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Showing posts from September, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling

Stronger every dayLuther on the BBC with Idris Elba (that is my SHOW)New shoes...alwaysYou can always count on your Mama to help you out :)my lashes. LOVE THEM!The Weeknd. LOVE IT (thangs Ing for putting me on!)Like I am actually understading WTF is going on Leopard print anythingRed anything (red is my fav color)cold Patron Silver with LOTS of limeRoller Skating to oldiesMen who actually wax their hairy backs.the desire for my last first kiss..The line where she says "When it comes to you I wouldn't change a thing
I wouldn't even change the things I could change
Cause baby your perfect, perfect to me
Simply means that you are perfect for me" (PURE GENIUS!)that I am somehow coming into my "femininity" again.wasn't "Femininity" by Eric Benet a GREAT song???at peace with the decisions I've made and NOT made.






Not Feeling

That I got this wack bum ankle and CANT wear the new shoes I gotThat I cant run with said bum ankleThat I have no one …

MidWeek Tunes: Ultimate Relationship

In my quest to learn more about myself, taking a break from those things that "distract", I was drawn back again to one of my fav songs by Mary J Blige....People think this song is about "sexual love" but it isnt. It is about the relationship with God that forms in the quiet hour of the morning..the way God soothes you and consoles you...and embraces you in a love that is greater than ourselves.
"Be still and know..that I am God." Psalm 46:10



All God wants is for us to commune with him/her.  When God touches us with it's finger tip of love....we ought to be Grateful. No man.. No woman. No Car. No amount of Cash....can touch you the way God can.
Right now I think about my absence of "intimacy" that has been sweetly replaced by the rapture of the Holy Ghost....
That is ecstasy indeed :)

Whining Singers, Manly Men, and the New "Emo" Dude

(Maxwell...a little "emo" but def a man's man in terms of emotional content, seductiveness, and rawness)
I am a lover of R&B and Soul music.  I love music in general but there is something seductive, sultry and inviting in the sounds of one of our quintessential black music forms. It has to be my fav genre of music.

Most of all, I love male singers that move me. Classic dudes like the Marvin Gaye, Al Green,  Jeffrey Osborne, and more recently, Maxwell, Anthony Hamilton, Musiq Soulchild, and D'Angelo (when he wasn't fat or high). I love their voices. They seduce you...invite you in like a warm blanket near a fire place...with a glass of 18 year old Brandy....then slowly peel your clothes off with their voice...

"I want you...to prove it to me in the nude.....addicted to the way you move"
But music these days, are filled with whiny singing, begging jokers, and this new "Emo" dude. I mean..Trey Songz?? Frank Ocean?? Jeremih? Lloyd?  Drake ??? Ra…

Feeling/Not Feeling

FEELING
Reinvigorated. I have goals, esp on the fitness tip I am working on.My winter boot buys. You'll see them soon enough over on StilettoBelle.com My friend Yaki sending me a template for the blog and feeling awesome that I installed it myself! I'm a G! (LOL)Hot cocoa under a warm afghanFresh flowers weekly. While I'd liek to NOT be the one buying them for myself, I always have to have fresh ones weekly. And Kroger always has them half off by Wednesday :)The new Fall shows: 2 Broke Girls, Up All Night, The Playboy Club (w/ Naturi Naughton), Prime Suspect,  and new seasons of my favs like Glee, Psych, Dexter, Luther (w/ Idris Elba), Boardwalk Empire, SIng Off...LOVE FALL TV!!!Speaking of bunnies..I def need one of those costumes in my life. an Official one. I used to have a bootleg one back in the day. LOLMy girl got me hooked on Pinterest. That and Polyvore are my inspirationsApartment design blogs. Makes me wanna step my game up This pic of Lenny Kravitz....And for some…

Men, You Deserve a Break Today

So what does celibacy look like for a man?
*crickets*
Oh let’s not think that it’s not possible. Or that is laughable to think of this as some alternative. Or that men are “biologically wired to plumage and plant their seeds”. Wrong! Men have something I like to call “self-restraint” and control. Something that God put within them as soon as God fashioned them as a human being. Men have this fatal and dangerous belief that for them, sex is a game. Sex is something they can detach from their psyche and take off and on like a fine pair of Kenneth Coles. Their penises are not attached to their souls or brains (Little Head/Big Head) and that falsely, every woman must have penis envy.That isn’t true at all. What would a relationship look like for a man if he got rid of the sexual component? Would he be bored? Or would he grow as a man? The quote from the book puts it best: "Sexual favor before marriage simply stunts the growth of boys into real men who can shoulder the responsibility of ot…

