December 27, 2012

Feeling/Not Feeling: 2012 End-of-year Review


FEELING


  • ...like my 2012 was so full of bliss that I was unable to contain 
  • ...that despite some sad times... The good outweighed the bad
  • ... 2013 will be all about INCREASe! It's going to happen to me! Just you wait and see!
  • ...that hearts, souls and bodies will be healed. People will walk. The blind will see. Weight will be lifted. All will be well...in the upcoming year.
  • I can't believe my studies will be over soon..Dr. M or Dr. M-R (lol) or Dr. R or whatever it will be is happening.
  • (Oh I hope you caught that last one...lol)
  • like i need a new place in 2013...I need more room. maybe I'll rent a house. We shall see.
  • I need tattoos....I do...i really need one more for 2013. (I am such an addict)
  • ... That my heart is going to explode with every best! 2012 really gave me hope that happiness and willing it to you works.





NOT FEELING


  • ..... Like I accomplished much in my "to do" list. Still so much to do.
  • ... That 2012 broke my spirit. If anything it defined me. That is a GOOD thing
  • ...that I wasted my time w/ dating. In the end... Love was under my nose the entire time! Isn't that crazy how stuff works out???
  • ... That my mother is happy. This isn't how I know she wanted her year to end. But I'll do anything to make her happy...
  • like i traveled enough in 2012. I think that'll change in 2013.
  • that i need tons of money..or material things to be happy. I am going to definitely be on a diet of sorts financially. Lots to prepare for....lots.
  • this extra weight. A trainer IS on deck for 2013....I got a cruise booked w/ my Bookie for June 2013 and I need to be skinny as hell. (or at least fit).
  • ... Like all the good or bad was a waste. I am ready for 2013 to come...

December 20, 2012

Ask The MochaPeach: Past, Present, and Sex.


In this edition of "ask the mochapeach", the reader asks should she continue on with her love despite his questionable past. Ladies....what would you do???



Dear TheMochaPeach:

Hey girl! I love your no nonsense advice about about love and relationships. I've always wanted to write in so.... So I will just get to the point:

I've been with my boyfriend about a year. We talk about getting married and everything. We have no secrets. At least... I think we didn't...

Recently we were talking and he told me that he experimented in college with men. He said it was only one guy and limited to oral sex.and touching. And didn't go any further. He said he knew he liked women after this and didn't want to go that route. I was shocked . I mean? What does this mean? Is he gay? Or bisexual? Would he go back to men? What if I don't satisfy him? I mean the sex is off the chain and dude loves me to death. I mean I see (or I saw) a future with him.... Should I end the relationship?


 Help!

Signed,

Trapped in the Closet (maybe)

***********


Dear "Trapped in the Closet (Maybe)":

First off...let me go "wow". You have given me a serious question to discuss. But I will say before I give you any advice....ask yourself these questions: a) What are my feelings on sexuality and gender? and b) Are my feelings regarding sexuality and gender influential on my relationships? Are they flexible? Or pretty firm?

I know it may seem like a shock to you that your boyfriend told you he messed around with men. The fact that he told you at all is commendable. He said it was experimentation. It was college. Who hasn't done something outrageous in college?

I will say in this country we have a double standard. I have no doubt if I told my man that I messed with a girl in college he'd be all hot, turned on and want details. Women? Not so much. Black women (and I am assuming you are black), have this serious homophobia rooted in our history, our social structures, the church, etc. So I understand your concern.

So let me give you MY opinion on it....

Let me reiterate: sexual acts does not inform one's sexual orientation. Just because he had oral sex with a guy doesn't mean he is gay. Maybe at one point he THOUGHT he was and he realized "Eh...this isn't for me". Doesn't he have the right to make an informed sexual decision? I think so.

Nor does his decision to disclose that he did this mean he isn't less attracted to you or want an exclusive, monogamous relationship with you. HE wanted to be honest with you. And not have any secrets. I am sure it was hard for him to do this.


All in all...I can just say the decision to terminate the relationship or continue it rests on you. No one else. And it really shouldn't come from those outside the relationship. Only you two know what's going on in your bedroom.


I pray that I helped you! :)





Smooches!!




Have any questions? email me at sexliesandemail@gmail.com

December 18, 2012

Bad, Bad Blogger.

I know. I am such a terrible blogger these days.

No "Wordless Wednesday" posts...No "Tunes on Thursdays"..no "Feeling/Not Feeling" on Fridays. I said to myself I could a LEAST do those three..but I suck royally.

So much is going on. School.Work,. Personal life. I def need to devote at least 10 minutes a week to get my blogs out of the way. You'll forgive me wont you? I promise I am not being an errant child...I just am well...tired. and I have a life outside of the confines of bytes and megabytes and binary codes. Not to mention...I'm getting kinda bored. If you have fresh ideas, let me know........

I promise to come back with some posts......I PROMISE!

In the meantime.............have a cookie :) I baked em special.......


(Do not laugh at my gingerbread men. They look like a 4 year old high on "Molly" decorated them ...oh well! LOL)

December 6, 2012

Thursday Tunes: Avant ft. Keke Wyatt "You and I"

Avant and Keke make MAGIC together. Some of us may recently know Keke for her antics on the reality show R&B Divas..but before she was painted as a looney-toon...she was and STILL is a beautiful singer, who had hits with Avant such as the Rene and Angela remake of "My First Love" as well as "Nothing in the World". And yes...Avant is more than the poor man's R. Kelly...(LOL)...since signing way back when with the now defunct Magic Johnson record label...he's turned out quite a few hits.....

Their most recent effort is prob gonna be the wedding song of 2013. It makes me so warm and fuzzy, and dare I say, a bit misty eyed. Keke is so beautiful vocally...and Avant kills it too...

And the Lyrics!! OMG...*sigh*


My fav lyrics...


Oh baby, funny how things have changed in my life now
Whether near or far, I wanna be where you are
and you’re like a rose that blooms in my garden
Innocent and sweet my love you are
But one thing I know girl
Lovin’, lovin’, oh lovin’, lovin’ you is easy from me to you baby
And I will feel this way till the end of time, oh
Even tho you’ve heard this a thousand times, it’s the truth
Oh baby


Just take a peep at the video... LOVE IT (and I kinda want Keke's Red dress....)



I swear...this song is everything to me right now

*on repeat*

November 15, 2012

Dear Mrs. Petraeus: Boo, It aint about YOU!



I have largely been ignoring (voluntarily) the mess that is the Gen Petraeus Sex Scandal. I really don't have time. Maybe because I am just desensitized  to it. Maybe because the affairs of folks I have no connection to don't move me. Now..had this been a sex scandal involving T.I and Tiny....I might have taken pause for the cause.

