September 25, 2010

No One F***CKS Personalities.


(For the record..I don't know this dude... but for the purpose of this blog..he is about the most unsexy, unflattering dude I could  muster up. *sigh*)

One of my friends decided that she, too, wanted to hook me up with someone. Not only did she fail to get to know my standards...she failed at the hook-up rule (see yesterday's post). She sent me a pic of the dude..and he looked like Snuffalupagus. Don;t you remember Snuffalupagus?
(Yes..he was cute and adorable..but only for a few minutes then he was hairy and creepy!)

I told her flat out. "You must hate me. Either you hate me or you find me hideous and feel that I shouldn't date better looking men". She shut her trap and tried to laugh it off. I wasn't laughing.

I posted the following status on FB...

If you try and set me up w/ a dude and he's ugly... what you are REALLY saying is "of course I don't think you're pretty enough for someone better" and you neither love me nor listen. Dude looks like Snuffalupagus...



My Sorors (God Bless them) quickly spoke up and said "Well..I BET he has a great personality".

NEWSFLASH:  For the Record..NO ONE has ever F***ked a personality.

Ever.

Ever.


I'm not superficial. A guy doesn't have to be Idris Elba (but lawd..I'd melt if he was..but I digress) but please..let me want to procreate with him and give my kids SOME of his good genes. This dude wasnt even REMOTELY attractive to me. ..and I've dated some pretty ok looking men! Trust me! This is saying a lot. And why did I date those "ok looking" men...because to be quite honest...I wanted to fuck em. Dude didn't even get an "he's OK! I can work with this!" Hell naw.

I've never heard a man say.

"Dude..Im about to go over Tina's house. She gives some GREAT personality! I love that 
hot, steaming personality...especially when she shows her personaltity to me ALL NIGHT LONG"

I've never heard a woman say...

"GURL...his damn personality is OFF THE CHAIN! They way he works his persona makes me soooooooo turned on!  Girl he had me up against the wall with that persona of his! I would have all his babies just to let him put some personality all up in me!"

You see how fucking stupid that sh*t sounds. Yeah....just as stupid as having your answer to "Is he nice looking?" be "Well...he has a GREAT personality". B*TCH..if I wanted to french kiss his personality...I woulda told you so!


You've never heard anyone say that have you?

And when you do....I'll give you $5, some Funyuns, and a pack of Zig-Zags because you MUST be smokin!!!!


September 24, 2010

5 Things I Hate To Hear Men Say

*Note: This blog is a response to my (new-found) cyber homeboy and kindred blog-spirit  over at The Reasonable Bachelor (follow him on Twitter to @JacksonBracey)  He had this hilarious (yet true) list of 5 things that he hates to hear women say. Of course...I posted it to share on FB and it started a little dialogue. The ladies were like "So where's OUR list of stuff we hate to hear men say??" On the fly (and not to be outdone..LOL)...I responded..and this is the polished result*




****
 I think that men don't think they get on our nerves. They don't realize that they to have little quirks and sometimes the things they say get on our nerves. They may not be known to be great communicators, but some stuff they say can truly chap our hides and get in the way of effective communications in relationships. Those top 5 things are the following (in no particular order):


1) It's Not That Serious-  So you all have an argument or disagreement. To you, this is the motherload  of all arguments..(Maybe this is about his "flirty" communication with some chick on Facebook...ok..maybe it's really about him leaving the toilet seat up again..but hey..an argument is an argument). This statement is a two fold wall of annoyance. Not only are you negating how I feel..but you are downplaying the nature of your own feelings and the situation. How are you gonna tell me what's serious and what's NOT serious? How are you going to just sweep things under the rug and tell me what's important and what's not important?  It is serious..because my feelings count too. And so do yours?

2) Trust Me (I got it): Uhm...no you don't. You are not Superman. I understand that the male ego is enormous and your pride and bravado is always on display...but seriously...you can't do it all. If you are broke, don't try and overextend yourself and try and shower us with lavishness. If we are in a relationship..this is what we women are here for. To help..and if chick is as materialstic as you think she is..then you need a new chick. A real chick doesnt care about that stuff. It doesnt matter in the long round.

