August 29, 2011

Sex and the Myth of the Sorority Girl

(I see you sorors!! Zeta Phi Beta Sorority members from University of Minneapolis having their "Probate" show")

I bleed blue. I sweat white. 
I am zealous
I am a Zeta.
Through and Through.....

People have sorority girls totally twisted. Ok..maybe people have BLACK sorority girls twisted..*shrug*

Most people's notions of "sorority girls" come from B-rate movies and it usually involves drinking a lot, scantily clad lingerie,  sometimes lesbian exploits, walking around naked in a sorority house all the time, and most importantly, screwing everything with a penis in sight because we are wild, crazy, debaucheries, and pretty much lacking values....

...and usually those women are not Negro. Oh sure they throw a token on in there every now and then..but for the most part....

Um...maybe that's how Y'ALL do it (and you know who "y'all" is) but my fellow NPHC sorority members will tell you...that overall, that isn't how WE do it.

I rarely talk about my sorority on here, but it came to my attention via a conversation I had with a dude who was NOT black, about sorority girls.  I came to work, on casual Friday, in a sorority Polo and jeans. He goes.."Oh you're a sorority girl? So you're like wild and crazy and drink all the time?" 

*Pause*

Whet?? (that'sATLien for WHAT?) Where they do that at??  So I had to break it down for my NON-brother from another....

I became a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority in the spring of 2000 with 9 other awesome women. While I did my fair share of partying as a neophyte (new member), that got old pretty damn quickly. The focus has and always will  be on scholarship and service. As a black woman, this isn't just some social thing I did in college, this is something that is a life-long financial commitment. I am sure my fellow black Greeks can agree with me. I am still a financial member of my organization that I love.

I will say my experience as a woman isn't the same as a man who joins a fraternity. I didn't get instant groupies becoming a Zeta. I didn't have dudes doing my homework when I was becoming a member..or washing my dirty drawers in acts of servititude to get close to me (HA! I wish...) I wasn't having men knock on my dorm door late at night for some rendezvous JUST because I was a Zeta. I didn't live in some raucous sorority house running around in my lacy Vicky Secrets or walking from a frat house doing the walk of shame. Nah dude...that wasn't my experience at all.

Being a "sorority" girl was less about my "sexuality" and more about my intellect. We prided ourselves on how smart and resourceful we were. We loved the fact that community service was our top priority and we swelled with pride when our skill and athleticism won a step show or stroll competition.

So nah...my sorority life, especially as a collegiate, wasnt wrapped up in penis..or how many numbers I could score..or having all this sex and this crazy sexual exploits to attract guys (or be sexually explorative with my own sorority sisters for that matter)...

IT was about sisterhood....networking...love and support. IT was about female empowerment to some degree and a feminine energy that couldn't be denied. IT was about lots of fun and laughter. IT was about crying, arguing, and making up later....

(Me (in the teal) and some of my NPHC member Bridesmaids  representing their organizations at my rehearsal dinner in 2006)


 And that is a "price far above rubies"

August 27, 2011

I Give Myself Away


Let me start this blog by saying, I am not a bible-beating Christian. I will never convince someone that they need to be saved or know Jesus. I respect all faiths and I respect all interpretations of God's Word. That being said....I didn't come here to preach on Sex and the Southern Belle. But....I will say that this post signals a turn in my life....and I would be remiss if I didn't share it with you all...so...here goes....


At my uncle's fledgling church in Stockbridge, the musician likes to sing the song, "I Give Myself Away" by gospel singer William McDowell.  A LOT. *smh* Granted, our musician doesn't know but like 2 verses of a very short song (..and we got him for a good almost "FREE" budget...LOL),  he sings it with a lot of zeal and love of the Lord that you cant help but sing along too. It would annoy me greatly when he would start up on the song. I'd roll my eyes and go.."Oh Lawd...not this song again"...and just sit there, thumbing through my bible,  just hoping he'd be done so I could get to the word.... I really didn't pay that much attention to it (cause again..I don't even know that many Gospel songs myself) It was just another song that folks sing.

One random day, I had asked my friend Candace to suggest an Ebook for my Kindle. I needed to restock in some good fiction. She suggested that I buy her soror's husband's book, called Rededication. I was like.."Well..cool..whats it about?" and she told me (with I think a little hesitation)..that it was about the man's spiritual memoir and his struggles with sexual sin and how he decided to be celibate until he got married. I laughed at the idea.."A grown man? Being celibate? Aiight..whatever." and I had an overall snarky, cynical attitude about the subject matter. But, as a friend, I decided to download the book and read it on my way to and from work.

