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Step Your P****y Up

I will be 39 in a month. I am having a midlife crisis. A literal, mid-life crisis.
The job of mothering and wife-ing (lol) is a difficult one.  And add on top of that knocking on the 40s door.... and not feeling like you've achieved jack shit. I haven't traveled the world enough. Bought enough shoes. Eat fancy foods. Had sex with Matt Kemp... Had enough orgasms. Lost enough weight. Driven the car of my dreams. Paid off enough debt... making sex figures...wrote my epic historical fiction novel... worn enough hairstyles...
Blah! I've not done jack squat. *sigh* WHat Id o know is, the unpaid, emotional labor of mothering and being a wife has driven me off track and off my goals. A lot of them. I am having to retool and refocus. In lamenting to my husband, he goes "I mean you can still travel the world! With Us". Before I could control my facial expressions, I scowled. "A baby? Strapped to my back and a husband to weigh me down as I go see the Pyramids?? No tha…
Recent posts

A Love Like Taffy

I was in one of the many online/Facebook groups that I am in (I have a real addiction I believe....) and the discussion of marriage and its up and downs began. Naturally, women started this discussion and men sorta interjected here and there. (SN: I often wish men spoke positively and naturally about marriage the way women do....alas.... all we get are Fred Flinstone types...)

I relayed my experiences as a woman under 40 and working on my second marriage. My exact words were...

What I’ve learned in two marriages, one disastrous and one fairly new but relatively healthy, is that you learn to become like taffy:  You start out one big, sweet sticky mess. Then...you stretch, you grow, you pull, you push but if you’re lucky, you don’t break. And that’s the sweet spot.  

And when one of my good friends who was engaged said she fears marriage because she was a "hot mess"... I laughed and said, "Marriage is the joining of two hot messes....". And I continued on with my taf…

I Was Wrong about Beyonce

Oh, no.. don't get me wrong. I still don't think she can sing and I don't like her music.... I don't know or own ANY of her songs unless they get played at parties. I literally do not know ANY lyrics... dead ass. And let's face it... I'm 39 with a kid... when am I gonna go to a party that doesn't have an animated character present?

Nevertheless, I can admit when I am wrong. A while back, I wrote a blog about Beyonce and her "brand" of feminism. While I still argue and posit that Beyonce is using/used feminism/womanism as a marketing scheme (as with any good "evolutionary" artist. See: Janet, Madonna, GaGa.....). I was wrong to say that her kind of feminism isn't feminism, specifically black feminism. It's HER feminism. And who am I to judge?
Nobody...*Keith Sweat Voice*
If she thinks body performativity and sex is feminism, so be it. If she wants to be Oshun for a day, that's cool too. If she thinks to wear a onesie/unitard an…

Ciara: Reckless Reposting, #LevelingUp and Fucking Up

(Ciara and husband Russell Wilson)
Let's talk about Ciara and how she, God bless her soul, forget where she came from.....

Earlier this week, she decided to repost a sermon by Fat-Fuck-Ex-30-Year-Old-Virgin John Gray, ex-comedian turned minister (and OWN reality show personality), who was talking about women not wanting to be wives....because they walk around in the spirit of girlfriend.. or some misogynistic bullcorn. I can't remember all of it. So I will just link it here, reluctantly.

Oh, Ciara, Miss Riverdale Princess of Crunk decides to repost this with the hashtag #LEvelUp, leaving all of us scratching our heads. Lest we forget she was about to marry an UBER FUckboy named Future, had a baby by this dude, gets dumped... and moves on to Russell (who we all were cheering for because he was a decent man). She has what I like to call "marital amnesia"- we forgot our wayward ways when we get married.. (well, some of us do, I don't)....

The fault is not all on Ci…

Mommy the Monster

One of my daughter's favorite books is called Monster Trouble.  A little Afro puff wearing girl named Winifred can’t sleep because monsters keep creeping into her bedroom. She tried to set traps for them but nothing works. In the end, what made them flee was her being kind, sweet and giving them kisses. My little one finds the kisses part hilarious.

But..
What happens when mom is the Monster. A terrifying monster of epic proportions. 
I had been sick for a few days. I’d caught whatever my daughter brought home from daycare which was simply a runny nose for her but turned into a hacking, gagging cough and congestion for me.  I could get no relief. None whatsoever.  I didn’t want to eat. I couldn’t really sleep. It all came to a head a few evenings ago.  I coughed so badly that I threw up. My husband has to grab the blankets and things.  I laid my head down on the couch, wet towel on my head to try to feel better. My daughter, not fully grasping the severity of the situation, hopped …

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Why I Quit Fitness Instagram

.. or... better yet.. How I Regained my Sanity.

When you think fitness, motherhood doesn't come to mind.

from GetBodiedbyJ Instagram I had my daughter almost 2 years ago (On another note.. I cannot believe she is about to be 2. That is wild to me...). And I am still shaped like a kangaroo in this bitch! You see the lady I posted above? That was her 8 weeks after having her guts rearranged with a damn C-section. Yet and still...  I am still looking like a flabbier version of her 3 days post- C Section photo. I am not a bad bitch. I am not a MILF. I am just a mom trying to make it.
Once I had the baby girl, I was plagued with several health issues. I had super high blood pressure. As a person who loved to eat yet watched what I ate, this was a shock to me. I was overweight when I had her but I wasn't morbidly obese by any means. Before pregnancy, I went to the gym 3 or 4 times a week. I tried walking as often as I could. I increased my water. None of that helped.
During pregnancy,…