3) Sure..I can fix it. I don't need any help: See. #2. This just an extension of that. Men naturally think that they can fix anything..even with no experience. Cars. Electronics. Putting furniture together...If it comes with instructions, most men will toss those out and say they have it. This isn't the 1950's were men were usually very good with hands. I don't know many "handy men" out of Generation X...a microwave generation. Most men drive cars...and don't fix em. Ikea bothers the sh*t outta you since you gotta put it together yourself. Do us all a favor..and pay someone to do it.

4) It didn't mean anything: This one truly chaps my hide. If it didn't mean anything, then why the fuck did you do it?? Why'd you say that mean thing you say? Why'd you fuck my sorority sister? (See how this statement becomes not only problematic..but just ridiculous). Saying it doesn't mean anything means "Look..don't worry your pretty head over this. It's none of your business" Well..if it affects US..then it is my business. Don't try and say "it didn't mean anything" when it's something that hurts me. This is just you trying to weasel your way out of a situation by trying to downplay its importance, its significance. Take ownership...this is the measure of a man. Negro..ya did it! *smh*

5) The Silent Treatment (i.e. not saying a damn thing): Men can seriously be poor communicators. Just shutting down and not saying anything isn't going to help at all. You have to open up. If we piss you off...say it in a constructive manner. If we hurt you, say it! Just don't check out of the conversation. Talk to us. Just staring at the flat screen doesn't help the us at all. Yes women like to talk...but talking does help.  We understand you like the "feed me..fuck me and shut the fuck up" treatment at times. But uhm...you'll never get the "feeding" and "fucking" if you don't talk every blue moon.




*BONUS*:


It wasn't me...(Negro so you are trying to say I'm blind)


Just let me put the tip in...


I'm not THAT drunk


She's just a friend (You really want me to buy that hot, steaming load of crap)


I'm love you..but I'm not in love with you (Translation: Look..I still wanna fuck but I also still wanna date. You alright.....but probably about 20 lbs overweight and too darks-kinned to take out in public)


Oh..Someone else was using my FB/Twitter/MySpace account (*side eye*)





Oh the things you all say.....


*smh*







September 22, 2010

The #1 Hook-Up Rule: A Short Blog

There is a rule to hooking up your friends. It's really simple.....trust me.

"Never hook-up your friend w/ someone who doesn't even meet your basic standards. If YOU wouldn't date him and he's not good enough for you...then why's he ok for your friend?"


This isn't to say that the person has to be YOUR TYPE because of course..everyone's type is different. This isn't about type..this is about really basic stuff. It's really about knowing your friend.
You know she won't date a man with kids...this dude has 5...

If the man has questionable ethics or no spiritual grounding..

If he has a funky, cocky attitude and your girl is laid back...

You don't even find dude remotely attractive.....but he "seems nice" (and that just aint good enough)..then let it go.

If you know your girl is a stickler for good teeth..and you say "he has an overbite and a gap...BUT". Don't qualify that with a BUT!

If you know your girl likes thick, tail-back sized men...and you say "I mean...he's on the Rick Ross side BUT..."...please..don't qualify that with a BUT!

If the dude doesn't like chicks with natural hair....and your friend has an Afro.....

Furthermore....

Just because your friend and the person have two things in common...or happen to both be divorced....or you just both so happen to be in brother/sister Greek organizations...or go to the same freaking dentist....or like to have witty Twitter status updates....

*triple SIGH*

Your friend isnt that desperate. At the same time..she isn't someone without standards. She shouldnt accept any and everything because of their status. Dont tell them "oh you so picky" or "Why not step out your comfort zone!" or "give dude a chance" Guess what....it isn't about that! It's about that person just not having the BASICS. PERIOD. Point Blank.


God bless you single friends..but you all have no clue......*sigh*

September 19, 2010

Bedroom Blues...


As I sit here right now, watching the premiere of HBO's highly anticipated Boardwalk Empire,I am looking around my bedroom. I'm thinking to myself:

*sigh*.. What dude would wanna spend time up in here???

My decor is totally wack. I asked my cousin Kel if men cared if a woman's bedroom was "inviting" or not. He busted out laughing and said "Man..all we care about is if that em-eff is nasty as hayle or not". I mean truly, are men that simple? Do they just care if it's neat and tidy? Are women the only one's who are about aesthetics?

