* that D'angelo might make a comeback * The feeling I get when bills are paid *Nicknames that don't sound generic or stupid *that prayer does change things *Shoes...Oh how I love thee. Esp my new Sam Edelman shoes...(blog coming soon...) *bronzer...(that and brow stuff are my go-to items) *full lips (I wish I had fuller lips) * I am in a weird musical space. And I keep playing "soundtracks": Love Jones, Brown Sugar, the Best Man, Boomerang....these were all good soundtracks. *The Voice is way more superior than all other shows *Nick Cannon....say what you want but he seems like a nice, sweet man. I wish I had love like that. *hatchback, fuel efficient cars. *Floppy, fuzzy hats. The kind I can put all my locs under and look like a rasta *hearing "have I told you how beautiful you are?" or..."your face is just perfection* *Le' SWOON* *old fashioned Wall Calendars. This year in my office i have "beaches" theme....and then in my house I Have Marilyn Monroe... *Speaking of which...I feel like I have this kindred, odd connection to Marilyn. I mean...I'm curvy like her I guess... *less than a month until I see the beaches of Playa del Carmen *steak. I shouldnt eat so much red meat...but I like steak. *shrug* *turning 33.....I am gonna be so blessed to see another year.
Not Feeling:
*Lauryn Hill may never recover....*smh* *D'angelo may never go back to the "how does it feel" Body. That's sad....*sigh* *psuedo relationships. I mean yo..what IS this?? *Missing important phone calls. * the "lull" that is within R&B and Soul Music. We need more music...more artist...more love and less "sex" * I blame R. Kelly...(LOL) * Putting myself on a "no new clothes/shoes for 2012" diet. I dunno HOW that's gonna work with the Shoe blog. *spray tans... *Guys claiming they like you "au naturale".Well guess what...it took me an hr to look this "natural". LMAO! *Valentine's Day..(but more on that in a later feeling/not feeling post) *Distance doesnt make the heart grow fonder AT ALL *Black women dissapearing and no one seems to care *American Idol officially bores me now...it needs to be cancelled. *I could give a damn about Seal and Heidi Klum. He used to date Tyra..then marries her homegirl Heidi. He's foul anyway.... * Girlfriends sitcom box set costs 2 times more than the Sex and the City Box Set (which I have) *SUV's. I've never liked them. They scare me. * People in the 80s actually put on a Freddie Jackson album to make love. His voice is distracting * People saying I look like Ledisi. Look here..just because we both have locs, round brown faces, and the same birthday....we do not look alike. I've been told i look like Janet Jackson, Lalah Hathaway..but every girl w/ locs is not Ledisi. * being the person who calls or always contacts first. Men are so lazy these days. LOL. * time is not on my side w/ school, working out, or even cooking my meals. This blows *that I am not feeling good that I dont have a maid. (LOL) *I didn't win the 77 million Mega Millions..but some girl did..with her BOYFRIEND. He bought the ticket. Oh..that's gonna be a fiasco. Girl he aint never marrying you. LMAO! *I can never find a GOOD veggie burger when I go out. Never...*sigh* *I'm scared as hell to vacay alone. But...I gotta do it. *shrug* *Nervous at my academic goals * I miss kissing. long, deep kisses... *turning 33.....I am so not looking forward to that. * I feel less than adult in a lot of ways.
With the recent passing of Jazz/Blues/R&B great, Etta James, I thought it only appropriate to post one of my fav songs by her. She died Jan 20, 2012, just 5 days shy of her 74th birthday.
Born Jamesetta Hawkins in 1925 and reported to be the illegitimate daughter of pool shark Minnesota Fats, Etta James was the premiere vocalist at Chess Records (as seen in the movie Cadillac Records, portrayed by a pretty turrible Beyonce...I would have cared for a PERFECT Faith Evans to play her...but anywho). She started her career in the 50s, and lasted until her death. She had a pretty terrible and rocky childhood, bouncing from caregiver to caregiver. She used her "femininity" to get what she want. Needless to say, Etta was a FOX back in the day.
Her most famous song, of course, is her rendition of "At Last", played at almost every wedding, and the moody, soulful and mournful, "I'd Rather go Blind". But my fav Etta Jams song is def "A Sunday Kind of Love". It'd hopepul, happy, and dare I say "blissful". She wants a love that last beyond a fling...something that is permanent and steady. Don't we all want that??
According to Wiki: Very few people would associate this song with jazz great Louis Prima, but he wrote it in 1946 along with Barbara Belle, Anita Leonard, and Stan Rhodes. "A Sunday Kind Of Love" was first popularly recorded in '46 by Claude Thornhill & His Orchestra with Fran Warren doing the vocal, and it has since been recorded by many including this version by Etta James in 1961 masterfully produced by Leonard and Phill Chess.
Etta was all of that and then some. Please pay homage to this great Godmother of R&B and get you some The Best of Etta James.
Remember back in the day (or perhaps you are too young for this) when they used to tease boys (and some girls), that masturbation would make you go blind, crippled and crazy? That touching yourself would lead to stupidity and overall frigidity? Masturbation was gonna lead to you going to hell and subsequently jacking off in a hell-pit of fire....
Well...Alfred Kinsey, famed biologist and sexual researcher, felt the opposite. So much so...that Masturbation as great....and well...necessary.
But that's not the point of this blog.....
As I was in my Sexuality and Society Class (part of my feminist theory requirement), we watched a PBS documentary on Alfred Kinsey. It was quite informative and we learned how groundbreaking (and controversial) he was. But one phrase Kinsey said stuck in my head....
