December 31, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling: The NYE Edition


  • NYE signals that  the BS from the past year is over
  • I've had a trying year...a GOOD but trying year...but I am ready to BOUNCE to 2012
  • Iv'e already kicked my fitness goals into high gear.
  • I gotta keep these resolutions Seriously...
  • Hearing "What are you doing NYE?" followed by "Baby It's Cold Outside" LOVE those songs
  • The Ball drop in Times Square....(or our little Peach Drop in ATL)
  • I'm still celibate. I've stayed strong
  • Maybe I'll get some in 2012 (LOL)
  • Watchnight Service
  • The movie New Year's Eve. I wanna see that....
  • Kissing at the stroke of midnight
  • 2012 signals almost being done w/ this Phd...Praise Jehovah
  • NYE fireworks
  • I feel that 2012 is about to be a BREAKTHROUGH year! I'm excited (for me and a friend I've been praying deeply for)


  • Paying crazy amounts of money for NYE parties. Normally..the joint would be $10 to 15 on a regular night. Now you wanna charge me $150 to sit in a raggedy pleather VIP section w/ some old ass bottle of Moet?? Negative
  • Hence..I wanna go out but NOT pay...but....
  • I don't have a date. BOO on thatt! *smh*
  • So It's gonna be me and Dick Clark and a bottle of Prosecco
  • Since Im working out....then I gotta keep that isht up.
  • I dont wanna break my resolutions...
  • That's gonna be hard 
  • Going into 2012...still single...and celibate
  • going to Watchnight service.....drunk (LOL) and or/ in your club clothes
  • I hate Auld Lange Syne. I hate that song. 
  • I'd rather be in Vegas...doing something married (LOL)
  • I feel that 2012 is about to be a BREAKTHROUGH year! I'm scared :( 

December 29, 2011

Thursday Tunes: What Are You Doing New Years?

My mother's favorite singer of all time is Nancy Wilson. When I was young, she would play all her classics. She's a standard in Blues and Jazz. Affectionately known as "Fancy Miss Nancy", she was responsible for hits such as "Guess who I saw Today".

But what I remember her most was her rendition of "What Are You Doing New Years?". Given that  NYE is fast approaching, I thought I'd share this classic.

I hope you find someone special to share your NYE with.

Welcome to 2012!!!

December 28, 2011

Ready-Whip: A Poem

I remember when I was a kid
And would sneak the can of whipped cream
From the back of our fridge
which was supposed to be just a sweet topping
On rare occasions
And hold my head back
Mouth gaping
And squirt and squeeze the aerated goodness in my mouth
And gulp it all down
And sometimes for good measure
Drown it out with some Hershey syrup.

It was innocent
but delightfully sinful
A midnight snack
Sugar laden
Empty calories
I’d lick my fingers
And giggle to myself.
No one knew my saccrine secret

But I can’t do that with you.
Or Can i?

Carnal aching
Desire baking
My midnight snack
That no one knows I digest
Like a hot apple pie
With the a la mode being you
Your rock-hard Ready-Whip in a can
A perfectly sculpted
Bronze vessel
That would expel sweetness on demand
Damn man…

That’s it.
I have to digest you
Ingest you
Inhale you
To get you out of my system
I have to put you into my system.

Then after that..
I can go on a diet.

December 20, 2011

When He Writes: A Poem

When he writes poetry about me
It will look like sticky brown sugar
Reduced down
Until it bubbles and runs over
Magic and sex
Hot and scalding
He'll make me feel like 
My ego isn't worth the praise
Words.. Honey comb dipped metaphors
As if his vocal cords belong to a lyre 
He plays piano on my thighs with his tongue
Sometimes it's Mozart sometimes it's Monk
My eyes read his lips that linger with a smile
Full of sunshine and inaudible laughter
I drink his scent
His flesh warm to my touch
Evaporated heat of a cinnamon stick and warm brandy meld
I bite down on my lip
When I think of us
Stripped down, into one pool of orgasms. 
I desire him. 

Then I wake up
Looking over at an empty pillow where his head should be
No imprint of how he laid down
No lingering scent
No honey coated melody of his "good morning" 
No rush to jump out of bed to brew coffee and add 3 shots of cream to match his complexion
I think of when he wrote poetry to me
Only to realize they weren't poems at all
Just the same tired script he used again and again.
Saying the same lines
Loving the same way
Proposing on even the same day
One day someone will write poetry about me
One day it'll be original
One day
When he writes poetry to me.

December 15, 2011

Thursday Tunes: Simply Red....

I love the 80s. I especially love 80s music...where music was music and no one cared the color of the person singing the song. Enter Simply Red....the band headed by the red headed, blue eyed British soul brother.....of the 80s who had hit after hit... but my favorite is  "Holding Back the Years"

WHen I first heard this song,  I knew then it was something special. I was young. Yet almost 25 years later I realize that the song had much more importance than I knew. Often we hold on to memories...the years we spent with someone...only to realize it is futile. YOu have to let go....because nothing was really there at all.

 As Simply Red sings.. "I've wasted all my years....wasted all those tears....And nothing had the chance to be good...cause nothing ever could"

But I'll keep holding on..... 

(or in my case...holding out for the right one :) )

December 9, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling: The Holiday Season

(Christmas in Atlantic Station: Atlanta, Georgia)
  • the smell of warm gingerbread, peppermint cocoa, and Christmas pine
  • all the good food people cook
  • cookie exchanges and tree-trimming parties
  • being around friends
  • Christmas Music....THIS IS the greatest rendition of Silent Night ever. Dont argue me down..I'll refuse to accept it:
  • Best Gospel Christmas Album: Kirk Franklin....hands down!
  • Mariah has a good Christmas Album too...I love her version of Oh Holy Night (and Im not a Mariah fan by no means..but I do own this album!)
  • I Like Celine Dion's album too. Her version of Ava Maria...pure genius!
  • But when I was kid...It was all about George Michael and WHAM! (LOL..that song is the cutest to me!)
  •  Dern..I just like Christmas many good albums out there.Jackson 5, Stevie Wonder, Motown in general....SO MANY! :)
  • When I hear Whitney Houston's "I Love the Lord" from The Preacher's Wife (which is also a Christmas/Gospel album)..I just burst out crying
  • cuddling next to a roaring fire....cause Baby It's Cold Outside (yes..I love Vanessa Williams/Bobby Caldwell's version the best!)
  • The New Year is vast approaching! Tabula Rasa!
  • Watching the tree.....lights flickering...soothing.
  • buying for my Goddaughter and mother.
  • My brother..who ALWAYS comes thru with the BOMB Christmas gift.
  • being the end of the semester..and actually being able to enjoy my time off
  • Watchnight service (Maybe I'm the only person who likes going but oh well....)

