June 9, 2017

The Balance: Sex, Sleep, or Spaghetti-Os

**Note: For the duration of the summer (June to August) I have dedicated myself to my writing: personal, professional and academic. Therefore, I will be blogging once a week on Sex and the Southern Belle (personal) Enjoy my  new adventures**

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Sometimes, I legitimately forget to sleep. I forget to eat. I forget to kiss my husband and my baby. I forgot about myself.

Over the past few months, the word of the moment has been "balance". How can I balance all these hats on my head? All these irons in the fire? Wife. Mom. Student. Lover. Friend. Employee. So many things. Only 24 hours in the day.

The days are passing...The days when I have Spaghetti-O's all over my clothes.. and all over the baby. The days where my eyebrows go un-waxed and my skin looks dull.  The days where I can catch my newly-walking daughter in my arms and hear her laughing.. the days where my husband spins me around in the kitchen and smacks my non-existent butt.

The nights are shorter. There inst enough time to read bedtime stores. There isn't enough time for spontaneous sex where we try not to wake the baby (who finally went to sleep). Not enough nights to binge watch our favorite shows. with endless bowls of popcorn.... or date nights where we get dressed to the nines. We've had a few.. but far in between.

It's a choice. A struggle. All of these irons in the fire and not knowing what to focus on everyday. Sometimes it sinks you in a hole, that only a good therapist and prayer can get you out of. Sometimes when you feel like all the plates are spinning, one crashes, leaving you without recourse. Where do you turn? Where do you go?


Right now, I am watching my husband sleep. I always fall asleep last in this house.His chest rising and falling effortlessly under the hum of the humidifier and air conditioner. I hear my daughter rustle with the blanket her aunt made and whine a bit...... I go over to comfort her with  firm hand on her back. And she stops. She's at peace and everything is alright.

I often wonder where is that "firm hand" for me. Where is the steady comfort of knowing everything is ok? I guess as a modern woman, the uncertainty is the new normal. I am not seeking perfection.. just balance.

So this summer, I am dedicating myself to just that. Finding the balance. Making time for myself. Making time for the pursuits that make me happy. There is no rush on any of it.

But it is about balance.. and finding joy in the balance....

I think I am definitely getting there.

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