March 31, 2014

Random Wedding Vents: From A to Z

(Kim..you were beautiful but girl..3 dresses?? Nah....)

Random Wedding Vent: After watching a few (ok countless...) wedding videos on Vimeo...these are the things that annoy me

a) when folks do a Bruh-man "bop" down the aisle or a slow two step or some kind of elaborate processional. Foolishness. Just walk at a normal pace....
 b) explicit rap lyrics at the reception. Granny does not need to hear "F*CKING Problems"by A$AP Rocky in all its glory 
c) folks who eat before the bride and groom get their food. We get it..you are hungry....
d) bridesmaids dresses that do not take into account everyone's body type. Everyone doesn't need to be in short or strapless. How rude of you....
e) lude and "bedroom" type private dances for the groom. Dont't nobody's MeeMaw need to be subjected to that either. 
f) actually choreographed dances to Beyonce or anything else makes me sick. We get it..he made your 'LOVE ON TOP"  or has you "drunk in love" or some other Bullsh*t...smh
 g) too many dress changes. This is not a fashion show. You paid good money for that dress..wear it!
h) shaky camera work. DO better....
 i) getting in front of the photographers to take a pic w/ your ragged ass Iphone. We got photographers for that!
 j) people who disregard the assigned seating chart. You're just an asshole. 
k)people who are wearing Jeans and T-shirts and then someone else is in After 5. Be explicit about a dress code. That's truly the bride/groom's fault...and well..some folks have no tact.
l) 80 bridesmaids. Ask yourself? In a year..will you still be talking to these people? Will they be praying for you and your mate? Can you count on them in a jam? My guess is prob no...
 m) Vows dryer than day old bread. IF you are gonna write your own vows and aren't that creative, just ask someone for some help..it's quite alright.
 n) Pastors who wanna sermonize and admonish the bride and groom. Really??? Aint the time or the place, bruh!! smh.
o) couples who want to sing to each other...and they can't sing a tap! whew! Spare us!
p) Dudes who make mad inappropriate speeches at the toast about how many "hoes" your dude had or how much of a "wild" dude he used to be. Who wants to hear that shit?
q) Your drunk aunt/uncle. While they tend to get the party live, you gotta watch out for them at the open bar.
r) People sitting in the "reserved" area. While you may think you are special..you aren't family. I don't care if you are called "play cousin" everyone doesn't deserve the "front seat" in your life
s) gaudy makeup with gaudy jewelry and gaudy dresses. Just...gaudy.... I can't explain it.
t) crying kids. If you know your baby gets easily agitated..why the hell would you bring a baby to a wedding? Weddings are for adults generally..adults who wanna get sauced! Now the baby can be heard all on the wedding video. *smh*
u) not allowing the bride and groom to eat...nah I dont play those bald-headed games. We eating you can get a pic later....(LOL)
v) wedding hash-tags. They are just uber lame to be............#YouarenotaTrendingTopic
w)complaining ass guest. The keywords is "GUEST" and being invited to a wedding is an honor. I get if it is late (which I hate and is super rude to your guests)..but you aint gotta eat the food..cake..or drinks or like the DJ. LOL
x) late anyone: vendors, guests, etc....be on TIME.
y)Wedding planners who look a mess. You are the wedding planner and you need to look hella professional. That means you need to have on a nice dress, comfy but stylish shoes,  hair done and makeup on.  You need to have business cards on you to give out. How do you expect to drum up any more business looking less than on point?
z) and finally..making up your own RSVP rules. If we said 2 seats are available..then that's what you get. You do not get to scratch that out and add 8. Not how it works, son! This is a holy sacrament, not the VIP at the Velvet Room or Mansion or something... also just not RSVP-ing at all and showing up and expecting to be seated front row. Get your entire life!



Welp...I have 5 more months to go...and I am sure I may come back to this list and expand it beyond the letter Z! LOL

February 25, 2014

Life Lessons: Kiss Me Anyway.....


Yesterday I was mad.

I mean boiling-point mad, at my fiance'. I think it's the stress of everything. Wedding planning. New Home. New Job. My mother being ill. I've been ill......a lot of stuff. And it all spilled over one fateful Monday. Well actually, to be fair, it started on Sunday, and spilled over into Monday. I had had it up to HERE with everything, and that included my fiance' (quite unfairly).

