Sex and The Southern Belle

I will be 39 in a month. I am having a midlife crisis. A literal, mid-life crisis. The job of mothering and wife-ing (lol) is a difficult one.  And add on top of that knocking on the 40s door.... and not feeling like you've achieved jack shit. I haven't traveled the world enough. Bought enough shoes. Eat fancy foods. Had sex with Matt Kemp ... Had enough orgasms. Lost enough weight. Driven the car of my dreams. Paid off enough debt... making sex figures...wrote my epic historical fiction novel... worn enough hairstyles... Blah! I've not done jack squat. *sigh* WHat Id o know is, the unpaid, emotional labor of mothering and being a wife has driven me off track and off my goals. A lot of them. I am having to retool and refocus. In lamenting to my husband, he goes "I mean you can still travel the world! With Us ". Before I could control my facial expressions, I scowled. "A baby? Strapped to my back and a husband to weigh me down as I go see the Pyr...

I am at the intersection of "Fuck it All" and "Think This Thing Through"... Oh btw.. this blog is about career and professional goals... (if you don't want to read any further). I do not dislike my job. But it has run its course and served its purpose. I've been serving in an administrative capacity in High Ed for close to 15 years now. It was my first job out of graduate school. And while it wasn't my dream job of junior editor at Random House, it was a job that allowed a steady paycheck, benefits, and had the familiarity of school. If there is one thing i know, it is that I know University and how it works. And I am good at it. I've had promotion after promotion, title changes and bigger offices. But I've grown tired.  The truth is.. I am not living my purpose. And I know my purpose is to write. I am almost 40.. so I keep wondering if it is too late.. but then I remember JK Rowling was 40.. Vera Wang was 40....

(Source: BET.Com )  I've worked my current job for about 10 years now. No... 10 years exactly. I have been a pretty autonomous worker. And trying to balance school, work and home life is challenging. I cannot say that I was/am particularly close to anyone at work. Well... I was. I had a girlfriend named Lydia and when my job sorta consolidated into her department, she embraced me with  open arms. She was 10 years older than I was, had two kids, but it felt as though she was a peer and my older sister. We'd have lunch often. She gave me tons of advice. She let me vent to her and she would vent to me. And when I started dating my husband, she was rooting for me. Lydia passed away about 2.5 years ago from breast cancer. And I miss her at work everyday. Sometimes I think I hear her laughing but I know she isn't here. She was my ally. She was the person I bounced ideas off of. She was my rock at work.. This loss has been magnified now that my mother is gone too. I ...

Commuting to work today...listening to my IPod...I had a revelation on why I'm FINALLY ok with not dating and why Men in this city won’t date me: 1) I am saving money. LOTS of it. I don’t have to spend money on pedis, manis and all that extras like new outfits when I have dates...trying to impress some ridiculous bama who doesn’t care less. Furthermore, dudes expect YOU to come out the pocket a lot. And while I don’t mind doing that eventually...as we get to know each other...I don’t like doing that off the bat. Period. I’m old-fashioned. I can save money on my damn groceries cause your pooh butt ass won’t be sitting on my couch, eating my damn snacks. 2) Men don’t want to date me because I have no car . In this city, that's a requirement. I keep bringing it up (I know you are tired of hearing it) but I get tired of dudes saying I live so far (yet I live 6 miles from downtown..THEY live far). They are used to girls meeting them in places for dates and etc. Coming to THEIR...