Not Feeling
  • having to COOK all the good food people are eating. It's but exhausting.
  • I dont know WHEN I'll ever go Ice Skating at Centennial Olympic Park or see the tree lighting again.
  • No one to cuddle with or exchange "THAT" special present with (LOL). 3 Christmases in a row...solo-dolo...
  • I was hoping there would be a mini-Me to do all this cheesy stuff with.
  • I dont remember the last time my Dad actually got me a Christmas present. *smh*
  • having Christmas surprises SPOILED by the UPS man delivering gifts UNWRAPPED. I mean..we aint doing outer boxes anymore? That's dangerous!
  • the smell of chitterlings. I swear..that is a Southern Negro Christmas/NYE staple. BLAH!
  • No plans on NYE...and I NEED plans on NYE....(long story there)
  • If I hear "What do the Lonely Do at Christmas?"  by The Emotions one more time...It's gonna be a bloody Christmas. That is slit-your-wrist music. *smh* Saddest Christmas song of ALL TIME! Jeesh! (LOL).
  • Tied w/ that is Mariah's "I miss you (Most at Christmas time). JEESH! *sniff*
  • Never knowing what to get my Dad. EVER. Sweaters it is!
  • not seeing my brother. He's always busy...*sigh* One day I'll have Christmas on the Beach in Florida...:)
  • The New Year approaches...much trepidation there *sigh*

December 6, 2011

Pretty Empty Boxes.

My friend (who shall remain nameless) convinced me to, JUST for a short time, and JUST for the New YEar, rejoin a dating site. She joined one too....

I hate to sound bourgie....but...I've noticed that I've had to "dumb myself down" on websites. If I say I am getting a PhD or work in the field that I do....most dudes are confused...or say crazy stuff like.." that the highest degree right?" or.."What u gonna do? Work in a hospital?" or.... just any bevy of things that show me you have no understanding.

I know most of the world isn't as well-read or educated. But at the sake of my sanity, is it wrong of me to ask that a person at least be well educated. As in went to college. Or something of that sort that may have garnered them an accredited degree... I hate having to explain myself...or my goals...or my experiences.

In this respect..Ralph Richard Banks is right. Most African-American men do no have college degrees, so I shouldn't expect them to understand my dedication go education, my job, or goals or what a PhD even stands for. This isnt to say that there are some w/o degrees who are smart and know...(people DO read..I am aware)...but it would be nice, for once, to not have to explain myself or my passionate pursuits of education to men.  I need to go for the guy, regardless of race, who has my same LIFE experiences and can at least understand them. No...he doesn't have to have a Phd..but he mot certainly would have to know what it is...

Men can hit you with all the "Dman baby you so fine" talk...but have a little substance and they glaze over. Some might argue "Well..those dudes want booty anyway"...but it's not just's the more "educated" dudes too. They just want a pretty little fill with lies and foolishness.

Im starting to think that Smart isnt sexy anymore. Or was it EVER sexy? You dont see the scientists of the world winning...with the cute dude on their arm (and yes..there are dimepiece scientists in this doubt...) . NOPE...It's the empty, bobble-head Kim K's of the world. Men want vapid and transparent...if not obtuse...couple with killer curves. (See..and I used  "big" words too....oh yeah...I'n doomed.)

In that world, where does that leave me? Sure I'm attractive to some...but I'm a complete and utter NERDY GEEKY GAL.... Smart and Pretty don't always go together...and in most dating scenarios it doesn't. I can talk about sports, StarTrek (Deep Space 9 vs Next Generation), my fav comics, reality TV, something by Chaucer, hip hop....all in one single conversation. I thought I was being well-rounded. I had no idea that would be a detriment to my dating pool.

So do you all think it's true? Do men want arm candy? Or want a girl with SOME smarts OR may want a girl with smarts...but not a LOT of it?

November 26, 2011

One and Done

According to a joint Morehouse and Howard University study, 73% of black women WILL be married at least once by age 35. It's a statistic that most overlook during this whole "poor black women cant find a man" media blitz that seems to plague my generation. It truly does give women hope (now whether they remain married is about the same as the national average... of 61%).


I'm 32.

I'm divorced.

So does this mean I already had my "at least one time"?

Thanksgiving with my family since the divorce has further highlighted that this may be a possibility.  My little cousins, all grown men and women, now have their own families. Some are married. Some are not. Some are with long term partners. Some have "baby daddies"and are doing it solo.

But I was supposed to be the "ideal" one in my family: Educated, Pretty, Career Minded. I had the husband and the big fancy wedding to prove it. I had the house. Family holidays were a no-brainer. We were it. We had it...

Had it...

Now at the almost 3 year divorced mark, I'm faced with the possibility that what I once had..will be the only time I have it. It sounds bleak...but...there is a certain peace at times at the thought.

I can be that cool Aunt/Older Cousin that gives bomb gifts on the holidays, sneaks a kid some wine, and laughs at talks of their first kiss.
I can go to all the recitals and stuff, and even offer to chaperon.
I can be the cool one who haves slumber parties, shopping sprees and "tea" on Saturday w/ my favorites.
I can travel the Globe on the holidays...and not have to worry about if we have the money to pay the rent, if the car will get repossessed,  splitting in between in-laws who don't like me no way, or if he'll really want to spend that day with someone else.
In case of not getting married, Ive made alternative arrangements...from finance to personal.

It all sounds fine and dandy.....


My little chubby cherub of a 2nd cousin, jumps in my arms and I tickle her and laugh and she decides to whisper an inaudible secret to me, as her chubby chocolate hands grip my face. She runs off and jumps in her father's arms and giggles some more. I see my Uncle sneak his wife a kiss and say something a little naughty....and my Grandmother is there, admiring the generations that she spawned....

And I realize I can't lie to myself... I do want that .I realize that I am here. Not alone but alone for the 3rd year in a row. What should have been wasn't. And while I have made peace with that, it doesn't make it any easier.

I'd love to get married again and possibly have a family. But age, time and (perhaps) race isnt on my side. So..the word "remarriage" and "35" may not go together

Ok..I know I have a ways to go before I am 35...but it isn't that far away.

Could I be a "one and done" girl? Ot should I quit while I'm ahead? be continued.

November 23, 2011

Good Ol' Twitter Wisdom

I ran across an old tweet...

"Fear is paralyzing. I need courage, the ability to fight through fear. I am afraid to be in love because I'm afraid to be FREE. I am afraid to be in love because I am afraid to be and BE dissapointed. Above all else, I am afraid to be in love because...I might actually enjoy it. And for me..enjoyment usually means this is too good to be true..and bound to fail."

Gosh...I'm Confucious in this mug.....*smh*

(BTW...follow me  @TheMochaPeach)

November 21, 2011

One Line Truths

Being told you are beautiful everyday sometimes you take it for granted...until the day you just stop hearing it all together.