I have a simply full sized bed. A grown man can't sleep comfortably in here (and trust me..I've tried). I don't even have a TV big enough to enjoy my shows. I have no nightstand, dresser or mirror. It looks like I'm still living out of boxes and I've lived here fore almost 2 years. *sigh*...it's sad. My closet is an absolute wreck...no hangers that look good...boxes all over. A wreck. My joint need some serious

I took small steps. I decided to finally buy a clothes hamper. Before, my clothes were just on the floor (lol). I got a little plastic bin to organize my socks and undies.  I got a hanging shoe organizer for my flats and belts. And I finally put up my hats ( I have a thing for hats..cool, newspaper boy ones). Like I said...small steps.

Anyway...I'm sure all are you are like "WTF does this have to do with anything?" I dunno..I'd like my room to be a place where men wanna stay (well..not move in..just spend the night) and cuddle sometimes. A place that's really sexy, warm and inviting. Have some candles...have some silk...some nice paintings..some deep, dark wood furniture. Something sexy but unisex...something with a nice little Ipod player on the dresser..a TV that's actually big enough to watch some flicks on......a bed that's comfy and sexy..fluffy and just wonderful..and a closet that's girly and organized.

I guess I'll hit these upcoming Columbus Day sales and find something that will fit my criteria. I've been so picky and preoccupied with other things that I'm just not concerned with anything else..... Most of all I'm doing this for me...but a little but of me would love to hear the words... "Damn baby...this is kinda on some sexy shit..."

I guess I need a gay BFF for all of that, huh? (lol)

Do men even care about stuff like that? Or is my cousin right...all you all care about is if it's neat and tidy or not?

September 17, 2010

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling

  • This Song....Calvin did his thing...




Not Feeling
  •  The fact that not enough men express that to women.



Yep....that's it for today :)

September 14, 2010

The Corner Man


In boxing, the "corner man" is almost as key an element to a boxer winning the fight as is a nice upper cut or jab. He's the man that gives the boxer encouragement and often times instruction between rounds. Sometimes he's the "cut man"- putting the salve on the wounds of battle allowing you to fight another day, applying the ice packs and reducing the swelling from the pain. The corner man also tells you when to throw in the towel, when the pummeling is too much and the fight isn't fair.

In life as in boxing, you need a corner man.


Right now I am in my almost full month of PhD studies. I will admit, shit has not been easy. I got a pretty low grade on my first homework and often times I feel lost in a crowd in class. I am the only black person in my classes. Because I have to miss work to go to class, I make up those hours by extended my free days almost an extra 2 hrs (So I'm at work almost 12 hrs a day). I'm not sleeping. I eat sporadically. I am getting chubby and my slacks are telling the story to my thighs. I even got sick last week (I'm still sick actually) and missed a day of both work and class..and was thrown by it all. I feel like Dory and I keep telling myself "just keep swimming" .Above all else, when I come home....there is dead silence.




But anyway..back to what I was saying...


I thought about what Dr. Cutie (Remember him) said to me on our one and only meeting: "During this Phd, you are going to need a loving, supportive partner." Now..he could have been saying that to make me wet and get in my pants..but he was right. It's the little things, you know? *sigh*. I come home and I realize I need to clean..but I am too tired. I realize that I need to vent...or "release some tension"..and I cant. I realize I need someone to bounce ideas off of...and I just stare into space. I want to start dinner but I'm to tired to fix my plate. I want to be held and my feet hurt...so instead I get the foot spa and wrap up in my down comforter.  Dishes are still in my sink from this morning. I forgot to set the DVR for my fav shows to watch later. Sometimes I just wanna take my mind off of it and take the pain away.  Sometimes I just wanna talk. Sometimes I just wanna listen. Where is my corner man?

I want to be in love. Right now the loves of my life are school, my new MacBook Pro, and my mother (not in that order of course). My uncle's church is about to pull up the rear as I am gearing up to get more involved in Church (BUT..to be fair...I'm NOT about to be one of those single women who feel like the church is my substitute for a man)

I digress...


