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This is NOT a Romantic Comedy

My absolute favorite genre of movie (aside from action/martial arts/thrillers and foreign films) is the romantic comedy. I can sit all day and watch movie after movie (and don't let it be British ....goodness! LOL). I laugh. I cry. I root for the underdog (and the chick is always the underdog most times). I anticipate any and each romantic movie that strikes my fancy.  It always goes in a very formulaic way:

Boy Meets Girl in a very "cute meet" (movie slang for how a guy and girl character meets)
Boy and Girl fall in flirty situation then say.."Let's be friends" (or adversaries or what not). This is where things get tricky.
For whatever reason..boy cant have girl (or vice versa) due to some situation, all coupled with some hijinks, mad-capped adventure, comedic situations, and slapstick humor.
Boy and Girl struggle to get over their romatnic feelings and come to the realization they can't be apart from each other, but not before more shenanigans.
Finally..someone comes to their sense and they get together..and fall passionately in love.

Well...real life doesn't work out this way. And I admit, I am guilty of trying to be Bridget Jones or maybe even a littleHolly Golightly. (although I wouldn't admit this upon first meeting) and every girl wants to be Sabrina.... but it doesn't always happen that way.

I don't want to be the best friend who realizes she's in love with her "buddy" until it's too late..and he's walking down the aisle.

I don't want to be with pining for a man who gets married...only to have us come together 20 years later.

I don't want to be the awkward goofy girl who get's criticized by her guy friend who thinks that she should be a Pygmalion type project...only to have him fall in love with me.

I don't want the killer date from hell that turns into romance.

I dont want (nor do I have) the platonic friend that we both realize that we want each other (my platonic male friends I suspect are gay and a few are just not attractive to me)

I don't want an old love to come into my life and sweep me off my feet as a "change man". I'm sure it's gonna be the same old bullsh*t.

I dont want that. Who needs that?  Life isn't like that. I dont need that type of crazy complication. Who wants the up and down roller coaster of love? Sure, love isnt going to be an even plane...but it shouldnt be a torturous journey either.

What happened to meeting a guy....getting to know him...good and bad....no real crazy drama...and just having a good time w/out any heartache.. minimal pain...and  no crazy amount foolishness? You can't expect love to make it all better or even go totally smoothly...but you do want it to be good FOR you..not Good FOR nothing.

The goofy, immature guy who makes a bumbling idiot of himself is also not a good look. This isn't Hitch. I'm not asking you to be smooth, mac-daddy pimp. Be calm. Be relaxed. Be yourself. Most ladies like a balance of smooth and corny. A little Darius Lovehall mixed with some classic Jimmy Stewart. C'mon! Unless he has money..would a fat dude like Kevin James end up with a supermodel? Doubt it. LMAO! (And you know you wouldn't either no matter how "charming" he was....)

I love these movies. They are definitely an escape.. It's a way to release and escape.  But my life isn't that movie at all.

 I (and MANY of my girlfriends) am more so living this movie:

Girl meets guy...has a few good years..get divorced/breaks up/ends engagement. Now..WTF does she do??
Girl throws herself into something to distract herself from dudes.....that is..until....
Girl meets guy.... It's def not a "cute meet". It's def unconventional. She says "I'll take a  chance!"
Girl really digs guy. Probably more than guy digs her..but she doesn't realize that.
Guy takes girl out...occasionally. But Girl tries and gives dude benefit of the doubt (i.e. she makes excuses)
Girl says to herself "As long as he doesnt say anything TOO STUPID...I'll stick to my rules and maybe he'll get some nookie"
Guy and Girl sometimes have great sex (sometimes that joint is lack luster...sometimes it is the bomb.com which makes her judgement cloudy because orgasms render her dumb)
Girl starts noticing a change in patterns. Stuff just isn't adding up
Guy turnes out to be a complete dick. He rarely call. Communication skill are extremely poor. Girl vows to never talk to Guy again
Guy  weasels his way back lies about it ALL. to Girl. Truth is.... Maybe he had a girl. Maybe he was engaged or married. Maybe he didnt want what Girl wanted. Girl doesn't know.
All of a sudden..everything STOPS.
Girl doesn't understand and asks "Why me? What is WRONG with me??" when in truth NOTHING is wrong with her.
Guy says "It's timing" or "You knew the deal!" or some other BS excuse...
Girl looks in the mirror.."Is it my hair? Is it my weight? Did I do that move wrong in the bed??"
Guy stop calling girl. Finally.
Girl cries and eats a pint of Godiva chocolate ice-cream...no more texts. no more calls. WTF! She says "I'm a great girl! I cook, I clean, I give incredible blow jobs that rival Janet Jacme!  (ok..she doesn't say this out LOUD.) I'm sweet, I'm kind! I'm smart....(maybe I'm too smart!) WTF! I give!!"
Then...out the blue...Guy calls/texts......................Girl gets excited and thinks "Maybe I was too harsh! Maybe I misread the signals.." ..only to realize what the call was for: some booty
Naw...no misreading of signals.
Girl starts to regret meeting dude
Girl regrets having sex
Girl regrets it all!
Girl cries "MEN SUCK" and vows to never love, date, get married, or even *gasp*  sex again........

...and her vagina decides to be as locked away as her heart.....(8 months and counting)..and collecting cobwebs.


Fin.


Yep...that's an Oscar worthy script right there! :)

Comments

  1. Like yourself, I LOVE romantic comedies, but probably wouldnt want to live one myself..... although they do usually end up "happily ever after" - which is more than what one could say about real life.

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