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Showing posts from May, 2010

The Happy Divorcee

So upon encouragement of a friend (who also offered to pay for a month of service), I reactivated my Match.com profile. Now if you have been reading this blog for the past oh, year or so, you know that I really have not had the best luck in the world of internet dating. BUT...I decided to have a more positive attitude about my love life, to let go, and just have fun. Beside's..it is almost Memorial Day and the "Summer Boo" program is still in effect!
Well, I did a little revamping to my profile, added a few fun and cheery pictures (to reflect my otherwise cheery disposition! LOL), and changed a few key words. My profile heading was "Recent Divorcee looking for Something New (But MUST love Football)." I let my close friends on my private blog (Oh wait..you thought THIS was my only blog? Ha! LMAO!) view my profile, let me know what they thought,  and check out a few cuties that caught my eye. Most of my friends loved it and  I got pretty good feedback. Until, one …

NSFW: The Weekly Porn Review

You ever wanted to hook up a video camera and tape yourself?
You ever want to watch it back?
Do you pretend to be Janet Jacme?
Do you think it will turn you on?


Before you set up the tripod and mirrors in your bedroom, why don't you check out the pornsites and view a little....

Amateur Porn

This week's Weekly Porn Review is about amateur porn and how it can inspire you. (Note: There will be a few clips, including one listed above).

My favorite porn clip of all time is only 3 minutes long.Totally not professional and just stared two very freaky adults (and one very smoking hot dude included). Aside from the R. Kelly rocking in the background and the obvious appearance that dude probably lives with his mama considering the el-cheapo furniture....) But I like it. Dude is HOT. Girl has a great body, he moves her with one single motion into a position and he's open to a lot of creativity. It's basic..but it's hot. Esp. the part where he looks over in the camera for a secon…

Facebook: The Addiction to "Knowing" it All

Some things are better left unsaid....or rather...”un-taged" and "un-friended" when it comes to Facebook. When I think about Facebook…my own crazy mantras come to mind:




Facebook: ruining relationships to hell one tagged photo, status update, and wall post at a time.



Or



Facebook: making you want to strangle yourself with the mouse chord one “happy couple” picture at a time.



Or better yet



Facebook: exposing the lies of liars one wall post and tagged pic at a time.



Facebook doesn’t let you know that when you post these pictures, somewhere, someone out there knows the truth. The night of his wedding, you had one last romp with your ex. That cute baby may not be her husband’s. Your husband wasn’t on the fishing trip with his boys but his mistress took the picture. That new house that you all bought is now in foreclosure. That is the ugly truth behind social networking.



For me, Facebook has created this crazy addiction to "knowing" everything. I have GOT TO KNOW everyt…

Part III: You Don't Take Rejection Well

Time: About 10 am yesterday


Place: My office, working on a sh*tload of files



Scene: I am engrossed in my work..and of course..my cell goes off







Texter: Good Morning. Not trying to bug you are upset you. Just didn't get an answer to the last one.



***pause* for a good 20 minutes...I finally respond***


Me: Not Interested. Have a Good Day



Texter: Ok. You Too







***about an hr goes by..amd because boredom has sent in..I decided to respond albeit with a very evil slant***


Me: You know, it's quite unfortunate...because I loved to *CENSORED* your *CENSORED* in my *CENSORED*...and how well you *CENSORED*...but *sigh*..OH WELL....I deserve MUCH more than that. Take care huh! *smooches*







(Insert evil, diabolical laugh)


Texter: OUCH!!!! U are sooooo wrong for that. I miss the way *censored* and how *censored* BUT...I also miss talking to you, your advice and point of view, your cooking. U will always be the good one I let get away



Me: (not moved by any of this). Really??? WOw..you must have me confus…

Desperately Seeking Arrangement

Since my blog was getting rather dry, I decided to ask my friends for some help on some topics to spice up the blog. I like to bounce ideas off of them...see what perspectives they have.

My friend Maria, whom I've mentioned before w/ her dating advice on Interracial dating, sent me an e-mail:

OMG!  do you remember when I was going hard looking for a Sugar Daddy???