Wordless Wednesday: My Fantasy

This may seem so basic and simple to some...but this is TRULY my fantasy...
Let me wake up to some of those pancakes?? OK? :)
Or


*much better*

I Deserve Some Poetry

As I've stated more than once now on this blog, temptation since declaring I'm celibate has been coming at me left and right. I've stood my ground thus far and not given into it. I've been  very diplomatic and very nice in not being a total b*tch and cursing dudes out when they come at me. I realize now that often times, that has been their aim all along. It is disheartening and disappointing. And although they say it doesn't bother them, me spurning their advances, I am sure a man can only take so many "no's" before they virtually lose their mind and the good sense God gave them.
That being said, my most recent, incident in "just saying no", made me realize that even if I was giving it up, I deserve more. In talking to a guy friend, a most attractive one, we had a conversation where he asked "Can we cheat?" In thinking perhaps this was a typo, I said "Do you mean chat? Sure?" He goes.."No.  Not chat. Can we cheat? I…

Dying on the Vine

In reading this book for our “virtual” book club meeting, I was struck by a few concepts that I am personally struggling with. How do I live my life and still date? How do I be the person I am meant to be without compromising myself? How do I still feel sexy and beautiful without having to engage in that manner?  In particular, how do I shut off sex without shutting down as a woman (154)? Specifically, the author says the following: “We can shut down inside, clamp off the pain of unmet desire and live in a small place where we feel almost nothing…plenty of women make this choice, often subconsciously…it feels safer than taking the risks that “having a life” entails, but it is really a form of dying on the vine” (162).
And that is my fear: If I leave this part dormant in my life for longer than I anticipate, that I will die on the vine, like a rotting grape who had the potential to be turned into fine wine.  Right now, I am not ripe for “plucking” (no pun intended), but I do not want to …

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling Miss Universe is a sister from the motherland. She is Miss Angola Leila Lopes Unapologetic for the standards I've set for myself My Playa del Carmen Spring Break! It's already booked! YES MA"AM!!! Very independent for traveling solo. I'm scared but.........oh well. My baby cousins. They are so so funny and smart little ones That "smart" will forever be sexy Mickey D's has the best fast-food coffee. Happy Hour with my Girls. (It's now my weekly "thing") Truly happy for my ex that he's serious with someone else. Cause if I can be happy for him..maybe it'll rub off on me. NARS SUPER Orgasm blush Men who are still chivalrous Free. Like a big weight has been lifted off of me since taking steps to better myself spiritually and physically. Not Feeling
Like I have to compromise my morals to be loved. I won't do it.This crazy class I have. It isn't what I signed up for. Not one iota. This semester blowsMy look. I colored my hair (it's…

Post-it Notes and Index Cards

As I wrote a week or so ago, I have a wish box where I add my hopes, desires, and dreams. I also started tat sometimes I wrote long letters to my "future husband" or "unborn child", etc. I know it seems so crazy to most...but it gives me a great sense of comfort to put these thoughts somewhere.

Sometimes I write tiny peices of paper and slip them inside there. Little things. Little sexy things I say I'd like to do or want to happen with my mate. Sometimes they are as small as a fortune cookie sizes slip or as big as an index card. Whenever it hits me, I will grab some paper and slip them in. Some are mushy but most times these things are funny.  I'll share some of my favorites

Dear Future Husband...I promise to NEVER wear panties with my skirts or dresses.

Dear Hunny....I promise to hide your stash of porn on YOUR side of the night stand and away from the kid (s).

Dear Hunny... I hope you like your eggs scrambled cause I can't make a proper omlette to save…

Tuesday Tunes: Musiq "BeFriends"

Today's Tune is by the one and only Musiq SoulChild. I LOVE this song. It's from his new album "MusiqntheMagiq" The lyrics of this song are where I am right now...

"I go through your pictures in my phone
Cause sometimes they get me through the day
And whenever I start to feel alone
I just play your voice mail
That I saved before things change"


I'm sure the person whose picture I look at isn't thinking about me. But I still have that voicemail where he sang "Happy Birthday" to me. And his picture....Even for that moment I was happy. And I damn sure didn't want to be friends. I  had already started loving him....
Such is life.

The Big "C".....

It's probably as bad as "cancer"....(ok..not really..let me stop being dramatic"), but the word "celibacy" strikes as much fear in the hearts of men (and women) as would cancer. And just like cancer, it seems as though people have the same reaction to the idea/word "celibacy".

