May 23, 2014

Beauty and the Boudoir



As part of my wedding photography package, I opted against doing traditional bridal portraits in favor of bridal boudoir photographs. I had done something "similar' in my first marriage but my ex husband was involved...and I hated the fact that he was in most of the shots. Needless to say...these would be different.....I'd be totally alone.

I was so nervous. I spent days and nights planning and picking out outfits.... I had been working out but I was self-conscious because I wasn't as fit as I wanted to be for these photos. I was going to call the whole thing off but my mother seemed excited for me...and my aunt thought that this would be the perfect gift to give my fiance' on our wedding day. I had a room and floor full of Lingerie and Louboutins.....everything that seemed "sexy" or bridal...I had it out.

I labored for hours over my hair and makeup and nervously paced the floor waiting on our wedding photographer and his wife (and thank God she was there!). I opened the door and they were so excited. They put my at ease. They made sure things would be tasteful and that my fiance' would love them. His wife fixed my hair in every shot...she even adjusted my boobs. They kept saying "it's just the simple things that make it work".... We had music going and I even had a "shot" to ease my nerves. He was creative and a patient....he and his wife eased my self consciousness and after a 2 hour shoot....I was relaxed.


Then it was over.

 It happened so fast. All I heard him say was "I think we got it!" and he was packing up his camera bag! His wife hugged me and said "You're gonna be such a pretty bride! See you in September!".....and they were off.

I didn't get to see many of the images...the photographer would teasingly flash the camera's screen at me then laugh. I had trust in him...but the truth is...I didn't have trust in myself. What if my rolls were showing? What if I looked crazy? What if I was sweaty?

Weeks and weeks went by...until finally my photographer sends me an email simply stating "they're ready"....with a link to a Zip file of the edited shots.

I opened the first picture..............my mouth fell open.and tears dropped from my eyes. I was speechless. I realized after about 15 minutes I was simply staring at my Ipad....

Was that really me??? Was I truly that beautiful? Is that was Jay sees when he sees me, stripped down and just with raw emotions? Or glammed up in this way?   It was the first time in my 35 years of existence that I had seen myself like that: beautiful, glamorous, elegant, sexy...... 

I shot my photographer a quick email with the exclamation of "OMG...is that really me!?" He said "Yep..that's all you! I'm just the dude with the camera!" The photographer and his editor/assistant had done amazing job! I scrolled through picture after picture...amazed at what I saw before me. Sure they were edited...but it was me! It wasn't to the point where I was unrecognizable. Just as my photographer had said.  Yep....it was all me. They were edited but not perfect...just me.... I was really beautiful. I mean...I was stunning....

I am itching to show my fiance'....but they are a total surprise. Once he opens the book as he gets ready on our wedding day...I am sure he will be amazed that his wife looks like that. And be in total anticipation of the wedding day....(and night! ;) )

But then again....he's always felt that way. And all it took was a photograph to make me really see what he saw in me....




PS: If you are interested in my photographer and you are in the Atlanta area or Southeast, look him up!

Montoya Turner of Made you Look Photography!

*and no....he isn't paying me to say this or even giving me anything free!! I just love the man for his work!*


:)

May 1, 2014

Marshmallow Blues and Honeymoon Dreams

My wedding is in 4 months and 20 days............

I work out. I eat right 90% 85% if the time...  Granted I've been sick off and on for the better part of 8 months as well....and my fear is that I will appear like this coming down the aisle:




I've always had a struggle with maintaining a healthy weight. Even when I was in high school and barely 125 lbs..I had "thick thighs" and got teased. So naturally, I do not want to waddle down the aisle looking like a big, puffy marshmallow. I picked a wedding dress that will suck in my shape. But knowing the tag says "Size 20" is so disheartening. And most of it is boobs and my tummy...blah!


I have a dress fitting in almost a month. And I know that I will not have lost anything. I thought about doing some Arden's Garden detox for a few days. Or just forgoing meat. Or giving up my daily, 2 oz chocolate habit....

But I like food. And I like working out. But I also don't like having liver issues or a slow thyroid...so that makes it even harder.


Not to mention...I wanna wear a bikini for the first time on my honeymoon. I wanna come out the water like Halle Berry on James Bond.....or like that amazon Serena Williams on the beach...