The media loves a titillating story about sex and scandal and power and things of that nature. What was MOST disturbing to me was the hidden rhetoric surrounding the sex scandal. It was as if Gen PootyBooty had no "control" over the situation. Even that wise ol' sage of the Lord Pat Robertson said that the good ol General couldn't help it. The woman was "attractive" and a Jezebel.... to put it simply: He is a man. He was bound to cheat. Duh.... He was in a foreign country and was "lonely" (never mind his vows to his wife of over 30 years). And besides...Jezebel was a pretty. No..an 'extremely attractive woman" who was a "marathon runner" so obviously she was in shape and good in bed. Right?

This is Gen Petraeus and the hussy/ghost writer he had the affair with. Eh. I wouldn't call homegirl "extremely attractive". I mean..she could stand some oil control on her forehead *shrug*

petraeusbroadwell

And then there is Mrs. Holly Petreaus...




That woman looks like someone's lovely grandmother who bakes a mean apple crisp, goes to church on Sunday and gives the best hugs. Maybe I am biased but.........I wanna have a cup of tea with this lady. Now, does this make her "asexual" or "desexualized"? Absolutely not. I am sure she was a fox back in the day..but who cares about that.
 In comparison to the hussy her man cheated with, she is different. Ugly? No. Just different. There is an obvious gap in generation here. But the rhetoric of the media is this: Of course Gen. Petty Dick was gonna cheat. Look at his wife. She is old, ugly, and fat. Duh.... Never mind that Mrs. Petraeus is smart. Super smart. She is multi-lingual and graduated Summa cum Laude from college,  Never mind that the woman devoted her life to this man and to other military families, was a financial wiz, and an ally of Elizabeth Warren.

This is what happens when a man cheats. It isn't about the man usually. It is about women's bodies. Comparing our bodies to others. Using our bodies as sexual commodities and pawns in the sexual system of exchange. Gen Petraeus becomes the victim: He couldn't resist the feminine sexuality of a younger sexual commodity. It's like being in a shoe store. Used shoes don't look as good as brand new ones. Never mind that his wife birthed two kids. Or that she has endured endless time of his military service. I'd look not so hot either...


At first, I was gonna do a "sternly worded letter" to Gen. Loose Dick Loose Lips...but I felt that wasn't even necessary. He knows what he did wrong.

So I want to say a few words to Mrs. Petraeus. Why? Because I want to. Even though I am younger, I've been there too.


Dear Mrs. Petraeus:

I would call you Holly but I think that is out of order. You seem like a great and SMART woman. and I love smart women. You are accomplished and have had a wonderful life it seems. You've devoted yourself to your family and to causes near and dear to you. 

While I may be about 30 (or 40) years your junior, I feel the need to say this. I've been there. I've been cheated on by my spouse with no real explanation/whack explanation.  I blamed myself. I blamed my behavior. But it wasn't about me. At all. And I want to tell you this:


It isn't about you. NEVER has been. Never will be. It's about your fool-ass husband and his breaking of vows.


While the news of your husband's affair has rocked you to your core (and hey...you may have had sneaking suspicions before this...), I want to tell you this isn't about you. No amount of makeup. Or new hairstyle. Or weight loss plan could make your husband NOT turn away from you. You can be warm and kind. You can be a bitch or not. You can be everything he wanted in a wife and partner  and he could have still cheated. IT is about the choices he made. Not about your lack in any area of your life. 

You've had well over 30 years of wear and tear as a wife of a military man. It isn't easy. And while I profess to not understanding, I do have a father who was in the military. so trust and believe  I know the behavior of these men. It's pathological the nature to which they feel the need to validate themselves with sex. To feel powerful and wanted because honestly, no one has ever told them no.

It's not even about the other woman who knew he was married. We can slut-shame her all day but that isn't helpful. She isn't the one who made vows to you. Furthermore, please do not feed into the comparison of yourself to this woman. You two are of two different generations and two different life experiences. Your body is yours. Her body is hers. Your beauty is yours and her body is her own. Your body is your own  lived experience. You are a smart woman and you  know this. Plenty of gorgeous women have been cheated on. Jennifer Aniston ring a bell?

People may be telling you to leave this man. Honestly, I wouldn't advise that. It is about you. But most importantly, do not feed into this media madness that involves you and comparing this other woman. This isn't about a whore/Madonna complex that society seems to feed into.  We can't call this woman a Jezebel because we don't know her story. It is about you, this man and your relationship. Period.

Besides...you are smart. SUPER smart. And that makes you sexy and desirable above all others.


Signed, 

One Young Smart Divorcee who has Been there. Done that. And Got the T-shirt.

October 19, 2012

Timing ,Love and Aging Parents: Personal Reflections


Warning: I NEVER write about my personal love life. but..I have to get this off my 38 DDs. :)


I'm in love.

For the first time since my divorce, I am completely, head-over-heels in love with someone. It all came so suddenly and fast. Yet it was on time. God's time.  Granted, we did this dance around the whole idea of an "us" for sometime now. Flirting back and forth for almost a YEAR... until we finally said "Let's just go ahead and try it..." And doggone it...it was kismet! . He's my foodie soulmate. He is my football partner. He is my living teddy bear boo. He is the person who I laugh with the most these days.... But....

Love came at the worst time ever.

My mother has been ill for some time now. She had pneumonia which triggered them to look at her heart. They found a clogged artery. Now it appears that after her bypass she will need rehab because she had a stroke during/after surgery. We are unsure. Not sure how long she will be stuck in a rehab facility. Not sure if she will be herself again.

It is believed that she had a stroke post-surgery. Her speech was slurred and her vision is blurred. Her speech has now recovered but she is slow to walk and her vision is still bad. My father and I have to make some tough decisions regarding her after care....My mother is my entire world. My best friend. My everything. She's tiny and fragile but still a trooper through all of this. She has her mind and faculties... Yet when I visited her, she was quiet and pensive. She had sad eyes and a tiny voice. That isn't her.......

But I am glad "he" is here with me.He sent her flowers and he never met my mother. When she did meet him. she acted as though he'd been around forever. When I am sad, he makes me laugh. When I want to get away and just "celebrate Saturday" , he does just that. He kisses me when I am pretending to be asleep. I want to curl into all 6'4 inches of him and inhale him everyday. He smells like after shave and Irish Spring.  I cry and am sad in his arms without judgement. With him I can do no wrong and everything is right..

But I feel so guilty.

Here I am trying to do it all: work and school. and NOW have a meaningful love life. My mother told me "You have one life to live. You can't live mine AND yours". Yet I still feel bad. That is hard to hear...esp when it's a woman who would easily give her own life up for yours.  I am not there to make sure she eats everyday. And sometimes I can't talk long because I am sleepy or have to read. I feel so bad when my beau is here and she calls me. I feel guilty trying to be happy all the while the person who brought me in this world..and brings me joy.... isn't very happy. She is smiling on the outside and just sad and wants to come home on the inside. This is a drain for her. And for me too.

