’t creep me out) CLOSED mouth kisses. (You can wait to get tounged down….cmon son!)


Not Feeling

Sex talk TOO early in the friendship. Who knows what the hell we’ll do. Maybe nothing. AND you might be horrible. It makes me uncomfortable. Dudes who call you like it isn’t isht…like they hadn’t ignored your calls, texts etc. Insane…. I mean like everything is all good. That pisses me off so bad….F**k “not feeling”. It just plain pisses me da f*ck off.People who are 5 milliseconds older than you claiming “I’m so wise”. You aren’t. 5 years older doesn’t make you a wise sagePeople wondering why, despite being married before AND the age of 31, you have no kids. It’s called…

The (Unnecessarily) Self-Conscious Man

I went out recently on a date with a guy. I put in my cutest summer dress with my French pedicure visible in Via Spiga sandals. My makeup was fresh and nude…and my nervousness was pretty apparent but I was so excited. After a pretty dissapointing outcome with the last guy (we just never communicated well...), I was glad to be getting out again. My summer dating goal was still on......
When I walked outside, I saw the guy get out his SUV. And I froze. When I say dude was fine, that was an understatement.  I probably couldnt wipe the cheese-eating grin off my face. Let me give you all an example of how fine he was. As you all know, I LOVE football. So the best example of how dude looked is probably closer to this:


(This is Brian Westbrook of the Eagles...ok this is about as CLOSE as I could get! *shrug*)

Yeah…..he was all that and a bag of Doritos. *wipes brow* I sent my girl Candi a text and said “Guuurrrrl…dude is thicker than a Snickers!!” (Yes…we ladies to talk like we are in a lock…

A Dating Pre-Nup??

My girlfriend Tee and I were on our Blackberry Tour's just chatting away. Of course..we were talking about boys, silly games and dating. And she goes.."I heard on the radio they were talking about dating pre-nups. Hell...maybe I should get one"

Immediately I said, this is BLOG worthy! LMAO! A dating pre-nup? How frigging ridiculous! But..I didn't want to be totally bias without doing some research. So I ran across and article in the NY Post about it. I read with my mouth wide open. Damn...people are serious! Actually it's called a "co-hab", for folks who are dating (but not married) and want to set some guidlines for how their relationship should be ran and division of property if they cohabitat (it's mostly about property). Many are praising this as a new, effective means of communication in relationships. And apparently in the wacky ways of NYC law, these co-habs are legally binding contracts for a state that doesnt recognize unmarried couples.

The …

The "IT" Factor

I was sitting by my pool talking to my male friend., chilling and listening to my Ipod... We were talking about dating and relationships.

I was telling him about an awesome first date I recently had and how I felt that everything clicked…yet there has been a total lack of communication on the other person’s part. I didn’t understand. We had this awesome first date. I felt we connected.

“Well,” said my friend. “He probably didn’t feel the same way. It’s all about the IT factor…and maybe you don’t have it for him…at least not right away. It has nothing to do with you as a person or what you lack. It’s the natural chemistry”.

I was totally crushed. I thought I put on the charm on our date. I wasn’t expecting love at first sight but surely I was expecting him to dig me...and want to call me and at LEAST make a second date...

 Well over a week has passed by and my head is spinning and replaying the moment we went out over and over. I looked fresh and natural...very little (if any) makeup…

Poem: I Want To Remember

I want to remember


What it feels like to have butterflies

In your stomach

And your heart bursting out of your chest

And a smile you can’t wipe off your face

Even on your worst day.

I want to remember

What it’s like to have that first kiss

Where you are left breathless

In the arms of someone

Who genuinely wants you

As much as you want them

I want to remember

Those first moments of silence

The morning after in bed…

As you watch them sleeping

And smile..Feeling lucky..

That the waking moments are with them

I want to remember

The pleasure of the unexpected phone calle

In the middle of the day

That makes me melt upon hearing your voice.



I want to remember.

I try to remember.

Can you help me remember?

You.

AND THE WINNER IS...

OMG! You guys..I am SO SORRY for not announcing a winner of
GIve Away #2: Just in Case  Condom Compact and Trojan Ecstacy Condoms I let things with school, personal and what not let it just SLIP away from me! I do apologize 1000 times over! HOWEVER...we do have a winner!




.....and the Winner is...
 diva5757
Her answer to the question: "How do you take charge of your sexual health?" was both funny and thorough


She said:

What do I do...

I attend my annual dr's visits and then nag my Fiancé to go to his appt.

I watch my diet, take my vitamins, sleep with no undies and wear them less in the summer too (gotta have ventilation, ha!)

Oooh and always use 3 toliet seat covers!

Yep...that's all I can think of. Pretty cool contest Mocha (thumbs up).


Congratulations, girlie!!  Thank you for sharing on Facebook as well as  being brave enough to answering the question!

Please email me with your information in the next 3 business days :)

Please stay tuned for Give Away #3......coming soon …

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling


• Awesome first dates

• Guys who open EVERY door…and make me believe in chivalry

• Balanced conversation

• Tight hugs

• People calling you back in a timely manner

• French pedicure toes

• The smell of fresh roasted coffee

• My mom 

• Being a total girly-girl yet paradoxically a tomboy.

• The taste of new lipgloss

• Guys who dig my locs

• BBQ ribs…pass the pork!

• Men who can cook (and other than grilling…)

• Love letters...hand written, smelling like cologne... or typed





Not Feeling

• Terrible first dates

• Narcissistic babbling and rambling

• Limp handshakes

• Waiting by the phone ..for THE phone call

• People not returning calls or texts in a timely manner

• Chicks with feet like they are Third World citizens

• Sloppy kisses

• When your “crush” doesn’t have mutual feelings

• Stereotypical ideas and notions about the people of Atlanta (esp. women)

• Guys who ask me “So…when you gonna cut your hair??”

• Filling in for the front desk receptionist (this is way above my pay grade……

100 Dates of Summer

Memorial Day  signals the start of the "Operation: Summer Boo" plans. And part of Operation: Summer Boo entails a very ambitious effort on my part to date more, meet more people, and do more things.

100 Dates of Summer.

100 Dates of Summer (hopefully fueled by my recent membership to Match.com) is my attempt to get out there and meet new guys and experience new things.

 I started this experience with a coffee date...

..that went a little array.

I met the guy at a popular mall here at a coffee shop. I seemed like he was totally into me. I even got a new pair of shoes at the mall just to be on the safe side. He talked all about his money..how women in ATL WANT his money..and how he can easily pull chickenheads. I wasn't impressed but I was hoping he found me the exception. The date ended on his part abruptly...in the middle of Kenneth Cole..with a half-ass hug and him saying he had to go to the gym. And although I saw him days and days after that on-line, he had yet to conta…

Rules of "Phone" Engagement

The Scenario:
You meet a nice guy and have your first date/meeting. You all meet up, go out, and have a great time. You laugh and think even before the date ends."Gosh..I'd sure like to see this dude again!". He wants you to the door...and gives you a hug. You have butterflies and you call all your girlfriends and tell them "Ooooh girl...he was sooo fine! Lawd!"..and you all trade girlish giggles. The day passes and you sit and look at your cell phone. Hmm...why hasn't he called me?

Is it working? Is the battery dead? OH GOD! Maybe he didnt like the date at all.!!
Or.....should you call him??? I mean...You dont know what to do???? And should you call THE SAME DAY of the date? Is that too soon?


I'm reminded of that scene in He's Just Not That Into You where Gigi sits and after the first date, contemplates calling and is absolutely in agonizing pain as to if she should call..or let him call... She is torturing herself.

Truthfully, we all go through this da…