(I hate her *smh*)

I wanna be able to not have my gut hang over my bikini looking like Rasputia from "Norbit". I wanna go sarong-free. But no matter how hard I try. How hard i push myself each gym session How hard I switch up calories and what I eat... Nothing. Is. Working. I joined the 90 Day Challenge a with some gals on Instagram and I feel like I am failing miserably.....

I think the greatest lesson I've learned in this is that I have to accept the 35 year old body I have now and work with it. I will just lace up some corsets and keep it moving under my dress. I will just rock a sassy one piece and not that Wonder Woman Bikini I was thinking about........ 

I've vented to my mother and my FMIL who both are like "Girl bye...just rock it and keep it moving"........ But I am paranoid about back fat and waving arms............ I feel so sick.

But....

Then I think about my fiance's face. Who will prob be wet with tears when he seems me coming down the aisle on my brother's arm..............and who , on the honeymoon, will be ready to take of ALL clothing and will be like "Why you packing clothes in the first place?" (LMAO)............

At night he whispers to me..." I'm so excited....I cant wait to see you come down the aisle..."and somehow that eases my apprehension........

...then I dream about myself in a giant cloud of white foolishness....with seeping back fat. :(



Lord help me.

March 31, 2014

Random Wedding Vents: From A to Z

(Kim..you were beautiful but girl..3 dresses?? Nah....)

Random Wedding Vent: After watching a few (ok countless...) wedding videos on Vimeo...these are the things that annoy me

a) when folks do a Bruh-man "bop" down the aisle or a slow two step or some kind of elaborate processional. Foolishness. Just walk at a normal pace....
 b) explicit rap lyrics at the reception. Granny does not need to hear "F*CKING Problems"by A$AP Rocky in all its glory 
c) folks who eat before the bride and groom get their food. We get it..you are hungry....
d) bridesmaids dresses that do not take into account everyone's body type. Everyone doesn't need to be in short or strapless. How rude of you....
e) lude and "bedroom" type private dances for the groom. Dont't nobody's MeeMaw need to be subjected to that either. 
f) actually choreographed dances to Beyonce or anything else makes me sick. We get it..he made your 'LOVE ON TOP"  or has you "drunk in love" or some other Bullsh*t...smh
 g) too many dress changes. This is not a fashion show. You paid good money for that dress..wear it!
h) shaky camera work. DO better....
 i) getting in front of the photographers to take a pic w/ your ragged ass Iphone. We got photographers for that!
 j) people who disregard the assigned seating chart. You're just an asshole. 
k)people who are wearing Jeans and T-shirts and then someone else is in After 5. Be explicit about a dress code. That's truly the bride/groom's fault...and well..some folks have no tact.
l) 80 bridesmaids. Ask yourself? In a year..will you still be talking to these people? Will they be praying for you and your mate? Can you count on them in a jam? My guess is prob no...
 m) Vows dryer than day old bread. IF you are gonna write your own vows and aren't that creative, just ask someone for some help..it's quite alright.
 n) Pastors who wanna sermonize and admonish the bride and groom. Really??? Aint the time or the place, bruh!! smh.
o) couples who want to sing to each other...and they can't sing a tap! whew! Spare us!
p) Dudes who make mad inappropriate speeches at the toast about how many "hoes" your dude had or how much of a "wild" dude he used to be. Who wants to hear that shit?
q) Your drunk aunt/uncle. While they tend to get the party live, you gotta watch out for them at the open bar.
r) People sitting in the "reserved" area. While you may think you are special..you aren't family. I don't care if you are called "play cousin" everyone doesn't deserve the "front seat" in your life
s) gaudy makeup with gaudy jewelry and gaudy dresses. Just...gaudy.... I can't explain it.
t) crying kids. If you know your baby gets easily agitated..why the hell would you bring a baby to a wedding? Weddings are for adults generally..adults who wanna get sauced! Now the baby can be heard all on the wedding video. *smh*
u) not allowing the bride and groom to eat...nah I dont play those bald-headed games. We eating you can get a pic later....(LOL)
v) wedding hash-tags. They are just uber lame to be............#YouarenotaTrendingTopic
w)complaining ass guest. The keywords is "GUEST" and being invited to a wedding is an honor. I get if it is late (which I hate and is super rude to your guests)..but you aint gotta eat the food..cake..or drinks or like the DJ. LOL
x) late anyone: vendors, guests, etc....be on TIME.
y)Wedding planners who look a mess. You are the wedding planner and you need to look hella professional. That means you need to have on a nice dress, comfy but stylish shoes,  hair done and makeup on.  You need to have business cards on you to give out. How do you expect to drum up any more business looking less than on point?
z) and finally..making up your own RSVP rules. If we said 2 seats are available..then that's what you get. You do not get to scratch that out and add 8. Not how it works, son! This is a holy sacrament, not the VIP at the Velvet Room or Mansion or something... also just not RSVP-ing at all and showing up and expecting to be seated front row. Get your entire life!



