November 22, 2009

Sexless in Atlanta

I love sex. I really do. I have absolutely no qualms about being a sexual person or expressing myself sexually. I’m not shy. I’m not a prude…and never had I had a complaint. Some positions I do should be illegal…(LOL) It feels great when done right….But...I do have a confession.

I don’t want it anymore

Don’t get me wrong, if I get it and it’s good, I enjoy it. But afterwards, I feel so empty. It’s over with. They go home. I go home. The end. I feel like the character in Looking for Mr. Goodbar (except I don’t die...and nothing gets brutal...and there is no drugs… maybe that isn’t a good example) What’s the point of having sex if there is nothing deeper behind it? Yes, sex feels incredible. Orgasms are great…but at what (emotional) price. If I have to hurt my heart…is sex worth it?

I think after my divorce, I increasingly had given up on love. The men I encountered didn’t want anything more than a sexual relationship and those men who rarely wanted more than that; I didn’t feel anything for them. Empty. Hollow. Dull. These are words I can describe how I felt inside toward the idea of anything deeper. If all men wanted were jump-off and trysts, fine...that’s all I could give them anyway. But deep down, I knew that’s not what I wanted. I wanted a relationship or at least the hopes of building toward a relationship. So far, no dice. I’ve had more sex than I’ve had relationships… (Let me clarify...more sex...Not a lot of partners…no relationships).

Some of my girlfriends think this is fine. “Have you some reliable partners, if you want to get yours, get it… and just do you”. What the hell is “doing me”? I know the 1960’s and 1970’s allowed me to have sexual liberation and freedom. And if I wanted to have a rotation of men, I could. But that empty feeling will still be there. That dull, hollow feeling will still permeate. My bed still will be cold. And nothing will change.

My emotions go from “fuck dudes...Imma just get mine” to “I can’t keep doing this. I feel sad”. I’m not sure where I am in all of this. Men can easily do this. They can separate their emotions and compartmentalize every woman and every encounter. Women can’t do that. We invest a lot of emotions into each and every person we meet. Unless you are Samantha Jones of Sex and the City, most women are not that brutally honest with themselves sexually. To some, penis is penis. For me…I want a connection.

I love sex. But at this moment in time, it’s time to take a “penis sabbatical” and just give sex a rest. Right now it’s about clearing my head and opening my heart…and not opening my legs. I’m certainly not a self-righteous person...but...I just feel that I deserve so much… I don't think I want to be "celibate"...I just don't want to be "selling myself short".
My body...could use a break.

November 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Me and my Cousin Tosha at the Stone Mtn.-Lithonia Kappa Alpha Psi Red Tie Soiree' 2009.
(Yes..we look like twins...but I'm on the right!)

November 17, 2009

Strange Aphrodisiacs

Pronunciation: \ˌa-frə-ˈdē-zē-ˌak, -ˈdi-zē-\
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek aphrodisiakos sexual, gem with aphrodisiac properties, from aphrodisia heterosexual pleasures, from neuter plural of aphrodisios of Aphrodite, from Aphroditē
Date: 1719
1 : an agent (as a food or drug) that arouses or is held to arouse sexual desire2 : something that excites

I am a romantic. There, I said it. I admit it. If you have been reading this blog long enough I’m sure you got the hint that I love love…I love romance. I love sex, too. And I love the opposite sex. No offense to my lesbian sistas out there, but something is so damn fine about a man-and especially a black man- that I find totally irresistible. But aside from the physical part of men, little things about them turn me on

But this blog is just not limited to the café-au-lait and deep mahogany that makes me weak. This is just about what I find as an “aphrodisiac” to the opposite sex-tangible and intangible.

Hair- I love hair. I love facial hair. I love hair on a man’s head. Something about the way a scruffy beard feels against my face…my arms…my thighs (lol)…turns me on in the worst way.

Cologne- A good smelling man wins each and every time. And not some cheap stuff…the really good kind they had to go to a Department store to get! LOL. I also like the natural smell of a man….which brings me to

Earthy” smells- I like the smell of sweat and outdoors on a man. Whether he was out playing ball or cutting the grass, it just shows how a man is supposed to sweat and be hard working.

The “satisfied” look men have after they eat- OMG! This is a huge turn on for me. When I was married, I used to call it “the glow”..and I would wanna pounce on my ex-husband. I guess it gives me satisfaction to know that man enjoyed my cooking enough to wanna clean his plate. And if he cleans his plate…he might clean MY plate later if you know what I mean *wink*.

A man with an “adult” drink in his hand- I don’t mean a beer. I mean a high quality scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other (even if he’s just holding it for show). So sexy!

A Meal Of the following: Champagne, Strawberries dipped in chocolate and Lobster. Eating a combo of that meal turns me on! *mental note: Try and get some of that for NYE…even for myself

Games- I love to play the game of “let’s pretend like we are strangers and you are picking me up”. Role play is a turn on..couple that with costumes and outfits…speaking of which

Picking out my Lingerie and Shoes- Something about seeing a man..full of the middle of Fredericks of Hollywood…or watching me slip on a pair of Louboutin stilettos in Neiman Marcus with complete and total lustful thoughts of seeing them in the air. *shivers* I already have a serious shoe fetish so to have a man that shares just too hot!