We rode to work together in relative silence, only chuckling here and there over the morning radio show. As I exited the car, I said "Ok bye"...and entered my building.

Later on that evening, he returned home. He said his day was "just ok" which to me translated into it being kinda crappy. I was like "Oh"....and he said something very poignant:

"When I dropped you off, you didn't give me my sugar (kiss). When you kiss me, that's my covering for the day...........I missed my sugar. Even if I am mad at you or vice-versa, then kiss me anyway.....".

That dude...wise beyond his years and like a seasoned pro at being married (and we aren't even married yet!)

I kissed him a few times....more than a few times....... *wink* to make up for my lack of kissing him. I learned then I shouldn't do that again.

"The Dude" (as I affectionately call him) kisses me when he enters a room. When he leaves the room. When he comes in the door. Before he leaves the house. Before I exit our vehicle for work...randomly when he meets me in an aisle at the grocery store.......he kisses me.  To know that my kiss, that one single solitary and almost routine act was a covering for him, was really profound and powerful. It reaffirmed that marriage, a union, is indeed a spiritual ministry. It reassures him that I am there for him....I have his back...and I make his day better. Without that support, it can take a turn for the worst. What if I hadn't kissed him and he was gone....and I never saw him again? He got into an accident? Would my one regret be that I didn't kiss him goodbye? That I sat in silence and wasn't affectionate as usual?  I seriously believe it would have been...

Lesson Learned:

..and I will remember to cover him everyday...even when I am mad... I will kiss him anyway....

ETA: My friend R, after reading my blog, brought this video by The Ma'at's to my attention. GOOD STUFF! And check out that kiss!! *woooweee*
 

January 24, 2014

Lessons a Divorcee' Learns Planning Her Second Wedding

(no that's not me...or my groom! LOL)

*blows dust off this puppy*

Hey y'all!

It's been far too long since I've blogged. But my good friend @EarthAngel172 on Twitter was curious about me..how was doing and how the wedding plans were going! Now that I was forced to sit my booty down  (I had some minor outpatient surgery...no worries..I'm good)...I can now sit and am forced and I am willing to write this blog.

Wedding planning is...well.....I will say that I've learned so much as a bride for the second time. Here are the highlights



1) You Cannot Compare Apples to Oranges... so stop doing it!!

This experience of being a bride for the second time is not going to be like the first time. It's not. Our major arguments and disagreements during this process have largely been about "Hey..I did that the first time so I don't wanna do it again". Silly stuff. Like a personalized aisle runner. Or who to invite...or even having a wedding at all. Most of all...My new groom is nothing like my "starter husband". Nothing like him. He has his own vision and his own ideas. These two weddings and marriages will be different. I am older, wiser and not concerned about the same things I was concerned about almost 10 years ago. It's different...not better or worse....different...for the better :)



2) You will change your mind (and it has a lot to do w/your groom)

I was adamant about not having a wedding. I really was...but here i am...about to don the dress and heels and veil again....and I have no regrets anymore about it. I said I didn't want a wedding because of the pomp and circumstances and MONEY that I feel was wasted. But my groom didn't feel that way. He wanted the experience of seeing me come down the aisle and "have his breath taken away" (direct quote from The Dude). Is it far to deny him my beauty (LOL)? probably not. But a guy has a vision for his wedding...and you have to respect it.

3) You will realize what's truly important...and what's not

Given that this isn't my first time at the rodeo, I know what I like and what I don't. What is a priority is not having hundreds of people there to eat your food and gawk at your dress. What's a priority is family and tradition and having an intimate event to celebrate your union. It isn't about how much money you've spent. I have been to weddings where I know hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent. It's about having fun and not stressing about the little things. It's not a production. It is a holy sacrament and needs to be treated as such.

4) You No Longer Have to People Please

The mistake most brides make when they plan a wedding is trying to please people, especially family. They want you to invite their best friend from childhood and even that heffa from church they don't care too much for. They want you to have the best...yet do not want to kick in money wise. I think planning a second wedding allows me to do things on my term. I can have it look the way I want. Pick the sexy dress I wanted. Spend the amount you want to spend on things...or NOT spend. You are not obligated to feed everyone! It's your vision...the second time around. The first time it is about pleasing parents. This time...it's about you and your groom. (this becomes tricky if the groom has never been married...but I digress....it can happen...)