And I couldn't put it down. It wasn't like it was the best written work. Dude was no Iyanla Vanzant or Deepak Chopra. (And this is no slight at him, but even he professes to not be an author, just a guy telling his story).  But I kept reading and reading. I still had a bit of cynicism in my head, but nevertheless I gave it a chance.

As I was reading in the Student Center, waiting on my next class to start, I heard a voice as clear as day, as if someone was right over my shoulder, say...

"1 year. You need to stop. Right now. 1 year"

I got really scared and freaked out. I literally looked around. I wasn't one of those folks who believed in divine voices. But it was obviously to me that the Holy Ghost had sent me a message And I had to heed....

I was going to be completely celibate for 1 entire year.

At this point in the game, I had been about 4 months w/o true sexual contact. So in 6 months (give or take), it would be my 33rd birthday. One full year....

I was freaked out, as you can imagine. How on earth would I do this? I mean, should I even still go on dates? Am I going to miss it?  Do I need to go to the extremes of the author of the book I read and cut of EVERYTHING? Oh lord, what about the BLOG? Yes, one of the first things I thought about was this blog and how transparent I had been about sex, love and dating. Would I be considered a "fraud" if I stopped engaging about that? And finally..WHY am I doing this? What's the point?? Is it to get a husband? To clear my head? To just get a good guy in general? What???

I had to go home and pray. And that I did for about 2 straight hours. I literally did as my Uncle/Pastor always suggests, and went into my physical closet,surrounded by shoes and dresses, closed the door, and prayed. After I prayed, I sat straight up and I realized that the conviction I felt was not going away. I had and was going to do this.


So I decided, on that day, to give myself away.....

....To be courted properly by The Creator (as my friend Maria said), and spend some QT.
...to be healed physically and mentally.
..to be made whole in the hopes that when I do meet someone, they are worthy.
...to know how valuable I was to myself and someone else.
..to breathe cause I was simply TIRED: tired of meeting mess, tired of BEING mess, tired of getting caught up in lies and foolishness..tired of making a mockery out of something that should be beautiful!
.so that God can indeed use me.


I took the day after this revelation as a time to purge and cleanse. After having dinner w/ my friend Sherita (who was on board totally), I made a private video, posted it to my private blog, and asked my very close friends to watch it. It detailed much of what I am expressing now and my own struggles. It was hard for me but a very teary, heartfelt video. My friends were so supportive and delighted (albeit a bit shocked). One of my friends, Maria, even had a praise party in her office. (LOL).  One of my other friends, Ree, who was also divorced and practicing celibacy, said she'd continue to be my prayer/accountability partner and had been praying for me that I came to this decision. I told my mother and she said "Girl..this is YOUR LIFE and your temple and you do as you see fit....I love you! This is a good thing!" I even told my ex-husband. Despite what occurred between us, he is still one of my best friends. He said simply.."You can do this." and gave me scripture to read as well. Funny how things change...

Every guy I knew was no good for me, I deleted their number and cut them off. For the most part, I had been presented "trash" and it was time to take that trash out.  One guy (given the nature of our relationship), I wrote a letter to, attaching the private videos I had made for my girls and declared that our relationship, as sordid as it was, had to end. One guy, whom I had no real feelings for, left his watch at my home. Every time I looked at that watch and heard it beep, I was reminded of all the time I wasted, albeit brief, on this dude. I called him and told him to either pick it up (at a decent hour) or I'll be mailing it to him....

The tough part had more to do with the guy I truly liked. I haven't talked about it on here  (because I do want to keep SOME privacy) but there is a friend of mine whom I always had feelings for. I wrestled back and forth with it for months. We were friends but I didn't think I was in his league (yes..obviously not aware of my awesomeness..LOL).  I tried setting him up with friends but that never did work out. I didn't know why. My friends I felt were great women. But, I mustered the courage to tell him so some weeks back. To my delight, he said he felt much of the same and def wanted to make plans to go out (but he lived out of town). He said "You'd always try and push me off on your friends, knowing I liked you from the beginning..."  I was so relieved. I knew in the back of my mind this had potential to be a very steamy, romantic weekend (whenever it would happen) but I knew in my heart of hearts I had to tell him what happened. I was scared. I thought for sure this would run him away. When I finally took a deep breath and told him, he said "Why would you think this was about sex? I like you. We are friends. We are going out because of that." When I said that this "hiatus" might be longer than expected, he laughed and said "I can wait...I got a hand" (LOL..) While not the "classiest" way to put it, I surely felt relieved at his candor. I ended the conversation by saying...that I didn't want things clouded by sex. I saw great potential in this and  we were friends first and foremost. But..I also think.."God.. if you let it be so..this is the type of guy I want in my life..in whatever capacity it may be". I think I might have scared or shocked dude. (LOL). But he seemed calm enough and still friendly. Nothing had changed. Did I fully believe him? I dunno. Perhaps there was hope. There was one good guy left....