An even colored penis-Well..that’s self explanatory. LMAO!

The smell and taste of “me” on his lips- Well..uhm..that one’s self explanatory too (if not..use your imagination!)

A man cooking in the kitchen-Nothing turns me on more than a man channeling his inner G. Garvin! WOO!

A man in an argyle/cashmere sweater, dress shirt, and tie…-Grrrr…drives me wild! LOL!

Hot Dogs- Something quite phallic about eating a sloppy chilli dog. LMAO! (weird I know)

And Finally…

A brain- a big, huge sexy brain full of vocabulary and Jeopardy trivia and intellect and creativity…is the best aphrodisiac of them all.

November 11, 2009

A Grown-Up Christmas List

It's the time of year that I truly love...the holiday season! I love the hustle and bustle of the shopping malls...people finding that special "something" for the ones that they love. The shiny wrapping paper..the smell of gingerbread houses...and the sound of carols being sung... Being bundled up in the finest peacoat and scarf...and looking at Christmas trees in window displays...

Most of all..I get to write out my very own Christmas list. When I was a child, I asked for the best Barbie doll..or cool roller skates with lights....a new dollhouse...or even a new book to read (Ok..I was a little bookworm) and it would be a mile long. As I got older, I wanted all the coolest, hippest in electronics and gadgets , perfume and new handbags and accessories..and my list became smaller and smaller. I was specific and tailored my list to my needs. Gone where the days of running back to school to "compare notes" on what Santa got you this year...

I'm celebrating my first Christmas and holiday season as a divorcee' and my list isn't about the coolest, fastest gadgets...or money...or anything. My needs are much more simple.

All I want for Christmas is....

One sincere, thought-provoking conversation with a man..that doesn't involve my anatomy or his sexual prowess or anything superficial.

A first kiss that makes the giver step back and go "Hmm......nice" and gives me shivers.

The feeling of wanting to run into someone's arms as soon as you see and giddiness take over.

A smile...brought on by pure, unadulterated happiness.

A nice date. One where I get to dress up..put on full makeup..put my hair up..and wear stilettos

A pair of kind eyes to gaze I marvel at the Christmas Trees...

Someone to reach over and just hold my hand while we look at the Christmas lights in Centennial Park

One genuine, gut-busting laugh..where I throw my head back and just not care who's looking!

Making breakfast for someone who deserves it on Christmas morning while we open small presents to each other...nothing too flashy..or fancy.

A sweet compliment done for the sake of sincerity...not because a man wants something or sex...just likes me for me.

To fall down attempting to ice skate....and being helped up by loving, affectionate arms

A gentle brush my locs out my face while we lie in bed..sipping hot cocoa...

A calm voice to say a prayer we give thanks this Holiday season for all God has blessed us with.

Slow dancing on NYE in my living room after a champagne toast...and after an evening of dinner and conversation.'s that simple. That's all I want.:)

What's on your Grown-Up Christmas List.

November 7, 2009

Sexy Haikus

Decided to share some of my haikus.............I was bored and inspired at the same time....

Enjoy :)

He smells like heaven
Dancing on the tips of clouds
Please envelope me

Emerald eyes set
Inside caramel smoothness
Better than candy

Hot Caramel Sex
On a platter...serve me up
Double helpings please

Like a balm for open wounds
Kisses make my heart heal

Slowly I taste you
Licking like a thirsty soul
Nourished by your wilds

Lying on my breasts
I feel your heart pulsating
With mine as one beat

You awaken my senses
From a deep slumber

Sailing between legs enter my isle
Paradise shipwrecked

Tounge on tip of clit
Clit on tip of tounge...explodes
Breathless it leaves me

I say..."I'm coming"
You say.."Then"
Daddy...I'm all in

Fingertips graze...My
small of my back archs high
Like floating on air

November 6, 2009

Honest Scrap Award

Yakini of The Prissy Mommy Chronicles just gave me a blog award! How COOL!!! I feel honored! *cheese*

Now I have the honor of passing the award along to my favorite 5 bloggers!

The Skinny:
Say thanks and link back to the presenter of the award.
Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.
Present this award to 5 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.
Tell those 5 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines upon receiving.

10 Honest Things:

  • I miss my husband. Yes, I'm divorced and I am cool with it. But I miss him dearly cause quite frankly I really miss "what could have been". To invest 7 years into dating someone and to have it all leave is so hard to do. No one loved me like my ex-husband did-good or bad. Being divorced made me feel like a total failure.

  • I HATE dating. There. I said it. It's a necessary evil most of the time. And I'm just not finding anyone who gives me butterflies..*sigh*..yet I press on!

  • At 30, I am finally embracing my curves, brown-skin, natural hair...and whoever doesn;t like it, can SUCK IT!

  • I fear that I'll never remarry and never have children. And I want both very badly

  • I don't have any close girlfriends in ATL. Most live far away and I miss them SO much. *sigh* Woulda made this year more bearable if they were near..

  • In the past year, I've had more sex than I've had meaningful relationships. And perhaps I just use sex as the substitute.

