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Showing posts from 2009

Adjustments..not Resolutions

The year is drawing to an end. I really DON’T like making “New Year’s Resolutions”. Instead, I’ll just make some “New Year Adjustments” Therefore:

In 2010…

I will finally do something that has held me back from being an adult...which is not give a damn.

I will no longer tolerate the excuse of “I just got busy” with men re: their disappearing acts and lack of communication. I’m sorry...I’m not here for your convenience or entertainment.

I’m taking brothers at face value. You want to “do me”. Fine... let’s cut to the chase so I can decide if ou are worth my time or not. I don’t need the “sweet talk” and altruistic motives if all you want to do is bone. That can be established in 2 conversations.

I will not feign excitement or longing over someone who won’t be excited over me. I won’t act like I miss someone who damn sure didn’t miss me. No...”Miss me?” won’t work. And no...I’m not “excited to hear from you”

Serial texters are OUT. Guys who actually call and want to date me...are IN.

I will not…

What We Can Learn from Strippers

Last night, I went out with a girlfriend and her guy friend to a strip club. It was supposed to be a far larger group outing but it ended up being small. We went to http://www.pinupsatlanta.net which is right around the corner from my house. It’s larger than most strip clubs…and in Atlanta...it’s about as normal as anything to see straight women and couples and friends having a blast at the strip club. The women are sort of secondary to the outing itself. But….they are still there. Ass clapping and boobs shaking all over the place. And in ATL…we get totally naked (which is why we might be the strip club capital of the USA…) I turned down dances with politeness...and some of the girls were really beautiful…others...looked like Gucci Mane… (LOL)…

In my observation of the scantily clad women and their moves…I feel we have a lot to learn from strippers and strip clubs in general. As I sat there swirling in Black and Mild smoke and the scent of Bath and Body Works/Victoria’s Secret Spray…..…

Changing Forward to the Past

As 2009 slowly comes to an end and the holiday season slowly draws to an end, I realize that so much has changed. Yet, is “real” change ever possible…..in regards to forgiveness.

My ex husband and I have come a very, very long way in terms of being cordial and forgiveness. You see, there was a time where I really hated his guts and wanted nothing to do with him. He broke my heart into tiny shards of bloody glass and I didn’t want to even speak to him. He tried to send me text messages..I’d send ones back..cursing. I didn’t want him near me. He sent flowers via my mother and I got so angry I threw them on the ground in front of my apartment (Later, I went back and picked them up…and sat them on my counter..). In other words, I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Earlier in the summer, my mother had gotten very ill and was in the hospital. We thought she had a stroke but it was due to improper dialysis. She asked for my ex husband and he came. At the time, I was seeing someone a…

Dating in the Recession: Tips for (and from) Brothers

Although President Obama says that the receission is almost over, times are hard. Everyone is pinching pennies and trying to make things stretch and meet. Especially during this holiday season, the recession can be especially tough. To make matters worse, dating during the recession (coupled with the holidays) makes things especially tough. But it doesn’t have to be that way at all. But trying to tell that to men is like talking to a brick wall.

Recently, I encountered a guy who was in a financial bind. He had been unemployed for some time. I found it strange that I had to pay for my own lunch or suggested any dates . Finally, when he asked to go out again for lunch, he refused to pay and even asked me to contribute my very LAST amount of cash to lunch. I was hurt. I felt like I wasn’t worth the time or effort. He later told me that he was quite ashamed for his behavior , apologized and said he was “barely” making it. I felt horrible yet understood.. Had he just been honest with me, I …

Still Running

One Year Ago Today…


It was a very cold day in Atlanta. The wind was blustery and I wore a brand new red Calvin Klein suit, matching red and black Calvin Klein stiletto pumps, a new attitude and my hair in a high bun. Red is my favorite color-my power color. It made me feel confident and protected. My red Chanel lipstick was the perfect match.

We rode to the courthouse in silence. The tension was palpable but no one wanted to address it. I mean, just a month ago we had signed the papers, had everything notarized and filed it with the court. So quick. 30 days. And I would go from Mrs. back to Ms. What was there to say?

We sat in the courtroom which seemed like forever, with other couples that were getting divorced as well. They seemed to be across all socio-economic backgrounds. But we appeared to be the youngest. He walked out for a while and I feared he wouldn’t come back. (He later told me he had contemplated just walking out. But what could what that have done…he didn’t need to be ther…

Sexless in Atlanta

I love sex. I really do. I have absolutely no qualms about being a sexual person or expressing myself sexually. I’m not shy. I’m not a prude…and never had I had a complaint. Some positions I do should be illegal…(LOL) It feels great when done right….But...I do have a confession.

