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Showing posts from February, 2012

February Bliss Check In #2: Give Thanks

It Shouldn't Be This Hard

Being happy shouldn't be this hard.

I've committed myself to grabbing life by the balls and going hard in the paint for the pursuit of happiness and blissfulness.

Remember...the mantra is "Bliss is your Birthright"



Just 2 months into these grandiose plans, they appear to be thwarted by some mystic figures I like to call Fate and Fuckery.

Let's start with Fate, shall we?

Fate is working my nerves. She's having a field day on my last black one that I possess. She's fucking with me on the job, making a mockery of the hard work I do. As soon as I feel 1 steps ahead, I get knocked down 2 steps. I feel like I'm drowning. I feel unappreciated but this is the fate I chose of being a worker/student. No one at work understands and no one at school realizes I'm doing the best I can. In under a pressure cooker ...boiling and festering.

Speaking of school, I feel like a novice even going into the end of my 2nd year of PhD work. What do u wanna…

Retrospective Romance: The Haiku Series (Part I)

You interact me
 feelings in continuum 
 just react to you

You have done nothing
to make me feel what I feel
what I feel is you

 I drink your praises 
 chased down with absolute truth

This heart of mine bears
secrets for you so deeply 
 buried in my soul

Pussy isn't free
but my pussy I'd give you
 ever so freely

I lick your dimples
tongue feels hollows of your cheek
in my hand you're hard 

Sugar coated kiss
placed at the nape of my neck
 so I know it's real

It's dark and stormy
Just like the drink in your hand
It matches my heart

I swim in oceans
pools of molasses and brown
 the depths of your eyes

I apologize
 not with my words or phrases 
With open, wet mouth

I do disservice
to your neglected, poor heart
My kisses shall heal

Introspective you
Meeting Retrospective Me
Brings us perspective

Thursday Tunes: The Roots ft. Musiq "Break you Off"

The Roots.


The single, most dopest RAP band that ever lived. What am I saying?? .They are the ONLY rap band that ever lived!! Formed in Philly back in the 90s with Ahmir "QuestLove" Thompson  and Tariq "Black Thought"  Trotter, at the helm, the Roots merge experimental jazz, hip hop and even a little soul to create their brand of funk. Before they becamse Jimmy Fallon's Alabama Porch Monkeys House band, they were putting out the dopest music ever.  Working with the likes of Jill Scott, a young, fresh faced Eve, and Cody Chestnutt, and even soul singers John Legend and Betty Wright,  the roots defy what it is to be "neo soul" or hip hop...

 And they still are, Their album "Undun" has been in my Ipod rotation for a while...

My fav song, aside from "Silent Treatment" and "You Got Me" (written by Jill Scott, performed w/ Erykah Badu) has to be their song "Break you Off" w/ Musiq. (Fun fact..D'Angelo was …

Girlfriend: A Poem

Hell naw.
Fuck that.
I dont want to be your girlfriend.
I'm a grown ass woman
With needs and desires
I got curves and dips and hips
Things beyond the teenage concept of this word.
Girlfriend? Nah bruh...

I'm not trying to be his Girl.. Or girlfriend. Fuck that.
My age has transcended that.
I'm trying to be your earth..your necessary feminine energy. 
My pussy is a wave ocean of orgams.
You'd drown in this...
No...this isn't any girlfriend shit.

You don't finger this in the back of a school bus
In the lockeroom or hallways
You bow down to the altar of woman hood
On your knees
Speaking in tounges.
This aint no girlfriend shit...

Nope. Not trying to be a "girlfriend". No.
 I wanna be the air you breathe.
Your sunshine in the rain.
I want to be the peace in your life.
I want to be more than a girl who is your friend.
Not your girlfriend.

The reason your dick stays hard  and makes mornings bearable...
The reason you make grown ass decisions for.
The reason you put away…


Just wanted to tell you all that I appreciate the love you show me, especially when I bear my soul on here.

You are my therapy . The blog is my release . It's just that simple.