November 17, 2011

Thursday Tunes (and a Movie): "Something New" ...and Van Hunt

I had a bit of insomia the other night and tossed and turned. I decided to turn  to the Oxygen network and low and of my fav movies was on: Something New with Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker

Back when I first saw the movie, I wasn't as open to the idea of interracial relationships as I am now. But with maturity comes growth...and for me that growth included a better appreciation for the movie. Sanaa played "Kenya", the main character with tact and beauty. And Simon Baker as "Brian" was hot and steamy. I think my fav scene when he paints her toes...and tells her she needs a little "Color" in her life. *WHEW*! Talk about sexy..........(oh..and that sex up against the foyer scene was hot too).

The irony wasn't lost on me, an English major. The blue-collared (yet college educated) white guy, the "colorless", vanilla guy brings a lot of color to the "boring, vanilla" but professional "colored" girl. True love prevails all..

I also love the song "Seconds of Pleasure" by Van Hunt which was sorta the "love theme" of the movie. Omg..such a sexy song....

I love Van Hunt. A true, funk soul man in his own heart. A little Hendrix. A Little Prince. Almost a baby brother to my love, Lenny Kravitz. ..and def a student of Curtis Mayfield*sigh*..He's so dope it'll make you an addict!

(This song is the absolute TRUTH)

I think "Something New" maybe be in my Top 10 Fav Movies of All Time. (And I LOVE that is a big ol' thing for me to say) It is all about getting out of your box and out of yourself. (Ok..I was a little mad that my SEXY Blair Underwood had to come out a loser..but oh well...someone had to. His comment about her hair irked me).  But the movie is so so sexy....and Simon Baker gives a poignant, honest performance as a man just wanting to love his girl.

So enjoy a little "Something New" Today........... :)

(Here is the whole movie...Youtube is being a buster..not letting me imbed the HTML for a few parts! GRR!!)

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

Part 7:

Part 8:

(Ps: And if you all are curious about my SOME of FAV MOVIES of all they no paricular order (and def not a definitive list):
Love Jones (Ok. So this might be my ALL TIME #1 Movie of All Time)
The Usual Suspects
Menace II Society
Imitation of Life
The Five Heartbeats
Love and Basketball
500 Days of Summer
The Best Man
The Princess Bride
Oh Brother Where Art Thou?
Brown Sugar
A Streetcar Named Desire
Something New
Two Can Play That Game
Love Actually
The Holiday
Deliver us from Eva
All About Eve
Slumdog Millionare
Love and other Disasters
Last Holiday (yeah..I  like that movie too)
Love Potion #9
Miss Congeniality
Shrek (all series)
A Soldier's Story
What's Love Go To Do With It?
The Wiz
Carmen Jones
Cabin in the Sky
Porgy and Bess
New Jack City
The GodFather Series
Do The Right Thing
Boyz in the Hood
Dial M for Murder
Sex and the City (the 1st movie)
Noah's Arc: Jumping the Broom
The Color Purple
School Daze
Lady Sings the Blues
Malcolm X
Training Day (and honestly anything w/ Denzel in it)
Kill Bill
Cooley High
Cleopatra Jones
I'm gonna Get you Sucker
Eve's Bayou
City of God
The Professional
Coming to America
Beverly Hills Cop
The Wedding Planner
The Wedding Singer
Reservoir Dogs
Antoine Fisher
The Bourne Identity
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
The Birds
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Miracle on 34th Street (the  modern version)
A Christmas Story
27 Dresses
Harold and Kumar
Old School
Sabrina (both versions)
Knocked Up
Black Orpheus
Like Water for Chocolate
Super Bad
40 Year Old Virgin
Roll Bounce
Drumline (yep..even that cheezy Joint)
Breakfast at Tiffany's

November 16, 2011

Sweet Peach in Spoiled Pie: "A Poetic Litany"

This is a litany
For the sweet peach that was me..
Now fermented in what is now a spoiled, rotten pie.
First, she grew beautifully
Firm and ripe
Sweet and juicy
Under the southern sun
She was plucked...suckled...dripping down the chin of experience.
Leaving only a bit to savor.
Yet that bit I thought I saved
Little known to me was being swallowed up and consumed
By the bakers who wanted to put me in a pie
And ship me off in a box
They bound me up
Letting me sit and fester
Until the maggots came to devour
They fed on my nativeness
Until they gorged themselves
And vomited out my pit, my core.
(Or what was left of it)
to stay trapped in the sugary sweetness of an ever baking pie
In an even hotter oven.
No Ice cream to top me
Just flies and mold
Then the roaches come
To feed on whatever is left..
the crust and crux of me.

Atlanta...this peach, your native daughter has outgrown you
I've go to go.

November 15, 2011

The Burning Questions: Random Thoughts

  •  Why is it SO EASY for men to move on? They move to a new city...they quickly fall into finding a new chick to smash. Divorce/Break a new broad within the week and marry her in 6 months. Break someone's heart...get another chick pregnant. I mean...where is the recovery time for your hear? It seems so cold. Especially cause the next chick won't know she's filler. The old girl becomes afterthoughts...if she doesn't materializes into vapor.

  • Why are my ATL born and raised sensibilities not a good fit anymore in the NEW ATL of fake asses, over 35 year olds in the club, everyone wanting to be a model/star, and no one dating? I gotta get away. I wont tolerate bashing my city..ESP by transplants because they are partly why the atmosphere has changed. I'm tired. The truly Southern Belle I am (and not in a Phaedra way) and that just doesn't mix well now. But if I go...where will I go? Here or abroad? Will it all just be the same?

  • Why are my misfortunes comedy for so many people? Perhaps not intentionally. But when I hurt...I hurt. I recently tweeted about an incident where I felt like I was on an episode of Awkward Black Girl and I get a DM from my frat laughing and calling me a clutz. It wasn't the time nor the place. I really felt I blew my chances to make a good first impression. You don't have to drive the nail any deeper. I dont need to be reminded of how I make mistakes, esp. socially.

  • Has celibacy hurt or helped me? Spiritually, I feel helped a lot. I feel at peace. I don't feel pressued. I feel cleansed. But socially, I feel awkward. I mean, there has been NO attempts at dates or seriously dating. I don't even know if I SHOULD or can be around guys.. When I bring it up, I get either "Awww...thats great" or "Aww..I feel sorry for you.". No one knows how to react.

  • Why is it that no "toy" pair of "shoes" new hair do..or no new outfit can replace the hole you feel inside? And why do you try and fill it....when you should probably just "feel"it?

  • Why do I feel like I have to compromise myself, my morals and who I am to get what I truly want? I dont feel the need to "trick" men  or "trick" my bosses or professors. I refuse to do it. But am I "losing"?