I debated leaving school. I debated taking a leave of absence from work. I debated shutting down this blog. I even debating telling "my love" that maybe we need to back off........and just cool it down. I was even hesitant in planning a  romantic vacation because I didn't want to be away from her.....My father was like.."You cant stop living...." but I feel like I need to at least pause my life.

Honestly,  I do not want to do any of that. My mother also wouldn't want that for me. She'd want me to keep on living..just like she does. She is one tough cookie. That is where I get and draw my strength from. I remember seeing her work and be sick and take care of me...she did it because she had to. I know I'll have to do much of the same as comprehensive exams loom, my relationship flourishes, and my career path changes.

So here I am torn and making life decisions that don't make sense to many people. Parents get old. Love happens. and when the two collide, it can be a mess. I know he loves me, my beau. He's a good guy and I can see something meaningful manifesting itself here.

I know that somehow I will find balance in all of this. And be happy. And blissful

Somehow.
Someway.

Isn't this what I asked God for?

I mean... that's what my mother would want for me, right?

Readers, simply pray for me.

Thx.


Feeling/Not Feeling: Fall Edition


FEELING

  • It is fall time to break out the boots, sweaters
  • I got some cashmere leggings...#WINNING
  • Fall...perfect time to fall in love.
  • I'm in love. Yep...I will only say that once on this blog. And he's amazing.
  • Sometimes love is right under your nose
  • And sometimes the things you put out into the universe, like Bliss, actually happen
  • Time to break out the socks
  • Halloween is coming. Still haven't decided on a costume.
  • Luckily...those costumes can be recycled for uhm.."other" purposes! *cough*
  • my Pinterest addiction is getting out of hand. My "Wedding" board especially.
  • Starbucks double fudge brownie
  • Just 1 more semester of coursework
  • chill weekends..under covers and watching Netflix
  • daydreaming about vacations.I need a cruise. A fruity drink or something...
  • my bootleg Clarisonic face cleaner. It's not Clarisonic but it works just as well
  • Amazon Prime.
  • a man who can cook :) Thank you Jesus! 
  • Miguel's Kaleidoscope Dream
  • Tamia's new album
  • Finding that song that is just "us"
  • Another season of Luther...please hurry BBC!! Idris is so delicious
  • loved. Oh my..he sure does love me...........*giggles* I like the fact that I can say that w/o hesitation and believe again.







NOT FEELING

  • no more wearing short skirts, bare legs,  and short sleeves
  • being that "in between" size.
  • small business like Cocobabies closing. I loved them.
  • Pumpkin everything. Bleh.....Starbucks is killing me right now
  • R. Kelly is becoming rather trite these days
  • Guess Maxwell said F*ck music, huh? smh
  • Where is that D'Angelo album? And the T.I album?
  • going off my diet. It's partly my own depression..partly my honey's fault (LOL), and partly just unmotivated.. Least I'm not gaining weight.............(but I aint losing either)
  • Shitty Mitty aka Mittens aka Mitt the Twit Romney. I'll be glad when this election is over and President Obama can be reelected.
  • The assault of the womb of women in the election. I swear..
  • My PhD is almost over. Here comes the hard part...exams and crap..........
  • FLava Flav getting arrested
  • Tyler Perry in any role other than a coon.
  • Bath Salts...
  • songs that remind me of an ex...are forever ruined because of that connection.
  • that I missed my friends so much. They are so far (DC/NYC/TX.....)
  • ugh..when WILL I be able to take a vacation??
  • this mid-semester slump. I am just angry and sad and a bunch of things
  • feeling like I fell in love at the WRONG time w/ the right person...so much is happening. school. work. my personal (family) life. All going to hell real fast.
  • my mother is sick. I am sad. I'm just depressed about it.
  • feeling helpless.
  • the comprehensive exam process. I fear failure........
  • I am so neglecting this blog. I am sorry readers. Life happens

October 10, 2012

September 28, 2012

Interviews with Mocha: That's (Poly)amore'



In this new monthly series  that will be featured on Sex and the Southern Belle, we will be doing interviews with those people involved (directly or indirectly) with issues in sexuality, sex industry,  gender, and relationships.  Some of these interviews will be educational, eye-opening, and hopefully, thought provoking.

This month,  we will be talking to Elle (wife) and Dee (husband), a young, African-American married couple who live a polyamorous lifestyle. What is a "poly" lifestyle? Read our  unedited, unfiltered. interview with the very candid couple:



1) Could you define what "polyamorous" is for those not familiar? What's the difference between that and say "swingers" or "open relationships"? 

Elle: A polyamorous person believes in "multiple loves." Polyamory is having multiple loving relationships with the full-knowledge and consent of ALL parties involved. You could find a couple where one person has an additional partner or partners, both may have extras or they could even be dating the same person or people as a group.
Open relationships and non-monogamy are the umbrella terms for non-traditional relationships like polyamory and swinging. Swinging is different than polyamory because it tends to only involve sexual acts without a relationship between all parties. There are also different levels of swinging. A couple may not switch partners and only have sex in the same room, they could swap and only have oral sex or allow full penetration or they may swap partners without the person they're attached to being in the room.

Dee: Polyamory is the idea that one can have more than one intimate relationship or more than one lover if you will. This isn't the same as having a open relationship where one has sex with multiple partners or swingers where people swap their mates with another couple. Polyamory is more, on the other hand, more than sex. In a poly relationship, you treat your lovers the same as one would treat a lover in a non poly relationship. When one is in a relationship, there are rules of being faithful and while you're loving more than one person, that doesn't give you the go ahead to sleep with people outside of the relationship that has been established.

2) How were you introduced to this lifestyle? Would you even call it a lifestyle?

Elle: I do believe it is a lifestyle. About 9 years ago we discussed opening up our relationship. We started off as just swingers after stumbling across sites like Adult Friend Finder and Swing LifeStyle. It evolved over time into us looking for romantic partners and together having a girlfriend for about a year. She was married and had a "puppy" as she was into BDSM.


Dee:. how I was introduced? One evening me and the wife had a conversation about loving more than one person. We believed that we were swingers at the moment and started attending clubs. Eventually, we realize that we could actually have a relationship outside of the one we had now. As far as calling it a lifestyle? I understand why people would say it but, at this moment, I feel that it's normal. 

3) What makes a polyamorous union work for you and your wife/husband?

Elle: I've made it clear to my husband that I will always love him but that doesn't mean that I won't be attracted to or fall in love with other people. And he feels the same way. It allows us to share with each other how we feel about other people without feeling ashamed or guilty.

Dee: Understanding is what works for us. Being able to communicate also helps as well. We both feel that it's easy for us to love more than one person so there's really no conflict. Being honest and upfront about new loves is the utmost importance in making it work.