I don’t want it anymore

Don’t get me wrong, if I get it and it’s good, I enjoy it. But afterwards, I feel so empty. It’s over with. They go home. I go home. The end. I feel like the character in Looking for Mr. Goodbar (except I don’t die...and nothing gets brutal...and there is no drugs…eh...so maybe that isn’t a good example) What’s the point of having sex if there is nothing deeper behind it? Yes, sex feels incredible. Orgasms are great…but at what (emotional) price. If I have to hurt my heart…is sex worth it?

I think after my divorce, I increasingly had given up on love. The men I encountered didn’t want anything more than a sexual relationship and those men who rarely wanted more than that; I didn’t feel any…

Wordless Wednesday

Me and my Cousin Tosha at the Stone Mtn.-Lithonia Kappa Alpha Psi Red Tie Soiree' 2009. (Yes..we look like twins...but I'm on the right!)

Strange Aphrodisiacs

aph·ro·di·si·ac
Pronunciation: \ˌa-frə-ˈdē-zē-ˌak, -ˈdi-zē-\
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek aphrodisiakos sexual, gem with aphrodisiac properties, from aphrodisia heterosexual pleasures, from neuter plural of aphrodisios of Aphrodite, from Aphroditē
Date: 1719
1 : an agent (as a food or drug) that arouses or is held to arouse sexual desire2 : something that excites


I am a romantic. There, I said it. I admit it. If you have been reading this blog long enough I’m sure you got the hint that I love love…I love romance. I love sex, too. And I love the opposite sex. No offense to my lesbian sistas out there, but something is so damn fine about a man-and especially a black man- that I find totally irresistible. But aside from the physical part of men, little things about them turn me on

But this blog is just not limited to the café-au-lait and deep mahogany that makes me weak. This is just about what I find as an “aphrodisiac” to the opposite sex-tangible and intangible.

Hair- I love hair. I love f…

A Grown-Up Christmas List

It's the time of year that I truly love...the holiday season! I love the hustle and bustle of the shopping malls...people finding that special "something" for the ones that they love. The shiny wrapping paper..the smell of gingerbread houses...and the sound of carols being sung... Being bundled up in the finest peacoat and scarf...and looking at Christmas trees in window displays...

Most of all..I get to write out my very own Christmas list. When I was a child, I asked for the best Barbie doll..or cool roller skates with lights....a new dollhouse...or even a new book to read (Ok..I was a little bookworm) and it would be a mile long. As I got older, I wanted all the coolest, hippest in electronics and gadgets , perfume and new handbags and accessories..and my list became smaller and smaller. I was specific and tailored my list to my needs. Gone where the days of running back to school to "compare notes" on what Santa got you this year...

I'm celebrating my fir…

Sexy Haikus

Decided to share some of my haikus.............I was bored and inspired at the same time....

Enjoy :)

He smells like heaven
Dancing on the tips of clouds
Please envelope me

Emerald eyes set
Inside caramel smoothness
Better than candy

Hot Caramel Sex
On a platter...serve me up
Double helpings please

You...theraputic
Like a balm for open wounds
Kisses make my heart heal

Slowly I taste you
Licking like a thirsty soul
Nourished by your wilds

Lying on my breasts
I feel your heart pulsating
With mine as one beat

See..Touch..Taste..Smell..Hear
You awaken my senses
From a deep slumber

Sailing between legs
Ocean...you enter my isle
Paradise shipwrecked

Tounge on tip of clit
Clit on tip of tounge...explodes
Breathless it leaves me

I say..."I'm coming"
You say.."Then come..baby...come"
Daddy...I'm all in

Fingertips graze...My
small of my back archs high
Like floating on air

Honest Scrap Award

Yakini of The Prissy Mommy Chronicles just gave me a blog award! How COOL!!! I feel honored! *cheese*

Now I have the honor of passing the award along to my favorite 5 bloggers!

The Skinny:
Say thanks and link back to the presenter of the award.
Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.
Present this award to 5 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me.
Tell those 5 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines upon receiving.

10 Honest Things:

I miss my husband. Yes, I'm divorced and I am cool with it. But I miss him dearly cause quite frankly I really miss "what could have been". To invest 7 years into dating someone and to have it all leave is so hard to do. No one loved me like my ex-husband did-good or bad. Being divorced made me feel like a total failure.


I HATE dating. There. I said it. It's a necessary evil most of the time. And I'm just not finding anyone who gives me but…

The New (Unspoken) Rules of Dating: An Observational Study in Male Behavior

As I enter my first full year as a divorcee, I have encountered some rather strange habits of the new breed of male species. Here is my run-down of my observational exploits in the dating world



1) The Phone Call Is Obsolete- Remember the days when your heart raced after you gave a guy number? And you waited by the phone for that all important “first phone conversation”? Well…gone are those days! They don’t talk on the phone. They say stuff like “I’m just not a phone person” or “I’d rather be hands-free”. Men don’t talk on the phone at all….which leads me to my next point….