Feeling/Not Feeling: Things I Didn't Want You To Know

*stolen from the blogger homie MoetwithMedusa Thanks bruh!*

I was teased relentlessly in school
Teased about everything...but especially my hair and weight.
I struggled with my weight for a really long time
I tried to be bulimic...until I realized I liked the taste of food
I'm still trying to be a video vixen body with a Condi Rice brain...
I hate to waste money
But I shop sometimes to fill a void
I text because I hate the sound of my voice
I get really angry when I feel like no one is listening or valuing what I say
I tried to commit suicide when I was 21
It was over some bullshit
My dad was mostly mad about the hospital bill
My dad is a source of a lot of pain
Speaking of which..he still brings up the money he "wasted" on a wedding reception.
But...surprisingly...we're getting better.
Yet I resent my mother for staying
I lie about how many "siblings" I have because honestly I don't know
I'm a fantastic artist and painter but never pursued it prof…

Looking For Darius Lovehall

Love jones . Period.
The movie that defined a new generation of black men and women : Generation X, neo-soul retro New Negros.... Educated in Franz Fanon , Al Green, Malcolm X, and bell hooks. Eating turkey bacon and having brunch. Brown sugar babies. Brown skinned dapper dudes . Going to pretentious poetry spots, drinking dark liquor on ice and quoting Eldridge Cleaver and Maya Angelou while puffing on a L...on some new age philosophy which wasn't new at all. Black power, civil rights, and women's liberation- fed children.... At the cusp of the new millennium .
Love jones. Period.

The movie that defined me. Late teens/early 20s. Single handily my favorite movie of all time. How many times have I watched it? At Least 200. And that is no exaggeration .
I wanted to be Nina . I wanted to live in a fly ass loft. I wanted to be brown and glowing . I wanted to be sexy with a camera. I wanted to be so fly men were powerless around me. I wanted my stuff to be so good that dudes mad…

Thursday Tunes: Whitney Houston - Run To You

I was deeply saddened at the passing of Whitney Elizabeth Houston, the undisputed Queen of Pop, at the age of 48, just one night before the Grammys in Los Angeles last Saturday. Like every little Black girl in America, Whitney was like my version of Princess Diana; glamorous, elegant, and always poised (at least from the outside looking in). I took my hairbrush and looked in the mirror and sang lyrics far too adult for my tender ages. I wanted to be her. She was brown and glowing. She had a 10000 watt smile and was a diva from the start.

 Whitney was from musical royalty: Her mother Cissy was part of the group the Sweet Inspirations; her first cousin was Dionne Warrick; her Godmother was Aretha Franklin. She recorded her first song as a background artist to Chaka Khan on "I'm Every Woman" (a song in which she re-recorded for The Bodyguard soundtrack that went on to break records). She was destined to be nothing but greatness. After her first television appearance on the…

Asteroids: a poem

I am earth
deep and wide
Full of water and mass
Inhabited by feelings diverse
I see you tumbling toward me

You are dense and massive
Rock ablaze.
Coming at me
Hard and steady
Interplanetary collision
Set for my heart

I hide it... This love
In my core
Hot and heated
Unsure and unwavering
Volatile and steaming
I don't want you here
But I need to feel you

Foreign object with eyes on me
Beaming orbs of obsidian
Set on a course
A course plotted by the divine.

I pray
I pray you reach me unscathed
I feel like we are both asteroids
And like an asteroid .
Feels like this love
was destined to collide, burn and crash Into the atmospheres
Before feeling its impact

How fleeting it was
A shooting star
A spinning top
Supernova swallows us whole
Never to return the same again

My tears are a meteor shower
Pounding on my chest
Pulsating with fear
No impact felt
You've faded
Back into galaxy

Maybe in another lifetime
We shall meet
Until then
We orbit endlessly

Happy Valentine's Day

Someone loves me!!! :)

(ok so it was my parents! Lol)

The Crying Game

I was talking to one of my bff's, purging my soul out to her about a matter of my heart. It seemed rather painful at the the time (but in hindsight I'm not sure why I hurt so bad ). I was trying to hold it together but felt like i was going to choke on my sorrow. When I finally finished, she told me rather plainly :

"Do not cry over him. He isn't worth it"

I snapped back. " If I want to cry , then I will cry"

...and I let out a wail so primal, so gut wrenching that I scared myself. I knew I would cry.

