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Showing posts from August, 2011

Sex and the Myth of the Sorority Girl

(I see you sorors!! Zeta Phi Beta Sorority members from University of Minneapolis having their "Probate" show")
I bleed blue. I sweat white.  I am zealous I am a Zeta. Through and Through.....
People have sorority girls totally twisted. Ok..maybe people have BLACK sorority girls twisted..*shrug*
Most people's notions of "sorority girls" come from B-rate movies and it usually involves drinking a lot, scantily clad lingerie,  sometimes lesbian exploits, walking around naked in a sorority house all the time, and most importantly, screwing everything with a penis in sight because we are wild, crazy, debaucheries, and pretty much lacking values....
...and usually those women are not Negro. Oh sure they throw a token on in there every now and then..but for the most part....
Um...maybe that's how Y'ALL do it (and you know who "y'all" is) but my fellow NPHC sorority members will tell you...that overall, that isn't how WE do it.
I rarely talk about…

I Give Myself Away

Let me start this blog by saying, I am not a bible-beating Christian. I will never convince someone that they need to be saved or know Jesus. I respect all faiths and I respect all interpretations of God's Word. That being said....I didn't come here to preach on Sex and the Southern Belle. But....I will say that this post signals a turn in my life....and I would be remiss if I didn't share it with you goes....

At my uncle's fledgling church in Stockbridge, the musician likes to sing the song, "I Give Myself Away" by gospel singer William McDowell.  A LOT. *smh* Granted, our musician doesn't know but like 2 verses of a very short song (..and we got him for a good almost "FREE" budget...LOL),  he sings it with a lot of zeal and love of the Lord that you cant help but sing along too. It would annoy me greatly when he would start up on the song. I'd roll my eyes and go.."Oh Lawd...not this song again"...and just sit the…

"I'm Just Saying...You Can Do Better"

I was in my room one day....listening to the Music Choice Hip Hop station. and the much-hyped and "remade" Drake Song "Marvin's Room" came on.....

..and I instantly had a "Marvin's Room" moment.

Have you ever been in that mood where you want to call up an old flame and be like "I'm just can do better"? Not that they would give a fuck but it would give you closure and as Drake says "It'll give me someone to put this weight on".

I am not sure if a guy actually "did better" or not. Some did. Some didn't.   Most didnt. But I have the self-esteem to know that I'm the sh*t. And if they don't know that, then too bad for them. But I'd be a liar if I (and others) haven't wanted to make that call..... the dude getting married to a chick who looks like a "Moose"
...the dude giving his all to a chick who needs dental work BADLY and got 3 baby daddies. the dude who lied…


I miss it....Dear God...I miss it.

The kind of tingling, sweat-your-hair, out kind of passion that comes from a single, solitary kiss. The kind of experience that, as my friend Tee would say, "would make your skin feel like it was on fire" with one touch of the hand.....

It's hard to ask the modern man for this type of passion. Yes they know sex, but they don't know a damn thing about passion and romance. They are not one in the same. And can have passion and romance and not even take your clothes off.

I felt that experience not too long ago.

Picture it. Sicily....2000 and.......

I'm kidding. (LOL) But it wasn't too long ago. I was sitting, having a glass of wine on my couch with a "gentleman caller" (I am so Blanche DuBois right now....). He sat and he looked at me. Closely...I got to examine every little faint brown freckle on his face. His round, sweet face.  His hands were intertwined wth mine...

He got close to me and kissed the place …

Smelling like Sex...

...metaphorically that is.

I am a BIG, HUGE perfume girl. I don't step out the house, not time of the year, without perfume. I think every woman needs a signature scent (thanks Hilary over at for that!)  I have my personal favs but I think women need perfume in the following categories

1) light and airy
4) deep/dark/woodsy/musky (not MUSTY...musky..big difference)

I've had my things that I've rocked for years (Chanel No.5,  Chloe, Halston, Lovely, any and everything Calvin Klein or Ralph Lauren, etc...) but there are some new kids on the  block that I am TOTALLY enamored with.

1) Tom Ford Black Orchid
This falls under the "dark/woodsy" category. I love it. Def a "undress me and have your way with me" scent. I've had men stop me and ask me "So what are you wearing" when Ive worn this. Very alluring and flattering. Not to mention, even the bottle is deep and dark.
2) L by L.A.M.B ...Gwen Stefani Th…

Oh So "Anxious"

Dear Blog Readers...

I have a confession to make. This will come to a surprise to most of you but.......

I have performance anxiety.
*and the crowd gasps*
Yes..the girl who writes about sex, love and all things relationship has performance anxiety. And truly, it's deeper than sex. I get nervous for everything. Tests..interviews..first dates, hosting events, even meeting new friends. I'm a wobbly mess.

But since this blog is about sex.......yes...I do get performance that area as well.

There are some disclaimers to this, now:

a) I only get it when there has been LONG GAPS between uhm...."being grown"

b) I only get it when I don't feel I'm at my tip top shape (physically...that is)

But most of all.... c) I only get it when I know, truly know, that I like the person. I mean like a WHOLE lot. An unreal amount. Like..we prob on the verge of  "exclusive" status. Somehow I always know it...and I physically cut the monkey (no pun intended. LOL)


NSFW: "The Head Doctor" (Prose fiction)

Summer...Late summer.
10: 20 pm.

