January 28, 2013

Valentine's Day GiveAway: The AdultToyShop
















Contest Rules:

1) Like my Facebook Page  and share the give away post on your wall!
2) On the FB Fan Page under the blog, tell us "How do you spark a little passion within your relationship?


The best and most creative answer will win!

Extra Entries:

1)Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and comment on one of my past blogs
2) Follow my Pinterest page
3) Subscribe to my style blog: Stiletto and the Southern Belle


TheAdultToyShop.com CONTEST ENDS AT 5pm on Friday, February 1.

Good Luck!


ETA: WE HAVE A WINNER! CONGRATS TO SARAH GREY who is our FB friend and follower! WHOOP! Enjoy dear!

January 27, 2013

Guest Blogger Sunday: Embracing a Sexual Dry Spell


** Sex and the Southern Belle is proud to partner with Frances Denzel of TheAdultToyShop.com for a timely guest blog....Valentine's Day is around the corner and well.........everyone isn't getting that loving feeling. We learn that sometimes that can be a good thing... **



Embracing a Sexual Dry Spell

Even the most passionate couple may experience a period in time when sexual desires are low. Intimacy is easily pushed aside, sometimes stress is a main cause or perhaps you simply “don't feel like it”. Some may feel concerned  that sexual disinterest will spill into other aspects of the relationship and lead to general disinterest with their partner.

Don't place a grim outlook on your future however, a sexual dry spell is an opportunity to embrace other aspects of the relationship and build your foundation stronger in other ways such an emotional closeness and a deeper friendship. You can also harness this time to bring a fantastic triumphant return to your sex life in a few months! Below are a few ways to embrace this time and change your train of through from negative to positive:

1.)  Anticipation Builds
Patience is required and only time can create desire. Eventually however the human trait of “you want what you cant have” will come to the surface. An interesting tip is to keep practicing abstinence for a while longer, don't give into your urges just yet. The longer you wait, the more exciting your first sexual encounter will be.

This may be an extreme example, but people who become “born again virgins” or decided to wait until marriage for sexual intercourse experience better intimacy during sex then couples who have sexual intercourse before marriage. Following this premise, even a married couple can benefit from holding off for a while longer. Furthermore, this gives the mind an excellent opportunity to fantasize about the future encounter!

2.)  Offers an Opportunity to Start a New Sex Life.
Perhaps the sex life faded because of repetition. It will happen to even the most seasoned lovers, as humans, we are creatures of habit and easily fall into a routine because that's what's most comfortable. Some people think of new things to try but are timid about suggesting it to their partner, most commonly out of fear of rejection.

If you are on a sex life hiatus, it can be considered pressing the “reset” button so when you finally jump back into bed together, you can suggest the new things you've wanted to try since your ordinary sexual routine is no longer a “routine”. Try a new sexual position you've always wanted to, try having sex outside the bedroom or try sex toys. Check this out, it could be the “first day of the rest of your sex life”! 

3.)  Emotional Connection Deepens.
We can learn a lot from courtship. Couples who engage in this time old Christian tradition  connect on an emotional level first. Many claim this builds an excellent foundation of trust, communication and friendship before sex even comes into play. Critics to this practice say that sexual chemistry cannot be learned, it's the same chemistry as compatibility but couples who have been through courtship phase will tell you otherwise.

If you're interested in what courtship entails to see how it's practices can be applied to your current phase in your relationship, please view the stages of courtship. This example states heavily the reference to religion but you'll see the original concept behind this practice. Why are we mentioning courtship in an article about sex? It's purely to show the stance on how being abstinence can positively affect emotional closeness and growth in your marriage.


"Frances Denzel offers relationship advice for couples helping to deepen emotional connection, proving the benefits of a close intimate bond for the mind body and soul. Frances contributes information for TheAdultToyShop.com and reaches out to fellow Americans looking for inspiration in the bedroom."

January 25, 2013

Audiophilia: A Poem in Progress


#black love
The sweetest sound
Is how you call my name
The way you sing it like a song
Hinted with southern drawl
And soca beat, Southern bass or something in between.

How when we're alone and
Sometimes it's a lullaby
Just above the level of a whisper
Like it is a promise you are keeping.

