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Showing posts from February, 2010

Dumb it Down

I'm not trying to brag but.... I am a smart (attractive) black woman. I was educated in the fine public school systems of my county in the high achiever programs and made the honor roll.. I attended an HBCU (historically black college and university) and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I went on to attend graduate school and finished my Master of Arts in 1.5 years with a 3.67 GPA. I'm applying to PhD programs. I'm good at my job. I watch Jeoparday faithfully every night. I try to expand and improve my vocabulary everyday. I have a cursory knowledge of sports, literature and music and I love to read and learn about something new everyday. I feel like I'm a sponge. With that said... I think my brain is a turn off to men. I think guys take one look at me and they assume I have smarts...but perhaps they underestimate how smart I really am. (Then is relative. It's more intellegent and analytical more than anything). Men claim they want a smart woman. But....I think…

Why White Guys Don't Approach Me

I had a weird experience last week at work.

I was at a conference that had a variety of vendors. Next to me was a very attractive representative of the local banks. He was attractive…in the rugged, Ben Affleck kind of way. He chatted me up instantly and we talked the whole time. He even snuck me some Kit-Kats from another booth and said “If you get a sweet tooth” and winked. YES...the dude “winked”. I was totally flattered. I thought for sure this guy, at the end of the day, would ask me for my number. As I was amping myself up, adjusted my lipstick, fluffed up my hair (and boobs)…the guy walks over to me…shakes my hand and says...

“It was nice chatting with ya”

….and walks away.

I sat there flabbergasted with my mouth wide open. Seriously?? You talked to me the whole time. You FLIRTED with me doggone it! I flirted back with you…and what did you do?? You walked off. I wasn’t the typical “mean black woman with a chip on her shoulder”. Actually, I never am. I smiled. I laughed at his cornba…

"Ask A Man" about "The Number"

This week's "Ask a Man" question comes from Ru. She wants to know..

"Do men REALLY wanna know "THE NUMBER" a chick has? You know..THE number before you???? What is TOO MUCH? " Hmmm...felllas?

Cee (Man)
any dude that has a problem with a number needs to (1) check his own number, and then (2) watch the movie "Chasing Amy".
Mon at 6:50pm ·

Bwahahahahaha! , who REALLY asked this question. Even though I'm not a dude, I'll answer. No, NO ONE wants to know. They say they do, but they don't. I have no problem telling but I rather not because it starts shit and I don't want to know either because I get "images". Plus I think we're too old (and "experienced") for that. I'd want to know... See More if he was a virgin so I could slip out the back before it even started and never call again (don't want to deflower one and have em all attached, especially since I'm a no-go…

I'm Not Saying She's a Golddigger....

So everyone and their mom sent me this video from the Tyra Banks show featuring women (a few black) who were telling their daughters to "marry a rich man".....

(Watch the Video: Little girl w/ the Afro Puff is alright with me.....)

As a girl, I did not grow up learning to "marry for money"....ALTHOUGH...I wish more emphasis had been placed on finding a man who had "fiscal responsibility" as opposed to money. My mother always focused on making sure a guy "had his head on straight"...loved me...and was an overall good guy. She never told me to marry rich or up in class.....but I sorta wish she had. My parents were not rich...we were not dirt poor. BUT..we could have had better..and strive for better.. My father, conversely, was/is a tightwad on all things that DIDN"T concern him. I've always felt either extreme....severe fiscal irresponsibility...OR being severely niggardly are detrimental. Like I said...I WISH she had placed more emphasis …

Haikus: The Seduction Series

Doorstep first kisses
Lead to hallway first touches
“Can I stay tonight?”

“ Good morning love”
You so softly say and
Pull me back in bed

I can feel your lips
pressed against my skin softly
if only in dreams

You…in the mirror
Shaving your face…cut your hair
I smile watching you

Hand running through locs
Softly cascades down my back
River of onyx

The kitchen island
My back against cold granite
Love is our breakfast

Awkward Silences
Still permeate through the house
Like unanswered prayers

I was not ready
To receive the love you gave
Melting my ice heart

To imagine you
Is to know the depths of you
Versions of your soul

Your side of the bed
Grows colder by the minute
Your warmth…what I need

Your Lips Say Good Night
But the Rest of You Tells Me
Hello and Welcome....

"Ask a Woman" Question of the Week

....the subject is "Role Reversal and Marriage"

This week's "Ask a Woman"
"Would you, as a woman, ever propose to a man?" Hmmmm...ladies? Would you?