5)There is No Pressure to be Perfect (But You Can Still Have Your Fairytale)

You no longer have the pressure of being that 12 year old girl who collected Brides magazines, planning your big day with an imaginary groom.  Because you are doing it your way, you will have absolutely no regrets (or at least..that's my hope) But, you do not have to "short change" yourself. It can be the fairytale that YOU all want. You get to make it as fabulous as you want it to be..and if things do not go right..it's going to be ok. In the end...you will be married :) You are hosting this really cool event, a sacrament and a big ol' party with the people you love. No amount of money you spend or not spend will be a reflection of the love you have for your spouse. I know one thing..for me it's not about the money. Perfect is how you interpret it. And for us..it is about family, friends and food. Our theme is "Eat, Drink and Be Married"..so that is what it is about for us. Not the money. Not the decor. That's all relative at this pint. We gotta live afterwards too. Having a healthy, functional marriage takes precedence over anything else.

6) Being a Bride a Second Time Isn't a Do-Over...(but it's still kinda fun.)

..and it most certainly is no reflection of the type of WIFE you will be. I made many mistakes as a wife the first time that I am declaring not to carry into my second marriage. Nevertheless, that type of feeling shouldn't stop me from enjoying being a bride this time. It's fun. Although I am not trying to "repeat" or "do over" things, I do want to experience new things.  I never had a Bachelorette party...so I am having one. I never got to go on a honeymoon..and with an international and well-traveled husband, I will. I wanted a more "planned" shower...and I am sure I will have one.  I don't want social media taking over my wedding or reception. The cool part is I get to incorporate my fiance's Caribbean culture so that'll be different. I get to be sexier..freer...I just wont care what others think! I will be 35 and just in my own skin....


So that's it for me and the wedding planning...and my thoughts. It is a lot of fun. But the fun part to me is just getting to be this dude's wife..and that he chose me...and that God has preordained this...

That's fun  <3



December 16, 2013

Pop-Washing Feminism.: Irresponsibility, Sexuality and The "Stans"

*blows the dust off the blog*

Ya know, I said I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to utter the single word on my blog about this  lady...but alas........

I am a true audiophile. I LOVE LOVE music. Seriously...and a wide array of artists. There are tons of artists I just do not care for that others enjoy with a fervor that is borderline "religious". Artists such as Alicia Keys. Ke$ha,  Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Madonna ............. There are others that I "mildly" tolerate  because although their antics are borderline unstable..they do have talent such as Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey, Kanye West....

But no other artist brings up more hysterical debates, fervor and foolishness..than Beyonce.

I am no fan of Beyonce. Never have been. Never will be. I didn't like Destiny's Child. I wont be paying my rent money for her tickets. I won't be buying her music as gifts. I maybe have two of her songs strictly as instrumentals for my work out mix.  My musical tastes have always been a tad bit more sophisticated...(with only the occasional dash of "ratchet pop-hop-ness" for dancable moments).  But it is as if as a black woman, you cannot say loudly "I do not care for Beyonce" without being called everything but a child of God....or as most of the hood-rats would say... "a hater".  I have every right to choose with whom I'd like to spend my hard earned monies on. While folks were in an uproar about her latest Itunes efforts, I was like Miss Celie...just waiting to see the colors on the walls. All the whooping..hollering..and crying. I mean I get it..we have our favs....I've cried at a few concerts and while listening to a great song. We all have different taste levels. I am not here for her musically and I find her marginally talented.. Hey...she isn't my cup of tea... Hey. I even joke and call her "BeFunyon", because just like a "Funyon" (those tasty, ghetto snack treats), she is airy, musical "junk food", and lacking little substance other than "fun" for those who enjoy.