The sweetest sound is your laugh
Loud and hearty
full of light and love and ever present
That draws me in
And makes me want to laugh with you
in syncopated beats.

The sweetest sounds is hearing your breathing
the rise and fall of your chest
soothing and calm
like a quiet storm
The waves crash as you brush my hair back
onto the pillow

I'm in love with every movement of your being
Your rhythms have collided with mine
to make something beyond harmonious
symphonies couldn't compare.

Moans are the most intricate lyrics
Your hands the perfect instruments.
You've molded me into an aria.
Strings of my heart play only what you've written upon it...

If I should go deaf...I'd still be happy
To know that I knew the sounds of you
They remind me of love
They are love.
So sweetly.

January 16, 2013

Product Review: Toys for "Larger" Men.

Continuing our review of products for men,  I was posed with the question.

"What if you are a "larger" man and want a stimulating toy"??

Well..that is easy to find. and the people over at RoboticBlowJob.com def can meet the needs of our well endowed brothers.


Yes people...that is the name of the site. RoboticBlowJob.com handles the needs to men from lubricants to stimulators of all sorts.  They do specialize in a variety of toys but the toy that appeals to most "larger" men would be the  AutoBlow Max


This toy is made for men over 6 inches and up to 9 (or even 10) inches. It works like any electric blow job/pocket pussy/fleshlight type of toy, but the silicon is molded and takes into account the larger size of some men by using gentle sucking pressure. It isn't a penis pump..but definitely something can allow a man to reach orgasm up to 5 minutes from the start of use. With a non soluble water based lubricant, this toy will give you ample amounts of pleasure. CLeaning instructions are also available with each toy. (You MUST clean it fellas)  It comes apart and you can use the sleeve only (Like a Fleshlight) or  also combine it with the automatic motorized shaft .

Once again, RoboticBlowJob.com has had some brave fellas to demonstrate by using videos (NSFW). This is a great toy for you man if you travel a lot and he gets lonely or simply wants a new type of stimulation.

This is a great toy for larger men and I do hope you visit RoboticBlowJob.com and  take a look at everything they have to offer for the well endowed man.

Product Review: Sometimes It's about Classics :)

As I was browsing the items on LadyGasm.com,  and I had a little giggle and a thought...

"Who remembers their first sexy toy?"

I remember mine. It was a classic little red regular pocket vibrator that only had a few speeds, wasn't super powerful, and I truly had no idea how to use it. It didn't last too long and I ended up burning it out (Not from over use) but because I left it on and it kept running. (LOL).

For most women, their first vibrator looked a little something like this....:

(LadyGasm Surprise Turbo Hitachi Wand Massager)

IT was a wand "massager". Clearly it was for "sore" muscles  (and can still be used for that by couples and women solo)...but women were ingenious and realized they could use it for orgasms, so much so that it was retooled and reshaped for that purpose. There are many versions of the "Hitatchi" wand, but LadyGasm.com  has them on sale for $39.95  in their "Clearance" area and it is truly the best and strongest vibrator you can buy. It's great, classic and packs a punch when necessary. It plugs into the wall and truly has two speeds: Powerful and VERY Powerful (LOL). It can reach the "hard to reach" places... and you can remove the head and clean it for easy use. 

LadyGasm.com brags that this is their one toy that "NEVER gets returned. and I guarantee that you, too, will nto want to return this toy. You definitely get more bang for your buck.

More than a massager..and more than a vibrator, this classic toy could truly become your "first toy" that you will never want to part with.





January 15, 2013

Product Review: The ManGasm.com Prostate Stimulator

Men...now is the time to find toys just for you. Our partners over at ManGasm.com deliver quality products for men. And yes...even straight men can use these. Their toys are lightweight, affordable and compact and discreet.

My review is on the ManGasm.com "Prostate Stiumlators". In particular, the Mangasm Spark.....


I know. It looks a little complicated and you are likeWTF but these prostate stimulators are smooth and flexible   They are curved to stimulate the perineum  (the outer surface of the prostate that is very sensitive and can crive men to orgasm).  It is made form a non-porous material and is safe to use with water-based lubricants. You receive maximum stimulation from the nodules that really vibrate along the motor. It has seven speeds of pleasure.