They don't know what to do or what to say. They are shell shocked and a little taken back. They aren't sure to feel sorry for me or to cheer me on and encourage me.

The scariest part is actually going back out here and dating. One guy I told gave me a high five. What? High five? That was so weird. Another guy laughed and said "Are you serious?" Some just get really, really quiet. Stunned and defeated.

I was reading an article a while ago in the AJC and it asked the question : "If you are celibate, when do you spring it on the guy that you are not going there sexually? How can you date?" I posed the question to my friends. Some said date 1. Other…

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling

I admit..I kinda like some of the stuff from the Kardashian at Sears stuff. AND, my homegirl ThePrissyMommy over at http://www.stylemeprissy.com/ pulled off some cute looks. So..I broke down and ordered some.I've decided to get into fitness competitively. So Imma be ripped (LOL)Im on a debt diet. Feels good to get a handle on stuff.My solo trip to Playa del Carmen I'm planning. This place looks so amazing!The SATSB Bookclub Skype I had. It was amazing...thanks girls!purple blush...like I need a new look. so..new hair color it shall be!! Back to being a red head!good about paying Tithes! YES LAWD!a lot less "lonely"I NEED that Iphone 5 real bad. This Blackberry is kaput!Classic Smokey Robinson..this is my FAV SONG of his of all time.I also NEED new albums from: Ryan Leslie, Frank Ocean, Maxwell, and Brandy...that maybe this journey in abstinance is getting easier.Not Feeling
The fact that those Kardashians are some opportunist ass hookers. LOLWhy must they spell…

Just Liking P***y

(Serena Williams at the 2011 ESPY awards...killing em!)

I was having a conversation with a guy once. A guy I found to be smart, attractive, funny and accomplished. A guy I thought as this model of a man....he was and is a good friend.

We were having a good conversation so...I decided to pick his brain about what kind of woman he liked. In the past I knew he dated sort of a "type" of woman: models, actresses, airline stewardesses, singers/entertainers. I think there may have even been a stripper or something thrown in there. At any rate, I knew he had a type. But I also knew he seemed to have some sort of "interest" in me. Not sure what...but I'd like to know how I even fit this strange mix.

So I asked him.."So what's your type?"  He goes.."I dont have a type. I mean..everyone says I date the VH1 Model types..but I don't have a type. I just like p**y".

*Pause*
Ok. Is this the part where I should be flattered or concerned?? My inner &quo…

Hope in a Box

(Wish Boxes from http://www.ayakoarts.com/wish-boxes.html ) "That night, Charlotte got out her wish box where she kept reminders of all the things she hoped for in life. A gift for Shayla. A town house in the city, a beach house in East Hampton. Her dream man. Her backup dream man.. It’s very strange when the life you never had flashes before your eyes…"-Sex and the City

**** Not sure if anyone remembers that early episode of Sex and the City. Carrie and the gals went to a baby shower of a friend who, coincidentally, had stolen the baby name that Charlotte wanted for her "future kid". Charlotte was hurt.... Later that night....Charlotte went into her wish box perusing items.

I was not one forr very "hokey" things such as wish boxes and etc. But I decided to be more "proactive in my positivity" and a girlfriend of mine decided we would have "wish boxes" where we would put in items and things that we hope for.

My journey to the wish box wa…

Feeling/Not Feeling

Feeling


So Beyonce's gonne be a mom...well...that's nice *shrug*. Isn't that what married folks do?This new vow Im taking in my life. I pray it's rewarding.Being able to properly tithe again...God does provide!My classes...tough but def pushing me to think outside the box between disciplines.This solo trip I plan on taking. I am so excited. They say it's the one thing a woman should do...Men in suitsMen who bring flowers on first dates.The Help. The movie was pretty good.Skype. I have a newfound respect for itMy supportive friends. God bless themAll this clarity Im getting. It's a miracle when things don't distract youThe Shoe Blog....DOPE! (Join it why don't ya! :) )More and more beautiful in God's eyes. and He's the only person that matters.Friends who will call and talk to you until you fall asleepBills being paid off.The new fall shows....I am so ampedFinally at peace...
Not Feeling
So Beyonce's gonna be a mom...well..that's nice *shrug…

Thursday Tunes: Jill Scott "Hear My Call"

I think when I first heard the song..I sorta skipped over it on the CD as some sorta "melodramatic" joint I wasnt feeling in the midst of her "sensual" album The Light of the Sun. But........as I come to this point in my journey...where as Jill says "Love has burned me raw".............I def need to listen to this more than ever.






Thank you sister, Jilly from Philly! My soul needed that :)