  • Do fairytales every happen for little black girls? I don't mean Prince Charming waltzing in to save the day. I mean just dreams coming true. We all seem so tired of being sick and tired. I have girlfriends who lament the same thing. Over over.....I can see why "the rainbow isn't enuf".

  • Why don't more men write songs about love and loving? And less songs about "ASS" and smacking it and keeping it "wet".  Why do you know the mechanics of sex but not the mechanics of love?

  • Why does it appear that the "losers" are rewarded? They've done wrong yet they come out shining. How is that fair?
  • Have you ever wanted to just say to God.."Look God...enough is enough." or " this how it's gonna be?" It's frustrating. You don't want to have to get to the perils of Job to appreciate God...or get THIS close to cursing God.. I feel like Jacob, wrestling with God. But I'm not sure if I am coming out the victor. I am reminded of His word: Jer 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

  • When does it get old hearing "You have this and are SO GREAT...I dont understand why you are single"? When is the polite way of telling people to "shut the fuck up" because instead of being just sounds condescending?

  • When do you just stop caring? Stop wishing upon wish...hoping upon hope..particularly if you profess to be a person of faith. Can you have faith and be numb to care? Numb to empathy?

  • Can your "best" just not be good enough?

  • Can silence and emptiness become familiar? Can you get used to it? Can it replace what was familiar?

November 12, 2011

Kandi Burrus Launches Sex Toy Line

Kandi Burruss promotes her new Bedroom Kandi toy line at Shout Sept. 1, 2011. PHOTO CREDIT: Rodney Ho/

Former Lead Singer of Xscape and Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member singer/songwriter Kandi Burruss recently launched her own line of sex toys. Kandi said she was inspired by Dr. Laura Berman (whose products I have also reviewed as well)....
Kandi looking curvy and fab at her product launch party this past September.

The line, entitled "Bedroom Kandi by Kandi Burruss", introduces women to luxury sex toys that are sleek, discrete, and gorgeous with cute little names and "adapters". Lots of products resemble women's items such as lipstick or compacts! Partnering with OhMiBod (famous for their Ipod/Vibrator combination) and designer Matthew Pung, Kandi has launched some pretty "hot" products

"Happiness and Joy" vibrator
"Kandi Kisses" lipstick vibrator

I love that Kandi is branching out into other areas beside music! This is totally cool. And as a person who appreciates sex toys and supporting African-American businesses, I can totally get with this.

Items went on sale in late October. You can now order her products at as the site has finally gone live! Also, there is information there if you want to become a "Bedroom Kandi" party consultant.

November 8, 2011

Giving D*ck Reports

Ya know, there were two cardinal things that my mother told me never, ever to talk about with my girlfriends when I got married:

1)   You and your husband’s finances: Unless folks wanna put MORE money in your pocket…WTF can they do for you.
2)   You and your husband’s sex life. If you start talking about it…you will lose it. Save it for a therapist if you having problems. And if it’s good, keep smiling, and keep it to yourself…unless you want the next woman to have it.

Now, because of unforeseen events, I had to call on my girlfriends for some financial help. So #1 went out the door. But those were trusted confidantes that really didn’t expect to go blabbing about how they helped me.

But #2….with all my heart I kept that close to the vest. I never ever shared how my husband and me had a great OR bad sex life. To this day, no one will know that except me and my ex husband. That is the truth.

But nevertheless…some people really share too damn much. And your sex life with your partner/husband/fiancĂ©/baby-daddy is one of them.

I have a friend. Let’s call her “Shelly” (thank God I have no friends named Shelly…LOL). Anyway, Shelly is really into her husband “Ted”.  It’s as if Ted is the only penis she’s had (and that’s a lie because I guess she forgot how big a hooker she was). Anyway, Shelly is a born-again freak for her man (despite pretty much giving all her freak away to the umpteen dudes before Ted).  Every Facebook post…every Tweet…at least twice a week…is on how she’s “putting it on Ted”. How well Ted “eats her p**y” and how big his dick is. And that is MILD….some of it get’s downright raunchy.   For example, one tweet was something like “Yeah..his D8ck just hit my walls something serious. I mighta gotten a hysterectomy”. What?? “Ilk*  “[Nicki Minaj voice*]

.’I'm no prude…trust me I’m not. I don’t want to picture her and Ted getting their “grown folks” on. Seriously… gags.  Not that they are unattractive people, but that’s a line that I don’t want to cross.  I don’t need to picture that every time I see you pass the potato salad at the picnic. Giving a d*ck report back in the "single" days meant you were telling your girl what you HEARD (or experienced but...veiled it as "what you heard") about a dude's sex game to sort of "warn" hear about what he may be like (or give a brother props).

 I am not sure what purpose giving a dick report to your girl is about when you are married?? To brag? To say.."Poor thing...dont you wish you had some?" No I dont..I dont want none of Ted's rusty nasty beer-belly dick if I had a choice and if you asked me to join ya'll....I'l pass.

Oh we all get flirty.  I will brag on my skills form time to time. [pats self on back].  But it’s always in a joking manner. Never will you hear the nitty-gritty, down and dirty details of how I do my thing in the bedroom. Nor will you hear me giving out dick reports on my man. As my mother said, I don’t want the next woman getting her curiosity peeked so she could get the deepest of her itches scratched. If you are a cat in head, please find another cat to get down with. Not my cat…

Keep your sexual life in-house, people. No one wants to hear there just on a TMI level. But most of all, don’t share what’s good to you, unless you want someone else to take a sample of it.

Marriage and monogamy is dine-in, one course only. Not a buffet…


November 4, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling

  • The weather is I'm feeling warm, inviting, sexy, alluring..maybe even a little "daring"
  • Like we skipped fall and are going straight into winter. Wow.........*burrr*
  • Cold sheets. I like my sheets ice cold, then gradually warming up.
  • Down comforters
  • Maxwell albums never, EVER get old for me
  • Argyle tights. Patterened tights in general
  • Iphone 4s
  • Winter skin exfoliating
  • That my feet are covered and I can save on the pedicures.
  • This is prob my fav Monica song of all time.............
  • I like Drake. Sue me! *shrug*
  • I'm gorgeous. I mean absolutely stunning. And it's not my problem if other people don't see it. *shrug*