Welp...I have 5 more months to go...and I am sure I may come back to this list and expand it beyond the letter Z! LOL

February 25, 2014

Life Lessons: Kiss Me Anyway.....


Yesterday I was mad.

I mean boiling-point mad, at my fiance'. I think it's the stress of everything. Wedding planning. New Home. New Job. My mother being ill. I've been ill......a lot of stuff. And it all spilled over one fateful Monday. Well actually, to be fair, it started on Sunday, and spilled over into Monday. I had had it up to HERE with everything, and that included my fiance' (quite unfairly).

We rode to work together in relative silence, only chuckling here and there over the morning radio show. As I exited the car, I said "Ok bye"...and entered my building.

Later on that evening, he returned home. He said his day was "just ok" which to me translated into it being kinda crappy. I was like "Oh"....and he said something very poignant:

"When I dropped you off, you didn't give me my sugar (kiss). When you kiss me, that's my covering for the day...........I missed my sugar. Even if I am mad at you or vice-versa, then kiss me anyway.....".

That dude...wise beyond his years and like a seasoned pro at being married (and we aren't even married yet!)

I kissed him a few times....more than a few times....... *wink* to make up for my lack of kissing him. I learned then I shouldn't do that again.

"The Dude" (as I affectionately call him) kisses me when he enters a room. When he leaves the room. When he comes in the door. Before he leaves the house. Before I exit our vehicle for work...randomly when he meets me in an aisle at the grocery store.......he kisses me.  To know that my kiss, that one single solitary and almost routine act was a covering for him, was really profound and powerful. It reaffirmed that marriage, a union, is indeed a spiritual ministry. It reassures him that I am there for him....I have his back...and I make his day better. Without that support, it can take a turn for the worst. What if I hadn't kissed him and he was gone....and I never saw him again? He got into an accident? Would my one regret be that I didn't kiss him goodbye? That I sat in silence and wasn't affectionate as usual?  I seriously believe it would have been...

Lesson Learned:

..and I will remember to cover him everyday...even when I am mad... I will kiss him anyway....

ETA: My friend R, after reading my blog, brought this video by The Ma'at's to my attention. GOOD STUFF! And check out that kiss!! *woooweee*
 

January 24, 2014

Lessons a Divorcee' Learns Planning Her Second Wedding

(no that's not me...or my groom! LOL)

*blows dust off this puppy*

Hey y'all!

It's been far too long since I've blogged. But my good friend @EarthAngel172 on Twitter was curious about me..how was doing and how the wedding plans were going! Now that I was forced to sit my booty down  (I had some minor outpatient surgery...no worries..I'm good)...I can now sit and am forced and I am willing to write this blog.

Wedding planning is...well.....I will say that I've learned so much as a bride for the second time. Here are the highlights



1) You Cannot Compare Apples to Oranges... so stop doing it!!