..but you can't seem to say that out loud re: Beyonce cause "stans" will work all your black nerves and make it seem like you are "anti-woman empowerment" or "hating" some sh8t. It aint that deep. I try to keep my dislike strictly on a musical level... but this new turn in her adoration is stepping on the necks of black womanist and feminists who have done the work, pounding the pavements, breaking the door on the ivory towers and getting dirty in other ways. Not just the gyration in Louboutins and wild weaves. It's not about being "bootylicious" and what not. That ain't the totality of black feminism



Look..I don't know that lady.She might just be nice as they all say she is. Do think she is good at marketing and business? Sure? Do I think accusations of saying she "faked" a pregnancy (embellished maybe..but faked?? Nah) or saying she's the Illuminati (Look. Let's be real. She's black. a Real "Gs" move in silence) are really lame?? Most def. But what I DO know, that I am really adamant about, is not hailing her some neuvo-poster child for Black Feminist Thought lest Patrica Hill Collins and Beverly Guy Sheftall clutch their pearls.  Gimme a break ya'll......

Feminism is deeper than gyrating your hips or talking about how you give head (So no Nicki Minaj....you are def no feminist). Feminism is greater than making your own money and being a "boss b*tch".  Feminism sure...is SOME of that...but it isn't ALL of that. And now Beyonce is being hailed as the second coming of Audre' Lorde and Nikki Gionvanni....all because in the midst of a Rachetville song...she threw in a very powerful speech by author Chimamanda Adichie from a TedTalk she did last year. And now..Beyonce, in addition to being the Queen of the Beyhive.... is the Queen of Feminism!



Spare me. PLEASE oh Please...spare me!!

I have a real problem with them hailing Beyonce as this "neo-feminist". Yeahhhhhh..... *pause* No. lol I am not here for that. It is the same disdain I have for hailing Lena Dunham a feminist because she shows her flabby pale body for the masses to see. Feminism IS NOT just about the body. IT IS NOT! I've read far too many books, taken far too many classes and been engrossed in too much of the work to even recognize her as such and solely as such.

 I was shocked they (the media) said Beyonce used Adiche.  I was shocked....because hearing her  (Beyonce) speak...Beyonce sounds a bit on the (for lack of a better word) "slow" side. No shade..but the girl does not appear to be eloquent and not very well read. *shrug* Her letter to Michelle Obama proved that for me.  Perhaps someone in her camp brought that to her attention. This also isn't to say the woman isn't a "researcher"........but.......... something in my spirit  about that doesn't sit well with me. It just...doesn't seem authentic.

*insert "Oh you're a hater* by her fanatics*

....well...

Do I believe Black Feminism is all encompassing? ABSOLUTELY. It is the ability to move your body the way you want. Dress the way you want. Express it how you want. It is about how you perform gender and how you do NOT perform gender. but it is NOT just about the body. It is not just about saying how you "suck a mean D8ck" or "get on that ass" or whatever. It also isn't about money. It isn't about how you are so "independent" or how you "buy your own rocks" and the like. That's not black feminism. That's pretty much the summation of Beyonce..Certainly more "I buy my own sh*T" than "We run this town".....therefore that most CERTAINLY isn't black feminism. And before you even go there...... Yes...I love Janet Jackson too (also another artist who is a great performer but weak vocally)..but yes...these same arguments were made about Janet 20 something years ago when she released "The Velvet Rope"...........and I still stand by  what I am saying now..and that too applies to Janet. Loving an artist doesn't mean you won't call them out on their sh*t...whether it be a bad album or some bad theoretical comparisons.

My same sentiments seemed to be echoed (although in a much more aggressive way) by Real Colored Girls in their Article "THE PROBLEM WITH BEYHIVE BOTTOM BITCH FEMINISM" . In it the authors write:

"Insisting on a rank and file consent and approval to these ‘terms of engagement’ is a form of bullying and in the spirit of Audre Lorde we remind you that silencing dissent will not protect you.  We feel strongly that it is our duty and imperative to engage multiple perspectives in the marketplace of ideas, supporting open discourse, lest we find ourselves guilty of policing one another into a dishonest respectability........"Can’t we just love Bey as an amazing corporate artist without selling out the hard won accomplishments of our black feminist and womanist foremothers? Can we not love her for the gorgeous and fierce mega pop star she is without appropriating her for some liberal, power feminist agenda?""

