Sex and The Southern Belle

NOTE: I wrote this post shortly after having my daughter. It has sat in my "drafts" for quite some time. I thought I would share it today, on Mother's Day. Why? Because I know there is a mom out there who needs to know she isn't alone she needs to know her feelings are normal, valid and that it is OK to get help. AND you will come out of this, whole and healthy if at all possible. If not, take the steps to get there.  If you are like me, and have lost your mother and yet are raising a baby, you could probably relate... ************** June 19, 2016 I am pretty sure that after the birth of my daughter, I was suffering from postpartum depression and PTSD. No... I KNOW I was  am suffering. I had my daughter 10 weeks early via c-section on Jay 26. It was traumatic and while I felt relieved, I mostly felt like a failure. I couldn't hold on to her inside for just a little while longer. She needed to get bigger. She needed to get stronger. She needed to know...

It's been 3 years since you've been gone. I've been on my own. I had to bear the weight of trying to figure out motherhood without you. I've tried to complete my goals.. but they now seem pointless because you won't be there. I miss you. The baby misses you and she doesn't even know you... She calls out for you sometimes. And I tell her stories about you. She knows you. I just miss you. You weren't done mothering me.

I will be 39 in a month. I am having a midlife crisis. A literal, mid-life crisis. The job of mothering and wife-ing (lol) is a difficult one.  And add on top of that knocking on the 40s door.... and not feeling like you've achieved jack shit. I haven't traveled the world enough. Bought enough shoes. Eat fancy foods. Had sex with Matt Kemp ... Had enough orgasms. Lost enough weight. Driven the car of my dreams. Paid off enough debt... making sex figures...wrote my epic historical fiction novel... worn enough hairstyles... Blah! I've not done jack squat. *sigh* WHat Id o know is, the unpaid, emotional labor of mothering and being a wife has driven me off track and off my goals. A lot of them. I am having to retool and refocus. In lamenting to my husband, he goes "I mean you can still travel the world! With Us ". Before I could control my facial expressions, I scowled. "A baby? Strapped to my back and a husband to weigh me down as I go see the Pyr...

One of my daughter's favorite books is called Monster Trouble .   A little Afro puff wearing girl named Winifred can’t sleep because monsters keep creeping into her bedroom. She tried to set traps for them but nothing works. In the end, what made them flee was her being kind, sweet and giving them kisses. My little one finds the kisses part hilarious. But.. What happens when mom is the Monster. A terrifying monster of epic proportions.  I had been sick for a few days. I’d caught whatever my daughter brought home from daycare which was simply a runny nose for her but turned into a hacking, gagging cough and congestion for me.  I could get no relief. None whatsoever.  I didn’t want to eat. I couldn’t really sleep. It all came to a head a few evenings ago.  I coughed so badly that I threw up. My husband has to grab the blankets and things.  I laid my head down on the couch, wet towel on my head to try to feel better. My daughter, not fully...

Hey Folks! I know.. I have skipped a couple of weeks already! BUT in my defense, having a sick toddler will wear you out... and family really is important. That being said... I've gone through a lot in the past couple of weeks. I've had a physical, which has made me reassess  my life. I have more appointments on the books than I care for just to make sure I am doing ok. I don't want to go into anything as to alarm folks, but I do want to keep on trucking and this is all part of being proactive. I'm still in the gym but not really seeing much progress. I am sure it has something to do with my eating. It isn't that I eat bad.. I just do not eat enough to burn off the fat . I have to meal plan better.. This is where  Pinterest  comes in....I have tons and tons of food options saved. I figure I can do weekly "sheet pan" meals for my meal planning.. and then shop for the week. I normally I am a "once a month" grocery shopper... but I think that...

I am at the intersection of "Fuck it All" and "Think This Thing Through"... Oh btw.. this blog is about career and professional goals... (if you don't want to read any further). I do not dislike my job. But it has run its course and served its purpose. I've been serving in an administrative capacity in High Ed for close to 15 years now. It was my first job out of graduate school. And while it wasn't my dream job of junior editor at Random House, it was a job that allowed a steady paycheck, benefits, and had the familiarity of school. If there is one thing i know, it is that I know University and how it works. And I am good at it. I've had promotion after promotion, title changes and bigger offices. But I've grown tired.  The truth is.. I am not living my purpose. And I know my purpose is to write. I am almost 40.. so I keep wondering if it is too late.. but then I remember JK Rowling was 40.. Vera Wang was 40....

I had hoped for other hair... (My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed) ... for my daughter. No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve. I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried. When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. " Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair ". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for ho...

I was on my last few repetitions of the row machine at the gym. I looked over at the older woman a few ways down, sweating profusely on the treadmill, and a very svelte white girl doing chin dips. I just wanted to get through these last few rows and eat my granola.  I had joined the gym at my job in January,  I was recommitting myself to my health. For one, I was the mother of a very active toddler. And secondly, I didn't want to die. Flat out, I didn't want to die . I had some health scares shortly after joining the gym which required an emergency appendectomy and surgery. So I had been back at the gym steadily for almost two months. I was already over it. *sigh* I don't know. I know my body is different since having a baby. Not to say I was Serena Williams before pregnancy (or during because.. Pregnant Serena is still 10 times more in shape than current me).  I've never been one to eat badly (Tacos being my only real vice...). Although I am Southern, I...

