Sex and The Southern Belle

Things just don't bother me the way they used to... Case-in-point. I was online reading for class, minding my own business when I received an instant message. "Hey you". I literally had to pause for a second. I saw the screen name and was instantly flooded with so many emotions.  Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Disgust. Worthlessness. But most of all... I was all like.."Really dude?" Picture it.... North Carolina..... 2002.... Once upon a time I cared for this dude. And I don't even know why. We met haphazardly one summer.We had one less-than-romantic-mostly-lustful encounter over 10 years ago.  When I wanted more he said he was "an asshole" who "just wasn't built for a relationship". Although only being 35-40 minutes from me, he never would visit me again. And despite all of that..we kept in touch off and on ...all through Grad school...even when I was married...even after my divorce. He was the dude who was some ideal ...

subtitled : The Last Blog in which I will EVER talk about divorce I started this blog as a way to heal from my divorce. But guess what....everything has to come to an end. I am so over it. I am over talking about how to heal..what to do...how to date...etc. I've done the work. I've come out shining and like a champ.  Everyone feels like I am the go-to expert on how to bounce back after divorce. While I am flattered...again...it's got to stop. I've moved on. And so should my readers. Nevertheless....this is a blog post about divorce. *shrug* As I approach my Mid-30's (Ok let's face it...34 is prob already mid-30s), I realize that most of my "give a damn" gave out a long time ago. I've hit a stride. And while I do have fear and apprehension about a lot of major decisions in life, one thing is clear: Who gives a damn what other people think. When I got divorced almost 5 years ago, I had this shame and guilt.  I felt like a failure.  Looking...

As you all know, I'm in my celibacy mode and I do not mess with porn anymore. It has been liberating. And quite frankly, it does absolutely nothing for me anymore. I've become sorta desensitized. Then again. I was never one of those people who watched porn to get off. It was more about..."studying" Anywho... One day, I ran across a blogger homie's Tweet about this blog:  http://beardedandblack.tumblr.com/   with a pic of a man so deliciously sinful that my jaw hit the floor. Why oh WHY did I have to find this Tumblr? While I generally find Tumblr confusing and just messy overall, I couldn't stop looking at the blog. I dunno WHO created this joint, but I owe them a debt of gratitude. It was a mix of professionals (celebrities) and amateurs(regular Joe's) modeling their perfectly sculpted beards in all kinds of situations.... I became unusually aroused. It was weird. There are few things I require of a man. One being straight white teeth...