 I should have gone to this event I got invited to, but I just saw the email this morning. SHOOT! i could have sent you play-by-play...

If it ever comes up again, I'll spruce myself up and go. (And a guy I was messing with took me to Merchants before... it's HIGH class. i would have needed massive notice to get all done up - eyelashes, eyebrows, done my hair, mani/pedi, cocktail dress... *sigh*)


I looked at the site she sent me for a "Seeking Arrangement" Party. The description read:

The Seeking Arrangement Party


Sugar Daddy: $80 at the door


Sugar Baby: $25 at the door






Event starts at 6:00PM, but will continu…

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling



Chocolate Milkshakes w/ Whipped Cream on top The Hawks firing Woodson...(Finally! LOL)dental hygeine compliments from men who want nothing....just a sincere compliment.Baseball games in the summer.mobile wireless... beach weddings Chris Webber (He's still fine.....mercy!) The Varsity onion ring Opera music. finally decorating my place, making it feel "homey" outdoor concertsThis song....*sigh*






Not Feeling



ATL Only have 1 major sports championship. WE SUCK!being in church past 1 pm (12 noon on a good day!)actually..I havent been to church since LAST summer. Jeesh..."MANdals" UGH! Men cover your feet, dude!writer's blockmy work being interrupted...when I get in a zone. hood weddings in the front yard. the only people that hit on me are old, crazy, hood or lesbians. another dateless, boring weekend people burning food in the office microwave my laptop screen going black (or white, or blue or whatever) for no reason! whatever "this is" I'm fe…

Swallowing: More than Saying "Aaah"

I actually got an e-mail the other day from a reader (my very first one):

Dear Mocha.

 I've been married for 3 years. I love having sex with my husband but...just one thing. I won't swallow when giving head. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but I dont think I can stomach it.  I'm afraid. and he's offended and thinks I'm not "feeling" it. I know I should. He's my husband! Do you have any tips?

Well, dear reader, mastering the art of oral sex (head)  isn't just about movement of a chick's tounge. It's about lip/ tounge ratio. It's about avoiding your teeth and ample deep-throating (and a lack of gag reflex if at all possible).  It's about lung capacity. And yes..the wetter, absolutely, the better. But...this blog post isn't really about that.

***WARNING***: The rest of this blog is for the ADULT and SUPERGrown. Viewer Discretion is advised.
This blog is about what most (black) women fear and only a small percentage are actually …

An Ode to Assholes: Haikus

What makes you think that
You can call me and text me to
Death…Over some booty.



13 inches of

pleasure... totally wasted

On an idiot.



You sneak and text me

While your girl isn’t looking.

Your d*ck pics are wack!



Our first date was shit

I order my food and paid

You lack social skills



We never belonged

Yet you made me feel like an

Exclusive dummy



I wasted all of

My time, energy…and most

Of all…stilettos.


Tears run down my face

You aren’t worth the energy

Fucking up my MAC



You remind me of

A lovely R&B song…

“I don’t want no scrubs”



An asshole is what

You are. And just about as

Full of steaming shit.

Give Away #2: Just In Case Condom Compact + Trojan Ecstasy Condoms

Sex and the Southen Belle is SO EXCITED to present our 2nd Give-Away:



Just In Case, Inc. Condom Cases.




You guys have no idea how EXCITED I was for May to get here! I was literally couting the days as soon April 30 was here! As you may recall, I did a blog earlier about the condom cases and well....here we are!! I can go on and on about how WONDERFUL their products are. but....why do that when a VIDEO is so much better:




*EDIT*: The Makers of Just in Case Compacts have informed me that the Just in Case II also holds Magnum-sized condoms nicely :)

To Enter:




• Watch my YouTube Video. Subsribe to my YouTube Channel and Leave a  comment on my blog  (no video required) responding to the question: "How Do You Take Control of your Sexual Health?"





Extra Entries:



• Become a follower of my blog (via Google Friends Connect, Feedburner or NetworkedBlogs). If you are on Facebook and a friend, make sure you SHARE this give-away on your wall

 Subscribe to my Youtube channel. Leave a video blog re…

Part II: Are you Mentally Retarded?