This experience of being a bride for the second time is not going to be like the first time. It's not. Our major arguments and disagreements during this process have largely been about "Hey..I did that the first time so I don't wanna do it again". Silly stuff. Like a personalized aisle runner. Or who to invite...or even having a wedding at all. Most of all...My new groom is nothing like my "starter husband". Nothing like him. He has his own vision and his own ideas. These two weddings and marriages will be different. I am older, wiser and not concerned about the same things I was concerned about almost 10 years ago. It's different...not better or worse....different...for the better :)



2) You will change your mind (and it has a lot to do w/your groom)

I was adamant about not having a wedding. I really was...but here i am...about to don the dress and heels and veil again....and I have no regrets anymore about it. I said I didn't want a wedding because of the pomp and circumstances and MONEY that I feel was wasted. But my groom didn't feel that way. He wanted the experience of seeing me come down the aisle and "have his breath taken away" (direct quote from The Dude). Is it far to deny him my beauty (LOL)? probably not. But a guy has a vision for his wedding...and you have to respect it.

3) You will realize what's truly important...and what's not

Given that this isn't my first time at the rodeo, I know what I like and what I don't. What is a priority is not having hundreds of people there to eat your food and gawk at your dress. What's a priority is family and tradition and having an intimate event to celebrate your union. It isn't about how much money you've spent. I have been to weddings where I know hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent. It's about having fun and not stressing about the little things. It's not a production. It is a holy sacrament and needs to be treated as such.

4) You No Longer Have to People Please

The mistake most brides make when they plan a wedding is trying to please people, especially family. They want you to invite their best friend from childhood and even that heffa from church they don't care too much for. They want you to have the best...yet do not want to kick in money wise. I think planning a second wedding allows me to do things on my term. I can have it look the way I want. Pick the sexy dress I wanted. Spend the amount you want to spend on things...or NOT spend. You are not obligated to feed everyone! It's your vision...the second time around. The first time it is about pleasing parents. This time...it's about you and your groom. (this becomes tricky if the groom has never been married...but I digress....it can happen...)

5)There is No Pressure to be Perfect (But You Can Still Have Your Fairytale)

You no longer have the pressure of being that 12 year old girl who collected Brides magazines, planning your big day with an imaginary groom.  Because you are doing it your way, you will have absolutely no regrets (or at least..that's my hope) But, you do not have to "short change" yourself. It can be the fairytale that YOU all want. You get to make it as fabulous as you want it to be..and if things do not go right..it's going to be ok. In the end...you will be married :) You are hosting this really cool event, a sacrament and a big ol' party with the people you love. No amount of money you spend or not spend will be a reflection of the love you have for your spouse. I know one thing..for me it's not about the money. Perfect is how you interpret it. And for us..it is about family, friends and food. Our theme is "Eat, Drink and Be Married"..so that is what it is about for us. Not the money. Not the decor. That's all relative at this pint. We gotta live afterwards too. Having a healthy, functional marriage takes precedence over anything else.

6) Being a Bride a Second Time Isn't a Do-Over...(but it's still kinda fun.)

..and it most certainly is no reflection of the type of WIFE you will be. I made many mistakes as a wife the first time that I am declaring not to carry into my second marriage. Nevertheless, that type of feeling shouldn't stop me from enjoying being a bride this time. It's fun. Although I am not trying to "repeat" or "do over" things, I do want to experience new things.  I never had a Bachelorette party...so I am having one. I never got to go on a honeymoon..and with an international and well-traveled husband, I will. I wanted a more "planned" shower...and I am sure I will have one.  I don't want social media taking over my wedding or reception. The cool part is I get to incorporate my fiance's Caribbean culture so that'll be different. I get to be sexier..freer...I just wont care what others think! I will be 35 and just in my own skin....


So that's it for me and the wedding planning...and my thoughts. It is a lot of fun. But the fun part to me is just getting to be this dude's wife..and that he chose me...and that God has preordained this...

That's fun  <3



December 16, 2013

Pop-Washing Feminism.: Irresponsibility, Sexuality and The "Stans"

*blows the dust off the blog*

Ya know, I said I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to utter the single word on my blog about this  lady...but alas........

I am a true audiophile. I LOVE LOVE music. Seriously...and a wide array of artists. There are tons of artists I just do not care for that others enjoy with a fervor that is borderline "religious". Artists such as Alicia Keys. Ke$ha,  Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Madonna ............. There are others that I "mildly" tolerate  because although their antics are borderline unstable..they do have talent such as Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey, Kanye West....

But no other artist brings up more hysterical debates, fervor and foolishness..than Beyonce.

