Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from January, 2015

Feeling/Not Feeling: Feelings on 2014....

A Recap



FEELING

Happy. I am truly happy.Kendrick Lamar's "I". It's my theme for 2015Like my life is just getting started That's a good thing.Proud to be all the things I am in my life: wife, daughter, daughter-in-lawWigs. I am so into them now which is wild. I have my locs still but I do like the changeMakeup. Always will love a good lipstick. And aside from most shoes...the only thing that will never "not" (I know that's a double negative) fit.D'angelo has come to save Black Musicand Jazmine Sullivan will soon followMaking Wish  Lists on random websites. I mean I will prob never buy half this stuff BUT it allows me to "shop" w/ out spending money. SPeaking of which...Like I am making some great strides financially. Lots of sacrifice but it's paying off.Nude LipstickDARK lipstick. Like super plummyMakeup Dupes..because I am cheapSupporting black businesses. Esp black  beauty Lines.Being married. It is truly a lot of fun.  a low key Ch…

Empowered

Things just don't bother me the way they used to...


Case-in-point.


I was online reading for class, minding my own business when I received an instant message.

"Hey you".

I literally had to pause for a second. I saw the screen name and was instantly flooded with so many emotions.  Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Disgust. Worthlessness. But most of all... I was all like.."Really dude?"

Picture it.... North Carolina..... 2002....

Once upon a time I cared for this dude. And I don't even know why. We met haphazardly one summer.We had one less-than-romantic-mostly-lustful encounter over 10 years ago.  When I wanted more he said he was "an asshole" who "just wasn't built for a relationship". Although only being 35-40 minutes from me, he never would visit me again. And despite all of that..we kept in touch off and on ...all through Grad school...even when I was married...even after my divorce. He was the dude who was some ideal of what I felt a guy…

Where Have All The Besties Gone?

When I was younger... I remember my first best friend..or the person that I called my best friend. Her name was Winter Kingsberry and she was in my 3rd grade class. I think we were drawn to each other because we were sorta outcast. The more popular, bitchy girls didn't care for us, picked on us... and we sorta hung tight, sharing dolls, playing on the playground and reading books in the Library together... I thought surely she'd be my maid of honor in my fake wedding to El Debarge.

...then I transferred schools and we lost touch.. A school where I was intellectually challenged but here I was alone.  Hell..everyone was some kinda kid genius here. For the most part, even if I wasn't friends with them, I had known those people at my first elementary school since Kindergarten. It was a close knit neighborhood school. Now I was being bused across town to attend a very elite Magnet Program school. But I was alone. I tried to make friends..but I don't think it gelled that we…