And cry is just what I did. I cried. I locked my door and cried. I soaked my sweater sleeves and cried. I had balled up tissue and cried. I had the asthmatic wheezing type of breathing and cried. My nose as running and my MAC was ruined. I was flush. My stomach hurt. My eyes were red. I cried not because he had done anything wrong. I cried because it felt like the same old game and run around I'd been getting for the past 3 years now. I cried because I…

Feeling/Not Feeling: Random Thoughts


getting complimented on my locsRachel Roy is just the dopenesssexy text messages that are so random they make you blushSadly..Phaedra might be my favorite RHOA. Her and Apollo are kinda hot together..Im jealous.. Their baby is the CUTESTI want a baby *sigh* (LOL)That my mother is totally on board with my getting a donor...just so long as he is smart AND handsomeMy brother would be an awesome, spoiling uncle....I'll be 34 next year. Trust me..if that ain't the time to do it...I dunno WHEN it will be....Spring is just around the corner...I think I am FINALLY breaking out of the "types" that I normally date.cocky these days. Like..the Rihanna album is my when I walk.."Birthday Cake" plays...(LOL)For example..I told a dude I was gonna "have him". What?? Like..when did this new MochaPeach come out?? Must be cause I'm getting close to the "35 and dont give a damn" marker.Great about my finances...My Sex and Society…

Thursday Tunes: Alanis Morrisette..."Head over Feet"

I've been a fan of Alanis since I was a brooding teenager, locked away in my room listening to grunge, hip-hop, and Jazz (I was weird...yeah). But anyway, Alanis' "Jagged Little Pill" was the album that defined a major love and break up of my teenage years.  I really liked my HS boyfriend...we broke up and made up probably 100 times during the course of 9th through 12th grades (LOL). This year, it was VERY bad, as I found out he tried to holler at a girl who rode my school bus....(alas....she didn't make the cut and I did...BOOM..maybe cause I scared the sh*t outta him...anyway...LOL)

Released in 1995, Jagged Little pill went on to sale over 30 million copies and earned Alanis a sh*t load of Grammys, sealing her dopeness and influence on a ton of other pop=rockers to come: Fiona, Pink, Avril to name a few.

The Canadian singer-songwriter is a little folk, a lot of rock, and a lot of indie pop. Some may know her for her time on "You Cant Do That on Television&…

Feeling/Not Feeling: The Vday Love Edition


* roses . I think they are so beautiful to look at. White ones are my favorite.
* all this chocolate! I go into diabetic shock 
* dressing up and going out on a fancy date . That's always fun
* red is my favorite color so red is everywhere 
* red lingerie. Nuff said
* doing it ( shrug) Condom sales be thru the roof.
* diamonds
*chocolate covered strawberries.
* some guys really do put their best foot forward for valentines day
* I hate Vday themes parties.
* the movie Valentines Day is always gonna be on from now on 
* being single is good. I mean you can have multiple dates right ? Lol
* love songs all day long
* lots of babies will get conceived lol
* mushy commercials
*spa specials
* maybe I'll have a valentine this year
* kissing 
* champagne is everywhere! 
* surprises at work. Flowers etc
* I miss the old school parties you had in school w/ the little candy grams from classmates 
Not Feeling:

* but as Andre 3000 reminds us... Roses still smell like boo boo
* getting engaged in holiday…

Thursday Tunes: D'Angelo - Send It On (cut from Sao Paulo concert\Brazil)

The 2000s were the years that defined my "adulthood". It was all about neo-soul, smooth vocals and rich melodies. While Maxwell is and always will be my favorite singer, only one man during that era had the OTHER key to my musical heart, D'angelo.

Born Michael D'Angelo Archer in Richmond, VA, D'Angelo burst onto the music scene as one of the forefathers and architects (along w/ E. Badu, Maxwell, Jill Scott, etc) of Neo Soul. Heavily influenced by Prince (as seen in that Untitled video) and Marvin Gaye, D'angleo droped Brown Sugar. The guy looked the part of a rapper and yet sat down to the keys and belted out a sexy ode to weed. (LOL). I might have even had a a hot, young adult make-out session to his version of "Crusin"...

I love so many D'angelo songs. But VooDoo, his last studio album to date, still reigns supreme. It of course, had the now infamous "Untitled" (with his half naked video). My favorite off that album was "Send i…