D.A No.
Tue at 10:39am ·

Dani No
Tue at 10:42am ·

Tue at 10:42am ·

Nope and nope and nope I'm old fashion. I believe in the chase...
Tue at 10:48am ·

Wow 4 No' modern women here? No women who shun "gender role" (I'm just stirring it up....LOL)
Tue at 10:49am ·

No. Hell no. Lol. I'm a mix of traditional and modern. But this is one tradition I dig.
Tue at 10:52am ·

Right now...i would say NO..cant do it. It's HE who findeth a wife. If i gotta give u a nudge..then you dont want me. BUT....if I was drunk enough and we were in Vegas. In other words..I can never say never.
Tue at 10:55am ·

Tue at 10:57am ·

Ru "HEYAL NO"...would you have to give HIM a ring? Or would he still get you one later?
Tue at 11:43am ·

@Ru..guess you'd…

The "Back Pocket" Girl

Your phone rings. You look at the caller ID , at first not recongnizing the number, and then you roll your eyes. It's him. You know him....the convo will be much of the same. Asking how you are..what you are up laugh a little at the jokes...that is.....until it rolls around to the inevitable.

You still single?

You let out a sigh and say..."Yes. And my answer was YES the last time you called me".

The dude laughs and goes.."Just know when I get ready to lock it down..I wan tit to be with you. You re wife know that right?"

Thus begins the "back pocket" check in.

We all know him. He's the man that calls you ever 3-4 months tio make sure you are still single. You entertain the convo and let out an exasperated sigh. You dont HAVE to be single. And there would be nothing stopping the two of your from having a relationship. You both are single. You both have great careers and goals. You both know what you want in a person …

I Can't Hardly Wait..

…until I love again. And when I do…oh boy! He better be ready. I think I’m ready (or at least almost there)… My heart is open and receptive. I’ve had time off to think about things…my mistakes. My good parts…and my faults. I hope I find someone who can enjoy all of me..fully.

… to be a wife again. I was a great wife. I’ll be the BEST wife possible the next go around. I’ve learned a lot of lessons. I learned that sometimes they have to lead. Sometimes you have to trust. Sometimes you have to walk by faith….in a relationship. This however...takes time

…to be a mother. I want to hold a brown bundle of joy in my arms. Smell them..kiss to them. Walk them to the bus stop….put their first band-aid on. I’m ready. I’ve been ready be persued. Deep down I am an old fashioned girl. Me trying to be all "modern" and asking guys out wasnt my style deep down

…to walk in my destiny. What God has for me it is for me. I am so ready

…to have sex that makes the beds rock. (Hey…just b…

"Ask a Man" Question of the Week

is about..."Dating and Standards"

Our "Ask a Man" question this week comes from Dani

"Men usually don't care about who they date..or who they sex (right??). But really..are there any situations/people that are "off limits" to most guys?"

Hmmm.... Fellas...??

Ok Dani..I'm assuming you mean we can exclude any and all "illegal" situations (LMAO).
Yesterday at 9:08am ·

Yes, and I'm not talking about men who are the "exception" lol.
Yesterday at 9:15am ·

Angel .
This answer isn't pc but my hubs said that in his single days, he would have sex with a girl another persuasion. But he wouldn't seriously date or be in a relationship with one. Too dramatic. Plus the whole not understanding 'me' thing.
Yesterday at 9:17am ·

Sooo Angel...he had no scruples about dating "other" chicks because he knew it wasnt going to get serious. Therefore, those chicks were not "off-limits" to h…

Crush Haikus

You are mystery
Wrapped up in an enigma
Please reveal yourself

The way your name rolls
Off my tounge is like water
Quenching to my soul

I ache for your touch
I imagine you kissing
The depths of my soul

I have not felt this
Emotion in a long time
Open to the thought

I wonder if you
Even notice the way I
Admire your beauty

I wont make a move
Until you make a move and
Move in on my heart

I wish I wasn’t
So afraid and so shy
To reach out and try

In my fantasies
Our love becomes palpable
Hope you feel it too

I daydream about
The way that you smell and taste
The sweetness of love

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

"Ask a Woman"????

I've been asked to do a "Ask a Woman" counterpart to my "Ask a Man" questions. Our first question comes from AJ . He wants to know "Women seem to go for style over substance every time. Explain to me why you always go for the "bad” guy (style) as opposed to the” good” guy (substance)? And when they say they w...ant a good guy and find him..they still end up going for a bad guy?"


I don't think it's true that women go for the "bad" guy every time. I haven't been with a bad guy, so I can't fully speak for these women who do this. However, if I had to guess, maybe they're looking for adventure and the "good" guy doesn't offer them that, or maybe they have a complex which draws them to bad guys. Maybe they feel they don't deserve a good guy. I don't know...just my thoughts.
8 hours ago ·

Guess I'll answer. Women like bad guys for the sense of "adventure" they bri…

Musical Interlude of the Week

Maxwell "Symptom Unknown"
Born Maxwell Gerard Manard Rivera in Brooklyn New York.... one of the neo-soul "godfathers" has staked his claim in the worlds of soul music as a pioneer and smooth crooner of all things silky, romantic, sexy and love. He exudes sex. He sells sex. He IS sex on two legs. Everyone remembers his "Urban Hang Suite" and the melodic sexual overtures and steam that was released from that LP. And after 3 other successful albums ( The Unplugged Album, Embrya, Now) ..and an almost decade long break..he came back with his finest album yet....BlackSummersNight....awesome piece of work as well. A recent Grammy winner (his FIRST Grammys actually if you can believe that...) he is deserving of all accolades.
Maxwell IS my favorite singer in the world. I mean it. ALtought I had been a fan for years, I just saw him in concert last year in Nashville at the famous Ryman Auditorium (the Grand Ole Opry). I saw him for the first time in concert after year…

"Ask a Man" Question of the Week about "Flirting".