Time: around 2 pm


Place: Sitting at my office.



The Scene: I am sitting here at my desk, processing paperwork and my text message goes off







Texter: Really don't wanna hear from me anymore??



Me: * looks at phone angry beyond belief* I am sorry. Maybe you didn't understand. I thought I was clear. Because of the fact that you were not honest, I do not see the need for further communication. That coupled with the fact that your inconsistency to be a gentleman, court me properly, and the inability to communicate effectively.



Texter: What happened to being friends? When was I ever not a good friend? I was honest. But ok. I respect your decision Good luck to u and in school.



Me: You and I apparently want different things. I do NOT want a "friend with benefits" and I was VERY clear about that when we met from the jump. Thanks for the well wishes



Texter:I never did either. I want a friend. And see where it leads. Sex was never a requirement.



Me: Riiiighhhht. But you damn sure didnt…

This is NOT a Romantic Comedy

My absolute favorite genre of movie (aside from action/martial arts/thrillers and foreign films) is the romantic comedy. I can sit all day and watch movie after movie (and don't let it be British ....goodness! LOL). I laugh. I cry. I root for the underdog (and the chick is always the underdog most times). I anticipate any and each romantic movie that strikes my fancy.  It always goes in a very formulaic way:

Boy Meets Girl in a very "cute meet" (movie slang for how a guy and girl character meets)
Boy and Girl fall in flirty situation then say.."Let's be friends" (or adversaries or what not). This is where things get tricky.
For whatever reason..boy cant have girl (or vice versa) due to some situation, all coupled with some hijinks, mad-capped adventure, comedic situations, and slapstick humor.
Boy and Girl struggle to get over their romatnic feelings and come to the realization they can't be apart from each other, but not before more shenanigans.
Finally..so…

You Give Up? Please Do

The Time: about 7 pm on Mother's Day


Place: my living room



The Scenario: " I am watching Fox Sunday line-up in my PJ's....and my text message goes off"



Texter: "Hi Sexy"



Me: *frowns*....doesn't respond. Then thinks..."Let me get this off my chest once and for all" I respond "Yes, Hello??"



Texter: "How are you?"



Me: "I'm well...and you"



Texter: "Good. I still wanna c u one day"



Me: That's it. I've had it. I respond "Actually , I'm not interested in seeing you. I actually saw your FB status that you went from "in a realtionship to single". Not trying to be your "in between chick". Hope things work out for you.



Texter: I was always single. My status was in a relationship for years since I broke up with my ex. One day a couple weeks ago I was feeling really lonely so I decided to finally change it and comment on it"



Me: "Ok Dude. I'm getting a PhD not a HS di…

3 The Wrong Way

Fellas..what is the obsession with the threesome??

I mean really.................I don't get it.

Actually..I take that back. I get it. It's hot. It's nasty. It's "a dirty little secret". It's naughty. It's "forbidden and tabboo". It let's greedy guys have a variety It adds spice to an otherwise boring relationship.  You get your pick of various vaginas and penises (if you so choose..but two guys and a girl rarely happens).  Men love the idea of using their tool to "punish" more than one chick. And the idea of two really hot women (rarely does these fantasies involve butch, hard lesbians)
 licking and sucking each other off is a turn on to most men....if not all.

This one guy said that  he feels most women are bi or have bi tendancies. I dont think so. While I appreciate the female form, I just feel like that is too many boobs and asses in the area Besides, you have to factor in attractiveness. You cant pick any old chick. And se…

Intended Purposes

Last Monday Morning

I looked outside and it's raining buckets. I let out a huge sigh and said to myself  "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down" ....packed my Jimmy Choo's in my bag, threw on my rain boots, grabbed my packed lunch, and opened my coat closet

...and there it was. Hanging there. Bright and shining and pure perfection of couture..... I had only worn it once before. Yet, there it was. Almost brand new with that "new clothing smell"

My red trench coat.

