Sex and The Southern Belle

(Ciara and husband Russell Wilson) Let's talk about Ciara and how she, God bless her soul, forget where she came from..... Earlier this week, she decided to repost a sermon by Fat-Fuck-Ex-30-Year-Old-Virgin John Gray, ex-comedian turned minister (and OWN reality show personality), who was talking about women not wanting to be wives....because they walk around in the spirit of girlfriend.. or some misogynistic bullcorn. I can't remember all of it. So I will just link it here , reluctantly. Oh, Ciara, Miss Riverdale Princess of Crunk decides to repost this with the hashtag #LEvelUp, leaving all of us scratching our heads. Lest we forget she was about to marry an UBER FUckboy named Future, had a baby by this dude, gets dumped... and moves on to Russell (who we all were cheering for because he was a decent man). She has what I like to call "marital amnesia "- we forgot our wayward ways when we get married.. (well, some of us do, I don't).... The fault is n...

I had hoped for other hair... (My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed) ... for my daughter. No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve. I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried. When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. " Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair ". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for ho...

(Source: BET.Com )  I've worked my current job for about 10 years now. No... 10 years exactly. I have been a pretty autonomous worker. And trying to balance school, work and home life is challenging. I cannot say that I was/am particularly close to anyone at work. Well... I was. I had a girlfriend named Lydia and when my job sorta consolidated into her department, she embraced me with  open arms. She was 10 years older than I was, had two kids, but it felt as though she was a peer and my older sister. We'd have lunch often. She gave me tons of advice. She let me vent to her and she would vent to me. And when I started dating my husband, she was rooting for me. Lydia passed away about 2.5 years ago from breast cancer. And I miss her at work everyday. Sometimes I think I hear her laughing but I know she isn't here. She was my ally. She was the person I bounced ideas off of. She was my rock at work.. This loss has been magnified now that my mother is gone too. I ...

"She taught me the birds and bees! She taught me how to be a woman. When it was that time of the month, I didn't go to my mom. I felt comfortable going to my big sister". My aunt Kerri said those words at my mother's funeral March 21. She stood there in her regal church lady's hat and suit, talking about her relationship with her older sister.  They shared secrets and things I didn't with my mother: parents, clothes, and heartache. My aunt spoke with tears in her eyes about her sister teaching her about sex. About love. Poignantly in the funeral home amongst others who nodded and appreciated her candor. Mama died March 13.  Heart failure. A combination of things associated with her 35 plus years battling Lupus. But she was more than that. She was a survivor. Tiny but mighty. My father said she fought it until the very end. She had only been married to one man but I got the feeling from our intimate conversations that she had fallen in love more than ...

subtitled : The Last Blog in which I will EVER talk about divorce I started this blog as a way to heal from my divorce. But guess what....everything has to come to an end. I am so over it. I am over talking about how to heal..what to do...how to date...etc. I've done the work. I've come out shining and like a champ.  Everyone feels like I am the go-to expert on how to bounce back after divorce. While I am flattered...again...it's got to stop. I've moved on. And so should my readers. Nevertheless....this is a blog post about divorce. *shrug* As I approach my Mid-30's (Ok let's face it...34 is prob already mid-30s), I realize that most of my "give a damn" gave out a long time ago. I've hit a stride. And while I do have fear and apprehension about a lot of major decisions in life, one thing is clear: Who gives a damn what other people think. When I got divorced almost 5 years ago, I had this shame and guilt.  I felt like a failure.  Looking...

(I see you sorors!! Zeta Phi Beta Sorority members from University of Minneapolis having their "Probate" show") I bleed blue. I sweat white.  I am zealous I am a Zeta. Through and Through..... People have sorority girls totally twisted. Ok..maybe people have BLACK sorority girls twisted..*shrug* Most people's notions of "sorority girls" come from B-rate movies and it usually involves drinking a lot, scantily clad lingerie,  sometimes lesbian exploits, walking around naked in a sorority house all the time, and most importantly, screwing everything with a penis in sight because we are wild, crazy, debaucheries, and pretty much lacking values.... ...and usually those women are not Negro. Oh sure they throw a token on in there every now and then..but for the most part.... Um...maybe that's how Y'ALL do it (and you know who "y'all" is) but my fellow NPHC sorority members will tell you...that overall, that isn't how WE do it. I ra...

“I’m not bitter…I’m just mad as hell” I am not a fan of Tyler Perry at all. In fact, I think Aaron McGruder was pretty spot-on with his social-commentary on the man. But that one line, in Diary of a Mad Black Women , has stuck with me for years. Men are so quick to label a woman bitter and she has “bitter black women syndrome”, is a bitch, or just mean if she isn’t smiling all the time, or putting herself out there for men. In fact, she is just sad, disappointed, and hurt. Now, while I agree that these things can manifest themselves into bitterness, I’d say for the most part that women  are more angry/mad/sad than anything else with “bitterness” being the residual outcome of those things. Residual doesn’t mean encompassing the whole being or spirit of that person. I often get accused of being bitter…a bitch…mean…etc. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I won’t say I am a ray of sunshine 24/7. Things anger me. And when they do, I am quick to express them in my very quick-tem...

I'm tired. I'm tired and I feel nothing. Void. Vacant. No Occupants reside here. There I said it...I'm burnt out from men and all things pertaining to them.: relationships, sports, Home Depot, beer, cars (LOL) I've adopted this new attitude. Why love a group of men, of people, who don't want to love you back? Who choose not to love you back? OR you aren't loving them the way THEY thing is right..although you are trying your very best?  It's so much easier to just be with someone you actually despise, maybe even downright loathe and someone who especially is emotionally unavailable. WHY? Because you feel NOTHING. At the end of the day, you can walk away and feel nothing if they hurt you. Then againt, it'll be an attempt at hurting you. Because as we stated before, you can't feel.... Steve Harvey , Hill Harper and Sherri Shepard (of all people..hmpf) are doing a panel in Atlanta for ABC Night Line news this Friday (airing TBD ) to talk about...

My friend sent me an article the other day about the median net worth of black women in their liftime. The study said black women are worth $5. Yep $5....that's it. Here is the article from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazzette: You know what I say to this BULLSHIGGDY: Women wouldnt be worth $5 fucking dollars if we actually gave a damn about marriage, wealth building and overal community expansion of weath as a RACE. Stopped COHABITATING and got married. Valued education of our MEN and not measuring manhood in terms of bravado. Marriage can actually help your income (which is how the rich stay and KEEP it rich). Stop giving all your money to the daggone church and being married to Jesus (classic response by manless sistas). Stop going in debt over designer frocks and the hair dresser (none of THESE Mocha does.....) We do have debt....and the recession hit us hard (Even Ihad to sell my home..but I got divorced...so....thats not really the issue). We need men to be MEN and take their...