I had a guy friend test it out..and well......the approved! *thumbs up*

IF you are confused on how to use these toys..do not worry! ManGasm.com also features videos (NSFW) on how to use the toys that they provide. Some are able to reach pleasure up to 2 minutes after using the products. Talk about efficient.

ManGasm.com are excellent resources for male products and are definitely SATSB approved :)

January 14, 2013

Courting is on Life Support



So I just read an article today about how courting in the age of text messages, Facebook and Skype is pretty much dead to us young girls. And men have no social skills that women crave... Shows like Girls  on HBO show women having relationships totally via text, hook ups and just being awkward with boys with awkward social skills.

Even I have written blogs about  how guys want relationships solely via text messages. Post-Divorce I've experienced that a lot.  Guys who want to ask you out via text or have "dates" that aren't really dates but group activities or asking you to simply "tag along" while they are out. That isn't a date.

There are men who court. I know because finally, at the age of 33, I am experiencing a real courtship. This isn't to say guys didn't attempt to court me. I mean, I was married before. But sometimes, these guys just fell short. Something was off and I couldn't put my finger on it. They still wanted to do things way too modern for my old-fashioned sensibilities.

The first time my guy asked me out, it wasn't via text. He called me. He picked up the phone. He made concreate plans ahead of time. He told me what the attire was and what we would do. I was so thrilled.  Trust me I thought this was some kind of fluke, but I realized that this is how he was. HE was raised to be a gentleman. He opens my door always. I never open doors. He pays for our outings (and when I insist on paying, trust me, he takes notice).  He always makes plans.  We are constantly communicating: Facetime, text, phone...it's a combination of things. Not a reliance on one form that doesn't involve real human contact because someone is afraid to be human and vulnerable.

 We've had countless dates since. He likes to surprise me. Flowers just because it's "Thursday". Cards left in odd places for me to find. Christmas was the best....as he made personalized gifts and really knew the way to my heart...... They really don't make them like him anymore...*swoons*

I say all of that to not brag on my baby (although he is shole' nuff awesome....lol ) but to say that men do indeed court. There are men who cherish phone conversations and like the excitement in a girl's face when she's genuinely surprised on a date and enjoys his company....not because she wants to GET something out of it...

I think it is up to women to NOT accept this behavior from guys. Say NOT to dates initiated via Text. Ignore those "Hey you" or "wassup" texts at 3 am that mean nothing. Do not engaged in "deep" conversations via text at all. Don't go to dates that are "hey just come through" types of things. Don't let  men dictate the course of relationships or keep them "undefined". It is also up to fellas to be gentleman. Open doors. PLAN real dates. Don't be afraid to spend some cash and don't expect "sex" or a "hook up" as payment. MEn who are actually excited to go out with you and spend time getting to know you and don't hide behind text messages. Men who basically aren't lazy. Period.

Maybe it's because some men don't have fathers in their lives. It could be that we are so oversexed and in a microwave society that they want "instant gratification"....who knows. All I know is women are thirsty...and the desert called dating is dry.

Courting isn't dead totally. It is on life support...just waiting until the right guy can resuscitate it.

Ladies..keep searching. He's out there. Ready to breathe life into your heart........

January 4, 2013

The Theme for 2013: INCREASE!


I know I know...slack blogger here. *sigh*. But I am doing something called LIVING. So...ya know how that goes? *winks*

I have given much thought to what I want to focus on in 2013. I already know the nature of this blog will change... Granted there will be sex things, gender things, and stuff like that. But... I think that the blog needs to move from "Oh ok...how do we do this relationship thing?" to "So...how do I form a positive relationship outside of gender binaries?"


For me..............it is all about one word : INCREASE.

I was meditating...and flipped open to a scripture . Luke 6:38............

38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

and I had a "WHAT!" moment right then and there. I had heard that scripture so much as a kid (usually during offering time in the Baptist church) that I usually let it go in on ear and out the other.  But that passage is about more than just bringing your tithes into the storehouse..... it's about GIVING. And how giving increases your own personal wealth. That wealth may not be monetary wealth..but spiritual wealth...physical wealth/health....etc.