*sigh*

My parents actually bought me the trench coat as a birthday present this year.  I had been sweating a particular garnet shade in a very well tailored trench. I squeeled with delight when I got it as a gift. Yet, I was disspointed I had to pull it out for its intended purpose of shielding me from the  actual rain becuase well.... ..that's not what I wanted this trench coat for.


I was thinking more along the lines of...well...about using it for this:



Yeah. A shame given that my parents…

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling
 Free Concerts in the park in the summerNYC in the summer (Gotta get back there)NYC Subways my lips. They are pretty nice the more that I look at them.
the fact that I WILL NOT have to pay for school. PRAISE GOD!being 40 in 9 years. I think I'll be a pretty hot cougar :)laughing more. (I dont do that enough really)steals and deals at my fav store..Ross (ok..and Marshalls..and TJ Maxx..)trying new restauraunts and foods...picnics (although I've only been on one w/ a lover/partner)IMAN cosmetics (especially bronzer).video blogs (I promise to do more)going on 9 months of no nookie (I've made peace with it)gay clubs and bars...they play the best music my wedding CD. It still jams pretty hard.



Not Feeling

The fact that I gotta wait months for another Maxwell CD. BRING IT!!where my HS boyfriend is. I am truly worried about his well-being...Blackberry doesnt hold a charge for shit!the fact that the news is talking about how the car bomb  in NYC SHOULD HAVE been executed. How d…

The Law of 3 aka "The Trinity"

There is a simple law of nature and natural selection and beauty. It's called the "Law of 3" aka . "The Trinity".
Fellas..all in all..it's about the "Law of 3" aka "The Trinity". NO WOMAN has the trinity (Ass, Legs/Thighs/Hips (yeah..they are grouped into one), and Boobs) without some other apparent flaw. She never has all 3.  That is how natural selection of beauty works. Usually women get 2 out of 3 blessings in those departments in the natural selection process.
If she has nice legs/hips and big boobs, she has no ass (like me...BONUS: I have an incredible face and good bone structure).. If she has nice ass and hips/legs, then she has no boobs.
(like Beyonce...no boobs whatsoever...corns on her feet...terrible weaves....but she also has a nice face...and light skin..so...she's up there) And if she has ALL 3..her face is MUCKED (such is the case of Serena Williams-amazonian body, face like a defensive end).
OR if she has all 3..and a fl…

Orgasm on Aisle 9

I love the grocery store.




No..I REALLY love the grocery store.



I have ALWAYS had a good relationship with food. I never was bulimic or anorexic. My mother never had to fight or bribe me to clean my plate or eat my veggies. I love the way food feels when it slides down my throat and makes me stuffed to the point of wanting to pop. I'm obsessed with recipes and Foot Network. I love food.


That being said, I love the grocery store (and more specifically my local farmer's market). I walk in and the chilly air hits me and armed with my very color coded lists, I walk each and every aisle and get excited....almost like I'm high.. I smell the fruit. I sneak and taste a strawberry before purchase. I smell the imported chocolates.. I pick up some new, exotic spice I want to try. I taste every sample that's on display...I close my eyes and inhale and taste.....(because that's how you really taste...with all of your senses...) and I fall in love with something new every time I g…

Willing Suspension of Disbelief

So...I am REALLY excited to see the movie Just Wright that's coming out May 14th with Queen Latifah, Paula Patton, Pam Grier, Phylicia Rashad and most of all...that sexy, tall drink of Caramel Latte Common. *fans self* (Clearly, Common is the selling point of the entire theatrical experience)


The concept, however, is well......unrealistic. And do I really wanna pay almost $10 to go see a Lifetime movie??? This is from Queen Latifah's FB page:

Come peep me as I play LESLIE WRIGHT , a straight—shooting physical therapist who gets the gig of a lifetime working with NBA All—Star Scott McKnight (Common). All is going well until Leslie finds herself falling for Scott, forcing her to choose between the gig of a lifetime and the tug—of—war inside her heart. Oblivious to her romantic overtures, McKnight is instead drawn to the affections of Leslie's gorgeous childhood friend Morgan (Paula Patton — PRECIOUS), who has her sights set on being an NBA trophy wife. Is Leslie destined to p…