Now..for the meat and potatoes of this .....Am I going to stop talking about sex on this blog?

No. For the simple fact that I am an educator by profession first and that would be against my oath. While I've never explicitly talked about my own sexual exploits, I don't see why someone can't share their own or seek advice. It could help someone.  And yes..I'll still even do product reviews. I am not of the mindset the masturbation is "sinful" or that sexual aids are bad. Lots of partners and married folks also read this blog....not just single gals! I'm also still a writer..and poems..stories...I see no harm in that.

Some friends were like "Uhm..should I talk to you about sex? Or can we go to clubs? etc." And I assured them that my walk wasn't going to be like that. The way I dressed, walked or talked wasn't going to change. I'll still be me. Alcohol was never a trigger for me, neither was clubs. I could dance and have a good time with OR without it. Romantic movies and music didn't do it either.  I love music too much to stop listening.So those things could still be apart of my life.  I didn't think my walk would be as stringent as the author of the memoir I read....with one similarity. Porn, however, I had to give up (so no more Weekly Porn Reviews for a while, folks...sorry).  I knew that to be a trigger for me and a bit dangerous. Can a guy still hold my hand? Hug? or even kiss me? Sure. But that's where it stops.  I know what my comfort level is and would hope a person could respect limitations I set forth. I  just simply have to stop the actual physical engaging of naked bodies (LOL). And that was that.



Here is where I am in this journey post divorce. All I ask is that you think of me and check on me sometimes.

Can you do that, friends? :)


August 25, 2011

"I'm Just Saying...You Can Do Better"

I was in my room one day....listening to the Music Choice Hip Hop station. and the much-hyped and "remade" Drake Song "Marvin's Room" came on.....


..and I instantly had a "Marvin's Room" moment.

Have you ever been in that mood where you want to call up an old flame and be like "I'm just saying...you can do better"? Not that they would give a fuck but it would give you closure and as Drake says "It'll give me someone to put this weight on".

I am not sure if a guy actually "did better" or not. Some did. Some didn't.   Most didnt. But I have the self-esteem to know that I'm the sh*t. And if they don't know that, then too bad for them. But I'd be a liar if I (and others) haven't wanted to make that call.....

..to the dude getting married to a chick who looks like a "Moose"
...the dude giving his all to a chick who needs dental work BADLY and got 3 baby daddies.
...to the dude who lied and said he was "divorced"
...to the ex who left you at the altar
...to the guy who broke your heart over the most trivial shit.

...and they all moved on to chicks not half as "hot", smart or bad as you. We have no idea why you weren't "it". It would be mute to spend countless hours thinking about it. It hurts so bad. But there's hope...

Let that sh*t go....

It would be nice if you were the "better" for someone's life. The person that  if someone made an ol "Marvin's Room" type call to your new boo, that they would go "Yeah right....are you crazy?? My baby is the isht..." You'd puff out your chest and throw your head back with pride.

But just know..that you will do better. It's inevitable.  So F*** that other joker, ya heard??

Just save the "Marvin's Room" type calls.... for your diary/blog :)




August 24, 2011

Catch-a-Fire

I miss it....Dear God...I miss it.

The kind of tingling, sweat-your-hair, out kind of passion that comes from a single, solitary kiss. The kind of experience that, as my friend Tee would say, "would make your skin feel like it was on fire" with one touch of the hand.....

It's hard to ask the modern man for this type of passion. Yes they know sex, but they don't know a damn thing about passion and romance. They are not one in the same. And yes...you can have passion and romance and not even take your clothes off.

I felt that experience not too long ago.

Picture it. Sicily....2000 and.......


I'm kidding. (LOL) But it wasn't too long ago. I was sitting, having a glass of wine on my couch with a "gentleman caller" (I am so Blanche DuBois right now....). He sat and he looked at me. Closely...I got to examine every little faint brown freckle on his face. His round, sweet face.  His hands were intertwined wth mine...

He got close to me and kissed the place where my jaw and neck met. A smoldering.  He whispered in my ear and spoke Spanish...The tingles (Damn...I thought they had left me....)

He put his hands on my face and said.."You have such a beautiful complexion"...Whetttt?? He kissed me..and kissed me and I forgot where I was.

After the kiss he leaned me into his chest, and said..."Your hair is so gorgeous..I just love it"...and gave me the most sexiest, passionate thing ever.....



A scalp massage..

Yes...a deep, tingling, intertwined scalp massage. His fingers were all over....intertwined in a very intimate part of me. He even said "Is this ok?".. And then he said.."Your hair is so gorgeous....so so beautiful..."...his nose close to me...engulfing me....