4) What are the ground rules for you and your husband? Are they established in the poly community or differ between each poly couple?

Elle: Rules differ among the community but an underlying tenet is that everyone has to be on the up and up. Otherwise it's not polyamory, it's cheating. We still swing from time to time so a main rule is that we always do it together. For polyamory, it's a must that we let the other know if we have feelings for someone as soon as it comes up. It sucks to be blindsided and we'd like to avoid that. If anyone has apprehensions then we halt everything and talk it out. Once someone is on the off-limits list they stay there unless as a couple we decide to remove the restriction.

Dee: Well, I don't know of the rules of most poly couples. Our rules is that we bring the new person to each other to have a talk. We hang out, get to know the other person and if we're satisfied with that person, then we give the ok. In a sense, its like we're both getting use to the person and being comfortable with a new person in our lives. Even if only one is dating that person, we both have to be comfortable with them.

5) You have children. So how will you (if you decide to) explain your lifestyle to your kid(s)? Is there a certain age? Or even things you wouldn't discuss about polyamory?

Elle: We have one young child right now. For him, and any future children, we won't share the intimate details of our other relationships. Our hope is that anyone who is a long-term partner will fill an aunt/uncle role in our children's lives. They will know that their parents love them as a part of the family. Other than that we'll just leave it unless our child asks specifics.

Dee: Since he's small, it won't be much of a problem because he will grow in the family and a poly family is what he'll know. When he gets old enough to understand we will explain in more detail to him. We don't plan on hiding our relationships but, we won't introduce new people to them until we reach the relationship stage.

6) What advice do you have for those couples who would like to establish a polyamorous relationship? Any books or resources you'd point them to?

Elle: Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE! I can't emphasize that enough. Each person has their own expectations and it's not a given that your partner(s) will know. Also, don't rush. Go as slow as the most uncomfortable partner needs. Don't be afraid to talk to other polyamorous people about their experiences. Some good resources are Tristan Taormino's "Opening Up" and Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy's "The Ethical Slut".

Dee: I haven't read any books on this BUT, I would tell new couples to make sure that this is what they want. To actually sit down and imagine their significant other loving another person and to understand how to deal with their emotions. Also, that communication at all times is important. If you feel a certain way, bring it up your lover.





********

Thanks Elle and Dee for your candidness and educating us!


If you would have a unique story to share, email me at sexliesandemail@gmail.com




September 27, 2012

Thursday Tunes: Daley ft. Marsha Ambrosius .."Alone Together"



Blue-eyed British soul is BACK and in full-effect. Carrying the torch of Simply Red and George Michael, Daley teams up with fellow Britt Marsha Ambrosius (of solo and "Floetry Fame")  for a silky, smooth soulful treat called "Alone Together". Hailed as the "future of throwback soul" (guess thats the new term for NEO-soul...LOL), much of who Daley is is a mistery. I don't care. Dude is the TRUTH!

Daley released this entire album as a FREE mixtape, bucking the traditional record industry machine (although I'd like to say mixed tapes are getting to be kinda prevalent and mainstream).... but I really love the album.

This is the lead single..and boy is it amazing.... get you some!

September 26, 2012

Wordless Wednesday (sorta)


(in mourning.....)


Hi Readers:

Sorry I haven't been posting much. A lot has gone on with my family. We lost a family member and my mother has been ill. I promise to be back when things get better.

In the meantime, feel free to check out some old posts. New posts coming soon....

*smooches*

September 25, 2012

Cuddling AKA Sexual Skulduggery



It is a super rainy day in ATL. The rain is signaling that fall is fast approaching here and summer is getting its last hurrahs.  There is a slight chill in the air and the rain is beating against the window.

It's officially fall.

You look at your cell phone.

Is that a text?

It's officially "cuddle season".

Oh yes...now is the time of the season where people have to choose to find a "cuddle buddy" aka "a winter boo" aka "cuffing season partner". And it all begins with "cuddling".

You know how it goes. You get a call on a night like this from a dude...say you've had an interest in him for a while now. It could be a dude you used to mess with a while ago. The weather is changing. You might have gained a few pounds and you're a nice "warm body of thickness".  He says.."Hey...I just wanna come over...bring a movie...and "cuddle".

*side eye*...cuddle huh?

I am not about that life. Cuddling is simply the gateway drug of choice of most douche-bags. (LOL). It simply means that they use this as a means to an end to get the panny-drawers.  First..it starts with cuddling. And then you are kissing. Then you feel a big ol baseball bat sized d*ck in your back...And the next thing you know you are doing your own rendition of Jada Fire vs. Lexington Steele's knob-slob fest  (Don't look that up..well...it might be a real movie I am not even sure...so don't quote me)..then the next thing you know you are making pancakes in the morning.

Oh...don't act like that hasn't happened to you! You know you have been duped into the whole "cuddling" thing. It is nothing but sexual skulduggery. That dude had no intentions of just "cuddling". Just be honest and say "Look..I want to come over and smash..and maybe make eggs in the morning. I don't wanna be your man".

I've had arguments with guys that cuddling can simply be cuddling. So what is this? A cuddle party? We all know how I feel about the idea of "cuddle parties" and that's just dumb. I do not believe it. You need more people.

I am sure you can cuddle without sexual repercussions. But if you are a person who is trying to practice celibacy or trying to wait until you have real, deeper intimacy, then cuddling may not be the way. RESIST TEMPTATION AND FLEE THE DEVIL! (lol) Cuddling is just entirely too deeply an act. You have skin to skin contact. Your breathing is intermingling with someone else. Surely intimate conversations are happening.

Hmmmm...


Cuddling. Nope. I'm not about that.

September 18, 2012

The Bush Is Back


In my Gender and Sexuality class this semester (part of my secondary work in Women's Studies/Feminist Theory),  the topic for class was on Body Hair and Gender. More specifically, we discussed how body hair has become genderized. We have new phenomena of straight men doing "manscaping". Women who (esp. in the early days of feminism) rejected shaving under their arms and embraced hairiness.

But the topic then turned to sex and specifically, the whole boom of hairlessness (aka the Brazilian waxing that I often rave about). Women in my class seemed like it was so gross to do that. I was like "Well..it's a common courtesy to just wax and trim...wouldn't want anything to get to be a distraction from handling oral sex". They all bucked their eyes like "I've NEVER had a man NOT want to go down on my because I have hair.......". I just gave them the side eye. My bisexual classmate (who is cool as hell) said "Well...the BUSH is back in 2012....going into 2013....."

Really? So the bush is back??

As winter approaches, I get a little lax on my "trimming". I do not shave as often. I def don't wax as often yet I still tidy up down there and go pretty bare or low. But I haven't had a full bush in a very long time. Like.....BEFORE I was married.

