September 25, 2013

Pans, Bands, and Sammies

So it was floating all around Facebook and social media today..the article from the NY Post about a young black woman, Stephani Smith, a page six reporter for the very own Post that publishes this foolywang article, who declares that she wil make 300 sammiches for her boyfriend to propose to her.



Let's file this under: Girl..you are DTM (as my fiance' would say): DOING THE MOST... *side eye*

 I know women who have done FAR MORE..for FAR LESS...but MochaPeach is not the one.

Now..before I go into a feminist tirade...trust me...I won't be doing that.  My fiance' and I LOVE to cook together. Food is our way we communicate our love to each other.....but honey girlfriend..was doing a lot. I can count the number of sandwiches I've made Beau....and I got a ring.... *shrug* Hell...all that man wanted from me was potato skins......real talk. ANd I made them....

...and here we are.

But I digress. After I read the opening line of the article...talking about "You've been up 15 min..you could have made me a sandwich"..I was SO DISGUSTED. Homegirl was/is going out her way to make some very creative and delicious sammishes..... I was like.."for real?? We making tuna rolls in cocktail dresses now??" Chile boo......

Let me summarize my feelings about this article.



1)  His whole approach irritated the shit outta me. The whole "you've been up 15 min..... make me a sammich" is so damn sexist. Maybe she should have left that out of the article. It wouldn't have made the fiance' anymore likable..but still...



2). But what if she makes all these sandwiches and then she gets to sandwich 299 and he's like "I'm good. I’m doing Paleo now”. PEACE. LOL. What is she going to do???  What if he's all like "Sandwiches are SO last year...I am into soups now. PEACE!" Is she going to make 300 bowls of soup??? I doubt it. 


3) She is delusional. Her man looks NOTHING like Skaarsgaard. If anything, he looks like old' dude from Wiki leaks. And I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder...but she must have a glass eye. 


4) unless she can miraculously make a sandwich that tastes like pussy....there is no magical "formula" to getting engaged. It's not a sandwich. It is not if you can even cook or not (because I know PLENTY 
of no cooking b*tches with rings)...and why be with someone who dangles an "engagement" like a carrot based on sandwiches....

5) She is making some GREAT sandwiches but is limited cause her man has these WIERD ASS food requirements/dislikes (like avocado that is SLICED. but he will eat it mashed...what kinda fu*ck shit!). I'd had to be stifling my creativity. Besides. If you have to make 300 sammiches..how can you get creative with limitations?

6) On the flip side...sista..you gotta do MORE than some sammiches...the man was cooking gourmet meals for you. Can you at least roast a chicken or something? Isn't he going to get tired of sandwiches??? The joke in the "hood" is "Pans will get those BANDS"  (as in wedding bands) and that might be true...but hey.... *shrug*...gotta be more than sandwiches.

7) She must want a book deal or a show or something. I mean...this is highly personal.... and she put it all out there....douchey BF and all.. (OK..dude could be a really nice man....but his approach was asshole-ish) I cant explain any other reason to  make something that's "our thing" private. My fiance' and I have some very private things we do, some that may raise an eyebrow, so I'll be damn if I share them.


I kind of feel bad for her. I am sure she thought this was a "cute little anecdote" and fun experiment (sorta like chick who did Julie/Julia) that might get her a little noteriety..a book deal...a cooking show. I mean..it has folks talking which is great.....it has the feminist wagging their tongues..and women wondering "Should I make that Bahn Mi sammich???" and "What is Bahn mi?" ..and dumb ass dudes saying "Hey women..go make me a sandwich!!" To say she is "124 sandwiches" away from an engagement ring sorta trivializes the entire "bethrothal" process...right down to a ham and cheese! smh Excuse me... a croque monsieur..... (or madame. I made that for my own fiance' for breakfast...that is just a ham/egg/cheese lol)

Cooking is a very personal thing. It should be done with love and care, even if it is just a sandwhich. While Ms. Smith declares that sandwiches are her man's "love language"...if you are doing all of this for a means to an end...then is it really done out of love and reciprocity? And cooking indeed can be seductive and sexy...but it shouldn't be "manipulative". I am surprised she didn't add a little "Suge Avery pee" to his lemonade or a tampon to his marinara sauce......

I would have enjoyed reading a blog about how TERRIBLE a cook she is...and how maybe her and her fiance' cook together, learning from and with each other, and bringing them closer together.  Perhaps she starts with sandwiches and expands to pot roasts..... I dunno.

Which brings me back to my own fiance'....and how we really feel like a team. It's a shared partnership. We cook together...for each other. Give and take......without any "pay off" sometimes. I dont expect one except Beau being happy and appreciative. I didn't get engaged because I could make a mean turkey pesto panini...or I made my highly-requested, drool worthy potato skins.