And I totally agree. There is room for MULTIPLE perspectives.  However, let's not just limit it to body performativity and sexual expressions. Especially not for black women.. We've come too far to throw it back like that. If you want to ride for Beyonce as a fan of her music..her business acumen or even the love of her husband, then so be it.... but. Let's not hail this woman for the feminist agenda.


I can't stand it....


So go on and buy $800 tickets and such...pull out all your edges and hail her new video as the second coming of Christ....that's all well and good. Hey...I may do the same whenever Maxwell drops his albums...but let's face facts: I  doubt we'd see Beyonce at a NOW rally with Gloria Steinem or bell hooks...or as a guest with Melissa Harris Perry....anytime soon. Let her live in that world.... and allow her to be "feminist when it's fun and not costly".

*smh*

September 25, 2013

Pans, Bands, and Sammies

So it was floating all around Facebook and social media today..the article from the NY Post about a young black woman, Stephani Smith, a page six reporter for the very own Post that publishes this foolywang article, who declares that she wil make 300 sammiches for her boyfriend to propose to her.



Let's file this under: Girl..you are DTM (as my fiance' would say): DOING THE MOST... *side eye*

 I know women who have done FAR MORE..for FAR LESS...but MochaPeach is not the one.

Now..before I go into a feminist tirade...trust me...I won't be doing that.  My fiance' and I LOVE to cook together. Food is our way we communicate our love to each other.....but honey girlfriend..was doing a lot. I can count the number of sandwiches I've made Beau....and I got a ring.... *shrug* Hell...all that man wanted from me was potato skins......real talk. ANd I made them....

...and here we are.

But I digress. After I read the opening line of the article...talking about "You've been up 15 min..you could have made me a sandwich"..I was SO DISGUSTED. Homegirl was/is going out her way to make some very creative and delicious sammishes..... I was like.."for real?? We making tuna rolls in cocktail dresses now??" Chile boo......

Let me summarize my feelings about this article.



1)  His whole approach irritated the shit outta me. The whole "you've been up 15 min..... make me a sammich" is so damn sexist. Maybe she should have left that out of the article. It wouldn't have made the fiance' anymore likable..but still...



2). But what if she makes all these sandwiches and then she gets to sandwich 299 and he's like "I'm good. I’m doing Paleo now”. PEACE. LOL. What is she going to do???  What if he's all like "Sandwiches are SO last year...I am into soups now. PEACE!" Is she going to make 300 bowls of soup??? I doubt it. 


3) She is delusional. Her man looks NOTHING like Skaarsgaard. If anything, he looks like old' dude from Wiki leaks. And I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder...but she must have a glass eye. 


4) unless she can miraculously make a sandwich that tastes like pussy....there is no magical "formula" to getting engaged. It's not a sandwich. It is not if you can even cook or not (because I know PLENTY 
of no cooking b*tches with rings)...and why be with someone who dangles an "engagement" like a carrot based on sandwiches....

5) She is making some GREAT sandwiches but is limited cause her man has these WIERD ASS food requirements/dislikes (like avocado that is SLICED. but he will eat it mashed...what kinda fu*ck shit!). I'd had to be stifling my creativity. Besides. If you have to make 300 sammiches..how can you get creative with limitations?

6) On the flip side...sista..you gotta do MORE than some sammiches...the man was cooking gourmet meals for you. Can you at least roast a chicken or something? Isn't he going to get tired of sandwiches??? The joke in the "hood" is "Pans will get those BANDS"  (as in wedding bands) and that might be true...but hey.... *shrug*...gotta be more than sandwiches.

7) She must want a book deal or a show or something. I mean...this is highly personal.... and she put it all out there....douchey BF and all.. (OK..dude could be a really nice man....but his approach was asshole-ish) I cant explain any other reason to  make something that's "our thing" private. My fiance' and I have some very private things we do, some that may raise an eyebrow, so I'll be damn if I share them.


