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Showing posts from August, 2009

Love's Cyrano

Are you a "Cyrano"?





If you all are familiar with the story of Cyrano, you know it's a classic comedy of errors in every sense of the word. The story is simple: Flawed Boy Loves Girl but Girl Loves Another Beautiful (yet dumb) Boy, Flawed Boy uses Another Beautiful Boy's face..yet his words to seduce Girl. Girl Loves Beautiful Boy because she thinks that his words match the beauty of his face.....only to realize when it's too late that it's Flawed Boy's words that she loves.....and falls in love with him.....yet it's too late. You took too long to overlook his flaws....now he's gone.





I've been Love's Cyrano. They see your face...body...hear the words that come from your mouth as melodious as ever. But they desire someone else. Your flaws, whatever they may be to them and perhaps not even to your knowledge, can't be overlooked by them. It's as if you are the archetype of the "quirky best friend" that you see in movies. Except…

Life's Magic Eraser

I went to the store the other day to pick up one of the coolest things that they ever invented (IMO) for the home...the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! BOY...do I love that sucker! Now they got all different versions of it.... (Trust me it is not a game! I am totally addicted to the Magic Eraser brands...LOL)

As I was using it....a thought came to my head. I wish life had a "magic eraser". I'd just line by line...bit by bit...erase the shit that I went through.




My HS boyfriend (and high school in general...)....erased!





My wedding/marriage....erased!





The decision to NOT go to NYC....erased.





My weight gain......erased





Those "encounters" with certain people....erased.





So-called friends.....erased.





They say we are the sum total of our experiences. While I feel that is true...that still doesn’t make me regretful for things I've done in my life...or wished I could do over.




So what is life's magic eraser:


Prayer

Forgiveness

Understanding



Discernment


Tears


Movement







Those things help …

Singlehood: The Sequel

With my divorce on 9 months behind me, I am sitting here thinking about me and what it means to be single again. What lessons do I need to glean from being married...what lessons can I take with me into being single?



One lesson I learned was to ALWAYS trust your instincts. I had my doubts about things and was very instinctive about them...and without a doubt...they did not fail me. I think instinct is merely God showing you the way....the truth...and the light.



Be specific about WHO it is you want. I think maybe I was too general.........I shoulda been specific about who I wanted as a mate.



I also learned that whoever a person shows you to be....is the absolute truth. You can try and paint a picture in your mind about them...but they already showed you who they are....so...



I also learned that love is not enough. A marriage takes planning, preparation, financial and emotional discipline......and spiritual guidance.



I learned that I am on God's time table. Apparently this all was planne…

The Itch

I am 30. I am divorced. I'm in debt. I sold my still new house I have no car. I hate my job. I still don't have my Ph.D. I never had children with my ex husband. I've never been pregnant or had a real scare. I’m not dating anyone and don’t have any real prospects

...yet and still... I want to have a baby.






All around me...friends are getting pregnant or working on baby #1...or even #2. I'm so happy and overjoyed for them. Honestly...I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I just sold my house (which had plenty of room for children). I am getting out of a marriage and dating again. I am trying to get my finances in order. I am trying to lose more weight and obtain some goals. But something about me pains for a child of my own. I feel like there is hole in my heart.... I had resolved myself to adopt or even be a fantastic step mother (if I were to ever get married again). I mean...years ago I had resolved to not even be a mother at all...and as my marriage went south..…

Learning to L.O.L.

I think my new mission for the rest of the year..besides the 50-Eleven others that I have ...is to try to live my life with more L.O.L moments...



