Sex and The Southern Belle

*blows the dust off this blog again* You know.. I am so terrible at blogging. *sigh* I wish I could tell you some fantastical story that I won the lottery and I just was trying to get used to being rich and having a driver... but that isn't the case. I haven't blogged because I have been very busy. I am still in school. I have my comprehensive exams end of October. I am developing my prospectus. And I am working still.. full time and involved in big projects. I am still adjusting to being a wife.... along with other things. And trying to work out a schedule that allows some self-care. It's tough. And although I love Wonder Woman... I cannot be her 24/7 . Shoot.. I can't even watch TV without feeling a tiny bit guilty... I guess Scandal has to wait. I go through moments where I feel great about life.. and then moments where I feel like at any moment it can all come crushing down on my head. There are things going on in my life that I am so delighted about. ...

"She taught me the birds and bees! She taught me how to be a woman. When it was that time of the month, I didn't go to my mom. I felt comfortable going to my big sister". My aunt Kerri said those words at my mother's funeral March 21. She stood there in her regal church lady's hat and suit, talking about her relationship with her older sister.  They shared secrets and things I didn't with my mother: parents, clothes, and heartache. My aunt spoke with tears in her eyes about her sister teaching her about sex. About love. Poignantly in the funeral home amongst others who nodded and appreciated her candor. Mama died March 13.  Heart failure. A combination of things associated with her 35 plus years battling Lupus. But she was more than that. She was a survivor. Tiny but mighty. My father said she fought it until the very end. She had only been married to one man but I got the feeling from our intimate conversations that she had fallen in love more than ...

When I was younger... I remember my first best friend..or the person that I called my best friend. Her name was Winter Kingsberry and she was in my 3rd grade class. I think we were drawn to each other because we were sorta outcast. The more popular, bitchy girls didn't care for us, picked on us... and we sorta hung tight, sharing dolls, playing on the playground and reading books in the Library together... I thought surely she'd be my maid of honor in my fake wedding to El Debarge. ...then I transferred schools and we lost touch.. A school where I was intellectually challenged but here I was alone.  Hell..everyone was some kinda kid genius here. For the most part, even if I wasn't friends with them, I had known those people at my first elementary school since Kindergarten. It was a close knit neighborhood school. Now I was being bused across town to attend a very elite Magnet Program school. But I was alone. I tried to make friends..but I don't think it gelled tha...

My mother use to tell me all the time.. "Everyone doesn't deserve a seat in the front-row of your life..." When I was younger, I took that to mean that everyone doesn't need to be involved in the things that you deem important and noteworthy. So much of my life has changed since  I started this blog. And perhaps people feel obligated as longtime readers/friends to want to vice their options and concerns about how I conduct myself. Guess what? You have no rights to do so. No matter how much I've revealed on here. Or anywhere else.. People get beyond nosey and just get downright intrusive. Whether it be my sexy life or the status of my relationship, it really isn't of any of your concern. Case in point, my coworker happened to meet my beau at a work function. The next day, intrusive coworker decided to ask me if we were "on the same level" financially and educationally. This is a woman who doesn't even have a degree but you a...

I was out with a friend (strictly platonic) this weekend having a marvelous lunch. He’s in a fairly new relationship and I guess he is thinking about taking it to the next level with his lady friend. I was all giddy and he was asking me questions about marriage, divorce and post-divorce. He was quite candid actually. He said he took issue with the way his lady friend carried on with her ex-fiancé. He found them far too close to be carrying on that way- the intimate calls, wanting to be BFF’s, texts all times of the night, hanging late night, etc. I nodded my head and understood what he meant. If he’s thinking about proposing, then surely that behavior just won’t do. He was genuine and concerned. “What are the RULES for this??” While I assured him that ex’s can be friends without anything more, there have to be some ground rules in place when you are in a NEW relationship. It took me back to a time when I was married and how the stuff that people did (Well…FRIENDS of my ex husban...

The year is drawing to an end. I really DON’T like making “New Year’s Resolutions”. Instead, I’ll just make some “New Year Adjustments” Therefore: In 2010… I will finally do something that has held me back from being an adult... which is not give a damn. I will no longer tolerate the excuse of “I just got busy” with men re: their disappearing acts and lack of communication. I’m sorry...I’m not here for your convenience or entertainment. I’m taking brothers at face value. You want to “do me”. Fine... let’s cut to the chase so I can decide if ou are worth my time or not. I don’t need the “sweet talk” and altruistic motives if all you want to do is bone. That can be established in 2 conversations. I will not feign excitement or longing over someone who won’t be excited over me. I won’t act like I miss someone who damn sure didn’t miss me. No...”Miss me?” won’t work. And no...I’m not “excited to hear from you” Serial texters are OUT. Guys who actually call and want to date me...are IN. I w...

As 2009 slowly comes to an end and the holiday season slowly draws to an end, I realize that so much has changed. Yet, is “real” change ever possible…..in regards to forgiveness. My ex husband and I have come a very, very long way in terms of being cordial and forgiveness. You see, there was a time where I really hated his guts and wanted nothing to do with him. He broke my heart into tiny shards of bloody glass and I didn’t want to even speak to him. He tried to send me text messages..I’d send ones back..cursing. I didn’t want him near me. He sent flowers via my mother and I got so angry I threw them on the ground in front of my apartment (Later, I went back and picked them up…and sat them on my counter..). In other words, I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Earlier in the summer, my mother had gotten very ill and was in the hospital. We thought she had a stroke but it was due to improper dialysis. She asked for my ex husband and he came. At the time, I was seeing someone ...

In talking to various men in my life (not necessarily IN my life, but just swirling around the peripheral of my life), I’ve come to an understanding about why men operate the way they do. Simply… BECAUSE THEY CAN I asked a male friend of mine why did he marry his wife and why is he staying? Innocent enough question. Is it monitary? Does she fulfill some sort of need otherwise? Is it a comfortable lifestyle? Is it her connections? He said “ The truth is that I'm w/my wife for the same reasons I married her. She's been a good friend, a staunch ally through some really difficult shit, we have fun together, & I love her. Nothing superficial. That's not 2 say that it's been all rosy obviously. It's been horrible @ times, a lot of time. But those are the fundamental reasons that kept me fighting 4 the relationship in a nutshell.” I’m sure some of you reading are going “Aww…that;s great”. Did I mention he’s been cheating on his wife for the past year (maybe more)? Yeah...