I kind of feel bad for her. I am sure she thought this was a "cute little anecdote" and fun experiment (sorta like chick who did Julie/Julia) that might get her a little noteriety..a book deal...a cooking show. I mean..it has folks talking which is great.....it has the feminist wagging their tongues..and women wondering "Should I make that Bahn Mi sammich???" and "What is Bahn mi?" ..and dumb ass dudes saying "Hey women..go make me a sandwich!!" To say she is "124 sandwiches" away from an engagement ring sorta trivializes the entire "bethrothal" process...right down to a ham and cheese! smh Excuse me... a croque monsieur..... (or madame. I made that for my own fiance' for breakfast...that is just a ham/egg/cheese lol)

Cooking is a very personal thing. It should be done with love and care, even if it is just a sandwhich. While Ms. Smith declares that sandwiches are her man's "love language"...if you are doing all of this for a means to an end...then is it really done out of love and reciprocity? And cooking indeed can be seductive and sexy...but it shouldn't be "manipulative". I am surprised she didn't add a little "Suge Avery pee" to his lemonade or a tampon to his marinara sauce......

I would have enjoyed reading a blog about how TERRIBLE a cook she is...and how maybe her and her fiance' cook together, learning from and with each other, and bringing them closer together.  Perhaps she starts with sandwiches and expands to pot roasts..... I dunno.

Which brings me back to my own fiance'....and how we really feel like a team. It's a shared partnership. We cook together...for each other. Give and take......without any "pay off" sometimes. I dont expect one except Beau being happy and appreciative. I didn't get engaged because I could make a mean turkey pesto panini...or I made my highly-requested, drool worthy potato skins.

I think I got engaged because we "cooked" in other ways....we had heat inside the kitchen....and outside of it...

No formula or sandwiches required.

I guess what I am trying to say is...do something out of love.....not out of obligation.


...and leave the sandwiches for "post-coital" refreshments only.


September 19, 2013

Thursday Tunes: Tamar Braxton "The One"

"It's been a long time..I shouldn't have left you..without a dope beat to step to...."

I know! I know! I haven't done a "Thursday Tunes" in forever and a day! But  life gets in the way...


But I got two words for you: Tamar BRaxton!

The younger sister of diva songstress Toni Braxton is holding her own with her release "Love and War". And I am so here for it. So are my gay homies who love Tamar and find her to be so over the top! Like a drag queen without the man parts! LMAO!

But enough of her dramatics..the girl can SING! Period. No denying that...even if you hate her drama her voice is undeniable!

I loved her new album. I ran out and pre-ordered it..... and I INSTANTLY fell in love with the opening track, her second single "The one". She samples Mtume/Biggie's versions of "Juicy"...and it works SO WELL here!

It is a FUN song...and I LOVE IT. The video for it is super cute as a very pregnant Tamar is show frolicking with her "guy" and enjoying life..he is..of course.."The one".

The lyrics are cute and simple too. My Fav Line:

 I reminisced the way we kissed
It felt so personal
You took the chance to get my love and now you know


Maybe because it makes me think of the "beau" and our first kiss...but I just love this song.!! Go in TAMAR and let have, girl!!!



September 17, 2013

No Room for "Space" in Marriage



Me and my fiance' had a bit of a disagreement last week...

No. I wont get into the details of what it was about because that is between us. But I will say I learned a valuable lesson.

(This is a bit of a paraphrase/mash-up of the situation but bear with me...the lesson still stands)

I had my arms folded. My lip poked out (not in a snotty 13 year old kind of way but in a tired, old Grandma frustration kind of way). I walked in the door and didn't say a word to him. Not even hello. I heard him say "Well hello to you too............" and I closed my door. I took off my clothes and got in bed. I figured it was best I just avoid him.....give him some "space" before I blew it up out of proportion.

Later, he climbed in next to me and I was asleep, truly asleep. He leaned over wearily and asked "Are you awake?" I groaned and grumbled, upset my sleep was disturbed and said "I WAS ASLEEP" in my most annoyed voice. He sighed. He tried to talk to me and I didn't say much............He wanted to still cuddle.  I told him I needed some space. And he most vehemently declared..

"Babe...you don't get to have space in a marriage".


I sat there kinda of frozen. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, but his words hit me nonetheless. I wouldn't admit it then...but he was right (Ha...!)

Prior to my fiance', I had been single almost 5 years. 5 years since I shared my space with another person, another man. It had been just me for a while and I was very much used to the concept of that. If I got upset with someone I was dating, I could just stop talking to them., I could get my space and retreat into my thoughts and be done.  And when I married the first time, that ol "I need space" thing used to work. My ex never fought me. Just left me alone..........and occupied his time with something or someone else.