I want to Laugh Out Loud

I want to Live Out Loud

I want to Learn Out Loud

I want to Love Out Loud

I want to Lead out Loud



I most def want my year leading up to my 30's to be a more "out loud" experience. So much of me is so shy and I bury things deep inside of the person that I am. I know somewhere the "real me" is bursting and waiting to come out and introduce herself to the world. I thought my 20's was going to do that for me....In person..I am much more reserved than words on a screen could ever display. I may smile and laugh...but is it "heart felt". I want my smiles and laughter and joy to just come bursting from my pores to where when I walk into a room....everyone takes notice. Not in a :vain" sort of way..but in a way that is just one of positive energy. I want to love so much that it hurts in a g…

Speechless

Anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a Beyonce fan? UGH! NOT....with a passion..I can not STAND her. But when I was asking my friends to help me compile a list of "Get ya Freak On" songs for my IMEEM player..her song "Speechless" kept coming up so I decided to listen to it...


As I'm listening to the lyrics (and ignoring her airy vibrato which annoys me like crazy)...I started to think. Has any man EVER made me speechless? I mean literally took my breath away and made me forget the English language? Has any man made me want to stay up and wait on him all night long..just to make hot, sweaty sticky love to them?





The answer: No.





I hate to sound totally pessimistic...so I guess I'll sound SEMI pessimistic and say...for me..that dude would have to be Hill Harper and a bunch of other sexy things wrapped in one for me to literally lose all function of my brain to where I couldn’t speak.Not saying it isn't impossible...I'm just saying this 29 year old woman…

Bare Naked

Have you ever just stood in a full length mirror and looked at yourself totally naked?





Do you like what you see?





Do you revel in your beauty and find the beauty in your unique quirks that some may see as "flaws"?





Do you like what God has created?Or do you point out every flaw you have and wish it was erased?





Do you pick out what makes you sad and disgusted?





I think true nakedness is the inability to cloak and hide your emotions. Being raw with emotion and not hiding who you really are.Why would you want to live an "emotionally covered" life? Nothing is real. It's all done in shame and vanity......Is your bare nakedness truly what's ugly?? Or is it just a manifestation of your emotional un-prettiness?





Thoughts?

Living The Life Of Charlotte

Long ago..I remember that I wanted to lead a life like "Carrie Bradshaw". You know...the shoes..the endless men..Mr. Big....the fabulous apartment..the style.. Glamour.....the creative job and the endless events in a fast-paced city. But....it took her almost 10 years to finally nail Big down..and even then (as we saw in the movie)..that created a problem...that eventually was painstakingly resolved.



Do I really need that kind of drama? (I will, however, take the shoes.....)

But..maybe...just maybe....I'd rather have a life like "Charlotte York". I'm reminded of how she married Trey-gorgeous, beautiful but with mother issues and sexual problems. They divorce and she is left to pick up the pieces of her fairytale she was trying to build.



In the end, she mets Harry. A man totally not her "type" (bald, hairy, and a different religion too)....but worshipped the ground she walked on...who adored her. And didnt give her what she "wanted" (as Tr…

The Digital D*ckTease

In this new age of dating and mating (and just befriending)...and with the advent and overuse of the internet, text messages, and camera phones...we have really grown to have a lack of interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex. Once upon a time, cybersex was seen as creepy and a little weird. Webcams used by old pervs to show their dicks...but nowadays...anyone...your BFF, a guy you're digging, and even a guy you're not and are totally platonic...will bust out with a photo op to show their private parts. It's like...”Here's a pic of my new dog...my new car....want to see my dick???" LMAOO!





Instead of waiting to see the goods and build up anticipation, it's like we have to see a "preview" of what we are getting before or IF we even get it (even if we want it or not..And you might not get it...LMAO!). Then after you get the preview....they want the show...the after party...then the hotel (God...I love LOVE that Jodeci Album...LMAO!). It's l…

The Direct Approach

On my FB status one day .......I jokingly (well..with a half-truth) say:

Tee is wondering if the direct approach in dating can work.What if saying, "Look.. I'm 30. Been divorced. Got no time to waste.What the hayle you want??"would work? LMAO!