To hear that bushes are back is a good thing I suppose. I mean, waxing isn't a joyful experience. I do it as a necessity. I want oral sex easy to handle for my partner. I like a smooth look in my sexy lingerie. I don't like to sweat down there. I shave everywhere....and only occasional my legs because my hair is too faint to be cutting up my skin like that.

But the bush is back is like a good pair of throwback Jordans. And I suppose there is a market for the hairy bush and "wilderness" look now. Tribal is in (LOL). And in this period of celibacy (yeah we back on taht....) I might as well run wild and free. I'm not in a relationship and pickings are slim for coitus. LOL... Aint like no one but my gyno will see my snookie. And I am sure she has seen a bunch of hairiness.... grey..old..and young...curly and sleek....


 Perhaps I can embrace the bush and embrace some Africanness. Some raw sensuality and earthiness..... I let it grow wild and hear the beating of a djembe.... I wrap my head in my cloth and wear big brazen hoop earrings...I do a hip gyration pulsating mating dance....and do clicking with my tongues and do a warrior woman cry...





...well at least for the winter. :)

September 11, 2012

The Abortion: A Poem

The night I found out...
I had it.
I felt it.
It kicked and moved inside of me..
I knew it would grow and grow
and manifest into something so beautiful
Something wild and free
That grew out of love
I'd rub the place where it lived
without a name or a place
or a time in which things would

I thought I did everything right this time
I took care of it.
Thought of every scenario
and prepared for it.
It let the possibilities be planted there
And you told me I could keep it.
I could have it all to myself.

Then the possibilities grew..and grew..
until it felt was though I was bursting.
And nothing fit anymore
because i was running over with happiness.
And I glowed
And everyone saw it...

I was ready. more than willing
to carry this thing through
full term
But i heard Bob say..
"Kill it before they grow..."

I never said I'd be the perfect vessel for this
But you weren't the perfect donor
I knew that. And I knew only imperfect people can make a perfect love.


Maybe I'm not meant to mother it
to be a place to let this grow
and where seeds like this can be planted
maybe I'm just a surrogate.
sometimes. not all the time.
But sometimes..
It would be nice if it would stay.
if it would grow.


I wish love would have grown.
I wish you would have let it.
Before you killed it.

August 31, 2012

Spirit and Sex: Reconciling the Two



I am torn.

I am a person of great faith. I wouldn't say I am overly religious or holier-than-thou. But I do believe in God. I believe that Jesus is my personal savior and have accepted Christ when I was 7 years old in an elaborate baptimal ceremony at which my grandmother got the holy ghost. I was in the choir. I did Easter speeches and Christmas pageants.

Luckily for me, I wasn't raised in a household where religious dogma ruled. I was able to form my own independent thoughts on things. Coupled with my mother, who is liberal to a fault. I mean...kinda little more than left of center. She told me about my body early on. The dangers and the beauty of sex. I was aware of my body and all its gendered power by the time I was 12. She told me that masturbation was "perfectly fine and safest sex around"...and that I "had to know my own body before I gave it to someone else". By the time that happened, I was almost 19 years old and very much a "late bloomer" compared to some of my friends who had been fucking since they were 14 years old. But I knew my body..and I knew what I liked.

Now that I am 33... I have had partners and I had a husband. I am also a sex positive blogger and a person whose work will eventually take them into the intersection between literature and its discourse on sex. I review porn and sex toys. I talk about erotic literature from the African-American theoretical perspective. However, I feel this overwhelming sense...

...of guilt.

I know. It seems so strange. I mean, I am a confident woman in both areas of my life. And theoretically, there is no shame in how I feel about being identified as a confident, heterosexual, black woman.  But sometimes..I feel guilty for having sex. I feel crazy for talking about sex. Because I am a person of faith. I know that sex is a sacred space but because I have engaged in sex outside of the "sacred" and I talk about sex "outside of the sacred" I feel like I am doing myself a disservice.

My challenge often is how do I reconcile the two. Is that odd? To do this I went on periods of celibacy. I went on periods of deeply spiritual retreats. On the flip-side, I went on "sexual binders" and felt I had to "get it out my system".  All of these things, I felt, didn't really help. I am sexy, smart and I am also spiritual. I need to OWN it, right? Not be ashamed of any part of me. Right?

This is easier said than done. I think a lot of this is a combination of a lot of factors. As a black woman, our bodies have been sexualized and eroticized/exoticized for some long, we feel that we have no real ownership of our bodies. We've been sex objects and "othered" since we landed here in 1619.  Instantaneously, our bodies have been subject to religious dogma of Christianity and puritanical persecution. We were whipped...in the name of Jesus. We were made to labor....in the name of God. We were even raped and bore fruit of our masters...all in the name of God. Sexuality became a dirty thing....and we internalized it. I can name tons of sistas who think "giving head" is for white girls. OR that anal sex means you are gay. OR that even homosexuality means we are being damned.. I am telling you...all of this has to do with slavery and perceptions of  "I'm black..but I am a good girl" ..."I am black..and I believe in God....I have no ownership or say in my body or its landscape".  It's so complicated...to be black...in this body...and of faith. So crazy.

I say all this to say...it isn't easy to be sex positive...yet to be a spiritual person. I am sure it is akin to a person being a doctor....and yet saying "God can heal you". But in turn...God is the one who gives you the gift to heal. Perhaps this is the case with me..God has given me a critical mind to connect these issues. It would be dishonoring my gift to toss it to the wayside. Besides..sex is highly spiritual. It is a joining of two souls and no matter what you do...you can hardly break those "soul ties".

Sex is spirit. Spirit is sex. I possess a sexy spirit I suppose.......

..and hopefully my life's work will reflect that :)

August 25, 2012

A Celebration of Titties :)

(Just look how glorious those thangs are! That guhl is fine, doe....)


I, along with my other big breasted sistas, want to reclaim the breasts! There has been an assault and shaming of breast-meat and I will not stand it any longer.I want breasts to return to their rightful place in the pantheon of womanhood and sexiness.. and appreciation

This is a manifesto of sorts!

  STOP THE ASSAULT, SHAMING and IGNORING of the titty-breastmeat!!!

There was a time when my boobs were enough. I mean..I could wear a low cut shirt and get free drinks. I could push em up and almost put my eye out and go and have a good time.  Now...all of a sudden..breasts are not revered anymore.

Even breasts have become a sort of poster child of malignancy. It is all of a sudden "woe is me...woe are those who have breasts". I say this in part due to all the the billions pumped into Breast Cancer. This isn't to say breast cancer isnt bad...it should be defeated and irradicated. But all of a sudden..."breasts"  and having them has become a bad word associated with cancer..dangerous even. Breasts are so dangerous that you cant even use them for their intended purpose, which is to feed children, publicly. Women are being shamed about their boobs...