And not a single bit of clothes came off. PERIOD. Now that's hot!


So what's the most orgasmic, non-SEXUAL thing that has ever happened to you? That set your soul on fire...that make your heart race...and your skin sweat? Something that made your soul "catch-a-fire"?

Or perhaps you're still waiting on it...

It's coming. Trust me...

August 22, 2011

Smelling like Sex...

...metaphorically that is.

I am a BIG, HUGE perfume girl. I don't step out the house, not time of the year, without perfume. I think every woman needs a signature scent (thanks Hilary over at www.hilarywithonel.blogspot.com for that!)  I have my personal favs but I think women need perfume in the following categories

1) light and airy
2)fruity
3)flowery
4) deep/dark/woodsy/musky (not MUSTY...musky..big difference)

I've had my things that I've rocked for years (Chanel No.5,  Chloe, Halston, Lovely, any and everything Calvin Klein or Ralph Lauren, etc...) but there are some new kids on the  block that I am TOTALLY enamored with.

1) Tom Ford Black Orchid
This falls under the "dark/woodsy" category. I love it. Def a "undress me and have your way with me" scent. I've had men stop me and ask me "So what are you wearing" when Ive worn this. Very alluring and flattering. Not to mention, even the bottle is deep and dark.

2) L by L.A.M.B ...Gwen Stefani
The bottle, first off (packaging is a big deal to me) is very Jah-Rastafari (LOL). But the smell..is  very fresh, clean and a tad bit "floral"...but not overpowering. I actually think I smell like lickable candy in this...like a lollipop.


3) Euphoria by Calvin Klein


One of the most award winning new perfumes out, Euphoria is always a crowd (and man) pleaser when I wear it. I think this is a mix of both the fruity and floral categories. There is a hint of passion fruit or something in there. It is so hot...a very "steamy, sexy" scent.

4) Love by Chloe


OMG! This is TOTALLY my new "fresh and clean" scent. Very light and airy. It's been around a minute but it's new to ME... I love it. It just smells like romance, freshness, and just girlyness.


Either way, fall is upon us and I think it's an opportune time to find a signature scent for yourself. The weather will be better, no bees will be out (lol), and you can experiment more.

So tell me....

What's your signature scent? What scent smells just "sexy" to you?

August 21, 2011

Oh So "Anxious"

Dear Blog Readers...

I have a confession to make. This will come to a surprise to most of you but.......

I have performance anxiety.

*and the crowd gasps*

Yes..the girl who writes about sex, love and all things relationship has performance anxiety. And truly, it's deeper than sex. I get nervous for everything. Tests..interviews..first dates, hosting events, even meeting new friends. I'm a wobbly mess.

But since this blog is about sex.......yes...I do get performance anxiety...in that area as well.

There are some disclaimers to this, now:

a) I only get it when there has been LONG GAPS between uhm...."being grown"

b) I only get it when I don't feel I'm at my tip top shape (physically...that is)

But most of all....
c) I only get it when I know, truly know, that I like the person. I mean like a WHOLE lot. An unreal amount. Like..we prob on the verge of  "exclusive" status. Somehow I always know it...and I physically cut the monkey (no pun intended. LOL)

But if I dont think we going further than this.........I could give a rat's ass.

Most times guys have no idea I'm nervous. I'm good at playing it off. I'll laugh and giggle. I look shyly like I'm virginal (HA!!! lmao) Or I zone out and sorta "become" what I think will calm me down. I channel the "inner sexual celebrity spirit" (lol) of a woman that I admire, that I think is SMOKING hot ,that no man can resist...and go from there..
(My inner sexual celebrity spirit is Janet Jackson...I mean look at her...


wouldn't you wanna get down with that??? You'd be a damn fool not to! She's hot, confident. and has mad "sexy swagger", and has a mean walk on stage! )

Nevertheless, I think on the rare occasion that it does show, I think men might find it a little coy and endearing. Like "Aww..she's nervous... imma blow her back out" (LOL) or something that effect. But I do get nervous. Signs I'm nervous:
  • Lip biting
  • Avoiding eye contact
  • Twirling my hair
  • Asthmatic breathing (lol...like a fat dude w/ an inhaler)
  • or standing paralyze like a store mannequin

Now our poor men folk, it's painfully obvious for them when they have performance anxiety. Unfortunately, the physical reaction are something biological that they can't control. They could be "ready to go" during foreplay, but "go a lil Cottonelle soft" when it's time to get er done! That's so sad. Women will call that man anything but a CHILD OF GOD when it happens.. First thing we think is the man needs Viagra, is gay, or has some other type of "abnormality" in our heads. They get nervous too....luckily for them..they have ways to cope. Medically and physically..

