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Tourist in your Own State(Of Marriage)

*I was on vacay so..... there was a pause to the blog last week*


My husband and I took a mini-vacay to Savannah and the Georgia Sea Islands (Tybee). It was great. It was also much needed. It was the shot in the arm we needed. No, we aren't troubled. Just tired.

 We did a tour like actual tourist. We dipped our toes in the sand. We laughed. We made love. We ate a shit-ton of seafood. We danced. He even kissed me and dipped me under the moonlight in Forsyth Park. He called me his "girlfriend" and we flirted like we were a newly, minted couple.

He held my hand and traced the lines down my fingers. He put them between his lips slowly and kissed them. He grabbed my butt in public and didn't care. I rubbed his bald head and didn't mind the beads of sweat.

We ordered in greasy take-out and ate it in the bed. We stayed up late. We listened to the music we wanted as loud as we wanted. We didn't care about appearances. I barely wore any makeup. He didn't bother to …
Recent posts

You Too Old to be #Insecure

Let's talk about one of my fav new shows... Insecure! And why I better not ever see anyone over the age of 35 making these mistakes.



A little background... Issa Rae is the creator of the show, which has its roots on Youtube in its previous incarnation as Awkward Black Girl. This is totally different though. It is about the love life of Issa and Lawrence... their friends Molly, Chad, Kelly and Tiffany. All while navigating micro-aggressions in the workplace and all around foolishness in South Los Angeles. It's an amazing show with a dope soundtrack and an amazing cast. Last season (SPOILER ALERT), Issa and Lawrence broke up because Issa cheated. She cheated because she got fed up and bored with Lawrence and his lame penis and his even lamer excuse for not finding stable work. In the end, Lawrence ends up banging the teller at his bank (Tasha) who was flirting with him, coming to his job with titties up to her chin. On top of all of this, Molly and Issa, two BFFs had a serious fa…

The Intersection

I am at the intersection of "Fuck it All" and "Think This Thing Through"...
Oh btw.. this blog is about career and professional goals... (if you don't want to read any further).
I do not dislike my job. But it has run its course and served its purpose. I've been serving in an administrative capacity in High Ed for close to 15 years now. It was my first job out of graduate school. And while it wasn't my dream job of junior editor at Random House, it was a job that allowed a steady paycheck, benefits, and had the familiarity of school. If there is one thing i know, it is that I know University and how it works. And I am good at it. I've had promotion after promotion, title changes and bigger offices. But I've grown tired. 
The truth is.. I am not living my purpose. And I know my purpose is to write. I am almost 40.. so I keep wondering if it is too late.. but then I remember JK Rowling was 40.. Vera Wang was 40...Stan Lee...Samuel L. Jackson... all…

Randomness: Friday

What do you talk about when you're out of words? 
I committed to write once a week on this blog. And I have done so faithfully since recommitting myself. But what do I write about when words fail me?  

I want to travel. I want to take a nice, relaxing trip without the baby and just my husband..

I need to stop shopping. I realize now I shop to fill a void. And It's not like I am going anywhere. Or NEED the things right then and there. But I just often can't resist a sale. And that is reeking havoc on my credit score and debt to income ratio. I can't keep doing that. I seriously need a financial advisor. Straight up

Because of said spending. I said I wanted to recommit to myself to a minimalist lifestyle. I dont know how I can do that when SOMETIMES you gotta shop....

But I have to shop for my kid.. because she is growing at an exponential rate. Her shoes are now too small. She needs bigger tops. She needs less bodysuits so she can potty-train. I am just in awe at how fas…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

Would I Want To Fuck Me?:Sex. Bodies and Motherhood

I was on my last few repetitions of the row machine at the gym. I looked over at the older woman a few ways down, sweating profusely on the treadmill, and a very svelte white girl doing chin dips. I just wanted to get through these last few rows and eat my granola.

 I had joined the gym at my job in January,  I was recommitting myself to my health. For one, I was the mother of a very active toddler. And secondly, I didn't want to die. Flat out, I didn't want to die. I had some health scares shortly after joining the gym which required an emergency appendectomy and surgery. So I had been back at the gym steadily for almost two months.

I was already over it. *sigh*

I don't know. I know my body is different since having a baby. Not to say I was Serena Williams before pregnancy (or during because.. Pregnant Serena is still 10 times more in shape than current me).  I've never been one to eat badly (Tacos being my only real vice...). Although I am Southern, I cannot stomach …

Hello Stranger: My Evolution

I am in a variety of groups on Facebook. Some for fun. Most for shared interest. A few out of sheer boredom

In one of my groups, we were challenged to describe ourselves to a total stranger. I thought long and hard and was like...... hmpf that's tough.😥 I gave a short, cursory answer. But I thought I'd expand it:


I love graphic T-shirts like a 13 year old.. comics...British comedies/dramas...hardcover books... culinary adventures...Kimonos and flats....makeup...natural hair and wigs...Trap music and All things Nina Simone....meditation.... art...a good pair of jeans...photography...crafting to a limit...t..organization and chaos simultaneously..sweet tea....and a cold shot of quality Tequila.

I love being a wife and mother but I am glad it isn't the totality of my life.I miss being my mother's daughter more.... but I am glad to be my daughter's mother. I am spiritual more than religious. I'd rather be in sweats than lingerie most days. I am still learning my b…