Sex and The Southern Belle

I am always inspired by other bloggers. I read and crack up DAILY at  Awesomely Luvvie's  blog. She is too funny.  The posts that always crack me up are her "sternly worded" letters, to celebrities, commentary on pop culture, and all other forms of rachetness. So, needless to say, she inspired me to do a "sternly worded letter" of my own to men and their use (well..misuse) of the "Hey You" text. Dear Men Of the Free World (Regardless of Race, Creed, Religion, Nationality, or Color): They shoulda never gave you nuggets cell phones.  And with the advent of texting, I definitely wish to hell that that means of communication was never born. I am convinced texting was invented by a cowardly man who wanted to avoid actual communication at all costs.  I mean, you DO know what it's (texting) for right? Texts are quick little joints like "Imma be late" or "Can you pick up some milk?" or "Hey..Emergency..My cat died". You kn...

Time: About 10 am yesterday Place: My office, working on a sh*tload of files Scene: I am engrossed in my work..and of course..my cell goes off Texter: Good Morning. Not trying to bug you are upset you. Just didn't get an answer to the last one. ***pause* for a good 20 minutes...I finally respond*** Me: Not Interested. Have a Good Day Texter: Ok. You Too ***about an hr goes by..amd because boredom has sent in..I decided to respond albeit with a very evil slant*** Me: You know, it's quite unfortunate...because I loved to * CENSORED * your * CENSORED* in my *CENSORED*... and how well you * CENSORED*... but *sigh*..OH WELL....I deserve MUCH more than that. Take care huh! *smooches* (Insert evil, diabolical laugh) Texter: OUCH!!!! U are sooooo wrong for that. I miss the way *censored* and how *censored* BUT...I also miss talking to you, your advice and point of view, your cooking. U will always be the good one I let get away Me...

Time: around 2 pm Place: Sitting at my office. The Scene : I am sitting here at my desk, processing paperwork and my text message goes off Texter: Really don't wanna hear from me anymore?? Me: * looks at phone angry beyond belief* I am sorry. Maybe you didn't understand. I thought I was clear. Because of the fact that you were not honest, I do not see the need for further communication. That coupled with the fact that your inconsistency to be a gentleman, court me properly, and the inability to communicate effectively. Texter: What happened to being friends? When was I ever not a good friend? I was honest. But ok. I respect your decision Good luck to u and in school. Me: You and I apparently want different things. I do NOT want a "friend with benefits" and I was VERY clear about that when we met from the jump. Thanks for the well wishes Texter:I never did either. I want a friend. And see where it leads. Sex was never a requirement. ...

The Time : about 7 pm on Mother's Day Place : my living room The Scenario : " I am watching Fox Sunday line-up in my PJ's....and my text message goes off" Texter: "Hi Sexy" Me: *frowns*....doesn't respond. Then thinks..."Let me get this off my chest once and for all" I respond "Yes, Hello??" Texter: "How are you?" Me: "I'm well...and you" Texter: "Good. I still wanna c u one day" Me: That's it. I've had it. I respond "Actually , I'm not interested in seeing you. I actually saw your FB status that you went from "in a realtionship to single". Not trying to be your "in between chick". Hope things work out for you. Texter: I was always single. My status was in a relationship for years since I broke up with my ex. One day a couple weeks ago I was feeling really lonely so I decided to finally change it and comment on it" Me: ...

The year is drawing to an end. I really DON’T like making “New Year’s Resolutions”. Instead, I’ll just make some “New Year Adjustments” Therefore: In 2010… I will finally do something that has held me back from being an adult... which is not give a damn. I will no longer tolerate the excuse of “I just got busy” with men re: their disappearing acts and lack of communication. I’m sorry...I’m not here for your convenience or entertainment. I’m taking brothers at face value. You want to “do me”. Fine... let’s cut to the chase so I can decide if ou are worth my time or not. I don’t need the “sweet talk” and altruistic motives if all you want to do is bone. That can be established in 2 conversations. I will not feign excitement or longing over someone who won’t be excited over me. I won’t act like I miss someone who damn sure didn’t miss me. No...”Miss me?” won’t work. And no...I’m not “excited to hear from you” Serial texters are OUT. Guys who actually call and want to date me...are IN. I w...