But what about us women?  Do we have ways to cope? I mean, we have a myriad of things going on in our heads. like "Dear god..I hope my boobs don't do that flop to one side under my arm thing" or.."Gosh..I shoulda prob not wore these thongs, not cool", or "I wonder if my breath smells...or worse...does DOWN THERE smell". See...we have some anxiety as well....but how do we cope? I know I haven't quite figured it out (with the exception of channeling the "sexual celebrity spirit". of Janet Jackson. LOL)

August 20, 2011

NSFW: "The Head Doctor" (Prose fiction)

Friday
Summer...Late summer.
10: 20 pm.

The summer rain was coming down harder outside. I feared maybe he was stuck on the side of the highway in a flood..They had predicted flash floods and that scared me to death. Besides,  The "Doctor" was hardly ever late... this was past his "house call time".

'I wish he would hurry...."

I looked at the clock in my bedroom. I had just showered and slathered on a nice amount of Johnson's Shea Baby Oil Gel and a fresh tank top and  Nike workout shorts. Nothing fancy. He liked that I was simple. I sprayed a little Michael Kors behind my ears, between my thighs. Give him something to linger. The scent of me is what he loved most...what would last well beyond this night. I put on the Ipod to the mix I like to call..."The Doctor's Orders" Made just for him..especially for nights like this. It's 138 songs..but of course..we never really know how many songs pass or play once the night is over. I hear Twista's "Wetter" come on the Bose speakers....I let out a girlish giggle. How appropriate.

I hear a knock at my door.  A little tap. He must have followed a car behind to enter my gated community.

"Damn..that was fast despite the rain..."

There he is, standing there totally drenched.. He takes a step inside. Takes off his soaked shoes and shirt. His honey brown skin glistening from the rain. His facial hair laying flat due to the mist. His low fade having even deeper waves.  He smiles... God, that smile....

He says....

"I'm all wet...."
"I see..."
"Ready for me to make it wetter? Bring the rain inside?"

I smile...and bite my lip...

"Absolutely...you know what you're here for right?
"Always"
"That..and only that.."
"I know. That and only that......."

I turn to walk into the bedroom but he grabs me, turns me around and kisses me. Soft lips, the taste of  minty Chap-Stick and the faint smell of  Gucci Pour Homme...He knew that was my favorite. That slick, son of a b*tch.... I feel the walls of my pussy tighten. Anticipating... I resist the ache...for now .He's all wet...He's making me wetter.

In one fail swoop, he picks me up, putting me on the breakfast bar. I give him a raised eyebrow. He knows I don't like to start things here...not so rushed..not so fast. HE smiles slyly...

"Let me just get a quick taste..."
"No..."
"Not fully....just...anticipatory tastes.."

He spreads my legs as I am seated on the breakfast bar. Thank God he's always been taller than me. He rubs his hands between my legs, careesing my thighs, and finally at the imprint of my "sweetness". He rubs and rubs...and I get hotter and hotter.. He then lowers his head, licks my thighs. I let out a soft moan....He moves his head to the middle of my shorts. I can feel the heat radiating from there...just begging for him to dive in.

Then I feel it....

His tounge, stiff and moist, licking through my shorts. The material thin enough to rub against my clitoris every time his tounge touched me.  I moan louder and louder. The inside of my shorts getting wetter and wetter, and not even sure who was producing the rainfall, me or him. Whoever it was...whatever it was...I liked it.

He stops and smiles. Knowing he has me in his sinful clutches. He comes back up to kiss me...He grabs my ample hips and takes me off the breakfast counter. I hold his hand...and lead him to the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed.  My eyes cast upon the gorgeous Chocolate Adonis standing before me. His skin, that golden honey brown, still damp. I give him the once over with my eyes...from head to toe..finally landing on his crotch. I see the imprint of a pulsating, throbbing manhood through his jeans. I raise an eyebrow...and heed a warning:

"Just that...ok??"
"Yes..only that, baby...I know"
"Mmmhmm....good"

He grabs my legs..and pulls me toward the edge of the bed. His hands, firm, pull my shorts down..then slide them off. He just stares at it....the Brazilian wax from weeks before still perfectly appealing. He licks his fingers, his thumb and index, and parts my flower...He just stares at it. This is what I love most about "The Doctor". He's thorough in his "examination". He licks his lips...

"She's so pink....so pink..so pretty...you smell so good"

At that very moment, my walls contract. He takes notice.  His grin turns quite devlinish. He rubs my clit, slowly, softly, fingers still wet for the rain, his moistness, and my own. He looks into my eyes. licks his lips. Then licks his fingers. I moan and arch  my back, anticipating what was to come..

