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Finding "Something New"

When I first got divorced, I told myself I would be more open to dating "all" kinds of men. I don't mean stature, honey! I mean racially.

Quickly after the divorce, I joined a few interracial dating sites (Interracialpeoplemeet, AsianAve, etc) so that I can expose myseld to different guys. I think that was my first mistake. simple because I feel I was being narrow-minded in my approach. I thought to myself..."Maybe the internet is the best place for this..I mean..that way I can sorta be intimate w/o them really getting to know me (so much for being open, huh??) After spending a small fortune on "membership" fees, I let it go. I said...if this was going to happen...I needed to let it happen rather organically rather than forcing attraction. Besides, I had no experience in interracial dating...and quite frankly, I'm torn.

Just yesterday, a girl on one of my websites I am a member of sent me the link to this event that is occuring in ATL and other cities around the country:

I thought that this was a very bold initiative. A "seminar" on interracial dating (which I am sure is to turn into a "meet" market.) So is this how this works? I mean, do I go? (Of course, if I do go, there will be a full review and report for my readers....) Should I roll to this thing solo or with a group of open-minded girls? I had to ask myself....

So.....where do sistas meet non-black and white dudes???

I'm just curious. .......I was watching Real Housewives of Atlanta (a show I actually abhor yet can't turn away from the virtual trainwreck) and Lisa Hartwell said that her mother was black...and her Dad was Chinese.How on earth did that happen? How the hell did her mama meet an Asian dude almost 30 years ago let alone today?? (I forgot to factor in that she is from California that is highly Asian populated).

The only time I see an Asian dude is when I go get my nails done, grabbing some Lemon Pepper wings, at a booth at the Flea Market, or I just so happen to be near Buford Highway in ATL, or...I'm watching a Kung-Fu movie. I know, that seems so racially narrow minded. I did know a few Asian guys in high school but they certainly were not interested in anything beyond their studies.

I've never dated a white or non-black guy before in my entire life. I never had a desire to.... I used to just get a lot of "Kizzy" slave images in my head...that is until now. Being back out on the "dating scene" has a way of making these issues come to light. In my next go-round of dating and I need to limit myself to ONLY brothers? I mean...certainly white men don't...and successful brothers don’t. But if I do...will I be a sell out too? Will this conflict with my pan-African beliefs? inner conflict.

I was reading Having it All: Black Women and Success by Veronica Chambers (also married to a white dude) and many black women have found healthy relationships with non-black men (including the author). Hell...look at Melody Hobson...she's with George LUCAS! That man invented the STAR WARS movie franchise for godsake!! LOL....Hell...I'd say she raise the bar..........LOL.Sure, I think Brad Pitt, Matthew McConaughey, Justin Timberlake, Robin Thicke, Jude Law, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers are pretty damn HOT...but like Chris Rock said...."A black woman will fuck with a PRETTY white boy...she aint fucking with a dude who looks like George from Seinfeld. If she is with George...then her credit is fucked up...why you with him girl?? They was going to take my car!!" LMAOO! It was a hilarious stand up routine but it's true. I've rarely seen the average black woman with a "golden boy" type.

If I do meet a white/non-black man...I'd like for him to be pretty damn smoking hot becuase I AM hot! And NOT a "wigger"-type or so obsessed and engrained in black culture all he can do is reference hip-hop songs and slang or a type that has a black girl "fetish" and eroticizes us as a people. I want a white dude who KNOWS he is white...and not trying to be anything else but sweet and kind to me. And NOT trying to fulfill some sort of slave/exotic fantasy. He has got to be finer as any brother and with 10 times more going for him. (because quite frankly, if I go this route, I'm going to have to raise the bar)

So I just want to know...

  • Who has dated a white/non-black guy? Anything good come out of it?
  • What about ME? What kind of sistas do they like? I mean...I'm a loc wearing, brown skinned, thick kinda chick? I mean that might be too much sista!
  • Is there a certain place to meet non-black/white men? I live in ATL...I hardly see white people at WORK, especially not white men of any type of attractiveness (Although, I was once told by a Trini-born Indian guy that I was "so beautiful"..but he didn't make any moves)
  • What should be the "looks standard" I need to go for? I Brad Pitt raising the bar too high??
  • *Warning: Keeping it Real* Do a lot of them have small dicks? I mean I've seen porn and I know they are PINK or Beige OR whatever...... (Which is something I admit is hard to get past. *smh*)
  • What do white men like to do fun? Go Rock Climbing? Sky Dive? I'm not one for too much dangerous crap!

In my hunt for clairty on the issue, my friend M.N. actually decided to send me a list of "tips" on dating non-black men. She is certainly an expert on it. She has a diverse group of friends and purposely surrounds herself in those circles. She's a smart, focused 25 year old woman living in that she is of my peer group, I had to ask her. So she came up with this:

MN's Tips for Dating Non-Black Men

1) learn to love running, hiking and biking...they love these activities! Well..They just love ACTIVITIES period.