*blows all the dust off of this thing* Happy Valentine's Day 2017! You know, I truly suck as a blogger. I told myself in 2017 I would at least write one post a MONTH... and well.. here we are in February and I am just now opening this thing. But.. I guess it's never too late to start.  Sometimes I wonder why I even pay for hosting *smh*... I look at my friends like Hilary who consistently blog.. and I am like.. boy.. I am the suckiest blogger ever. So what have I been up to? Let's see... mothering is #1. My daughter celebrated her first birthday a couple of weeks ago. She went from a 1 lb preemie.... to an 18 lb laughing, giggle-bot who likes milk more than I could ever imagine. I am truly blessed. (From the NICU to Now... Please  visit:  www.marchforbabies.org/ TeamTeags  ) Secondly, I've been trying to get my health on track. After having the baby, blood pressure has been high and I want to ultimately get off of these pills. I bought a gym membershi...

Last weekend, I was finally able to cash in on the spa gift certificate my husband gave me for Valentine's Day. Yes, I realize it is damn near Halloween.... but I've been quite busy with adjusting to a new baby and my job. And just trying to wrap my mind out around life. We had an nice brunch at the Katz's -style deli here in Atlanta, laughing and talking like old times over bagles, lox  and "smear".... Old times plus a giggling little one who would coo and laugh. And had the waitresses wrapped around her finger. She is very well behaved in public and just likes to observe her new surroundings. My massage was an hour and a half. In the time, my husband decided he'd take the baby for a little walk around the shopping center in her stroller and maybe pick up a few things from the market. As he did that, I settled into the comfy chair of the Spa. I was called back rather quickly and I received an amazing deep tissue massage and aromatherapy. It was heaven. A...

You have "tiger" moms. Stage Moms. Hipster, Granola Moms Helicopter parents. Queen Bee  PTA B*TCH Moms. I don't really have a desire to be any of those moms. I've decided to create a new category for myself. (Listen,.. I know Black Panther is a dude. But he's my fav LOL). The Black Panther Mom It's probably not what you think it is. And honestly, I am working on the definition myself. But I am clear about what it is not. It is not any of what I listed above. And it most certainly is rooted in cultural depth. We aren't talking HOTEP-ness Erykah Badu levels of Granola crunchy. Just a rootedness (thank you Toni Morrison)  in Diasporic appreciation. A black panther mom is vigilant about protecting her young. She wants them to be strong, nurturing and independent but also kind, compassionate and considerate. She wants them to be appreciative of people who are different. And most of all, an appreciation of self, of culture and of the v...

Roots, the landmark 1977 miniseries based on the work of Alex Haley, was remade in a modern and edgy way via the Will Packer produced 4-night series which aired starting Memorial Day. Like most African-Americans, I hold Roots near and dear to my heart. I connected with the stories of Kunta, Kizzy and Chicken George..... and I was really skeptical that a remake was going to be good. I was so wrong . Not only was it gut-wrenching, it was well researched and visually stunning. The team of historians integrated and interwove elements of culture, music, food and art into not only the scenes involving the Mandinka, but were also careful to show the ways in which the Middle Passage didn't destroy our cultural ties. I was moved. Some things were hard to watch but so necessary. And I totally scoffed at the idea that some black people were "tired of all these slave movies". I never hear Jewish complain about the Holocaust movies... or Vets complain about war movies..... We c...

 *vacuums this blog* Hello you all! Howdy! How are ya? I think when we last left off on this journey,way back in October 2015 , I was talking about how happy I was but yet I wasn't willing to share EVERYTHING that could be attributed to this happiness. I know.. from a blogger's aspect this is probably death to a blog. But hell, as long as I own this domain name... it's going to be going. And evolving. (Even if I am not sharing everything) Speaking of evolving... I can at least share this. This blog started as a way to express the trials and tribulations as a divorcee' trying to navigate single life in the Deep South's largest metropolis. Since then, I've dated..been hurt... loved again....gotten engaged... gotten married... bought a home... started a Phd program..passed my comprehensive exams... and now I had a baby <3 (pictured: HubbyDude and GoGo having K-care time ) Yes, I had a child. It was the one thing I had doubts that I would ever d...

"She taught me the birds and bees! She taught me how to be a woman. When it was that time of the month, I didn't go to my mom. I felt comfortable going to my big sister". My aunt Kerri said those words at my mother's funeral March 21. She stood there in her regal church lady's hat and suit, talking about her relationship with her older sister.  They shared secrets and things I didn't with my mother: parents, clothes, and heartache. My aunt spoke with tears in her eyes about her sister teaching her about sex. About love. Poignantly in the funeral home amongst others who nodded and appreciated her candor. Mama died March 13.  Heart failure. A combination of things associated with her 35 plus years battling Lupus. But she was more than that. She was a survivor. Tiny but mighty. My father said she fought it until the very end. She had only been married to one man but I got the feeling from our intimate conversations that she had fallen in love more than ...

*sigh* HubbyDude and I haven't been married a solid month. And already..folks are trying to find our baby registry at Target, plan showers, and talk to us about "you ain't getting no younger...you might as well do it" Actually...all the baby talk started as soon as we got engaged. And continued well into that phase. Even at the wedding, his Uncle gave a speech and said  "And please....make some babies". His sister wrote in a card to use that said "I can't wait for our kids to play together"....  All this pressure! Sure we've discussed children. And yes..my age is certainly a factor (as is his quite frankly). But, I know that most fertility studies aren't accurate and most certainly are outdated. How do you explain a 45 year old Halle Berry having a kid? I don't think it's science...sometimes it's Jesus (LOL). I am not naive. I know fertility drugs and infertility are a possibility. I have health issues that may ...