I also realized that the ol "I need space/don't talk/retreat" tactic was something I saw my father do far too many times. It was cold. It was hurtful and it was unnecessary.  We truly do learn all the "crap" from our parents.

I can't do that now. Old habits have to die fast in something new....And I really shouldn't have to.

As I looked around my almost packed apartment, I realized I was transitioning. Size 15 shoes and XL shirts in my closet. A G Shock watch on the dresser. I started to laugh. God was like.."See.....look..you asked for this..so deal, chick!"

Look....it's true..I asked for this. I asked for someone to share this space with me. And here he was...wanting to share. Wanting to talk. and  I just wanted to be alone. It's a 1 bedroom..I cant be alone. And even if I had a mansion.....there is no such thing as "space". I could go away for the weekend. He could go to his "man cave"...regardless..we will have to be in each other's most valuable piece of real estate: our hearts. He's going to be there..24/7. HE is going to be there to argue..fuss..fight..and minister, support and laugh with me. That's his job. That's OUR job as a couple. We need to be in each other's space. It's how you do a "check" on if things are ok.

I realized then that space is just another word for "isolation". No one wants to be isolated in a relationship. It just doesn't work. I said "yes" to spending the rest of my life in his space.....I should allow him in mine, good or bad. He's the dude I want to rock with for the next 50 years or so.... He makes me laugh. I can talk to him about anything without  judgement... Why would I want space from that? He's my natural oxytocin.


There is no such thing as space in a marriage........no place for it.

So I am here for a little "crowding"............. :)

August 16, 2013

Feeling/Not Feeling: The Long Lost Blogger Files

(He sure does like coming home to my "rump roast"!! )

FEELING



  • new job. more money. 
  • blessed.
  • loved. 
  • giddy: there is something about when someone you love just says something that carries you throughout the day. When you think you look like crap, and he goes "Have I told you how beautiful you are today?"
  • like I am dreaming. I swear...I wait for God to snap me out this happiness and dreams fulfilled...not so far *pinches self*....yeah...not dreaming :)
  • Our (now infamous) BitStrip wars. My fiance' and I have no sense. LOL. (above is just one of my favs. A friend gave us an idea to use them as Table Numbers or as a flip book for the wedding. Maybe...not a bad idea though)
  • new friends.
  • It's FOOTBALL pre-season! YEEK!
  • a new home. a new place to call "our own"............
  • the tears in my mother's eyes as she took my face in her little hands  in the Bridal Salon and said "Dear..is this your dress??"
  • sleeping in and doing nothing
  • when he pulls back the sheets..and pats the bed...like "Come to bed, baby...". <3 <3
  • the smell of his aftershave
  • when we dance for no reason......sometimes without music
  • reading new books....
  • Robin Thicke....and THIS song......
  • and this one too..........
  • I need that new John Legend to drop
  • like I got a second chance at life. It's as if the years 2002-2008 got erased..and I got a do-over. How was that even possible?
  • I wanna say blessed and blissful..again....



