Sex and The Southern Belle

Ya know, there were two cardinal things that my mother told me never, ever to talk about with my girlfriends when I got married: 1)    You and your husband’s finances: Unless folks wanna put MORE money in your pocket…WTF can they do for you. 2)    You and your husband’s sex life. If you start talking about it…you will lose it. Save it for a therapist if you having problems. And if it’s good, keep smiling, and keep it to yourself…unless you want the next woman to have it. Now, because of unforeseen events, I had to call on my girlfriends for some financial help. So #1 went out the door. But those were trusted confidantes that really didn’t expect to go blabbing about how they helped me. But #2….with all my heart I kept that close to the vest. I never ever shared how my husband and me had a great OR bad sex life. To this day, no one will know that except me and my ex husband. That is the truth. But nevertheless…some people really share too damn much. And your ...

Dating is hard enough. It is even hard if in your circle of friends you are the only single person (or in my case, a newly single person….).   Usually when chicks are dating, it’s not so bad. But as soon as they get married, it is as if their brain cells took a hiatus and they forgot what it was like to be single. They have no idea how to interact with you when you are lamenting about the ups and downs of your relationship. I was married once. NEVER and I do mean NEVER did I say the words “Oh lord..I am SO GLAD I am not single” when talking to a single girlfriend. It is hard enough to be single. It is even harder to have it rubbed in your face, intentionally or not by some “well-meaning” friend You know something, I think I may have to just cut my married friends off for a while. I know they THINK they mean well. But in reality, you are doing more harm than good. So, in the meantime, if you want to converse with   us, and we want to vent on our relationships or dati...

#Good Idea commitment; realizing you are involved in a relationship communication cuddling do what you do when you did what you did  to actually believe in the power of love understanding that all the days won't be perfect take your time and really make love to remember that it's always the little things for the woman to realize that a man is only " one man " for the man to understand that " Superwoman " was a cartoon #Bad Idea to exit the room once your significant other enters to believe that love alone pays the bills checking phone records, mileage, underwear thinking that farting is funny to remain friends with your ex insecurity; not everyone wants to sleep with your mate overcrowding; fresh air is always good cheating choosing to remain in a bad relationship telling your friends all of your business

Everyone likes exclusivity: Sororities. Country Clubs. Posh restaurants with exclusive dress codes…the Hall of Fame. We all want a place to call OURS that only WE and a select few can belong to. Black women these days want to belong to a myriad of “members only” establishments-namely “First and ONLY Wives Club” and “Mommy’s only”. When I was married, I found myself part of that exclusive club albeit briefly. The “I won’t be a statistic, I’m an educated black woman who found someone and that someone found good enough to marry” club. I was fast-tracking it to several other exclusive memberships: the homeownership in a nice neighborhood club, the “vacationing w/ couples and having adult play date” club, the “always have a built-in plus one” club, and finally, the all-exclusively grandiose golden club of “Motherhood” which is akin to something like The Links, The Girlfriends, Junior League, and any other elite social-service club you could think. That all changed on December 1, 2008...

I was up late one night watching Cinemax (oh no...It wasn’t Zane or anything. LOL). I was watching a movie called “ The Girlfriend Experience ” with a real-life former porn star Sasha Gray making her major film debut as (what else) a call girl named Chelsea who gets paid to give men the “girlfriend experience”. Directed by acclaimed director Steven Soderbergh cinema verite style (he’s the director of Traffic, Erin Brocovich, etc), it chronicles a time right before the 2008 election and how a woman is trying to balance the normalcy of having a boyfriend with her clients. Often times, she has an inability to separate the two worlds causing her to pretty much lose feeling for anyone around her. Now…how does this relate to my blog you might ask…..? As you all know, I’ve been on a series of dates this summer, I dubbed it “100 Dates of Summer” but in actuality, it was only about 6 (LOL). Nevertheless, the point of it all was to get out, meet more people and just not be so shy and be op...

I was out with a friend (strictly platonic) this weekend having a marvelous lunch. He’s in a fairly new relationship and I guess he is thinking about taking it to the next level with his lady friend. I was all giddy and he was asking me questions about marriage, divorce and post-divorce. He was quite candid actually. He said he took issue with the way his lady friend carried on with her ex-fiancé. He found them far too close to be carrying on that way- the intimate calls, wanting to be BFF’s, texts all times of the night, hanging late night, etc. I nodded my head and understood what he meant. If he’s thinking about proposing, then surely that behavior just won’t do. He was genuine and concerned. “What are the RULES for this??” While I assured him that ex’s can be friends without anything more, there have to be some ground rules in place when you are in a NEW relationship. It took me back to a time when I was married and how the stuff that people did (Well…FRIENDS of my ex husban...

Why tell a lie when you don’t have to? What makes you think a lie of omission isn’t a lie? It's STILL a lie..... Scenario 1: I think I told you all about the dude I met via the dating website. We didn’t work out. Actually, his behavior turned from positively weird and strange to downright disrespectful. All he did was text and never call. He was VERY cheap which made me think he had a cheapened view of women (and me in particular).  I did some cyber-snooping and realized dude had a girlfriend the whole time. (Actually, It wasnt even difficult to find because social networks tell EVERYTHING.) Even took her on a Caribbean trip to his “homeland”. I found it strange that his page said “in a relationship”. When asked what that meant, he said “Oh just to ward off folks”. Trust me I wasn’t dumb and sort of fed dude out of a long-handled spoon afterwards. Recently, he decided to contact me via text (he never called always texted which was also strange and disrespectful and lacked s...

You feel it This attraction deep inside for someone It's magic Chemistry Like the earth stood still when your eyes met When the sound of his voice made your hairs stand on edge It's sex on fire It's smoldering sensuality Just one little problem........ You Can't Have him .....or Can you?? It's quite ironic really. Right after the post I made the other day abotu "crushes"...my little heart began to flutter and my mind started to imagine scenarios with a guy I've known a long time. You see...I dont know what it is just yet. Convos are small. Here and there. There's just something about him. I can't put my finger on it...and my finger isn't really what I want on IT anyway :) It's like a mystery... One problem. We have this friend in common...a close friend with close ties (almost like a relative)...and I REALLY think it would be VERY awkward to get something started with this person (esp since he knows me..our common friend...and I'm...

As 2009 slowly comes to an end and the holiday season slowly draws to an end, I realize that so much has changed. Yet, is “real” change ever possible…..in regards to forgiveness. My ex husband and I have come a very, very long way in terms of being cordial and forgiveness. You see, there was a time where I really hated his guts and wanted nothing to do with him. He broke my heart into tiny shards of bloody glass and I didn’t want to even speak to him. He tried to send me text messages..I’d send ones back..cursing. I didn’t want him near me. He sent flowers via my mother and I got so angry I threw them on the ground in front of my apartment (Later, I went back and picked them up…and sat them on my counter..). In other words, I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Earlier in the summer, my mother had gotten very ill and was in the hospital. We thought she had a stroke but it was due to improper dialysis. She asked for my ex husband and he came. At the time, I was seeing someone ...

Me and my Cousin Tosha at the Stone Mtn.-Lithonia Kappa Alpha Psi Red Tie Soiree' 2009. (Yes..we look like twins...but I'm on the right!)