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Know Your Dog

When I first started dating (and just dealing with men in general), my mother gave me some words of advice:

Know your Dog. If you have a dog, learn his ways so he won’t bite. So that when you get a new dog…you can easily recognize some patterns. At least with the old dog, you know what you are in for and know WHY he'll bite you. The new dog...not so much.

I will not lie. I didn’t always take the advice she gave me (and she isn’t calling men “dogs”….not exactly). But what she was saying was just know your dude. A Dude. KNOW HIM….so that you won’t get hurt.

Since being single, things have gotten rather murky with regards to dating. I seemed to get foiled over and over. I try to take my time to get to "know" someone and it fails.  Things would only go "so far" and I then feel like I've become "that chick".Will I always be that chick? That “chick” that I so didn’t want to be. Yes..I am flirty. Yes.. I can be a bit forward..but TRUST ME..every dude doesn’t get that treatment. How can I get fooled so many times like this? I've felt like an IDIOT. Had I know these dudes were the way they were, I would have NEVER engaged in conversations of that nature with him. I wouldn’t have been all flirty, sexual, and etc... OF COURSE, they  aren't going to tell me any of that: that way you still have access to me because you KNOW I don’t go for bullshit like that. I wasn’t trying to be some dude’s “last fling” or fling period. I wasn’t trying to be a “jump-off”...and if I gave a dyde“the business” was because I REALLY liked him that much to want to share that part of me. None of hem had been worth it and hadn’t done anything to deserve it at all.

Had I been out of "the game" that long that I didnt recognize the patterns?

At least with my ex husband, I know my dog. Even though we are divorced, I STILL know what pisses him off. I know when he’s lying. I know when he’s sincere. Out here dating and exposing your heart, you have NO IDEA how men are. That’s the risk you take playing Russian roulette with your emotions. I didn’t land on black this time. Have I EVER landed on black??? I recalled all my dating experience...going back to when I was 17 and had my FIRST real boyfriend and to guys AFTER my divorce: THEY ALL cheated on me.. They ALL were emotionally available. They ALL had secrets and lies. After a while, you start to realize it’s not them, IT'S YOU. It’s me for being hopelessly romantic (and I won’t even use the word desperate) and blindly devoted. It’s me for believing and not doing my research. It’s me for just even having faith to TRUST the male species to be honorable men. That’s just genetically impossible. They want to flex their bravado and manhood until they drop down in the grave.

I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep putting myself out there only to be hurt. This dating thing is for the birds. I’d rather been in my self-imposed “penis” exile and just keep it that way indefinitely. Who was I fooling? Silly of me to think that I could ever find someone, even a FRIEND, who would be truthful and genuine? After my divorce, I’ve had  nothing but a string of such encounters: married men, men with girlfriends, men with fianc├ęs, men LIVING with chicks….etc. Do I keep putting myself out here for “new dogs”…or just go back to the comforts and familiarity of my “old dog”?

I ended up deleting the guys I've met since my divorce. from any and all social networking sites…blocking emails…erased numbera…etc. At least if I was going to know my dog, I’d do it on my terms and not be blind-sided. I can;t do it any longer...being vulnerable.

I guess I need to invest in some stock in Alpo


  1. Tati...this is so true. You are so on point. Hmm...not quite sure that I have the answer to your questions, but, you have def. discovered the problem. I don't think its you...I think its THEM....and ofcourse all the women before you who had no problem with the games that they played.


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