The "Ask a Man" Question is a little early (usually ask on Mondays)..but. this question reminds me of the movie "He's Just Not That Into you" "Nell" would like to know "When is a man flirting....and when is he being "nice"? Because I mean...the signals can be mixed" Fellas, wanna tackle this?

D.S (Man)
Unless you are a blood relation, men are always flirting.But just cause he flirts, don't mean he wants what he's flirting with. He does it because he can.
Fri at 11:44am ·

EX-Husband (yep...the ex husband...LOL)
perfect answer. agree with DS. i was thought by the older men in my family to always compliment or flirt with a woman. you never know how you may make her day.
Fri at 11:48am ·

*side eye* @ Ex....flirting gets you in trouble, too.
Fri at 11:50am ·

@DS good answer!
Fri at 11:51am ·

@DS but doesnt that lead the female on though.. flirting because you can is a bit misleading.
Fri at 11:…

Off-Limit Love

You feel it
This attraction deep inside for someone
It's magic
Like the earth stood still when your eyes met
When the sound of his voice made your hairs stand on edge
It's sex on fire
It's smoldering sensuality

Just one little problem........

You Can't Have him

.....or Can you??

It's quite ironic really. Right after the post I made the other day abotu "crushes" little heart began to flutter and my mind started to imagine scenarios with a guy I've known a long time. You see...I dont know what it is just yet. Convos are small. Here and there. There's just something about him. I can't put my finger on it...and my finger isn't really what I want on IT anyway :) It's like a mystery...

One problem.

We have this friend in common...a close friend with close ties (almost like a relative)...and I REALLY think it would be VERY awkward to get something started with this person (esp since he knows me..our common friend...and I'm still very mu…

This Week's "Ask a Man"


On this week's "Ask a Man" blog series, our question comes from my friend "Tee Tee."

"If you have a you date your crush...or just let it remain a fantasy?"
Tee Tee
I can dig both sides... see if you let the crush remain a fantasy they can never disappoint but if you act on it and they do disappoint then you 'll never feel the same about the crush. IDK.. #imjustsayin... I dated my crush for 4 yrs.. still ♥ him 2 this day :) So go for it if you think it's mutual I guess :)

JD (Man)
Yeah, go for it if you can. Forget "What if's."

I married mine. I made my interest known and took it from there.

My hubby had a crush on me and well... here we are. lol.

No crush I've ever had (past or present) has manifested itself into a relationship.

Cee (Man)
I developed an immediate crush on this woman once on our first date... and, well... *looking at his wedding ring & smiling*

Tee Tee
Awwh @ all of u wh…

Musical Interlude of the Week

John Mayer Double Play
"Gravity" and "Your Body is a Wonderland"

I have a confession. I love John Mayer. I own ALL of his albums and I am a huge fan (not as big as I am of Maxwell....but still a big fan). There is something real, melodic and just gritty (and sexy) about his guitar playing and his lyrics. I close my eyes and pretend he is my "cool, white boyfriend who voted for Obama, smokes a little pot, and paints my toes". (OK..that might be a bit borderline crazy.......) He has so many good was hard for my to pick's my blog..I picked two! :) For a white boy born and raised in Conneticut (but lived a bit in my hometown of ATL after school), he has some soul!

I was first exposed to the Grammy winner on the album " Room for Squares ". I loved the whole album but the lyrics of "Your Body is a Wonderland" just struck with me. " You tell me where to go and...Though I might leave to find it...I'll neve…

Thoughts on Valentine's Day

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, I'd like to share a few thoughts on the matter of the actual "Day"....and what it implies..for me..and maybe even for you

What do the Divorced do at V-Day??

This is my 2nd Valentine's Day as a divorcee'. You know, I never did get into the whole "day" although I love what it represents. I never had a "valentine". Even when I was married and with my ex for seven years, we never exchanged gifts. The most we ever got each other was a card. I think we MAY have gone out to eat once or twice (I truly don't remember)...and the only flowers he ever got me were AFTER we were divorced.


The first V-dayI had sans husband, I actually had a date the night before. I had made it VERY clear that I felt first dates on V-day were bogus. I mean, let's face it ya'll! People present their best, most romantic disingenuous selves on the day due to the ramifications (i.e. Maybe she'll like me..maybe he'l…