It made me realize that I don't know if I can or will ever feel that love again. But I want to be loved and thought about and I NEED a loving, supportive  partner (besides my mother...god bless her).  I'm almost 4 weeks into school and I realize already I don't have that. That void is very real.  I have friends who have done JD, MD, MBA, Ed.D, PhD and other rigorous programs...and they said it helped to have that person by their side...their corner man. This isn't to say the "corner man" did a bunch of domestic things. Above all else, he/she was that supporter. Your number #1 cheerleader. And with school being what it is...don't expect me to find that person during school hours (my program is full of women, white women, lesbians, and nerdy white guys) or after school so that makes it tough. I'm consumed with reading and writing and staying above water. Not to mention..I had 6 good reasons last week as to why dating may not work for me. I know what you are thinking? "How you gonna say you don't want to date..but you want someone to support your efforts?" I know...I know. I never professed to be perfect. I'm flawed. On the flip side, I have a contingency of folks saying "All that's gonna do is distract you from your goals" or "you need to focus on you".... I disagree. Do I become a hermit in the name of scholarship? Or do I look for that "corner man" to help me make it through?

What's a girl scholar to do?

September 3, 2010

6 Revelations on Why I'll No Longer Date

Commuting to work today...listening to my IPod...I had a revelation on why I'm FINALLY ok with not dating and why Men in this city won’t date me:


1) I am saving money. LOTS of it. I don’t have to spend money on pedis, manis and all that extras like new outfits when I have dates...trying to impress some ridiculous bama who doesn’t care less. Furthermore, dudes expect YOU to come out the pocket a lot. And while I don’t mind doing that eventually...as we get to know each other...I don’t like doing that off the bat. Period. I’m old-fashioned. I can save money on my damn groceries cause your pooh butt ass won’t be sitting on my couch, eating my damn snacks.

2) Men don’t want to date me because I have no car. In this city, that's a requirement. I keep bringing it up (I know you are tired of hearing it) but I get tired of dudes saying I live so far (yet I live 6 miles from downtown..THEY live far). They are used to girls meeting them in places for dates and etc. Coming to THEIR house (which I wouldn’t do IF I had a car). That's cool. By the time I get a car next semester *crossing fingers*, I won’t even want to meet anyone or go anywhere but home and class *smh* But long gone are the days when a man met you at the door. Guys have told me girls don’t even want to come to a man's door...they'll wait in the car until you are ready to go.

3) Men expect sex off the bat and I'm just not that interested in sex to even want it from some new, stranger person. I just don’t want to get to know anyone's likes or dislikes...or have then fuck up my mood w/ their lack of skills.

4) Aesthetics are still important.  This is "Black Hollywood" I'm not built like a Magic City Dancer. I'm rather boxy if I say so myself, but I'm OK with me (until I get this cash to have plastic surgery).....you got to accept me for who I am RIGHT NOW. Men I think are rather turned off. And if some like 18 year old fools out in public can LOUDLY say within earshot "She got a big stomach" or "She ain't got no ass"....then obviously it's an issue. If I go out with my friend who's face isn’t all that, but her ass is huge...of COURSE she gets more attention than I do. Fine dudes trying to holler.........I'm just sitting there. Oh well. I can’t change who I am (again...until I get some surgery). Brothers are not big fans of boobs....they just aren’t. White guys, if I could find one, would love them. I have natural hair. I def am not changing that. And if a comedian on twitter can say stuff like "Who told women that nappy headed was sexy?" or Steve Harvey can tell a chick she won’t get a man w/ natural hair… then there is some truth to men not digging the natural hair. You need the weave done, hair long, silky (real or not), tons of makeup, lots of nails done, lashes on...body like a Luke dancer....stilettos on in the club. I don’t have all of that. I do my thing but I’m def not over the top with it.

5) No man will understand why my mother and I are so close...why relationship with my family is important…why I would rather hang w/ her than anyone else... Or why I'm not angry about being divorced. Men are baffled that I'm not angry. *smh* I don’t have time to live like that

6) The excuse of being in school is perfect for me. It makes me realize that I don’t have time...and I don’t want to make time. You do need a supportive partner and I don't see some new dude being that. AND...I've been in school 2 weeks...and aside from the scrawny bama I see every day in the Law Building...all the brothers are too young.

 
 
Yep..that's it so far. I'm sure there will be a Part II to this....

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