I am no fan of Beyonce. Never have been. Never will be. I didn't like Destiny's Child. I wont be paying my rent money for her tickets. I won't be buying her music as gifts. I maybe have two of her songs strictly as instrumentals for my work out mix.  My musical tastes have always been a tad bit more sophisticated...(with only the occasional dash of "ratchet pop-hop-ness" for dancable moments).  But it is as if as a black woman, you cannot say loudly "I do not care for Beyonce" without being called everything but a child of God....or as most of the hood-rats would say... "a hater".  I have every right to choose with whom I'd like to spend my hard earned monies on. While folks were in an uproar about her latest Itunes efforts, I was like Miss Celie...just waiting to see the colors on the walls. All the whooping..hollering..and crying. I mean I get it..we have our favs....I've cried at a few concerts and while listening to a great song. We all have different taste levels. I am not here for her musically and I find her marginally talented.. Hey...she isn't my cup of tea... Hey. I even joke and call her "BeFunyon", because just like a "Funyon" (those tasty, ghetto snack treats), she is airy, musical "junk food", and lacking little substance other than "fun" for those who enjoy.


..but you can't seem to say that out loud re: Beyonce cause "stans" will work all your black nerves and make it seem like you are "anti-woman empowerment" or "hating" some sh8t. It aint that deep. I try to keep my dislike strictly on a musical level... but this new turn in her adoration is stepping on the necks of black womanist and feminists who have done the work, pounding the pavements, breaking the door on the ivory towers and getting dirty in other ways. Not just the gyration in Louboutins and wild weaves. It's not about being "bootylicious" and what not. That ain't the totality of black feminism



Look..I don't know that lady.She might just be nice as they all say she is. Do think she is good at marketing and business? Sure? Do I think accusations of saying she "faked" a pregnancy (embellished maybe..but faked?? Nah) or saying she's the Illuminati (Look. Let's be real. She's black. a Real "Gs" move in silence) are really lame?? Most def. But what I DO know, that I am really adamant about, is not hailing her some neuvo-poster child for Black Feminist Thought lest Patrica Hill Collins and Beverly Guy Sheftall clutch their pearls.  Gimme a break ya'll......

Feminism is deeper than gyrating your hips or talking about how you give head (So no Nicki Minaj....you are def no feminist). Feminism is greater than making your own money and being a "boss b*tch".  Feminism sure...is SOME of that...but it isn't ALL of that. And now Beyonce is being hailed as the second coming of Audre' Lorde and Nikki Gionvanni....all because in the midst of a Rachetville song...she threw in a very powerful speech by author Chimamanda Adichie from a TedTalk she did last year. And now..Beyonce, in addition to being the Queen of the Beyhive.... is the Queen of Feminism!



Spare me. PLEASE oh Please...spare me!!

I have a real problem with them hailing Beyonce as this "neo-feminist". Yeahhhhhh..... *pause* No. lol I am not here for that. It is the same disdain I have for hailing Lena Dunham a feminist because she shows her flabby pale body for the masses to see. Feminism IS NOT just about the body. IT IS NOT! I've read far too many books, taken far too many classes and been engrossed in too much of the work to even recognize her as such and solely as such.

 I was shocked they (the media) said Beyonce used Adiche.  I was shocked....because hearing her  (Beyonce) speak...Beyonce sounds a bit on the (for lack of a better word) "slow" side. No shade..but the girl does not appear to be eloquent and not very well read. *shrug* Her letter to Michelle Obama proved that for me.  Perhaps someone in her camp brought that to her attention. This also isn't to say the woman isn't a "researcher"........but.......... something in my spirit  about that doesn't sit well with me. It just...doesn't seem authentic.

*insert "Oh you're a hater* by her fanatics*

....well...