"There are only three kinds of sexual abnormalities: abstinence, celibacy and delayed marriage".
Instantly, I felt conflicted and convicted.
I will be quite honest with you all. Celibacy, while self-imposed, has grown old. I committed myself to a year and that year is almost over with. I decided that while doing this, I'd get a better understanding of myself spiritually and mentally without the distractions of sex. I could learn to date more effectively (although honestly, I didn't go on many dates during this time) and that I could learn my errors.
Well...I'm over it.com (LOL). I'm just tired of not smelling some pheromones that are meant for me. I do feel, as Kinsey stated, a bit sexually abnormal. We are all sexual creatures. We have needs, wants, and desires. The fact that I am human AND a hot, blooded Aries isn't any help.
In other words....I'm horny.
*shrug*
Yet I feel like a hypocrite for admitting that to you all. Isn't that crazy? Like there is so much guilt in my heart for feeling this way, like I am betraying God, myself, and even my readers who were so supportive of this.
But I also realize I am a 33 year old, nubile, attractive black women who probably should have had her back blown out MONTHS ago....
*sigh*
It is what it is. I didn't want some random fling that meant nothing. Quite simply....I want love. I can wait a little longer.....right? I'm not abnormal....or am I?
I wouldn't call it a sexual abnormality, as Kinsey would, to be celibate. But I would say it is a self-imposed sexual prison, cutting off something that naturally is a feeling that rages through your body as naturally as your breath. Jeesh..I run a daggone sex and relationship blog for goodness sakes! Now I feel like I'm doing my readers a huge disservice. I mean...I've been good about my pledge to myself...
but...
Hypothetically speaking....what if I DO end it??? What happens next after I get some peen? Do I just go back to being celibate? What happens.....
My libido is a sleeping giant that is itching to wake up....
..someone just has to make me want to unlock the key.
There is nothing worse than a man with no backbone and no confidence in himself. When that same shame and cowardliness filters into his relationships, all bets are off that you are going to be treated with love and respect.
This blog is inspired by a jerk. He's a pretty insecure dude having some sorta mid-life crisis.. In the midst of that he's been through girlfriend after girlfriend, He finally met a girl who'd put up with him. She wasn't his type he was used to dating. Most times he dated girls like Gabby Union...and this girl was more Jill Scott. Nevertheless... he started seeing this girl.
Now here is where the insecurity comes in: He'd take the "Gabby Union" type girls to all company parties...to be around his friends. He showed them off. But the Jilly-O type girl he'd never take anywhere or take her to select places.. He won't take her out in public too often..It reminds me of that episode of that wretched show The Game that I saw (I do not watch that show), where the football player was dating the big girl sports reporter and loved her madly...but was ashamed to take her out in public because of his "image".
His insecurity about himself has filtered over into the new woman he's dating. He may truly be attracted to her, but because he's worried about what others will say, because the girl doesn't have a "model physique".
But enough about him.....what does this say about the girl who would allow herself to be treated like a red-headed Step child??? Where is her self-esteem? Is she just as insecure as the guy?? Does she not care and just wants a little attention?
In relationships, I am an advocate of a few things a) treat people how you want to be treated and b) the writing is always on the wall. IF a person is insecure about themselves....more than likely they are going to treat you with insecurity. If a person won't take you around his close circle of friends or only to select things, they are ashamed of you. PERIOD. Who wants to be the "big girl in the closet" that only comes out on occasion? I wouldn't.
There are times where we make compromises (usually for the better)...and then there are other times where we sell ourselves short. I never want my sister-friends to feel like they are ashamed to be with a guy...or that their guy is ashamed to be with them outside of the bedroom/certain settings...etc. I've been there...done that...and got the T-shirt.
As my mantra for 2012 is : Bliss is your Birthright....NEVER compromise your bliss for a dude who sees you as a convenient lay/meal-maker/occasional date.
I could have easily put about ALL of the videos and songs in the Rahsaan Patterson discography. I absolutely adore Rahsaan Patterson. Named after the famous jazz musician Rahsaan Roland Kirk, former Kids Incorporated alumni (along w/ Fergie), was one of the early forefathers of the introduction of the Neo-Soul movement here in America. His high octave range is just classically beautiful. There are so many songs I love by him. "Spend the Night", "Stop By", "Tears Ago", "Feels Good" "Stop Breaking my Hear"....I can go on and on. Rahsaan may not sell out the house like Maxwell...but he indeed has a loyal following.
But this song is indicative of the beauty of his voice. And not to mention, the lyrics are just so moving.
It is about a long distance love and the yearning of a guy for his girl (or guy....who knows....cause Rahsaan is openly gay*shrug*). I don't care. I just love his music.
My fav lyrics from the song are the chorus:
I got to get to where you are 'Cause I get can't stand to being a part from you Just to think of you smile Soothes my soul for a while, girl, it's true I got to get to where you are I'll take a bus, plane, train or car All I know is that I must find a way to get to where you are
Get up on some Rahsaan Patterson on Itunes or Amazon. His Discography is so so worth it!
Just a 30-something African-American woman living in the Deep South's largest metropolis (for now) who is a lover of all things shoe...the higher the heel..the better...who is also navigating the world of dating, mating, and all things in-between post-divorce.
For PR opportunities contact me at : sexliesandemail@gmail.com
*NOTE*: I do not claim the rights to any of these photos that I use. If there is an issue, please contact me directly.
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