2) The TEXT has replaced Human Communication- Instead of getting that first phone call; you get the “first text”. WTF! You can’t call and say sweet nothings? Instead, men want to have lengthy conversations via text. They even take out all of the fun of being sexy and alluring by instantly asking for “pics” and sending dirty texts along with their LOL smiley faces. They want to ask you out via text! Damn you SMS! You a…

Playing Your Position: A Mistress' Guidebook

In the wake of the recent extramarital affairs and mishaps of Steve McNair, John Edwards, David Letterman, and ESPN’s Steve Phillips’, I think that it may be prudent to write a little “handbook” on how to be a mistress aka a “sideline hoe”. I shall call this mini-book Hoe, Stay In Your MuthaF**king Lane.

Now, let me first say I am TOTALLY against cheating. As a divorced woman, I know how that can hurt whether it be emotional or physical. AND..I was confronted w/ the reality of the DUMBEST chicks on earth (LOL). BUT...if you are GONNA be a sideline hoe, there are a few things you need to know. And for the record, I’ve never been ANYBODY’s mistress… but based on observations of friends, my own experiences via family, funny quips from girls on my webgroups (Twitter, Chocolatebrides, Xanga, etc) and the media, here are some tips the HOE needs to follow.

1) You are NOT FIRST Priority- his wife will forever and always be first. He’s NOT leaving her. So get those fantasies out of your head. No…

A Follow-Up Blog: Click-A-Date

When we last left off, ya’ll, I had gone out on a total limb and met this fine, and caramel skinned Adonis at the coffee shop from a dating site. Well….he’s still around but….well...let me back it the story up:

After I met the man I now call “Green Eyes”, we talked for a while. I noticed that he'd much rather text or IM than talk on the phone. Hmmm...A bit of a red flag for me but in this age of technology, I really don’t expect me to be super talkative on the phone. We have talked...but maybe a total of 3-4 times. After our initial meeting, I sent him a text and said it was a pleasure to meet him. I didn’t get a response until the next day. I felt somewhat hurt that he didn’t appear to have the same enthusiasm I had felt. He asked me...”So…what was your impression of me?” And I said quite sweetly that I thought he was nice, handsome man and we had great conversation. He said he enjoyed talking to me and that he “had to stop himself from staring and drooling”. Interesting.

He consta…

Stepping Outside the Box: Click-a-Date

So my friend J, a tall, voluptuous Blasian girl that would put Kimora Lee Simmons to shame, suggested that I try internet dating. Now..I've been dabbling in the world of on-line dating (really on the peripheral) for a while.



I mean..back in the day, all the college kids used College Club and BlackPlanet. We even had sites for Greeks back in the day as well. All of that seemed rather safe. I mean if anything, with those worlds being SO small, you could have a safe checks and balances. It was invaluable to us as black students. We could connect with folks, sorors and frats. It was fun. I met a few guys from there (mostly fellow Greeks) and dated some long term. I even met my best, closest friends on the Internet. I even reconnected w/ my ex husband via Blackplanet (we had met like 2 years before when he came to my alma mater on a road trip). I digress.....



After the divorce, I had profiles everywhere. BlackPeopleMeet, Match, EHarmony, and even Yahoo. NO hits whatsoever. I even joined …

Commuter Realities

I take public transportation to work everyday. I don’t own a car right now (which often times seems like a liability in the dating world…btw) and I am trying to get my other finances and the PhD situation straightened out before I get into a loan for a depreciating debt. But I digress….

I get to work about 7:30 and leave work around 4:30. My commute isn’t long at all (about 45 minutes). Most days I sit and read a book or play around on my Blackberry to pass the time….trying to ignore begging drug addicts, rude teenagers, loud, boorish men, and other unpleasantries.

Yesterday, I sat on the bus and just looked around. I didn’t see a single man on my shuttle from work. Most of the women were black, older, round and shapely…Their hands were withered and labored. They breathed hard breathes, as if they had exasperated themselves completely. Some wore work uniforms, denoting their roles as custodial or cooking services. Some, like me, wore business casual attire. But they all had one thing i…

Because They Can

In talking to various men in my life (not necessarily IN my life, but just swirling around the peripheral of my life), I’ve come to an understanding about why men operate the way they do. Simply…

BECAUSE THEY CAN
I asked a male friend of mine why did he marry his wife and why is he staying? Innocent enough question. Is it monitary? Does she fulfill some sort of need otherwise? Is it a comfortable lifestyle? Is it her connections? He said “The truth is that I'm w/my wife for the same reasons I married her. She's been a good friend, a staunch ally through some really difficult shit, we have fun together, & I love her. Nothing superficial. That's not 2 say that it's been all rosy obviously. It's been horrible @ times, a lot of time. But those are the fundamental reasons that kept me fighting 4 the relationship in a nutshell.”