Not Feeling
  • That despite this weather changing, there really is no one to share that with...except my boyfriend TiVo (LOL)
  • That this is me most weekends...
(that's cocoa in my mug...LOL)
  • That there is no point to my cell phone. I dont even get that many texts. People don't call.  Yet I want an Iphone 4s? I might as well go back to the days of the flip phone.
  • Remaking The Best Man? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *thumbs down*
  • Seasonal Affect Disorder.........Not cool :(
  • I'm all boobs and big hair. I'm so Southern that way :( *smh*
  • I dont like Jay Z...SUE ME! *shrug*
  • Still can't rock a super high heel........*sigh*, My ankle does this weird pop and spasm
  • People are too caught up in their own fucking feelings, yo. For real. You salty over what?? *smh* Get over yourelf
  • That apparently you're a "lesbian" if you're celibate. Interesting............
  • Like I have a "mentor": Someone a little older than me that is where I wanna be: Marriage, Career, Family..... Gotta search
  • This blog is dying a slow death.......(LOL) I wanna pull the plug EVERY day...but something tells me not to.
  • I'm gorgeous. I mean absolutely stunning. And THE PROBLEM IS if other people don't see it. *shrug*

Dear Men: Death to the "Hey You" Text

I am always inspired by other bloggers. I read and crack up DAILY at Awesomely Luvvie's blog. She is too funny.  The posts that always crack me up are her "sternly worded" letters, to celebrities, commentary on pop culture, and all other forms of rachetness. So, needless to say, she inspired me to do a "sternly worded letter" of my own to men and their use (well..misuse) of the "Hey You" text.

Dear Men Of the Free World (Regardless of Race, Creed, Religion, Nationality, or Color):

They shoulda never gave you nuggets cell phones. 

And with the advent of texting, I definitely wish to hell that that means of communication was never born. I am convinced texting was invented by a cowardly man who wanted to avoid actual communication at all costs.  I mean, you DO know what it's (texting) for right? Texts are quick little joints like "Imma be late" or "Can you pick up some milk?" or "Hey..Emergency..My cat died". You know, important shit that, nonetheless,  can be translated in brevity.

They are NOT for you to send random, ratchet "Hey you" texts. Just two raggedy words. Hey and You. WTF is the purpose of these texts? I think I talked about this not too long ago, how men like do to the "back pocket girl" check-in from time to time. B*tch I do not have time for games.  What do you think that text was supposed to do? Get me wet in the panties and itching to talk to you.

Quite the opposite. All the "hey you" text does is further give me reasons not to communicate with your punk ass. Don't come at me like I'm some afterthought. Like "Oh..let me see wassup with you?" What you want? I know it's getting cold. A hot meal. Some body heat? WHAT??

Text messages damn sure aren't "sticky notes" for your brain to check on some girl you hadn't talk to in 5 months of Sundays.

I love you, men. I truly do. But do you all know this thing called "social etiquette" and graces. Or were you all raised by a back of she-wolves?  And what makes you think a woman is gonna even remember who the hell you are after long lapses of time?? And why the "hey you". You don't remember shit about me. Tell the truth, yo! *smh* You can't even personalize the message you sorry excuse for brains. Just lazy as hell..if you said my name I'd remember

Then when I'm like " is this?" Cause obviously I do not decide to be clever and text me a photo. Like I'm supposed to have a jarred memory cause you sent some photo. I'm trying to FORGET you. WTF, son! Then when I casually remind you of how long it's been since we go.."For's been 5 months?" Obviously..I wasn't that deep on your mind. Truth is, you just didn't want ME to forget about you so you can have an IN. Ol narcissistic assclown..... Dont nobody give a damn about the air you breathe and the space you consume..let alone your raggedy texts!! make my hemorrhoids flare up! saw my number in your cell....was like "Hold up..what happened to that chick...let me send a text"..thinking it could ease you back into the scene...maybe get some ass...and some hot ramen noodles on a cold winter's night.  WRONG! WOMP! WOMP!  You just played your damn self.

I call for a funeral to the "hey you" text. Ain't no sincerity behind it. No genuine concern. Cause if that was the case...there would be no need for the "hey you" text.  You would have mad a concerted effort to keep me around, keep the lines of communication open IRREGARDLESS (yes..that is incorrect English...but alas).  At least have the decency to be for real and be like " your name is in my cell..we ain't talked in a minute...who is this?" Yeah...I'd garner a modicum of respect for you then.

Men...Please have a seat. No. A full church pew at The Potter's House. And please don't text me no "hey you" mess again. HEY is for horses (as my Grandpa would say...)


I don't give 12 damns if I got unlimited texts, you are using up my megabytes for bullshit.

November 2, 2011

Reproductive Justice, Age, and Turning Tables.

I will be 33 years old in less than 5 months. By this time, I thought I would have a child by now. But such is not my fate.

In less than 5 months, it will also mark my being celibate (I hope) a full year. I siad that I would stop there. But I am thinking I am going to go onward...

I'm also a feminist. I am a womanist. And I am also an advocate for fair and equal reproductive justice. I believe I can do what I want, when I want, when it comes to my body and my reproductive rights. I am pro choice. I grew up in a very feminist, pro-choice household that advocated responsible sexual health and access to reproductive care.

I will be 33 in less than 5 months. If you can believe it, if I never have sex again....I would probably be ok.


I know. It seems shocking and unrealistic. But I am at a really good place spiritually.  I feel so free. It is a terrible, drowning burden lifted. This insatiable need to please another person who really could care less. For the first time since before I was a virgin, I feel in total control of my body. Not lusted after. Not wanted for one illicit pleasure or another. And while I am not one to disclose my sexual habits, I just feel free of the drama of having to get undressed, buy new drawers (lol), and pretend I'm superwoman of the bedroom.

*sigh* exhausting...*ugh*

And although I hear people saying "What if the right guy comes along?" Or "what if you want to have a child?" I have made my peace with it. I will be 35 in 2 years. That was my cut off date. And right now, I do not see it. I don't want it.  I am in the midst of career changes and PhD studies. I may will not actually birth a child. This isn't to say I won't be a mother...right?

All of this, celibacy, deciding not to have children, and the ironic part is I am still on birth control. *smh* $25 every freaking month for what? So...I decided on the radical decision to get an IUD, stop taking the pill, and basically increase my chances of not having a child. In the event that I do have sex, I do not want it to result in any "accidents". Abortion isn't a choice I want to make, despite being pro-choice.

My friends think I am crazy. That this must be a "phase" and I have lost my mind and/or sex drives. One accused me of "sterilizing" myself.  One girl told me "Just go pill-less and see what happens! If you get what? You are grown and you have a job". What kind of craziness is that? How is that taking control of my reproduction if you basically want me to be a statistic: unwed, single Black, highly-educated mother. Oh yes, contrary to popular belief, most single mothers who are black are HIGHLY educated. I'm a PhD student, gainfully employed...I def don't want to be there. Not knocking those who's just not for me. This is my body. And I do with it what I shall...

