Sex and The Southern Belle

This week the internet was all a-buzz about a young woman whose viral video depicting a day in the life of "street harassment" for women in New York City. The video has its flaws, as Roxane Gay has so eloquently pointed out. Most of the harassers are black and Latino. Nevertheless,...it's all harassment. Brave black women such as Feminista Jones and  artist Tatyana Fazlalizadeh are telling and shouting from the rooftops that this is not OK. ESP not OK to do to black women, whose bodies are targets of ridicule, objectification, and subjugation. Now, I am sure you are thinking:  what on earth does street harassment have to do with my husband and his compliments to me? I think everything. If you hear "hey beautiful" everyday as you walk the busy Metro streets, as you try to go to work or just take a jog around your neighborhood, you just brush it off as some tactic that men use to get in your pants. As a woman you think, "sure I am beautiful ...

In reading this book for our “virtual” book club meeting, I was struck by a few concepts that I am personally struggling with. How do I live my life and still date? How do I be the person I am meant to be without compromising myself? How do I still feel sexy and beautiful without having to engage in that manner?  In particular, how do I shut off sex without shutting down as a woman (154)? Specifically, the author says the following: “We can shut down inside, clamp off the pain of unmet desire and live in a small place where we feel almost nothing…plenty of women make this choice, often subconsciously…it feels safer than taking the risks that “having a life” entails, but it is really a form of dying on the vine” (162). And that is my fear: If I leave this part dormant in my life for longer than I anticipate, that I will die on the vine, like a rotting grape who had the potential to be turned into fine wine.  Right now, I am not ripe for “plucking” (no pun intended), but I do ...

Let me start this blog by saying, I am not a bible-beating Christian. I will never convince someone that they need to be saved or know Jesus. I respect all faiths and I respect all interpretations of God's Word. That being said....I didn't come here to preach on Sex and the Southern Belle. But....I will say that this post signals a turn in my life....and I would be remiss if I didn't share it with you all...so...here goes.... At my uncle's fledgling church in Stockbridge , the musician likes to sing the song, " I Give Myself Away " by gospel singer William McDowell.  A LOT. *smh* Granted, our musician doesn't know but like 2 verses of a very short song (..and we got him for a good almost "FREE" budget...LOL),  he sings it with a lot of zeal and love of the Lord that you cant help but sing along too. It would annoy me greatly when he would start up on the song. I'd roll my eyes and go.."Oh Lawd...not this song again"...and just s...

Have you ever been on a date and wondered if you were at Def Comedy/Poetry jam or still in the back booth at the Olive Garden? Yeah…..who wants to relive that moment?? No one. Do you really want to be sitting across from a woman as you do your soliloquy from Othello and she has the gas face? Nah…I didn’t think so. Do you want to do stuff that is more and more awkward making you look like a jackass? Nah...I didn’t think so. In this world of dating/mating, we are often assaulted with a barrage of images of our potential mates. Sometimes we don’t even know how to take it. It is as if someone left the IPod on “shuffle” the entire time in our heads.   We complain that a person often comes to the table with their “representative”, the man/woman that we THINK you’d like or be attracted to. Yes, in general, we hate that. However, you may want to scale back your “real” self for a little while . Because a date is not a performance. No, this isn’t to say that you need to indeed come as a “rep...

I will not apologize For my desire to be loved My desire to be wanted Appreciated and needed. I will not apologize for being so damn fabulous That I want to share myself with someone. I know I’m too fly to be in a perpetual dating circle. Some of us are just “breed” that way. T o all the women… Who are accused of being desperate and pressed for “a man” DONT YOU DARE apologize For wanting to be loved, cherished, appreciated and valued You hold your heads high... Keep your hearts carefully guarded And you say to the naysayers... "Desire" is not desperation. “Pressed” isn’t pressure. To "Care" isn’t to have cloudy judgment. Who wants to spend the rest of their lives roaming... From arms to arms. Heart to heart…. I k now myself just fine. How much time do you want me to be alone? I l ove myself just fine. Dont tell me I'm too young.. worry about other things. Who said this was a "worry"....It's a want. Next time someone... Asks you to apologize For...

...for this. WARNING: This is about to be the most conceited post in blog history. I got these awesome set of 38 DD"s sitting up here. I'm 31..and they are STILL PERKY! (lol).  I am not too big. Not too skinny. Well..I'm thickums..but I'm thick in most of the right places. Thick in the thighs..Pretty on the eyes!!! I have near flawless Mocha-colored skin. One time..a man told me I looked like "chocolate with bits of gold in it" (which is the best compliment I've ever had). I wear my makeup with the precision of Rembrandt...yet I dont look painted on. When I have the cash..I make sure my feet and hands are done. I have a face full of almond shaped eyes...the perfect pout and straight white teeth. And these cheekbones! My goodness! People pay good money for these! I have a laugh that is infectious and I have a sweet, Southern drawl. My breath is never funky (if so..I try to rectify ASAP). My locs are always freshly done, scalp oiled and smell heavenly....

I went out recently on a date with a guy. I put in my cutest summer dress with my French pedicure visible in Via Spiga sandals. My makeup was fresh and nude…and my nervousness was pretty apparent but I was so excited. After a pretty dissapointing outcome with the last guy (we just never communicated well...), I was glad to be getting out again. My summer dating goal was still on...... When I walked outside, I saw the guy get out his SUV. And I froze. When I say dude was fine, that was an understatement.  I probably couldnt wipe the cheese-eating grin off my face. Let me give you all an example of how fine he was. As you all know, I LOVE football. So the best example of how dude looked is probably closer to this: (This is Brian Westbrook of the Eagles...ok this is about as CLOSE as I could get! *shrug*) Yeah…..he was all that and a bag of Doritos . *wipes brow* I sent my girl Candi a text and said “Guuurrrrl…dude is thicker than a Snickers!!” ( Yes…we ladies to talk like ...

Touch me here… Wait...no there Uhmmm...that feels good. No...stop…not at THIS angle. Wait...no...I don’t like how I look in this light… Turn the lights off...no...ALL the way off… We have all been there. We meet a guy. We date for a while...and finally…tonight is the night. You put on your sexiest lingerie. You oil up your body. You spray the expensive perfume. You make sure you are waxed/shaved/plucked and your toes are painted the most luscious, suckable shade. You are perfecting your make-up in your favorite shade of MAC. All is going well until….. You look in a mirror. Oh god! Those stretch marks on my butt. My stomach is hanging over my thong. I have that scar on my thigh when I fell of my bike when I was 12. Jesus..should he really SEE me like this? Thus begins the self-doubt and self consciousness that comes with sex. We all get like that a time or two. One area or another of our body makes us rethink the “getting wild and kinky” part. Maybe he won’t like my legs? Or maybe my b...