Now..this isn't to say on a first date..I'd just bust out with this stuff. BUT,...If I put my sh*t out there..and get down to the "crust" of a muthaf*cker (as Chris Rock says)...would a dude be able to handle it. Would I weed out the weak and feeble from the strong? Would I be able to see if a man is worth the time and effort? On FB..my friends were like "Uhm..it might work". One certain someone said..."Uhm...that ain't gonna work..try again". LMAO! Of course, he was a dude.........

What if, after a few dates (as in..more than 4....), I tell a dude..

"Look...I'm 30. I've been divorced. I know all the games. I dont want my time wasted nor do I want to waste yours. I have no kids bu…

The Hook-Up

Hook-Ups are ok...

...just as long as you follow the 6 S's.
Sexy,
Smart,
Saved,
Single,
Straight,
and most of all... Salaried (lol)


These days, everyone wants to try and hook me up. And let it be known...I am OPEN to hook-ups. But...people tend to forget about the 6 S's...... (particularly relatives and mothers...LOL). So I have to stress that to people.

I want Hill Harper/Common/Boris...with a dash of Dhani Jones and G. Garvin...with some Barack Obama swagger and Cornel West-smarts.......rolled into one man! Now...if I can find a man that damn cool..........I've hit the jackpot! (And don’t let him have an Idris Elba type accent...it’s OVAH, honey!)

Perhaps, I am too picky...but I mean really...I know I can't find that EXACT dude...but I can get a "replica". Like a great replica Louis Vuitton...lmao! But...in ATL...I dont expect to find the real thing...or the replica. Even my eye doctor wants to hook me up...and I am so skeptical cause he is sort of like my uncle...bu…

He Hates She

On my commute to work..I had a thought. I don’t think men these days like women.



I don’t mean that are batting for the other team or something...I just don’t think they care for women too much. Just this generation of men....They would rather play video games..then go on a date. They don't really call like they should. They don’t want to spend no money..not because they are broke..just because they don't want to. LMAO! They think chivalry is ancient.....and they are all into self.

Romance has long been dead....and they are just self-serving. self-righteous, bastards. They aren't worried about building with a woman. They don't care about love or companionship until they are old and gray and realized they wasted the vast majority of their 20's and 30's being "carefree" when that could have been the time to cultivate a few good relationships. They are either so career driven they feel like women are a "distraction" or "not needed"...o…

20 Things I Love About Men

1. Tattoos: I love tattoos. Very well placed tattoos. Something about well drawn ink on brown skin is so sexy. Now...I’m not a fan of brands and never have been...but I LOVE tattoos



.2. Straight White Teeth: If you got a gaps (not a little cute gap) and crooked yellow teeth…keep it moving or I can recommend my orthodontist. I have straight white teeth and you should have the same…. and a brother with a beautiful smile makes me melt. Bonus-if you got dimples, you might as well say you have it made



3. Clear Skin: Bumpy faces and craters need not apply. Clear even skin means you take care of yourself from the inside as well as out. I’m not a complexion freak. You can be super light or super dark. But if your skin is smooth….that’s even hotter.



4. Facial Hair: A brother with a well groomed goatee, beard, or moustache just looks good. It has a grown and mature look. I just think a brother with no facial hair looks like a little boy. A beard groomed with a straight edge razor. Goodness! Brothe…

Make a Belle Laugh...

...and you've basically won half the battle.








I'm not a picky girl. Despite what others think, I'm also not a materialistic girl. There isn’t much I ask for in the opposite sex. I mean...every girl has a list of things that go without saying...but for me...Laughter and Humor are key. They might be in my top 5 qualities I look for in a dude (what am I saying...I just formulated this list like last month)...If you can make me laugh, I'm pretty much going to like you...I mean...you might even get to touch my booty. (LMAO! ok that's a stretch) I don’t mean old Chris Rock stand up material...I mean just natural laughter. Like...we laugh at things we have in common. We laugh at things we don’t...we just laugh! I mean if you make tears roll down my face and I snort...LMAO...trust me my heart melted a little (and I can be an ice queen for real....).