NOT FEELING

  • like this blog has meaning and purpose. Where do I want to go with this? I'll take some suggetions
  • I mean what do I have to say? I dont wanna turn this into a wedding blog. or married life blog..or whatever. How am I relevant to the blogosphere? *ponders*
  • like i will really be able to enjoy my "newlywed" life...because of everything that is going on
  • having to postpone my exams. It is what it is...life...despite how beautiful...gets in the way
  • like I'll lose that 20 lbs before the big day....I just wanna look tight.
  • like having a wedding..but...it's for my husband-to-be. and I love that joker :)
  • the rain in ATL. Feels like I live in Seattle. This has been a really strange Summer weather wise.
  • like I wanna be a student anymore. but I have to press on
  • spies. apparently someone reads my blog..and likes to report back. *tsk*.
  • gotta get use to random beard hair in the sink. BLEH *LOL*
  • meeting new in-laws. I get so nervous which sometimes prob comes across as stand-offish. It isnt my intention
  • like I've missed out on so much by not blogging..so much I could comment about. *shrug*
  • the obsession over Beyonce cutting her wig. Cmon..get a life. Yet when her sister Solange cut her hair and went nappy....it was "she looks like a boy". Folks can eat a d*ck.
  • like I am connected w/ my blogger homies anymore. Where you guys? I know...
  • like doing another YT video ever again. *shrug* 
  • my hair. i wanna chop it off. But...there is this guy..........and he is so into it.......smh
  • trying to get mailing addresses for people
  • trying to narrow down a damn guest list. ugh. I need to hire a planner. Like for real.
  • wedding expenses
  • nosey coworkers who expect an invitation *smh* How do you handle that?
  • I miss my friends. I miss the ones I was close with...yet we seemed to drift apart.
  • like I have any idea what outfits look good on me. It's a sad day when I feel i can dress my fiance' better than I can dress myself.
  • enthusiastic about having to physically pack boxes if/when that time comes. I hate moving. I hate house hunting. I just hate it all. It's tedious.
  • like I have a spiritual base. I need to find a new church/worship place. *sigh*
  • like I have it all together. SO MUCH TO HANDLE!! *arrghh*.


July 15, 2013

Too Much To Eat, Not Enough Plate

I feel like I am overdosing on blessings.

I'm debating even keeping this blog. I mean...I just do not have the time. Besides...I started the blog to talk about my dating trials and tribulations, which morphed into sex-positive contributions...but...I just don't think my life is about that anymore. I am sure it ministered and was a blessing to some...but right now??? What is it doing for ME is the bigger question? How can it still minister to me and make ME happy?

 My life has done a complete 180 in the past few months. I mean..I am attempting to study for comps. Which isn't going that great to be honest..and I take the exam (supposedly) in October. I am debating pushing it to Spring when it is given next time. I don't have time. They say you never read everything on your exam list. But damn...can I get halfway there???

I work and am getting more duties and responsibilities which makes me just overworked...but joyful about what seems to be progressive change that will be reflected in my purse strings (LOL).

My living space has been invaded by  my lovable, well-meaning,  teddy bear 6'4" of a fiance'....shoes all over the place suits and clothes....facial hair in the sink.....waiting for the toilet....which is forcing us to house hunt. Which has been draining and tiresome....we seem like we are in two places on that front. Some tense moments there........

I have no real time for myself..being stressed out and not eating healthy like I used to or working out like I should has taken a toll....and I am paying for it........all kinds of ways..I just come home and crash. I haven't had  REAL vacation in a year.......and time spent taking off is usually meant to just sleep..or clean........... Shoot..I barely keep my hair done.


And of course...there is wedding planning. I know I slipped that e-ring on this page like it was BOOM...the end...but..I truly didn't want to make a big ol fuss about it. Or talk about how he proposed (because that's a story for family and friends..like..real actual friends...........lol). I don't want to inundate this page with wedding plans and dresses and bows and ribbons and mushy-ness and such...because that is not what this blog is about. Besides..that's some boring sh*t. LOL. And you would get sick of it? I mean...it's like when Carrie married Big ....what was left to enjoy about the thrill of that relationship? Marriage is boring to most..and I just don't want my marriage out for ridicule. Esp given that this is my second marriage...

So what IS this blog about now??? Someone tell me.......... Given that the place where I used to  privately blog, Xanga,is about to shut down, where do I post all that real JUICY stuff? Most certainly NOT here...I can tell you that much.

Part of me is trying to have a modicum of anonymity again. So...I've limited doing the videos and reviews and such........

Again..........what will this blog be about? What is going to be the 2nd chapter of my life post-divorce...as I enter into a brand new relationship and eventual marriage? Do I talk kids and babies? Do I change this into a "mommy blogger" joint? Jeesh...what is there left to even talk about?

I'm spread thin. I feel cramped and crowded and trapped..but all for GOOD reasons. It's all happening at what seems like warp speed..but not really..........

So what do I want to talk about? Love? Life? Marriage? Mommy-hood? Friends? School?

Or maybe nothing at all??

What does a person who has bared their soul have to share anymore???


To Be Continued..........(maybe)

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin
 

Blog Design By: Lucky Girl Design Studio © All Rights Reserved. | Graphic: iStockphoto