I think I got engaged because we "cooked" in other ways....we had heat inside the kitchen....and outside of it...

No formula or sandwiches required.

I guess what I am trying to say is...do something out of love.....not out of obligation.


...and leave the sandwiches for "post-coital" refreshments only.


September 19, 2013

Thursday Tunes: Tamar Braxton "The One"

"It's been a long time..I shouldn't have left you..without a dope beat to step to...."

I know! I know! I haven't done a "Thursday Tunes" in forever and a day! But  life gets in the way...


But I got two words for you: Tamar BRaxton!

The younger sister of diva songstress Toni Braxton is holding her own with her release "Love and War". And I am so here for it. So are my gay homies who love Tamar and find her to be so over the top! Like a drag queen without the man parts! LMAO!

But enough of her dramatics..the girl can SING! Period. No denying that...even if you hate her drama her voice is undeniable!

I loved her new album. I ran out and pre-ordered it..... and I INSTANTLY fell in love with the opening track, her second single "The one". She samples Mtume/Biggie's versions of "Juicy"...and it works SO WELL here!

It is a FUN song...and I LOVE IT. The video for it is super cute as a very pregnant Tamar is show frolicking with her "guy" and enjoying life..he is..of course.."The one".

The lyrics are cute and simple too. My Fav Line:

 I reminisced the way we kissed
It felt so personal
You took the chance to get my love and now you know


Maybe because it makes me think of the "beau" and our first kiss...but I just love this song.!! Go in TAMAR and let have, girl!!!



September 17, 2013

No Room for "Space" in Marriage



Me and my fiance' had a bit of a disagreement last week...

No. I wont get into the details of what it was about because that is between us. But I will say I learned a valuable lesson.

(This is a bit of a paraphrase/mash-up of the situation but bear with me...the lesson still stands)

I had my arms folded. My lip poked out (not in a snotty 13 year old kind of way but in a tired, old Grandma frustration kind of way). I walked in the door and didn't say a word to him. Not even hello. I heard him say "Well hello to you too............" and I closed my door. I took off my clothes and got in bed. I figured it was best I just avoid him.....give him some "space" before I blew it up out of proportion.

Later, he climbed in next to me and I was asleep, truly asleep. He leaned over wearily and asked "Are you awake?" I groaned and grumbled, upset my sleep was disturbed and said "I WAS ASLEEP" in my most annoyed voice. He sighed. He tried to talk to me and I didn't say much............He wanted to still cuddle.  I told him I needed some space. And he most vehemently declared..

"Babe...you don't get to have space in a marriage".


I sat there kinda of frozen. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, but his words hit me nonetheless. I wouldn't admit it then...but he was right (Ha...!)

Prior to my fiance', I had been single almost 5 years. 5 years since I shared my space with another person, another man. It had been just me for a while and I was very much used to the concept of that. If I got upset with someone I was dating, I could just stop talking to them., I could get my space and retreat into my thoughts and be done.  And when I married the first time, that ol "I need space" thing used to work. My ex never fought me. Just left me alone..........and occupied his time with something or someone else.

I also realized that the ol "I need space/don't talk/retreat" tactic was something I saw my father do far too many times. It was cold. It was hurtful and it was unnecessary.  We truly do learn all the "crap" from our parents.

I can't do that now. Old habits have to die fast in something new....And I really shouldn't have to.

As I looked around my almost packed apartment, I realized I was transitioning. Size 15 shoes and XL shirts in my closet. A G Shock watch on the dresser. I started to laugh. God was like.."See.....look..you asked for this..so deal, chick!"

Look....it's true..I asked for this. I asked for someone to share this space with me. And here he was...wanting to share. Wanting to talk. and  I just wanted to be alone. It's a 1 bedroom..I cant be alone. And even if I had a mansion.....there is no such thing as "space". I could go away for the weekend. He could go to his "man cave"...regardless..we will have to be in each other's most valuable piece of real estate: our hearts. He's going to be there..24/7. HE is going to be there to argue..fuss..fight..and minister, support and laugh with me. That's his job. That's OUR job as a couple. We need to be in each other's space. It's how you do a "check" on if things are ok.

I realized then that space is just another word for "isolation". No one wants to be isolated in a relationship. It just doesn't work. I said "yes" to spending the rest of my life in his space.....I should allow him in mine, good or bad. He's the dude I want to rock with for the next 50 years or so.... He makes me laugh. I can talk to him about anything without  judgement... Why would I want space from that? He's my natural oxytocin.


There is no such thing as space in a marriage........no place for it.

So I am here for a little "crowding"............. :)

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