See...Im really a goofy person. Under all the MAC and the Nine West stilettos....I’m just a goofball. I mean my sense of humor c…

Dating is Dead

Dear Men of the New Millennium:
Do you all believe in DATES anymore? I mean something that doesn't consist of you going over to the chick's house...eating all her food...lying up on her couch...watching moves/Playstation and/or trying to get some? I feel you all have resigned courting to be old fashioned and a lost art.....shame on you all!

Signed,

A Women Who Won't Tolerate that Bull and Wants a REAL date....


***************
When talking to my various female friends, they are all saying the same thing. Men don’t DATE women...they don’t take them out....even when things they can do can be creative and low cost/free. I know we are in a recession...but that should never stop courting. Maybe men these days (who often times lack positive male role models) have no idea what it is to court or date a woman...we live in (as I stated before)a microwave society of instant gratification for the most part. Sistas...as much as they cry about how "independent" they want to be dot…

Love in the Time of Instant Gratification

One of my fav books is called Love in the Time of Cholera...it is about the love of a man....who waits almost 50 years to be with the one he truly loves...in the meantime he has countless meaningless affairs...often telling himself that he is just "filling time" to be with the one he loves.....when he finally gets his love...it is well worth the anguishing wait.

It's the inspiration for this blog today...

In this day and age of instant gratification, who really would wait that long for love? Is there anyone truly patient enough for love?I think I have the patience of a gnat at times (usually for personal things)....and sometimes (most times) the patience of a nun (when it comes to love).

I am reminded of people I know...who as soon as one thing ends...are ready to jump in bed with the next troll they find...ready to say "I love you" wrapped up in false promises and sneaky ways...ready for instant gratification.We live in such a "microwave" society...tre…

Just Skip Dessert

I was talking with my friend/blogmate (lol) Cee...and reading one of her blogs (which ended up on her status on Facebook).

In it she said:

"If a man won't make you the main course.....then don't lie down and be dessert. Dessert is the last meal of the evening you choose whether or not to have...the meal you eat before you go home. The cheapest meal of the evening. The meal you sneak when you are on a diet."

Let me also add....dessert...the gooey, sticky, sinful sweetness.....is the thing that you eat and feel guilty that you even ate it. It's often empty calories..void of any nutritional value. It doesn't enhance your lift if it's the only thing that you eat that day. And if all you had in your life was dessert...you'd be DISeased....diabetic...and lacking life sustaining value....and I'm not dessert! And I don't WANT "just dessert". I want the full course meal...

Ironically, the yesterday I was texting a dude I"ll call " Ramp…

The Abyss

I rushed home after a particularly trying day at work…having to dodge crazy commuters on the train….plopped my tired body on my camel-colored chenille couch and opened a bottle of Chardonnay (some new one I decided to pick up at the farmers market. I even decided to get “decadent” and open some cheese and crackers (lol)) . I stripped out of my clothes and into my favorite, comfy robe. I put on my favorite singer, Maxwell’s, new album and chilled out… I took one sip of wine...one bit of cheese and cracker. Then….I turned off the album just after one song and sat straight up…I sat in silence. I realized that I just rushed home…to and for absolutely nothing.

It’s times like these that the reality of divorce hits hardest for me. The silence rolls in like fog from the San Francisco Bay…better yet...like the stifling heat of an August day in Georgia. The silence then transforms itself into loneliness. At times like these, I want to come home and have dinner already ready. I want the glass of…

Build-A-Man

I was talking to my Frat (who shall remain nameless)...about relationships. Actually...He simply asked me "What do I want??" (As far as a relationship is concerned). And half-joking and half-serious, I said (in so many words), that I wanted a fine, sexy beast of choco-mocha-latte-caramel fine-ness...with a brain...that could put it on me!! (Ok...I didn't say that........exactly! LOL) He's telling me...”I'm trying to get you to think like a man...........what do you want?" I was like...:" Uhm...that's what I want!!” ...".