I am not here for breasts being painted as bad...but I am most definitely not here for this shift from the breast to, all things, the ass. I know..brothers love ass.  It's cultural...Yadda..yadda. But there was a small minority of brothers who loved boobs. Sistas in the Motherland had tig ol biddies too!  Imma need that minority to get loud and have a stronger voice! WE LOVE BOOBS!! Shout it from the roof tops!! I am also going to need ladies who loved their boobs to flaunt them (tastefully) and enjoy having them. Women who may have lost a breast...flaunt it.  Flaunt your mastectomy scar. Get a cool tattoo over it....

(Isn't that beautiful?? I think so...)

Do not be ashamed of your breasts: big or small. If they are there...or not there. Whether they are real or fake....they are breasts. Celebrate them!

 I remember a time when a boob job was acceptable. Now...boob jobs are weird..and ass jobs are acceptable? What? I mean..Im not for either one really (ok..maybe the ass lift......not implant) but uhm... that's just odd. All these magazines with their "booty models". I mean..reputable "men's" magazines. And WOMEN's for that matter! I dont know how many times I've looked at Essence and thought.."Where are the girls with the knockers! Where are my people, yo???" Booty meat is cool..but guess what..I can make my titties jiggle and you be just as pleased. I'm over 30 but they are still pretty perky....*shrug*

Breasts, unlike ass have a valuable biological function. Breast nurture, soothe, caress....feed multitudes! Without boobs, some of  ya'll would be dead from malnutrition. Asses are nice to look at and sure they fill out a nice pair of tight True Religions.and are cushion for your tailbone..but what purpose does this serve. Boobs require care. We must always cup them in the finest of bras. Most of us with big ones can't go bra-less like that. Boobs are expensive cause bras are not cheap (at least not the good ones).  In summer, we gotta powder our boobies and avoid that nasty ring of sweat.. And although my boy Jackson Bracey over at TheReasonableBachelor.com hates "oily boobs" the sight of some dry, ashy decolletage isn't cute at all.

I mean..aren't my boobs enough! JESUS! *smh* I like wearing fitted v-neck T-shirts with sweat pants that hang low. I like showing some cleavage and adding a little bronzer to them... Now all of a sudden..I gotta worry about my boobs AND my ass. Look..I can only concentrate on one or the other. I can do squats and dead lifts and whatever to lift my ass..but my boobs will always remain pretty large and in charge. Boobs frame my face well. I'd look crazy with little boobs. And now..this isn't to say small boobs can't be celebrated! YES! Celebrate your small boobs! You still got em even if they look like two fried eggs!!

I say all of this to say....let's come back to the breast!. Breasts are awesome. Some women (see above) have some beautiful ones. Men and Women need to revere the boob again. Next to the vagina...it is the "less gratuitous" cradle of womanhood

So ladies, wave them things in the air and say.."I AM HERE! I HAVE BREASTS!! AND I LOVE THEM" Men....say.."WE LIKE TITTIES!!!"

The movement appreciates your support (*pun intended*)


:)


August 24, 2012

Dear Mr. Marcus: You Dissapoint Me.

(sad this is the only suitable for work pic I could find of this dude...LOL)


I was inspired by my friend A and the tradition of  awesome Luvvie over at AwesomelyLuvvie to pen a sternly worded letter to my favorite porn star, Mr. Marcus. I learned last week in article in the Huffington Post that Mr. Marcus was irresponsible with his penis. Apparently he was "patient 0" in the recent syphilis outbreak that has shut down the California porn industry. He did the most irresponsible thing by altering his test results so that he can keep working. An 18 year vet of the industry, he knew better.


I was gonna wait until next week to post this..but the spirit has moved me! Therefore, he deserves a sternly worded letter from yours truly.



Dear Mr. Marcus:

You are my fav porn star I mean seriously..my DUDE!! . I've been a fan for YEARS. I've even reviewed some of your work here. Your work w/ Superhead is legendary. I mean, you helped solidify her title.  You are fine. You are chocolate. You have a penis with amazing skill and curvature that is just delightful. You look like you care....or so at least I thought.

Let's face facts, sir. You are a sex worker. You know the kind of work you do and the precautions you have to take. It is a close knit community that stays getting tested. You are a man skilled with your penis as it enters varying orifices of the female frame....and yet and still...you go out and risk your life and the life of others in your industry by continuing to spread your tainted peen all across the industry.

You are a coon, sir. I am just gonna say  it. A COON!. An typical dude who thinks "if i get a shot..I am cool" and not having to disclose this to partners. But you don't just have "regular ol' partners" like Keisha from Compton (even though she, too, would have a right to know!). No SIR...you have people whose bodies are their livelihood! even if you had a muthafuckin case of the sniffles, you need to be TELLING somebody! Not taking shots and thinking it is all good, you nasty short troll! smh.....

You said you tried to cover it up because it is the "scarlet letter". Uh..dude...is making that bread more important than saving your life? Do you know what happens when you let syphilis lay dormant and untreated? You got blind, crippled and crazy. And that is no understatement..... yet and still...11 days later after your shots, you go back to work. How could you? Now there are a reported 9 workers who are suffering. You are messing up the nut of everyone involved (workers and consumers alike!). C'mon now..I need Booty Talk 21748659 to be OUT!! *smh* Nuts need to be busted and guts needs to be slain....*smh*

I am now reevaluating my fan-dom of you. Don't make me have to start looking at Rico Strong instead cause he isn't as nice with it as you. *sigh* He's all chubby and has let himself go in recent years and doesn't care about his body as much so his penis skills are getting kinda lazy..but he is my close second. Even worse, what if you make me a damn Wesley Pipes fan? And you know I HATE that ninja and his skinny weenie and his abusive talking. See...Mr. Marcus..you were perfect (or so I thought). A nice dude to fantasize about. You didn't talk mad trash. You let your "skills" back you up. You seemed to just be "into it" in a way most men were not..........you were a great "actor". *sigh* Great! On principle..I guess I'll be tossing me collection of your greatest works! *throws hands up*............ Ok. Maybe I'll just take a break and not watch them for a while... You disgust me, man!!

*sigh* You just know better Mr. Marcus! I am so disappointed....





I Don't Want Your Noni Juice, Ninja!!


As you all know, I've done the dating site here and there and a time or two (Ok..maybe more than two times but who is counting ....i bet you are...you nosy bastards!) But anyway...I've done the on-line dating thing. Some good............. Mostly bad. Some ok experiences. I haven't given up on dating nor would I NOT recommed on-line dating as a great started for getting your feet wet in dating.....but for me, at this moment., I've had to take a break from it for several reasons.
One of which is: I am not buying what you're selling.