He puts his hands on my legs, spreads them open, and begins to trace his tounge around my inner thights...first the left...for what seemed like hours....then the right...for what lasted an eternity. I was ready. More than ready... and he knew it. Yet...he had to ask, for his own selfish gratification:

"You ready for my tounge, babe?"
"Yes...don't talk......."

He smirks, uses his fingers to part me wider, and licks me slowly. I feel his breath on my clitoris, blowing slowly, inhaling, exhaling.  The air on my clitoris was too much. It was driving me wild. His tounge was stiff, as stiff as what was in his pants, and he began to move in and out...up and down....around. The wetness and scent was enveloping. I moaned, grabbing his muscular biceps which were perched upon my supple thighs. It was too much to handle...I threw my head back, feeling my hair fall on the bed...my nipples erect through my tank. Damn..he hadn't even touched those, I thought. He didn't have to. My body always perfectly reacted to his...

He was still licking. I could hear him moaning.  He pushed my legs up, knees to my ears. Then I felt his lip move slowly to my clitoris and he began to suck, lightly at first, Then harder...harder..non-stop. I was going crazy. I was shaking and moaning. I kept trying to push his head away, to give me a breather but he'd just hold my hands down, his hands firmly on my wrist so that I wouldn't move...

"You gotta take it baby....take it.."

I obeyed. The one and only time he could dominate me and I wouldnt fight him. Finally, the shaking stopped and my body relaxed into his tounge...responding and receiving, with short electric waves of orgasm. My whole body was hot, feverish. I had been thinking about this so badly...I wanted him badly....but I knew "The Head Doctor" was only here for that very purpose: spectacular head.

I felt him licking and sucking, then I felt something firmer. His fingers, two, were inside me while he licked me. He moved them in and out, curving them to hit my g-spot. He knew that inner part of me, the depths of my sexual heat. He moved them...knowing that if he moved them in the right way, a sexual explosion would happen. I felt it building up...building, building.......I was moaning, squirming, until finally.....the geyser of my wetness was too much to bear....he let me....explode...wet.....all over his fingers...some even on the lips. He moaned in satisfaction............his job was done.

I pulled his head up toward my face and kissed him...hard. Tasting what was the taste of me all over his lips, moving my tounge in his mouth and over his lips. Sweet, sexual....it was gratifying. He smiled, satisfied at his job. As he lifted away from me, I saw that his pants had the faint stain of wetness in them. He too, had been pleased. He wiped his mouth and goatee. He licked his lips. He adjusted himself in his pants, winked, and walked toward the door. He whispered.."I smell you....taste you"

"I gotta go babe...call me.........for next time"
"I will.......but if it's raining like this...don't come."
"Nothing can keep me from that...nothing. And nothing can keep me from you "cuming""


....and I locked the door.....lying in my bed.....listening to the fainting whisper of summer's last rain....which was no match for the shower that occured just minutes before.

Next time....I'd have to return the favor.


FIN

August 19, 2011

Feeling/Not Feeling

FEELING

  • Football season..FINALLY
  • Starting my shoe blog: http://stilettosandthesouthernbelle.blogspot.com 
  • And new shoes to fill that blog up with :)
  • School starting...which means REFUNDS!!
  • A semester without dates...I need clarity
  • Cleaning out my makeup case..and refreshing my look
  • New lingerie
  • Anticipating that first kiss
  • mutual attraction. *crossing fingers*
  • Affion Crockett's "IN THE FLOW" (so funny!!!)
  • That we havent had any rain
  • a plate of calamari. Yummmmm!
  • The Movie...The Help Just as good as the book (minus some edits)
  • Webseries: Awkward Black Girl and 12 Steps to Recovery (FAV SHOWS right now!)
  • RetailMeNot, Hautelook, Rue La La, And Beyond The Rack. Been getting GREAT deals and using coupons! YES!

Not Feeling
  • School starting...which means no time for myself anymore
  • I havent had sex in******* amount of months (LOL). Dear God...help me! *sigh*
  • Forgetting to do this post every week (LOL)
  • Crushes that just dont go anywhere
  • Friendships ruined over  "sex". Not cool.
  • A semester without dates.....oh well.
  • The fact that despite dude broke my heart..I think about how f**** FINE dude was.
  • I miss him but I gotta move on.
  • My hair looks a hot mess. I've neglected my locs 
  • Men, in general, are pigs. I mean..."vajoon" is on the brain far too much. *smh*
  • Unrequited "crushes". I NEVER like those who crush on me. EVER!
  • No rain means it's been TOO DAMN HOT!!!
  • My ex's new chick needs dental work. Those gaps are atrocious, son! *smh*
  • The fact that I just threw shade (that was a bit immature..but funny. LOL)
  • They cancelled ALL the shows I liked : Chicago Code, Law and Order Los Angeles, Law and Order CI...*sigh*
  • No new music out really excites me.....Oh well.
  • that somehow my lounge attire is now oversized  sweats and tank tops. Such a very "butch" look that I've gotten into.
  • I cant get into True Blood. Vampires arent cool to me. or Sexy. *smh*
  • The fact that I feel like my 'fantasy" is dying a slow death......Oh well.
  • You did me DIRTY...yet I still miss you. I wish God would make that part stop....