SO this shall be the focus of the next blog series. I may incorporate videos....and do a guest series of blogs...but there is a LOT we will be discussing over the next year!


So stay tuned! Increase is COMING in 2013!! Believe it and recieve it :) and Get EXCITED!

January 3, 2013

Mamas, Don't Let your Babies Grow up to be Kim Kardashian


I swear...it isn't even a full week into 2013 and we are full of fucknastyness and foolishness. Courtesy of the paparazzi loving, self-absorbed duo of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.



While I LOVE Kanye West, who (I thought was...until he ran up in that rancid  Armenian poon) is smart, outspoken and talented and actually has a reason to make millions of dollars. I am perplexed by the purpose of Kim Kardashian other than being a staple on what is the equivocal of "Things to Do Once you Get Famous" list. People call her  (and her mother) smart and ingenious for turning her 15 minutes of fame into brand marketing.

I beg to differ. The fact that she got "famous" off a leaked sex tape with a C-rate R&B singer (who himself is only riding the coat-tails of his famous sibling) is disheartening. The fact that young girls look up to her....is even more troubling, believing that the superficial and the artificial will get you everything you've ever wanted.

Now these two fools are procreating.. A woman who needs to seek a counselor for her "Daddy issues" and a man who needs one for his "Mama issues".....and people are excited and applauding the fact....despite the fact that she is STILL MARRIED to her slow-witted, lurch of an ex husband NBA Player Kris Humphries.  They had a very commercially sponsored wedding, racking up $17 million and a big ass rock. (that she won't return...but eh..she doesn't have to honestly because they DID marry..so..unfortunately..she wins) ..and the dumb lug Kris Humphries seemed to be smitten. Poor guy won't divorce her...citing "fraud".  The chick won't return the ring. It's just a mess..a hot ratchet mess. People can say what they want about Kris...but he has a valid claim. Still doesn't make him smart...he knew the type of woman she was BEFORE he met her. I am sure he saw the tape...The knob slobbing skills were not THAT good, bro!  (That goes for you too, Kanye!)

Why couldn't she wait until the damn divorce was finalized.? Is it because her friends were all getting pregnant? Is it because her sister (who is also unmarried) already has two kids?  Is she not even sympathetic to her married sister, Khloe, who has had fertility issues? Nope...she's pretty self absorbed...to say the least. Then that dude Kanye had the nerve to shout her out as his "baby mama" like it's a badge of honor. I blame Fantasia.. *sucks teef*.  Truly, she wants to capitalize on her fame and found the perfect accomplice in her agenda. This isn't to say they don't care about each other. I am sure they do...but they are going about this the wrong way.


I am all for women's rights. I am all for women procreating with whomever they'd like (or not).  However...how bout we do it in an orderly fashion? And no...I don't necessarily mean get married THEN have a baby. But uhm...how about you divorce your HUSBAND first....then get pregnant by the new dude? Ugh..messy and trash ridden. And yes...I am aware that these are adults doing adult things...but that doesn't make it right. It's not ok for Kim K to have a baby while STILL married..just like it's not ok for Kanye to glamorize being a "baby mama"...(or Shawty Lo for that matter...ugh). . Had this been any other woman, a regular woman, we would be calling her all types of names. But because this Kim K, whose beauty somehow must excuse her behavior, it makes it alright. And to my surprise, women in my circles, married ones, are 100% ok with this arrangement. I bet they wouldn't think it prudent if their daughter did those things.

These are women that little girl are looking up to...women who lay on their backs,using their looks,  make sex tapes and get million dollar deals and make million dollar babies.  Little girls care not about the efforts of women's lib and instead see the benefits of laying on your back , piling on artifices to get ahead. It's ok to commercialize and trivialize marriage and just have babies all "willy nilly" with the next rich man you meet.  Sadly, women are celebrating this and saying "babies are blessings". Yes...babies are blessings..in the right circumstances.

To paraphrase my friend Candi.... "it's Stank". Just plain stank. In every sense of the word.

I wish Kim a healthy and safe pregnancy.....


..and that Kanye gets an attorney just in case.

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