Oh no..I don't mean the usual "I'm a good guy. I'd be your Black Prince Charming"-bullshit men usually hustle.  That is expected on a dating site. I mean the ACTUAL selling of goods and/or services. Oh yes, your favorite dating sites have now become undercover means for men to get female clientele/partners in pyramid schemes/direct marketers. And it seems there is nothing you can do about it.

I encountered this a few months ago. A guy hit me on the dating site and I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN he was too good to me true. HE was fine. He was caramel and tall.   He had a username that didn't cotain a sexual phrase like "ridemyfaceinareverse69foru" and his real name didn't have a weird apostrophe. or started with La or Da or ended in "Quavius"....He had a beard. *drools* . He had dimples *pannies wet*. He was buff. Like...his pecs were oily and junk (Ok that should have raised suspiscion too..ol' oily nipple dude...) . I was like..*looking around* WHO ME?? You wanna talk to me??

So dude and I proceed to exchange a few messages...He asked if I had fitness interest and I do/did (Wait..did he think I was fat from the jump? Probably...*shrug* ) . I wanted to learn to box to get in shape...I was like "Well he seems cool" and just when I thought he would ask for my number...he goes.."So..yeah..take a look at my personal training site....let me know if you ever wanna get together..and I can teach you those boxing lessons you've wanted. I charge $25 an hour...etc"

*sucks teeth*....this ninja....


and I do mean ninja. Not just the "euphemism" for the derogatory racial slur. I mean this NINJA...ol' stealthy, slick bastard. I wanted to hit him with the "CMON SON" sign. (and hit myself with it for that matter).

Since that incident, I've been contacted more than once from guys trying to hustle via dating sites. One asked if I needed a DJ for an event. One asked me if I was interested in selling Noni juice (Nigs still drinking that terd water?). One asked me if I wanted to go in on some real estate thing. And of course, there are your stereotypical Nigerian  (or insert whatever foreign country) scammers. Those are easy to pick out...it's the ones who come at you all smooth, liking your pics, having REAL and articulate conversations that piss you off.

Ninja...I dont want your damn Noni JUICE! I dont want to hire you as an exotice dancer for my 33rd birthday (Ok...so....). I don't want to listen to your demo or put your damn music on my blog! I don't want to hire you as a photographer. I don't want to sell Amway, body magics, or melaleuca! I am not HERE FOR THIS! I am here to find someone to spend time with, watch the game with, argue over Scrabble with and oil my scalp and flip pancakes in boxers the next day and that I tolerate long enough to get to the "meet my mama" phase. I am not here for your damn hustleman tactics!


(Naw..not here for you, Cheif!!)


When did dating sites become this "free for all" of foolishness? I miss the days of a guy just lying about his marital status. Now you gotta contend with that plus him trying to get you to patronize his mobile car detailing shop!

If you want to sell your goods and services , then I suggest you get a Craigslist ad. That way if you do get some ass out the deal, at least your slimy tactics would be appreciated and expected.

Look.. I am all for the hustle. I admire and respect the ingenuity of guys. But don't hustle on my dime or time. Both of which are pretty valuable. Have we become SUCH the captialist society that even your "hustle" has to be translated in arenas that have nothing to do with the "selling" of goods? I mean...love is a commodity. True it has no intrinsic value other than what it gives you emotionally. And some say that love costs...but..damn....not like this.

So yeah...I'm not for dudes using dating sites for their own personal Ebays. Please miss me with that bullshit...

In the immortal words of the great Orator Sweet Brown of St. Louis, MO.....



August 23, 2012

Thursday Tunes: Cody Chesnutt "No One Will"



Cody Chestnutt is sort of an elusive dude. Most people know him for his vocals and impressive guitar playing on The Roots' hit "The Seed".  He's also from Atlanta...so they def makes him dope in my eyes. He had a few moderate hits. His 2002 double cd release "Headphone Masterpiece" was so dope and included the catchy tune "Look God In Leather" (it also included an early release of "The Seed" but for me..his collab w/ The Roots tops that).


Someone sent me this song last week. I had almost forgotten how much I LOVED this song. So sexy and simple...and his voice is real thick like cane syrup on top of scratchy vinyl. Retro and delicious...

My fav lyrics:

Well, maybe I'm insaneBut don't you hold it against me girlI'm a lunatic with convictionI'd said no one will, no one will, no one willAppreciate everything you areNurture you and your open heart



Check it out...the song is all kinds of sexy dopeness. WHEW! I played it at least a few times.

We all want someone to feel that same way for us. *sigh*

August 21, 2012

The NSFW Weekly Porn Review: How to Squirt (with instructions)

As you can see...apparently I am obsessed with this right??


So anyway...I was looking for an instructional video on "How to Squirt"...and ya know...I found a really good one. It wasn't trashy or anything...... I found it on RedTube.com

Ok..I won't like. the dude is mad  clinical technical  a tad Creepy McCreeperson and it aint sexy...  and the woman in it is shaped like a teenager (yuck).....but I thought it was useful for men, women, and those of any orientation to learn this technique... with or without a partner....



I mean dude is no Alfred Kinsey that is for damn sure.. He's just a guy who has a girlfriend who wants to teach others. He isn't talking about G-spots or massaging the "female prostate" or anything clinical/scientific......he's just a pervy guy who says stuff like "Look at her face....that's her reward"..  And he's using grapeseed oil as lubricant. and even gives us tips on what to drink to "hydrate" ourselves (gatorade, ginger/water, etc....). Chick couldn't even stand afterwards..


(Yep..I had the vicious Michelle O side-eye afterwards...)








So anyway...here is the video:


August 19, 2012

Product Review: Sexy Adult Halloween Costumes

What's the most common role-play fantasy men have?

School girl?

Cop?

Teacher?

French maid?


In an overwhelming "informal poll", the "naughty nurse" fantasy won by a landslide!!! 

Halloween is in a little over a month! As you all know, it is my favorite "non-holiday"- holiday!  I dress up every year in something different. And trust me I recylce these costumes in my everyday life :) Not to mention, I encouraged you all a while ago in my 'Lingerie Review" to get a few costumes. This is the best time of year to stock up on things that can be used for both Halloween and "sexy" role play. Everyday can be a holiday!

Our friends at Sexy Discount Costumes have an amazing assortment of sexy adult costumes for women (and men!) to get their role-play on!  There are even couple's costumes and easy and quick returns. Not to mention, there are also Plus-Sized costumes available as well on their sister site Plus Size Costume Supercenter! See...no sexy diva left behind!

So here I am in my "Naughty Nurse" outfit  by Leg Avenue courtesy of  Sexy Discount Costumes!

It came with the hat, the "stethescope" and the naughty little mini dress...
(Oh trust me...it may get used before Halloween! *wink*)

Just add a sweet pair of white or red knee boots, some fishnet stockings and a push up bra...and you are ready to go! So the next time your honey boo boo is sick, just slip this on and I guarantee he will be feeling better! Sexy Costume Discounters  and Plus Size Costume Super Center sizes are pretty true to size, so definitely check the size charts. But even if something doesn't fit, no worries! They also have free shipping, free damaged product replacement and free product exchanges.