  • I've committed myself to go all in for this PhD but I am terrified that I'm going to fail or not get into the program or be lazy. I'm not sure.

  • I love my mother. I know she means well but....*sigh* I feel like she has NO IDEA what I'm going through.

  • This is my first time living TOTALLY alone (sans husband...sans roommates). And I HATE it. I mean I thought it would be cool at first but now I'm totally over it! LOL.

  • I feel like no one reads my blog becuase I don't update as often or the material is boring. I promise to do better in the future. I have another blog that I keep up with more (On but even then, I feel totally shunned by a select few people which hurts.

5 Bloggers:

Michelle @

Marissa @

Stacie @

Keke @


The New (Unspoken) Rules of Dating: An Observational Study in Male Behavior

As I enter my first full year as a divorcee, I have encountered some rather strange habits of the new breed of male species. Here is my run-down of my observational exploits in the dating world

1) The Phone Call Is Obsolete- Remember the days when your heart raced after you gave a guy number? And you waited by the phone for that all important “first phone conversation”? Well…gone are those days! They don’t talk on the phone. They say stuff like “I’m just not a phone person” or “I’d rather be hands-free”. Men don’t talk on the phone at all….which leads me to my next point….

2) The TEXT has replaced Human Communication- Instead of getting that first phone call; you get the “first text”. WTF! You can’t call and say sweet nothings? Instead, men want to have lengthy conversations via text. They even take out all of the fun of being sexy and alluring by instantly asking for “pics” and sending dirty texts along with their LOL smiley faces. They want to ask you out via text! Damn you SMS! You are ruining human contact!

3) First Dates now consist of “chilling”- Uhm…so a “first date” now is going to a girl’s house (or she coming to yours) and just sitting there…eating up all HER food…laying around on HER COUCH...and possibly having sex. Damn, you could at least bring a $1 movie from the Redbox and some take out! What happened to the creativity of the first date? A cool sporting event? A nice, quiet restaurant. I know there is a recession in place right now but creativity does not have to cost a ton of cash.

4) Can you at least take me out before you (attempt to) get some ass? - We all have needs. We are sexual creatures. But men feel as though they need little or no effort to get the panties...They want it JUST because they are men. What happened to proper courting and patience? What happened to getting to know a girl? You may be sleeping with a psycho and not know it. You don’t want one night to have you end up on Maury. And when they DO get the ass, they are running in and out. (Mysteriously, those cell phone calls that they don’t take…they are taking them!) And taking me out to some run-down dive is NOT a proper date. ONE date...doesn’t mean you get the keys to the kingdom.

5) Men have no idea how to prioritize- If they have kids...It’s all about the kids and there leaves no room for you. If they are about work, then you will take a back seat. I was told that if a man wants you, he will make time for you. Often times, men will have you fit in a small part of their lives. They run in and out and thus your place in their lives isn’t a priority.

6) There are too many options- Men (esp. single, black, attractive and educated men) know they are a hot commodity. There are more of US and less of them. Playing the field becomes more attractive. Being “the old man in the club” isn’t so bad and the idea of a relationship is more like a noose around their necks. The media feeds them the idea that they can land a young chick at any time. They don’t want to be tied down and some are quite bold.

7) Lying to yourself is not fooling me- True, I live in ATL and people feel it’s synonymous with “down-low” and “swinger” behavior. But, this type of lying and scheming doesn’t only apply to the down low lifestyle. I’ve ran across married men who freely cheat (AND don’t hide the fact that they are married), men who have “unusual” sexual proclivities, and folks with questionable motives. Sad part is, they aren’t really hiding like they used to.

8) There is no romance- It literally died. No sweet notes. No flowers. Nothing. They want maximum output (i.e. sex) for minimal effort or no effort at all. A girl likes to be courted. We aren’t looking for Prince Charming just a gentleman. We don’t want to be rescued, just appreciated. And as the old adage says “Women need romance for sex; Men need sex for romance”. Yet sex does not equal romance, either. You get bored after a while.

9) Do you know the word “share”? - In a conversation w/ a prospective beau, it’s about sharing. You want to know any and everything about that person. But nowadays, guys withhold so much. It’s like pulling teeth to get to know someone. It’s crazy. Like they have no social skills whatsoever. I’m an engaging person. When I am into someone, I love talking to them. It hurts when someone doesn’t want to share with you. You don’t have to be 100% transparent of the jump, but being willing to be open helps. Conversely…

10) Sometimes Men are Doing “The Most”- And apparently women are supposed to take it and/or like it. You have guys who have no idea what “pacing” is-you know, taking things easy. They do WAY too much, way too soon. They share WAY too much, way too soon. They text you TOO much. They call you TOO MUCH. They just act WAY too thirsty for attention, sex, and companionship. No..I don’t want to go home to Thanksgiving to meet your Nana! YES, we are all a little lonely, but coming across as desperate and a bit “stalkerish” gets you nowhere. You don’t get “boyfriend” status after a few dates. Just because we had sex, doesn’t mean you have any claims on me. Just CHILL...take it slow (but not TOO slow)..and it’ll be alright. Goodness!


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