The summer rain was coming down harder outside. I feared maybe he was stuck on the side of the highway in a flood..They had predicted flash floods and that scared me to death. Besides,  The "Doctor" was hardly ever late... this was past his "house call time".

'I wish he would hurry...."

I looked at the clock in my bedroom. I had just showered and slathered on a nice amount of Johnson's Shea Baby Oil Gel and a fresh tank top and  Nike workout shorts. Nothing fancy. He liked that I was simple. I sprayed a little Michael Kors behind my ears, between my thighs. Give him something to linger. The scent of me is what he loved most...what would last well beyond this night. I put on the Ipod to the mix I like to call..."The Doctor's Orders" Made just for him..especially for nights like this. It's 138 songs..but of course..we never really know how many songs pass or play once the night is over. I hear Twista…

Feeling/Not Feeling


Football season..FINALLYStarting my shoe blog: And new shoes to fill that blog up with :)School starting...which means REFUNDS!!A semester without dates...I need clarityCleaning out my makeup case..and refreshing my lookNew lingerieAnticipating that first kissmutual attraction. *crossing fingers*Affion Crockett's "IN THE FLOW" (so funny!!!)That we havent had any raina plate of calamari. Yummmmm!The Movie...The Help Just as good as the book (minus some edits)Webseries: Awkward Black Girl and 12 Steps to Recovery (FAV SHOWS right now!)RetailMeNot, Hautelook, Rue La La, And Beyond The Rack. Been getting GREAT deals and using coupons! YES!
Not Feeling School starting...which means no time for myself anymoreI havent had sex in******* amount of months (LOL). Dear me! *sigh*Forgetting to do this post every week (LOL)Crushes that just dont go anywhereFriendships ruined over  "sex". Not cool.A semester wit…

Love is Chess...Not Checkers

"Being rejected doesnt mean you're not worthy. It means you're just not what they might want. Move on. It's chess not checkers."- Author Terry McMillan via Twitter
When I was younger, my father tried to teach me how to  play chess. It was a complicated game of strategy...and far too complicated for my 8 year old mind. All I wanted to do was roller skate, play with dolls, or paint/draw. I had absolutely no patience to learn the game of kings and queens (Not to Dad was a HORRIBLE teacher who himself had no patience...). I thought this was a game for old people. This was no fun. And it was too long..and each piece had it's own move. Why couldnt this be as simple as checkers?
Now, at 32, I wish I had really paid attention to the game of chess. It would have taught me so much about life and love. Love is a game of chess...not checkers: a calculated, exacting series of moves for your heart.
The objective of chess is to place the opponent in "checkma…

Mid-Week Tunes: "Thinking About You"

I dig Frank Ocean. His beats are melodic..his soothing, tenor is infectious. And this song is pretty much the perfect example of his style. I've had it on repeat ever since it leaked on Twitter a while ago.

Sexy...sing-song....just love it. (It was even feature on the Episode 7 on my fav webseries: The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl)

Pick up his mixtape Nostalgia, Ultra....amazing stuff.

Cuddle Party...Dumbest..Idea..Ever

So I was on Facebook and I see a newsfeed by my boy/Jeopardy homie, JW, asking if people (if presented with the idea) would be down for a cuddle party. A cuddle party? WTF is a cuddle party?
(Notice not a BROWN face up in that mug...)

So...he posts this link to: which had the following description:

A Cuddle Party is: A structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good. This playful, fun workshop has been a place for people to rediscover non-sexual touch and affection, a space to reframe assumptions about men and women, and a great networking event to meet new friends, roommates, business partners and significant others. Can Cuddle Party restore your faith in humanity? It just might. But at the very least, you’ll have a great time, and leave feeling relaxed and inspired.
WTF??? La…

Taking a Personal Day

I've had an extremely busy few weekends and a lot of busy weeks at work. I've had company in and out of my place...I even hosted a small gathering. I haven't had a breather. Then school is about to start in a few weeks...not to mention...I am just pulling my hair out. SO much so, I had a migraine the size of Alaska today.....and just couldn't make it. The bad kind of migraine where you are about to throw up....not good. It was a sign I needed to take some time out for me.

I rolled over...turned my alarm off...sat in bed..and just prayed. It was the first time I actually had peace of mind...and my apartment was totally still.  I was able to to just sit and think about all that I'm blessed with instead of reflecting on what I'm lacking.

I slept more...finally turning on my television to see my favorite show on TV, Psych, which was having a marathon. I popped more pain pills, got a cup of coffee, sat in bed and laughed and laughed. It felt so good to…

Let Me In

I'm just generally annoyed by inconsistency, esp. in the beginning stages of "getting to know" someone. Usually we are both nervous, trying to put our best foot forward. What I particularly hate is when someone pursues you hard, relentlessly, and then….nothing. Or the communication is so sporadic it just becomes annoying and grates on your nerves.
Men think they are clever when they send little BS texts to you. Waking up to a "Hey Sexy" text does nothing for me. Esp. if it was 17 hours after I contacted you. Just saying “hey” with absolutely no follow up is stupid. How am I supposed to get to know you if all you text is bullcrap and you don’t actually use your phone to call someone? Or plan a date.
I think this generation of men are just plain lazy. Lazy and too overwhelmed with options to even CARE to put forth the effort in getting to know someone. I mean I understand that you've got options. I've got options too. But if you know you feel me.. Don't…