Yes...Halloween is upon us! But even before then, spice up your love life with some sexy new costumes and role play!



I know I will! *wink*


*Disclaimer*: I was given a costume to review by Sexy Costume Discounters.  All thoughts and opinions are my own*

August 17, 2012

Feeling/Not Feeling: Everything and Nothing..


 FEELING

  • This song by Cody Chestnutt. It just makes me swoon. I promise I will do a "Thursday Tune" on this alone. It deserves it.
  • smokey jazz clubs
  • 2 CHAINZZZZZZ!
  • I am not into Gospel but that Tamala Mann "Take me to The King" has really ministered to me this week.
  • Emeli Sande'
  • Snow on the Bluff (check it out on Netflix...it's the #1 movie there...)
  • contemplating celibacy again. I think I need to go back...
  • bonding w/ new friends
  • when he lets you sit in his lap, wraps his arms around you after a bad day, lets you lay your head on his chest, letting you cry, and just kisses your forehead and goes..."Shh....it's alright"
  • getting into a new artist....and just digging them so hard oyu have to find every song, every mixtape. It's like a treasure hunt
  • finding your G-spot
  • I remember finding my G-spot like it was yesterday. I was 12......(yo...that's for another post).
  • However...It wasn't until I turned like 33 that I had a full out, HUMUNGOUS orgasm that scared the mess outta me.....literally.
  • Sorry. That  might have been kinda graphic. LOL.
  • I find it funny that on the outside...no one would think I blogged about sex, relationships or had this interest in the intersection of sex/literature like I do.
  • Finding "your spot" period.....whether it be sexual or otherwise...is awesome
  • bistro cafes with dim, romantic lighting.
  • Nutella is still everything
  • So are shoes
  • So are dimples. they make my nipples hard.
  • Beards too...beards are porn for me....
  • Sorry...that was probably TMI too. LOL
  • I love how my coworkers, bless their hearts, always look for a man for me. It's sweet!
  • I still believe.......although I may falter.........I do...I still believe
  • This wedding video...good lord. I have cried 1000 times watching it. Nope..I don't know these people but I just felt something here.
  • Love....it's still beautful.



NOT FEELING

  • where is the new T.I. album? DAMN! I've waited long enough.
  • no laps to live in........none. (See. above and Andre 3000)
  • getting into a new artist...then the whole worlds gets on them...and ruins your listening experience. *smh*
  • some people have no idea where their clitoris, g-spots, or anything pertaining to their anatomy is. That is kinda sad yo....
  • i miss my loose nappy hair.....only becaase I wanna be able to braid it flat and rock weird wigs. LOL
  • that school starts in a week
  • real hard MAC looking eyebrows (ya'll know what I'm talking about)
  • My "date night"c lothes haven't been worn. Nope...not at all. Some still have tags. Some shoes still in boxes. My 
  • That 2 Chainz is actually a college graduate...yet sounds like a complete asswipe. smh. I mean really dude...you is a Summa Cum Laude grad of ASU. smh.....
  • that manual labor should be ANYWHERE in my job description. I went to school to avoid that shit.
  • Ronmey and whoever-that joker-he is running with. LOL.
  • People are so judgemental about what two consenting adults do. As long as one is truthful with the other and establishes their boundaries and rules...I gives no damn. Your freak don't interfere with mine.
  • like i have anymore good poems left in me.
  • putting myself on a shopping restriction but it is for my own good. 
  • that may put a suffering on the shoe blog. But...we'll have to do something about that. Revamp
  • Sadly, none of my friends have a fucking CLUE as to my "type" so when they try and set me up...it's an absolute failure.
  • Like I'm supposed to accept any old dude just because he's black and breathing.
  • I also don't like when my dudes are telling me something..and I feel like it's lightweight gloating/bragging. I usually just get kinda quiet......
  • I could never accept willingly to be some dude's "beard". Nope. no way.
  • I've been in such a painful place. Jeesh...how do I move?
  • I am SO FRUSTRATED with working out and not seeing any real results.  I've tried it all....I want to quit. Imma just get LapBand and be done. my BMI is prob high enough....
  • Love....that elusive bastard........... *sigh*

August 16, 2012

Thursday Tunes: Luke James' "I Want You"

I remember watching the BET Honors awards last year and they presented their "Next Generation" (or whatever it's called) artist...and there stood this fine, chocolate, delicious thing on stage...singing his little heart out. I was all in as soon as I heard him..... I sat and rewound the DVR over and over...like "Yo..WHO IS this dude!!"





He's soulful. He's fresh. He's Luke James.


And his first single "I Want You" didn't disappoint


I love this song. I truly do. I think I play it once a week. I just....it's the sentiment behind the song. The passion.

I love the lyrics. When he sings ...it just tears me up a little inside.... his falsetto is KILLER. The lyrics are so damn simple....but I LOVE the song. Just a man confessing his love for a girl.... and hey...he wants her!

My fav part:
Before I met you girl I never knew my heart could dance, hey, hey
Yeah, listen
I was just a broken record of one night stands 
Until you came along, with your beautiful song
You saved me (you saved me, you saved me) uh
And now the funny thing about it
There’s no melody without it
I found music when I found you
So hear me when I say
I want you baby, Whooo-ooh-ooh
I want you baby, Whooo-ooh-ooh, Whooo-ooh-ooh





Go on and take a listen....you're gonna love Luke James!!




Doesn't that song just make you happy inside?? Happy inside about the possibilities???


*whew! I can't wait to feel like that.....*

August 14, 2012

The Message: A Poem

I have something to tell you...


I've surrendered to the thought of you
A long time ago.
I've waited for you anxiously
To realize that I am what you need

I wait by the various forms of electronic
communication for you to fill this void.
My throat closes up
My hands shake.
and I realize maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

But we march on....
Because my bed is cold without you.
My right brain is taking over.
when my left brain really should

The crazy thing is I want you to feel excitement over me
In your toes like electric shock waves
chakras aligning
I wake up and praise the sun...


No....this isn't what I want to say.
I'm not done.
I feel like heartbeats are digitally remastered
set against some bossa nova of old...

I'm rambling now....
Shit..I'm stumbling somehow
Tripping over my words and making no sense
was I always like this around you?










*sigh*



Well...here goes nothing..





I'm in love with you.


That's all I wanted to say :)

August 10, 2012

Pleasure and Pain: A Product Review











California Exotics


Here are a few pics from my party!

(I was Christian Grey..yes I look like a soft stud...LOL)
Red "Rum" of Pain..... :)

Pure Romance Fifty Shades of Grey Catalog

Door Sign.... ;)

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