August 18, 2011

Love is Chess...Not Checkers

"Being rejected doesnt mean you're not worthy. It means you're just not what they might want. Move on. It's chess not checkers."- Author Terry McMillan via Twitter

When I was younger, my father tried to teach me how to  play chess. It was a complicated game of strategy...and far too complicated for my 8 year old mind. All I wanted to do was roller skate, play with dolls, or paint/draw. I had absolutely no patience to learn the game of kings and queens (Not to mention..my Dad was a HORRIBLE teacher who himself had no patience...). I thought this was a game for old people. This was no fun. And it was too long..and each piece had it's own move. Why couldnt this be as simple as checkers?

Now, at 32, I wish I had really paid attention to the game of chess. It would have taught me so much about life and love. Love is a game of chess...not checkers: a calculated, exacting series of moves for your heart.

The objective of chess is to place the opponent in "checkmate"...a position where their king can be capture no matter what move that they make. Each piece has their own position. Everyone cant make the same moves.  Rooks, Bishops, Queen, King, Knights..the little ol' Pawns...

Much of my love life, I've been a pawn. Just a little, sometimes insginificant piece that moves straight forward. And depending on the move..it could end up on an empty square or take someone's piece. It just moves the game along. Rarely if ever have I heard of a chess master winning a game with a pawn.Often times you feel like that little, insignificant pawn...feeling like your moves are just moving the game of love along and not really going anywhere.Love, much like chess, will frustrate the hell out of you. You have no idea which way to turn.

Chess is a lot like courting, dating, mating and love...  I'd rather be in slow, calculated game of strategy....then be in a rushed game of "divide and conquer". We are living in a time of "checkers" like love/interactions..dudes just wanna come out "on top"..and get to you as fast as possible. Heck..I can't even call it love or a relationship if that's the case. I'm tired of that. I'm something to be savored, learned, and developed. It takes skill to win me over. Likewise, it takes all of those things for me to get to know someone as well. Just like the moves of a chess board, everyone cant make the same move on your heart to capture you. They have to use what they have...to get you. You are the board..and they must study in order to make a move.

Maybe one day someone will treat me more like chess..instead of checkers. Someone will say "Checkmate" instead of "King Me".

It's wishful thinking...but maybe I'll come across my Bobby Fisher....who'll put the moves on my heart.


August 17, 2011

Mid-Week Tunes: "Thinking About You"



I dig Frank Ocean. His beats are melodic..his soothing, tenor is infectious. And this song is pretty much the perfect example of his style. I've had it on repeat ever since it leaked on Twitter a while ago.

Sexy...sing-song....just love it. (It was even feature on the Episode 7 on my fav webseries: The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl)

Pick up his mixtape Nostalgia, Ultra....amazing stuff.

August 16, 2011

Cuddle Party...Dumbest..Idea..Ever

So I was on Facebook and I see a newsfeed by my boy/Jeopardy homie, JW, asking if people (if presented with the idea) would be down for a cuddle party. A cuddle party? WTF is a cuddle party?
(Notice not a BROWN face up in that mug...)


So...he posts this link to: www.cuddleparty.com which had the following description:


A Cuddle Party is: A structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good.
This playful, fun workshop has been a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women, and a great networking event to meet new friends, roommates, business partners and significant others.
Can Cuddle Party restore your faith in humanity? It just might. But at the very least, you’ll have a great time, and leave feeling relaxed and inspired.

WTF??? Lames..fucking..Idea..Ever! Are you serious? You mean to tell me I show up in my PJs somewhere and I get to hug up with some random folks for no damn reason??? I know it isn't about "sex" but are we that attention and affection starved that we have to host parties for it? GET OUTTA HERE! What if I end up with the old man with a raging boner? Or an old lady with a leaky bladder? Or I end up with someone with a terrible case of lice or crabs? OR  (and this is more likely)..I end up with the Biggie Smalls joker all hot, sweaty, and ruining my nice Frederick's lounge clothes???

Nah..patna..I'll pass.

