If you based your judgment on rap music, porn, television, movies and covers of King magazine, you would think black folks are the most liberal, sexually free group of folks in the world. They show our bare, tribal breasts in the pages of National Geographic. We twerk on stage with big butts in front of millions. We make Instagram posts grabbing massive sized penises while singing slow jams. We are half naked at Carnival. We can talk about taking the dick and sucking the clit.... But we can't talk about the beauty of sex? Just the animalistic nature of it. The Primal. The Base....
And we are bold faced liars. And they wanna keep us that way.
Black people are so closed minded about sex/sexuality because the oppressor stripped that beautiful thing out of you, replacing it with shame. They browbeat us with religion, making us ashamed of our bodies. Calling all own black skins a curse. How on earth were we to be healthy and happy and whole about our sexuality in a hostile environment that labeled you beastly, wantonly, temptresses and used your bodies as economic breeding grounds? Used your bodies like you would a wash rag? Took advantage of you in any way possible and dared for you to tell! That labeled you black bucks and Sapphires. We've relinquished power so much so over our bodies that the oppressor has now co-opted out looks: the lips, butts and such. And had us fooled the entire time thinking it was worthless when in reality it was priceless. Biggest con is ever.
Carribeans and Africans burn gays in the streets. Call them "batty boys" and condemn them. They have to hide. And be ashamed. My husband told me his home island of St Kitts has banned sex toys. Why?? Now it's illegal to get your rocks off in the privacy of your own home. Colonialism is the real winner.
Church and society told us to cover up. That black bodies were ugly and nasty. Boys told to button up. Girls told to lengthen hem lines. They told us to hide who we loved for fear of eternal damnation. We could lead the choir but not get married to our partners because "it's an abomination". You became part of a community that damned you at 8 am service and praised you during choir rehearsal. You've been fed this puritanical ideal of being chaste and modest... when in reality... no one was thinking about your blackness when they created this model. Blackness automatically means unchaste and immodest.
And with a rise of the new movement of trans rights, black folks are left utterly confused and mostly unsympathetic. That's so odd how a group of oppressed people so easily succumb to group think.
We think it's all one in the same : gay, straight, bi, trans, asexual, queer, intersex and drag. We refused to learn the proper terms or be compassionate for fear of being labeled "one of them." We look ignorant and uneducated. The same oppressive logic our oppressors gave us when we had allies in our movement. You must be a "nigger lover" if you want equal rights for black people. You must be a homo if you want rights for those sexually different than you.You cant fight for HIV/AIDS awareness unless you are gay and with the disease??? Can't you just be a compassionate human being?
But what's so funny is that black folks are doing it all behind closed doors and thinking "that's some white people shit" and it's not. Sexual ritual and sexual difference have been around and apart of the African diaspora long before we entered this hemisphere. We've gotten it beat out of us by the bible, Quran and the law of westernized, colonized lands.
Don't get me wrong. We love us some us ... As long as that "us" fits within the binary the hegemony has presented to us. But everyone doesn't work that way. Including black folks. And we are blind to that.
So for every meme our there poking fun at a trans celebrity every dumb article, every stupid video, it pushes black folks back further and further. We claim we want to be seen as equals yet cannot demand equality for our LBGTQIA brothers and sisters hurting . We lambaste them, saying "your blues ain't like mine" as we fail to recognize that Blues comes with various shades of intersectionality.
We frown up at anything other than the norm: BDSM, polyamorous relationships, gender non-conformity.We cant even celebrate the differences of body type within our community. Not every woman is a coke bottle. Not every man is a hulking brute. Yet, we will allow others to exploit our bodies, creating an image of the "ideal", and we will exploit them too in the name of the dollar. We allow the "gaze" of others to dictate how we feel about ourselves and how we function as sexual beings. We aren't allowed to function outside of the paradigm of "wench/mammy.breeder/field hand buck" so often presented to us.
We can gyrate our ass. Pussy pop in a handstand. Twerk it for some dollars. But can't speak openly and honestly about what makes you tick. About who you love. And why any and all of that among consenting adults is ok.
We are a sad, repressed people. Until we can do better in addressing these issues, we will do future generations of young men and women a disservice by not allowing them to find their true, authentic sexual selves.
I hope one day we will get free and release ourselves from the bonds of sexual repression. It isn't 1815 anymore..........
Just a 30-something African-American woman living in the Deep South's largest metropolis (for now) who is a lover of all things shoe...the higher the heel..the better...who is also navigating the world of dating, mating, and all things in-between post-divorce.
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