Do I believe Black Feminism is all encompassing? ABSOLUTELY. It is the ability to move your body the way you want. Dress the way you want. Express it how you want. It is about how you perform gender and how you do NOT perform gender. but it is NOT just about the body. It is not just about saying how you "suck a mean D8ck" or "get on that ass" or whatever. It also isn't about money. It isn't about how you are so "independent" or how you "buy your own rocks" and the like. That's not black feminism. That's pretty much the summation of Beyonce..Certainly more "I buy my own sh*T" than "We run this town".....therefore that most CERTAINLY isn't black feminism. And before you even go there...... Yes...I love Janet Jackson too (also another artist who is a great performer but weak vocally)..but yes...these same arguments were made about Janet 20 something years ago when she released "The Velvet Rope"...........and I still stand by  what I am saying now..and that too applies to Janet. Loving an artist doesn't mean you won't call them out on their sh*t...whether it be a bad album or some bad theoretical comparisons.

My same sentiments seemed to be echoed (although in a much more aggressive way) by Real Colored Girls in their Article "THE PROBLEM WITH BEYHIVE BOTTOM BITCH FEMINISM" . In it the authors write:

"Insisting on a rank and file consent and approval to these ‘terms of engagement’ is a form of bullying and in the spirit of Audre Lorde we remind you that silencing dissent will not protect you.  We feel strongly that it is our duty and imperative to engage multiple perspectives in the marketplace of ideas, supporting open discourse, lest we find ourselves guilty of policing one another into a dishonest respectability........"Can’t we just love Bey as an amazing corporate artist without selling out the hard won accomplishments of our black feminist and womanist foremothers? Can we not love her for the gorgeous and fierce mega pop star she is without appropriating her for some liberal, power feminist agenda?""

And I totally agree. There is room for MULTIPLE perspectives.  However, let's not just limit it to body performativity and sexual expressions. Especially not for black women.. We've come too far to throw it back like that. If you want to ride for Beyonce as a fan of her music..her business acumen or even the love of her husband, then so be it.... but. Let's not hail this woman for the feminist agenda.


I can't stand it....


So go on and buy $800 tickets and such...pull out all your edges and hail her new video as the second coming of Christ....that's all well and good. Hey...I may do the same whenever Maxwell drops his albums...but let's face facts: I  doubt we'd see Beyonce at a NOW rally with Gloria Steinem or bell hooks...or as a guest with Melissa Harris Perry....anytime soon. Let her live in that world.... and allow her to be "feminist when it's fun and not costly".

*smh*

September 25, 2013

Pans, Bands, and Sammies

So it was floating all around Facebook and social media today..the article from the NY Post about a young black woman, Stephani Smith, a page six reporter for the very own Post that publishes this foolywang article, who declares that she wil make 300 sammiches for her boyfriend to propose to her.



Let's file this under: Girl..you are DTM (as my fiance' would say): DOING THE MOST... *side eye*

 I know women who have done FAR MORE..for FAR LESS...but MochaPeach is not the one.

Now..before I go into a feminist tirade...trust me...I won't be doing that.  My fiance' and I LOVE to cook together. Food is our way we communicate our love to each other.....but honey girlfriend..was doing a lot. I can count the number of sandwiches I've made Beau....and I got a ring.... *shrug* Hell...all that man wanted from me was potato skins......real talk. ANd I made them....

...and here we are.

But I digress. After I read the opening line of the article...talking about "You've been up 15 min..you could have made me a sandwich"..I was SO DISGUSTED. Homegirl was/is going out her way to make some very creative and delicious sammishes..... I was like.."for real?? We making tuna rolls in cocktail dresses now??" Chile boo......

Let me summarize my feelings about this article.



1)  His whole approach irritated the shit outta me. The whole "you've been up 15 min..... make me a sammich" is so damn sexist. Maybe she should have left that out of the article. It wouldn't have made the fiance' anymore likable..but still...



2). But what if she makes all these sandwiches and then she gets to sandwich 299 and he's like "I'm good. I’m doing Paleo now”. PEACE. LOL. What is she going to do???  What if he's all like "Sandwiches are SO last year...I am into soups now. PEACE!" Is she going to make 300 bowls of soup??? I doubt it. 


3) She is delusional. Her man looks NOTHING like Skaarsgaard. If anything, he looks like old' dude from Wiki leaks. And I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder...but she must have a glass eye. 


4) unless she can miraculously make a sandwich that tastes like pussy....there is no magical "formula" to getting engaged. It's not a sandwich. It is not if you can even cook or not (because I know PLENTY 
of no cooking b*tches with rings)...and why be with someone who dangles an "engagement" like a carrot based on sandwiches....