I do have some friends (well..a friend ...two actually)..who really do call chicks up just to cuddle. But in those instances..I think "cuddling" is just code for "let's fuck when we get tired of cuddling". LMAO! I can't do that. What I look like calling up a bunch of friends...telling them I'm having a "free-love", Hippie-style "cuddle-in"? What are we cuddling for? World peace? Acceptance? Gay Marriage and Equality? C'mon son...at least cuddle for a purpose if we are going to have this huge party!

These cuddle parties seem like glorified masturbation sessions and I wants (yes WANTS) no parts of that. Count me out I'm cool with some post-coital cuddling with my boo. We lay there..20 MINUTES TOPS...and then go to our respective sides of the beds until the morning when I make french toast w/ strawberries and you go home..(LOL). .

 I know the human touch is key to our survival as humans. We need affection and love. We need to feel wanted, needed, and desired. But a party just for cuddling is weak! And a bit deranged and unstable. Would it restore my faith in humanity as the website claims? Probably not. 

It would solidify to me that human kind is crazy as bat shit.


Would you attend a "Cuddle Party?" Or do you think this is a ridiculous concept?

August 15, 2011

Taking a Personal Day

I've had an extremely busy few weekends and a lot of busy weeks at work. I've had company in and out of my place...I even hosted a small gathering. I haven't had a breather. Then school is about to start in a few weeks...not to mention...I am just pulling my hair out. SO much so, I had a migraine the size of Alaska today.....and just couldn't make it. The bad kind of migraine where you are about to throw up....not good. It was a sign I needed to take some time out for me.

I rolled over...turned my alarm off...sat in bed..and just prayed. It was the first time I actually had peace of mind...and my apartment was totally still.  I was able to breath...able to just sit and think about all that I'm blessed with instead of reflecting on what I'm lacking.

I slept more...finally turning on my television to see my favorite show on TV, Psych, which was having a marathon. I popped more pain pills, got a cup of coffee, sat in bed and laughed and laughed. It felt so good to laugh uninhibitedly...and not cry about BS I can't control.

I fixed myself lunch...did some window shopping online...I didn't answer the phone or texts...I didn't really go on-line (except for my blogs..check out my other one too:    http://stilettosandthesouthernbelle.blogspot.com )....I didn't think about the impending semester...just was able to regroup and refocus my energy.. in total silence..without distractions.

I thought about my "personal day" in terms of taking a break from relationships...talking about relationships...talking about why I don't have one..or why this dude did this or that. No talking about it today. Not focusing on it today. I won't mention my latest disappointment...my latest date..or my latest crush... or looking at a silly alert from some dating sit. A personal day from even thinking about my love life.

Sometimes you just need a break from this thing called "dating". Sometimes you need to not even think about it. Sometimes you need to "be still and know"....as the Bible says.  It's draining and exhausting. You just get tired of analyzing your single life. You get tired of just going "Why?"

So just stop. Take a break. Take a day off...and have a "personal day" from your single life.

August 1, 2011

Let Me In





I'm just generally annoyed by inconsistency, esp. in the beginning stages of "getting to know" someone. Usually we are both nervous, trying to put our best foot forward. What I particularly hate is when someone pursues you hard, relentlessly, and then….nothing. Or the communication is so sporadic it just becomes annoying and grates on your nerves.

Men think they are clever when they send little BS texts to you. Waking up to a "Hey Sexy" text does nothing for me. Esp. if it was 17 hours after I contacted you.  Just saying “hey” with absolutely no follow up is stupid. How am I supposed to get to know you if all you text is bullcrap and you don’t actually use your phone to call someone? Or plan a date.

 I think this generation of men are just plain lazy. Lazy and too overwhelmed with options to even CARE to put forth the effort in getting to know someone. I mean I understand that you've got options. I've got options too. But if you know you feel me.. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Men think that being open and honest is a sign of weakness. We want that. We crave that. We are tired of games.

The one-word texts, sporadic calls, and your need to want someone to chase YOU is playing a game. Don’t get it twisted: I am the gazelle. You are the lion. YOU need to be lacing up your track shoes, bruh and chase ME. Folks got it all wrong. Shoot, that’s not even biblically sound. Me chase you?? *Hmpf*

I just think anything worth having is worth putting in work for. Hell... I'm def worth some "overtime". It’s not easy but dammit, the rewards are awesome. It’s better than a government job and its benefits. I just have never understood the “I gotta be elusive so she wants me” part of the game. It is distracting and annoying. After a while, your number gets deleted and we forget who you are.

All I’m asking is for you to, let me in.  Just a little. Leave a crack in the door of your heart to let me get to know you. You’ve got to want it to. The sporadic texts. The 5-minute calls do not make the good basis of a relationship.  You can’t expect me to want you to want you too with you giving the bare minimum.

Let me in.

Just want it…a little bit.

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