He was like...."I don't believe you...you want a relationship...it's written all over your face. All of that is physical/sexual and I refuse to believe that's all u want". I said "why can’t I have those needs? I didn’t say that was all I wanted. ...what's wrong with that??" He was like..."Absolutely nothing wrong about that. But the two things (relationship worthy dude with a good head o…

Brothers and Natural Hair

(BTW...that isn't me! LOL)
As I sit here playing in my locs and basking in their glorious fragrance of the hair oil I use (as I do probably every morning at work for about 15 minutes before I start working. because bullsh*tting is totally my thing....)..

I was just thinking."Why don't more brothers like natural hair?"I don't mean the "Freddie Brooks/Mixed Chick" type of hair...I'm talking straight out the motherland, nappy, bushy, twisted-out,loced-up type of stuff. I think my locs are beautiful...and I personally don't give a damn if a dude isn’t feeling them...because he isn’t the dude for me.

I just hate statements like..."Well...I NORMALLY don't like chicks with natural hair...but it looks good on YOU"...uhm...I'm just wearing my hair (with a little manipulation via some hair color and loc-maintanence....which is purely aesthetic) the way God had it grow out my damn scalp! What's so wrong about that?

I think brothers in g…

Finding "Something New"

When I first got divorced, I told myself I would be more open to dating "all" kinds of men. I don't mean stature, honey! I mean racially.





Quickly after the divorce, I joined a few interracial dating sites (Interracialpeoplemeet, Match.com AsianAve, etc) so that I can expose myseld to different guys. I think that was my first mistake. simple because I feel I was being narrow-minded in my approach. I thought to myself..."Maybe the internet is the best place for this..I mean..that way I can sorta be intimate w/o them really getting to know me (so much for being open, huh??) After spending a small fortune on "membership" fees, I let it go. I said...if this was going to happen...I needed to let it happen rather organically rather than forcing attraction. Besides, I had no experience in interracial dating...and quite frankly, I'm torn.

Just yesterday, a girl on one of my websites I am a member of sent me the link to this event that is occuring in ATL and oth…

6 Epiphanies on Being 30..

As I enter my 30's....I have decided to share 6 (since 6 is my favorite number) personal things...about myself...and my observations as I leave my 20s...and settle into my 30's.



Thought #1:

"I am diamond and I deserved to be set in platinum"



I've been saying this for the past few months. But it took a while for me to really realize and verbalize what that means....I feel I am a rare gem. I am a jewel. You don't set diamonds in cheap materials....I wouldn’t accept a diamond to be treated like a cubic zirconium. I accept the best. I deserve the best.For much of my 20's...I allowed myself to be cheapened. I allowed my experiences and life to be less fulfilling and rich. I allowed to be treated like a CZ instead of the diamond that I was. I allowed myself to be set in substandard situations in love...in life...in career.I refuse to do that any longer as I enter my 30's...I realize I am worth much more. I deserve a richer experience in life. I deserve to be …

Abso-f**king-lutely, Tee!

*that was certainly for my girl Samantha Jones*

This is my very first “public” blog and it calls for a sort of, “re-introduction” of me to the masses. You see, I’ve blogged for MANY years under the protection of moderated friend’s list, protected postings, and the ability to “regulate’ who gets to read me…
Now…I’m willing to be open and share my story to the world! (or at least this corner of the Web!)

Wait...where are my manners? Hello there!! *waves*. My name is…well…my name’s not important. Just call me “Tee”. (Trust me…that’s much easier to remember than my first name and furthermore; this blog is going to be chock-full of code names and such that you won’t be able to keep up with MY name let alone someone else’s). But as I said, my name is Tee…and I am probably going to be the most interesting person you read on the web!

I know that it sounds like I’m bragging…but I’m not. Let’s just say that I am promising to you, faithful reader, to make this interesting. Now what I won’t promise i…