2) Go to coffee shops in the afternoon on weekends or Sunday brunch....with a non-descript (i.e. white) book!

3) Get a gang of multicultural friends....they know all the spots to meet dudes of different races..And it shows u are comfortable around them...

4) get a gay white man. This helps white men because they see that you are not intimidated to be around white men!! So dating a white man is not a big leap for you!

5) Get a very dorky white girl with wheels that will be able to always want to go out with you. She is going to be your BEST friend. Why? She will be able to be your cheerleader. BUT..You have to make sure she is slightly unattractive therefore making you the pretty one regardless of the setting....and feel slightly guilty about being white.... She is def. your advocate. She'll say things like "Oh, Tee can cook. She should be a chef. I’m just amazed at what a great person she is. I don't know how she's single. She has such beautiful skin, but I don't mean that in a brown way... it's healthy. She’s a healthy skin person." .....cause you know they like to ramble on and on!!

6) When going out. Dress flawlessly. Skin and nails perfect...but make it look like it is effortlessly put together.....they love that!
7) The more "distinguishably BLACK" you look..The better. If a white man wanted a white looking black girl that defeats the point! She thinks there's definitely a move in the white man movement toward natural sistas... if they wanted a white women, they'd be with one.. so if you're going to go black, go black... a socially conscious, culturally aware, loc'd sista with full lips, hips and tits... don't get the Christine Barbie doll and think you're doing something! She said...this very issue was on the last white man's club meeting agenda

8) Join some non-descript groups that have a mix of people (i.e. )......with similar interest. There I can probably finds new "multi-culti" friends! Go to political events, wine tastings.

9) Hang out in multi-culti neighborhoods (in ATL that would be Poncey-Highland, Downtown Decatur, Little 5, Buckhead, and Atlantic Station)..And try to hang out ALONE.

10) Don’t necessarily avoid those men who have a black girl fetish. They are usually very good for your self-esteem...........because they are GUILTY! They overcompensate for the fetish so much with compliments, chivalry, great dates, flattery, gifts....they're usually guilty and embarrassed by the fetish..therefore....the easy way out of a relationship with them is to make race an issue and claim "you'll never understand!" and then burst into every time!

I had to laugh at her "tips" but apparently this has been working for her for years. She even was invited to this exclusive "black women/white men" party that was at some posh "members only" club in NYC. Wow...that's a bold step.

So...what do you think? In this new world of dating. should I keep my options open? Or just pray for the next good brotherman to come along....and not the OTHERman????


  1. This is an issue close to home. I was previously married to a black man and was divorced with a toddler when I met my current husband who is white. We have been together for over a decade and married for almost 4. I met him at work thought he was cute and asked him out.

    All white men do not have small penises and I am more than satisfied in the bedroom.

    My husband is not Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler but he is handsome. You have to be with someone you can stand to look at everyday. Lets be real on that one.

    White men are just men. They have varied interests and you could learn something. I am not one for rock climbing and I will not be jumping out of a plane anytime soon.

    One thing you will have to do is be comfortable enough to talk about race and deal with stereotypes and ignorance at times.

    Peace and Blessings to you.

  2. I say go for it!

    I always wondered where to meet other races as well. They generally dont approach me iike that. I can recall a white man hollering at me once, when i was karaoke-ing with a few friends in Chelsea (Manhattan). A white guy approached me... definitely the "George" from Seinfeld type... but super sweet, a lawyer, buying me and my girlfriends drinks and karaoke songs all night. He gave me his card and expressed strong interest. I didnt call, of course (because i was with Derek at the time). But i definitely would have otherwise. His looks i think i could have gotten past, cuz he wasnt "busted" (just wasnt Brad Pitt). But I would have been curious to see where that went.... Nice guy.

  3. LOL, well since your doing all this research I think you should def go....and report back!

    It's weird for me to see that black women don't know how to date interracially....or better where to find men they can date. It's worth a blog post from someone who's dated up a storm before settling down with motherhood =)

  4. "The only time I see an Asian dude is when I go get my nails done, grabbing some Lemon Pepper wings, at a booth at the Flea Market, or I just so happen to be near Buford Highway in ATL, or...I'm watching a Kung-Fu movie." hahahahahahaaahhahahahaahhaahah!!!! i love it. this aint being racist, this is just keeping it real.

    and gotta love chris rock for always keeping it real! lmao, i would love to hear what would have transpired if yaki had gone out with the george-from-seinfeld-type, hahaha!!!

    sorry, vote is pray for a brotha. >:o lol, hey, u asked....



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