I’m sure some of you reading are going “Aww…that;s great”. Did I mention he’s been cheating on his wife for the past year (maybe more)? Yeah…………

Single Sistas Guide to Savvy Cuisine

So this week's Recipes were: Chicken Marsala with Capellini pasta and Sauteed Spinach (my own recipe) and Becca's Jalapeno Poppers



Thursday
I decided to change up my boring mid-week meal and do something a little "fancier". I did my research and compared some recipes and combined a few for this Chicken Marsala recipe.





Chicken Marsala
Ingredients
4 skinless, boneless, chicken breasts (about 1 1/2 pounds)
All-purpose flour, for dredging
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
4 ounces prosciutto, thinly sliced
8 ounces crimini or porcini mushrooms, stemmed and halved
1/2 cup sweet Marsala wine
1/2 cup chicken stock
2 tablespoon unsalted butter
1/4 cup chopped flat-leaf parsley


Directions
Put the chicken breasts side by side on a cutting board and lay a piece of plastic wrap over them; pound with a flat meat mallet, until they are about 1/4-inch thick. Put some flour in a shallow platter and season with a fair amount of salt and pepper; mi…

Fall Wardrobe Must Haves

I need to update my Fall Wardrobe. Here are a list of my Must Haves Gray Open-Toe Booties Gray or Burberry Print Wrap/Pashmina
Houndstooth Coat



Printed Tights by Hue
Over the Knee/Thigh Boots





RED Trench Coat (If I don't get anything this winter..this is it!)



Long sleeve Blouses (for work..of course)





Pencil Skirts (ShapeFX and NY and CO have some NICE ones)







Cardigans







2 New Pairs of Jeans (Guess and Nine West are the only ones that make me appear to have some junk in the trunk!)













Overhauling....

Every few years or so, I get into making myself a “project”. As in, transforming my entire look and I become a project. This usually occurs when some major milestone has happened in my life: joining my sorority, getting engaged, turning 25…turning 30...getting divorced. You name it; I celebrate my overhauling my looks.

About 10 years ago. I went totally and completely natural and chemical free with my hair. 5 years after that, I began my locs. When I was divorcing, I started losing weight and I changed up my style of dress, not trying to hide my figure and embracing who I am. And just this year. I went from brown locs to reddish-blonde to celebrate turning 30. My makeup went from pretty conservative to sometimes drama filled at times. Then back to pretty neutral (well. I can’t count make-up. That is usually when the mood hits me, depends on the occasion, etc.) I even got a new tattoo.

I need a major make-over. I mean..I feel fine. Still on the weight loss tip. Still working out. Still…

The "Relationship" Type

When you were born, you were born with a certain blood type. Most of us are O+, the universal donor. Some of us are O-, AB+, and even rarely, B+. We had no control over the blood type that we were born with….we have no control with the way we were created. We are who we are. It’s part of your DNA.

Much of the same can be said with the type of person you are when it comes to the opposite sex. Some are the “fly by night”types. Some are the “serial dater” types. Some are “wallflowers and recluses”. Some are the “sex and that’s it types”. Some are “non-committal”. A lot of this is shaped by life’s experiences but most of the times, it’s just who you are. But as for me, I am the “relationship type”. And I’m rather proud of that.

I had a conversation with someone about just having a “friend with benefits” and they laughed at me and said “I don’t think that’s your thing. You seem like the relationship type”. It wasn’t said with reverence or admiration. More of accusatory tone like “Ugh...you j…

When Your Ex Starts Dating..

How do you deal when your ex begins dating again……?

Recently, my ex-husband went on his first “real” date post-marriage. And strangely enough, I helped him plan the outing. I am sort of glad we are at that point in our relationship where we can just be friends and cordial.


He picked a place to have a massage...and then took her to a nice seafood restaurant in the city. We are very “Naomi and Sam” from Private Practice (minus the sex...obviously). I was sort of excited for him partly because it was like I was planning the ultimate date for myself. Despite the fact that we hurt each other in tremendous ways, I was glad that he was able to find someone that interested him and he wanted to show them a good time. After the date, he told me he had a great time despite the young lady not really speaking as much. This is hard because my ex husband is somewhat introverted so two introverts can’t just sit there and expect “magic” to happen. She even got the check at dinner (because he paid a pret…