5) She is making some GREAT sandwiches but is limited cause her man has these WIERD ASS food requirements/dislikes (like avocado that is SLICED. but he will eat it mashed...what kinda fu*ck shit!). I'd had to be stifling my creativity. Besides. If you have to make 300 sammiches..how can you get creative with limitations?

6) On the flip side...sista..you gotta do MORE than some sammiches...the man was cooking gourmet meals for you. Can you at least roast a chicken or something? Isn't he going to get tired of sandwiches??? The joke in the "hood" is "Pans will get those BANDS"  (as in wedding bands) and that might be true...but hey.... *shrug*...gotta be more than sandwiches.

7) She must want a book deal or a show or something. I mean...this is highly personal.... and she put it all out there....douchey BF and all.. (OK..dude could be a really nice man....but his approach was asshole-ish) I cant explain any other reason to  make something that's "our thing" private. My fiance' and I have some very private things we do, some that may raise an eyebrow, so I'll be damn if I share them.


I kind of feel bad for her. I am sure she thought this was a "cute little anecdote" and fun experiment (sorta like chick who did Julie/Julia) that might get her a little noteriety..a book deal...a cooking show. I mean..it has folks talking which is great.....it has the feminist wagging their tongues..and women wondering "Should I make that Bahn Mi sammich???" and "What is Bahn mi?" ..and dumb ass dudes saying "Hey women..go make me a sandwich!!" To say she is "124 sandwiches" away from an engagement ring sorta trivializes the entire "bethrothal" process...right down to a ham and cheese! smh Excuse me... a croque monsieur..... (or madame. I made that for my own fiance' for breakfast...that is just a ham/egg/cheese lol)

Cooking is a very personal thing. It should be done with love and care, even if it is just a sandwhich. While Ms. Smith declares that sandwiches are her man's "love language"...if you are doing all of this for a means to an end...then is it really done out of love and reciprocity? And cooking indeed can be seductive and sexy...but it shouldn't be "manipulative". I am surprised she didn't add a little "Suge Avery pee" to his lemonade or a tampon to his marinara sauce......

I would have enjoyed reading a blog about how TERRIBLE a cook she is...and how maybe her and her fiance' cook together, learning from and with each other, and bringing them closer together.  Perhaps she starts with sandwiches and expands to pot roasts..... I dunno.

Which brings me back to my own fiance'....and how we really feel like a team. It's a shared partnership. We cook together...for each other. Give and take......without any "pay off" sometimes. I dont expect one except Beau being happy and appreciative. I didn't get engaged because I could make a mean turkey pesto panini...or I made my highly-requested, drool worthy potato skins.

I think I got engaged because we "cooked" in other ways....we had heat inside the kitchen....and outside of it...

No formula or sandwiches required.

I guess what I am trying to say is...do something out of love.....not out of obligation.


...and leave the sandwiches for "post-coital" refreshments only.


September 19, 2013

Thursday Tunes: Tamar Braxton "The One"

"It's been a long time..I shouldn't have left you..without a dope beat to step to...."

I know! I know! I haven't done a "Thursday Tunes" in forever and a day! But  life gets in the way...


But I got two words for you: Tamar BRaxton!

The younger sister of diva songstress Toni Braxton is holding her own with her release "Love and War". And I am so here for it. So are my gay homies who love Tamar and find her to be so over the top! Like a drag queen without the man parts! LMAO!

But enough of her dramatics..the girl can SING! Period. No denying that...even if you hate her drama her voice is undeniable!

I loved her new album. I ran out and pre-ordered it..... and I INSTANTLY fell in love with the opening track, her second single "The one". She samples Mtume/Biggie's versions of "Juicy"...and it works SO WELL here!

It is a FUN song...and I LOVE IT. The video for it is super cute as a very pregnant Tamar is show frolicking with her "guy" and enjoying life..he is..of course.."The one".

The lyrics are cute and simple too. My Fav Line:

 I reminisced the way we kissed
It felt so personal
You took the chance to get my love and now you know


Maybe because it makes me think of the "beau" and our first kiss...but I just love this song.!! Go in TAMAR and let have, girl!!!



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