I do not want to forgo the natural childbearing alone. Particularly if I know who the father is.  That's an emotional monkey that I do not want on my back. What if dude doesn't want to be with me? What if by some strange coincidence I find out he's married or with a girl? What if he's a deadbeat? What if he's way too involved? What if I love him...and he doesn't love me? Or vice versa?

Adoption is altogether a different subject.  Giving love to a child who is unwanted?? That's sounds contradictory but not really. Mothering does not mean childbirth. I could mother with our without it..and even with or without adoption.

Fact of the matter is, although giving birth in a marriage with my husband is optimal, I probably will not, and I need to tailor my life to that. Let's face facts: the availability of a suitor is slim, I'm getting older, I am busy, and quit frankly, sex isn't that big a deal to me anymore. This isn't a doom and gloom blog. Just the facts. Sex, especially sex outside of marriage or a committed relationship, isn't that appealing to me. (Actually, I've never been one too keen on sex outside of relationships, although my blog may not have reflected that)

I never thought I'd be here at this point in my life. I never thought that I'd be out of this hetero-normative idea of marriage, biological reproduction,  and a "happily ever after". Truth is, perhaps it left me out. Perhaps the stats are against me. Perhaps I just feel this overwhelming freedom and control over my own destiny


October 28, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling: Halloween


  • HALLOWEEN! It is prob my fav non-holiday to Thanksgiving
  • crazy costumes
  • families who participate. Like my girl Yakini over at . I'm sure she has something  in store! She's always so bomb with her creativity.
  • I'm dressing up for the first time in like 3 years AND going to a party. You'll have to wait and see what I'll be!
  • I always think about how I wanted to be Wonder Woman and ran out in the cold on Halloween  in my Underoos, red cowboy boots,  and my mama got so mad
  • Candy goes on sale the day after, KIT KATS FOR EVERYONE!
  • It's.....The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!!
  • I'll have peace and quiet and no kids knocking cause kids in condos/apartments do not trick-or -treat. They go to the mall..which seems so lame to me.
  • Parties! With a spiked punch!!!. (I throw the best parties..although I'm not having one..just going to one)
  • Can I say Kit Kats again???
  • I'll be around friends this year. It should be a great time :)

Not Feeling:

  • people try and get all religious. Chill out. It's a holiday for  pure merriment and candy for the kid. Every culture has it.
  • the adult  Woman Costume I wanted (above) was sold out AND expensive
  • Therefore, I was torn between Nicki Minaj, Gaga, Amy Whinehouse, Janelle Monae...and picked neither of them. *shrug*
  • Why are all the costumes TOO sexy sometimes. Maybe I wanna be sexy but simple, ya know?
  • They don't make  CUTE costumes for curvy, busty gals.
  • Because of that..I had to piece my joint together and I pray I dont' look like a jackass
  • I got a slight cold. Not cool. Imma freeze my "paws" off (hint). LOL.
  •  Halloween is special because Halloween used to be "our" thing as a married couple. We had parties every year.
  • That I wont get to see my ex look like THIS again:(Gotcha b*tch. LMAO!! He was one hideous hooker in drag)

  • Or HIM this drunk....(LOL):

  • I really do miss the fun of the parties. They went down in infamy (LOL).  I'd love to have another. And it SUCKS that my current residence wants to charge like $300 to rent the room..*smh* Maybe when I move....
  • I miss my house...I miss passing out candy to the kids. Kids in condo/apartments do NOT trick or treat. They go to the mall w/ their scary asses! The first year I moved here..I got dressed up and no one showed up! I was so sad...(but I had plenty of candy!)
  • Candy Corn..that's just nasty torture
  • the family that gives out the cheap, dollar tree candy in the generic bag. Or peppermint (LOL) Or toothbrushes...or pamphlets...*smh*
  • The price of costumes ....JESUS! I didn't even get a FULL costume and it was high as hell!
  • I cant put my current locs into a cute wig. My mama tried to provide me a wig but it was hideous. LOL. So the effect I was going for with my costume will be sorta lost.
  • I won't be in a Thriller Flash Mob! *bummer*
  • That Black people do NOT like to dress up! Get the stick out of your ass! I hated having a party every year and someone goes "I don't do costumes". What?? It's a COSTUME party.
  • I can't carve a pumpkin to save my life...nor do I like the taste of it. *smh*
  • Halloween signals the end of the year basically.......not to mention (this year) my 3rd anniversary of my to the next one.
  • I was hoping I'd have kiddies to share in this day least one in some kind of Snuggie costume LOL. I always wanted to do a crazy family theme. Like Run DMC, or Kid and Play or something.
  • I will NEVER watch a scary movie. OR be alone on Halloween. EVER....(LOL)
  • It's cold. In a whole lot of ways.... *sigh*
  • On a Non-Halloween tip: Mariah do not throw SHADE to your husband on national TV? Get your mind right. He's young but he has fucking feelings, yo! He obviously loves her dirty drawers. She has been shitted on so much....*sigh* I feel her for the slight insecurity..but boo..not on national TV!

Have a Safe and Happy Halloween, everyone!

October 19, 2011

MidWeek Tunes: "Resentment"

Other than "Rolling in the Deep", this song has been covered more than a few times (Ok.."Marvin's Room" might be a distant second).

It was originally recorded by Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham (of all people), and then stolenby Beyonce on her B'Day Album. favorite version is the one by Jazmine Sullivan. Her vocals are deeper, richer and she just seems more emotionally invested in the song. Her phrasing is on point and you can just feel her pain.

My favorite lyric of the entire song is this:

"And I may never understand why... I'm doing the best that I can, but I...
Just can't seem to get over, the way you hurt me
Don't why you gave another, who didn't mean a thing... the very thing... you gave to me"

This song just resonates with me so much. I've resented so much in love and loving. The question remains.."How do you get past it?" Nevertheless, I'll keep listening to Jazmine and knowing that you will be alright in the end.

You just have to right?

October 18, 2011

So Now I'm a Lesbian??

In reading Audre Lorde (who is my fav author if you don't know by now), I realize that she hits on some real points that resonate even 40 years later. One point being, that if you are outside of the "norm", the heterosexual norm (whether you be gay or straight), pushing against male sexual advances and their aggression, then you are always branded a "lesbian". If you have no must be a lesbian. If you aren't having must be a lesbian. If I won't give you my number, I'm a straight up dyke. No perm? Lesbian...

Audre Lorde said it best:

"Today, the red herring of lesbian-baiting is being used in the Black community to obscure the true face of racism/sexism"

At first I thought the whole idea of  men calling you a lesbian was immature and just out of date. Surely, guys these days don't feel that way in this age of sexual freedom and liberation. That is until it happened to me.

The Scene: My Office at Noon. I get an IM from a dude whom I think I remember...but uhm..not quite. As a matter of fact, I think I blocked him dude to no contact.

Dude: Hey wassup?
Me: Who is this? (I vaguely remembered dude)
Dude: Uhm.... J****
Me: I dont remember a J*** but if you are a guy from a dating site I may have talked to...I'm sorry but I'm not really entertaining communication at the moment. I'm not dating right now. Sorry.
Dude: So you aren't talking to dudes? Not entertaining? into women now? Batting for the other team?
Me: *delete*...*block*...*report to Yahoo as harassment*

So if I don't want to talk to you? Or don't want to entertain anything from any dude, then I must be a lesbian? What kind of bull crap is that? So my sexuality is determined by my interaction with men solely? or my INactivity with men? 

Not only did this dude piss me off, he pretty much solidified why I am on this extended dating and sexual hiatus. Almost 8 month into the celibacy thing, I truly don't miss this type of foolishness. Yes I miss companionship and conversation. Yes I miss getting cute and going on dates. But I definitely don't miss the sexual foolishness. I don't miss the presumptions about who I am. And I damn sure don't miss people being assholes, particularly when I did not warrant that type of behavior.

I am not sure what dude was expecting. I think I hadn't talked to dude in like 6 months. So what makes  you think I want to talk to you? And furthermore, because I dont want to talk to you, all of a sudden that makes me a lesbian?? The nerve of you.

Apparently these stories are not new. My friends chimed in and said that they felt the same way in certain situations. If you turn down a guy's drink....lesbian. Don't like him feeling on your ass in the club...LESBIAN.... If you don't want to have sex on the first date...LESBIAN. If you don't want to give him head in the car....fucking LESBIAN b*tch (true story).  I mean what gives with this "blacklisting" of a woman's sexuality if she doesn't want to do what YOU, dominate male hegemony, want her to do?

I pray to God every day that he cover me and open my heart to someone special. But if this is the kind of foolishness I'd have to face, I'm good with being celibate. Hell, I'm good with being a spinster if push comes to shove. I know men don't like their egos crushed, but truly find a more diplomatic way of taking rejection.

I won't take this lying down. I'm not a push over. I will not be disrespected. Call me lesbian all you won't lure me into your foolishness.

I may not be a "lesbian" but I surely have a "queer theory" grounding. So don't brandish me a Lesbian because I wont take your bait.

I'd rather just be one hot, celibate HETERO, chickaroo then deal with a homophobic, narcissistic dick of a well......dick.

October 14, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling

  • I love this. I got this from my boy's FB page.
  • That my ankle is somewhat improving...Praise God
  • This song by Zhane............still resonates with me. OH! And this one
  • Black bras. I have about 10 of em. Seriously...
  • The Occupy movement. I feel them........(despite some of them being privileged white people.)
  • This new Robin Thicke....can't wait till we get a new album from him.
  • Bubble baths with chilled glasses of Chardonnay. That may just be my fav wine actually...
  • Hot cocoa...curled up w/ my afghan and Netflix
  • That I dropped this wretched class.
  • I think I have a crush again. It's lame. It's cute. I don't care.
  • My little Nicki Minaj nameplate necklace that I got. I got my real's cheesy. It's fun. *shrug*
  • Kindle Fire..YES PREODERD
  • Iphone 4s...ON IT
  • How beautiful and awesome that my friends think I am
  • I've been divorced almost 3 full years... I am glad to be here still.
  • Spring break in Playa del Carmen...............yesssssssssssss :)

Not Feeling
  • How most men are not feeling that same sentiment (posted above).
  • That I STILL haven't worn my shoes (except around the house..that blows)
  • Beyonce is a choreography theif...she aint original. She's too slow and vapid to be. LOL.
  • Jay Z is a lyric they belong together. LOL
  • How folks hold on to checks and don't cash them in a timely manner. Don't hold onto my money like that. You miss me off....seriously.
  • That Zhane basically became Floetry...and jsut like great duos....they broke up too. *Sigh*
  • White underwear. They show through everything. I do not buy white undies.
  • That they are seriously going to have a Best Man 2. Why can't we leave well enough alone??
  • That the Occupy movement hasnt turned into a Tea Party mobilization. We need some Tyler Durden type revolution going on!
  • How during this whole period of "breaking"...that what I miss most is arms to hold...secrets to share...kisses to steal...and being playful. Not the sex. It's never really about that is it...
  • How people spend so much money on hair weave and makeup and junk..and have jacked up teeth. I seriously don't get it.....
  • How black people (esp the church) is so homophobic. What did gay folks ever do to you? Nothing I am presuming...
  • That now that I dropped said wretched puts be a semester behind on my requirements. Ugh.
  • Dudes who approach me on some "Hey Locs./Natural Sista" vibe. No i dont want you to be disrespectful...but at the same time..I do not want your scented oil/Nag Champa Smelling/riding a bike w/ a backpack/freelove without the "papers"/the man is holding me down cause you are keeping it real and not wanting to be part of the "system"/using big words like you fresh out the joint/spitting spoken word/spitting sh*t like "Sister Queen Mother of the Earth Nile Goddess" bullcrap/can't keep a real job/I don't trust porkchops having ASSES! (LOL)
  • People who assume because I have locs..that I want some "earthy/Granola" type dude. That's cool..but I am much more into intellectuals.
  • how DRY BET shows are. I mean utterly and completely DRY
  • They cancelled Playboy Club! PLEASE bring it back..and move it to Showtime or something.
  • I miss my annual Halloween parties
  • I miss my old house *sigh*
  • My Falcons are really making me ill....
  • NBA lock out is ridic!
  • People who say "cray-cray" .
  • How raggedy this Blackberry is. We is in the last days, yo! LOL
  • How I'd rather be in the Caribbean for the holidays....
  • I've been divorced 3 years..and sometimes I still get angry...I still get sad. It doesn't get easier. BUT I'm glad to be here.

October 13, 2011

Words to Live By

"Black women are programmed to define ourselves within this male attention and to compete with each other for it rather than to recognize and move upon our common interests."-Audre Lorde

October 12, 2011

Mid-Week Tunes: "Fantasize"

Way back in 2005/2006 (which seems like umpteen years ago), back when two fly ass chicks from LondonTown were together, when one had locs and one wasn't quite a skinkty and multi platinum as she is now (lol), they made beautiful music together and called it FLOETRY. Although Natalie Stewart (the Floecist) and Marsha Ambrosious (the Songstress) do not make music together, the optimist in me hopes that they get back together....

But until then, I will post an acapella song that captures where I am right now in my feelings... I first heard them do this song way back that summer during the Budweiser Nu-Soul Concert Series (FOR FREE) in Centennial Park. It resonated with me back then, and still does now.

Maybe part of me wishes they'd get back together, begging for a reunion. But until then...I'll use this song as my spring board to "fantasize" about "being in someone's history forever".

October 7, 2011

Marriage Induced Amnesia

I was browsing Facebook one day and came across my friend’s status that said something like….
“I often wonder what single people who are itching to settle down and get married think they're missing out on."
My friend is a sweet person, a great mom and loving wife... but I must say I was in no mood that day to read that. I don’t even think she realized how condescending the question was. It was beyond was insulting.  Now, this is in no direct attack of my friend's standpoint, but folks have got it twisted, and I can clearly see why.
I guess because I’ve been on both sides of the fence I know about the ache and hunger of marriage, how the dream gets fulfilled, and then the dream gets deferred and now you are back out here, aching and hungering for marriage. I know that marriage isn’t all wine and roses.  I never went into it with rose colored glasses...lofty expectations, yes..but never unrealistic ones. I know it is hard work. I know it isn’t going to make me totally happy yet it’s supposed to give me some modicum of happiness. I know even during marriage we will want some time for ourselves.  WE, the single black woman collective,  GET IT. And never once, even during the lowest of lows of my marriage, did I discourage my sisters to get married with talks of "it aint all that". I'll let you have your own individual experience.

I figure most married people get amnesia. Lest we forget the nights you were praying faithfully for your Boaz. ..Asking “WHY ME? WHY NOT ME?” when you got yet another baby shower or wedding invitation...Lest we forget the nights you cried...the endless and fruitless happy hours...the wasted cash on new outfits and fly hair-dos only to be stood up for a date...the horrible internet dates and hook ups...The sex that lead to nowhere...the broken hearts…the tears, hot and streaming down your face soaking your pillows......the broken promises and broken engagements…the lies..The disrespect...the cheating...the dreams crush…the expectations raised THEN lowered to negotiate via the “marriage market” (as Ralph Banks puts it...)…. You didn’t “LOVE “being single. GTFOOHWTBS……..If you did, marriage would have been an afterthought. Or maybe it is something you just lucked up on. What you loved is what single hood taught you…which is really to appreciate positive companionship a whole lot more while allowing you to grow into your own independence. Singleness teaches balance. didn't need a man..but having one sure is nicer.
And I’m supposed to be OK with living “in my singleness” and not be “itching” to get out of that bull? Just because your marriage didn’t live up to YOUR expectations doesn’t mean you need to thwart my efforts to have even what you have…the good and the bad. We as single women get tired of hearing the “Girl…don’t rush it…” or “Girl...Marriage isn’t all that…” or “it’s not going to make you happy” stories. You say that you hold your 2.5 kids on each hip, pet your dog, iron your husband’s shirts, and balance the family checkbook…..yet not seeing me on the other end of the line, eating yet another Lean Cuisine meal alone, and standing up at my kitchen counter. Please...miss me with that. WE GET IT! There is both good and bad! JEESH!  Enjoy my freedom and all my time to myself?? ..uhm...that is getting OLD. So guess what? I’M READY! Hell...some of us have BEEN ready…some of us are hopelessly waiting, still living fulfilling lives but…time is passing us by. We all aren’t living in a fantasy world of what marriage is or can be. You say you are encouraging us....but it doesn't remotely sound that way.
So you know why single people are “itching to settle down and get married” (ESP black women):
We want…being truly vulnerable and letting our walls down…tax breaks, a partner to handle financial responsibilities, the opportunity to garner generational wealth, a person to rear and father my children, not having to settle for less…a prayer partner, a warrior who is my defender and comrade, a support system, a rock, a person who affirms and confirms me…a person whose life and mine is enhanced with our mutual interactions..someone who sees the best in me and me at my worst....not having to pay a fucking mortgage solo cause the rents too damn high…a built in taste tester of all my recipes. and eats the leftovers...My Plus 1….A family...not being a statistic….THATS what and WHY I (the collective I of single women) am “itching” to settle down!
No one ever berates our “non” black cohorts for their desires to get married. EVER. Even though the marriage market is also dwindling for them as well. Yet if a black woman expresses these desires to get married, something must be wrong with her. The cards are stacked against us and we as single women don’t want to always hear how “tiring” marriage is…how “hard work” makes it work…how “sex” won’t be as you imagined it to be.  But...Let your marriage be swiftly taken away from you (as it was for me) and you are "thrown back out here to the wolves". You'll  put on a brave face for a while..but then you'll be miserable as fuck. Ask me how I know...
I truly MISS being married (yet I certainly don't advocate staying in a miserable one for the sake of being married...). So don’t you dare berate me for being wishful, hopeful as a black woman when the stats are all against me  You may not be “devaluing” marriage but you sure aren’t making it appealing to the rest of us.
 Being single is exhausting. This “dating market” is oversaturated with fabulous women and not enough equally awesome men. You just happened to find a needle in a haystack….so get over yourself, Married People... (LOL). Wanting to get married doesn’t take away from me being OK in my singleness. I can be OK...and simultaneously fed up. I’m not asking marriage to be the panacea for my shortcomings. Not at all. It takes two WHOLE people to make a marriage work. But….why can’t I desire it? Why can’t I thirst for it WITHOUT seeming thirsty? Thirsting does NOT make you thirsty or mean that you are lacking somewhere in your life and can't cope with singleness. Quiet frankly, it's a misconception that is getting old. And your thoughts on the "institution" are doing a piss poor job of encouraging us to desire what YOU, the married collective, have.

Perhaps my friend should have qualified her statement with "single, UNREALISTIC" people. Because, call me naive, but I feel that the majority of smart, rational, single professional black people (esp. women), prime for marriage, are rooted in reality.  While I understand most people dont have the sense God gave a billygoat, everyone isnt like that. And how do you think it makes your single friends feel if you CONSTANTLY telling them "marriage is hard work", "you aren't missing anything", ... or that "no pefect spouse exist". While you think you are "keeping it real", you are really dampening people's spirits. Be honest...most of us are like (as my friend put it): "DUH! I don't desire to be married to attain perfection. I desire marriage b/c, I deserve to be and I am someone's Good Thing. A blessing to him and in turn, he will be a blessing to me."

Not to be spiritual, but you don't know my God, that told me to have faith like a mustard seed, that would mount me up like wings of eagles, and who made people imperfect so they'd be perfect for me. I'm not saying we are bible beating in churhc, waiting on Jesus himself to be our man. But it's as if you think we aren't up for the challenge. Some are not. But some are ready...BEEN ready. If you stay ready, you aint got to get ready.
We can agree to disagree..these camps of married and single folks... but I’m not buying any more of these half backed, cockamamie arguments. What I am going to do is continue to pray for my single sisters in the struggle, to allow them to have full and wishful and “itching” hearts.

Because that “itch” is one that God is preparing to scratch.
(Then again, I guess “marriage amnesia” has left your empathy nerve a bit jaded too)


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