Skip to main content

Swallowing: More than Saying "Aaah"

I actually got an e-mail the other day from a reader (my very first one):

Dear Mocha.

 I've been married for 3 years. I love having sex with my husband but...just one thing. I won't swallow when giving head. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but I dont think I can stomach it.  I'm afraid. and he's offended and thinks I'm not "feeling" it. I know I should. He's my husband! Do you have any tips?

Well, dear reader, mastering the art of oral sex (head)  isn't just about movement of a chick's tounge. It's about lip/ tounge ratio. It's about avoiding your teeth and ample deep-throating (and a lack of gag reflex if at all possible).  It's about lung capacity. And yes..the wetter, absolutely, the better. But...this blog post isn't really about that.

***WARNING***: The rest of this blog is for the ADULT and SUPER Grown. Viewer Discretion is advised.

This blog is about what most (black) women fear and only a small percentage are actually brave enough to do.

My friends, this blog is about swallowing.

And I'm not talking about porno style jizz guzzling (pardon my language). I mean we are talking about grown ups, in a monogamous STD-free relationship (hopefully), sharing this part of yourself with your partner. You don't swallow for any and everyone, ladies. Everyone doesn't get this special treatment. Furthermore, this gift of love should be reserved for Christmas, Anniversaries, Birthdays, and Valentine's Day (respectively).....Ok...I'm kidding (sorta...LOL).

Men argue with us all the time "You women don't swallow! When we give you all pleasure, we tasting everything".  (Well, fellas, to be fair we can't help that biolgically. ) And to go a step futher, black men are quick to say, "Sistas DO NOT swallow! I am not sure what the fear is". I guess they stereotypically hear  about and see white chicks (and black chicks, who are in porn) swallowing.. I think men are offended when you don't swallow (at least occassionally).  That means you aren't into being deeply intimate or that you aren't into being into their fantasies. Most of all, that means you aren't thorough with your job. *wink* I guarantee, more men would be willing to marry you if you swallowed (LOL).

I think women feel like it's nasty or they will be branded a whore if they do such things. Not true at all. If you aren't doing it for EVERY man, then how are you a whore? And if you are doing it in the sanctity of a marriage, you most certainly aren't a whore! Cmon. This is 2010. Being a prude went outta style with the sexual revolution of the 60's and 70's (and hip-hop too). You are supposed to be the nasiest, filthiest, summa-ma-bitch that your husband even knows. They want to marry Clare Huxtable and fuck Roxxy Reynolds. Let's be real. And honey...if you won't...some chick will. BUT...

If you are a little afraid, there are some tips to consider to try.

1) Make sure your make doesn't have "funky spunk" a la Samantha from Sex and the City. If you plan on doing this, there is some prep involved. Make sure he doesn't drink a lot of liqour. Eat a LOT of sweet fruit (pinapples, strawberries,)  drink a lot of fruit juice, avoid dairy and avoid pungent veggies (cabbage, asparagus, broccoli).

2) Try keeping a mint or Altoid in your mouth at the same time as giving head. (men love the tingle) not to mention, it will sort of mask the taste..

3) Get into it but please..limit the eye contact. Don't stare up at the dude, just anticipating it to happen (He does have to warn you, give you the "heads up" (pun intended) when it's about to go down).  That's creepy, all that staring. Focus on the job at (and in) hand.

And Finally....

4) Think about it like a tequila shot. Throw it back, dont think about the taste, and be a soldier and take one for the team

Now if you think you are super advanced and ready for the big leagues, then take it to the next level, by all means..."gargle it", blow bubbles with it, whatever.


 (Yeah..I know that sounded SUPER nasty....but just trust me...LOL)

 Men like to LOOK at it in your mouth before you swallow it...they wanna see it on your lips...on your tounge.  They will take one look at you, shudder in delight, then declare "I'm NEVER leaving this woman! EVER!"

And if even after all of this, you just can not stomach it..then FAKE IT. When dude cums, pull out, and let it sorta roll off your lips and down his dick and that way you don't swallow. Don't be RUDE and run to the bathroom and wash out your mouth and scream in horror!  Don't gag like you are about to throw up or, God forbid, actually vomit. Not sexy...and you may not be invited to be "down there" ever again (I doubt it...but you might not). The classy.discrete thing to do is just keep a towel or tissue in hand, and discard it there.

(Hmm..that can only happen if you aren't doing any adventerous "road head", or "movie theater" head, get my drift! OR you can just keep Kleenex handy! LOL)

All in all, it's not a big deal. It's quite endearing.

Trust me. Take a spin at it..and spice up your life AND HAVE A HAPPY HOME!

So open up and say "aaahhhhh"


PS: I really do love the reader e-mails and suggestions. Feel free to contact me at any time with your questions, concerns, and thoughts.


  1. Let the church say..AMEN

  2. As a Black Woman who proudly loves to give head AND to swallow (I know, I know, I'm a rarity) I have never really understood the aversion. To me it is like reading a book but stopping at the last page. Or having the ball 4th down and inches...and turning it over on down. FINISH THE JOB!!

  3. @Ashamai...I appreciate a good sports analogy! LOL! :)

  4. This is very interesting. As a Black Man I will simply say swallowing is gross! That gives me the shivers everytime a chic does that. I simply say "you know you could've spit that out right?" I don't require it. If you do it then that's all on you!

    I've never not ran into a sista that didn't swallow..maybe i'm special or something!

    I'm not offended whatsoever if swallowing doesn't occur.

  5. lol @ the opening picture to this post.

    Well if the emailer had any questions about swallowing - I think you answered it all in this VERY comprehensive post. lol. You really should put all this in a book - it is too great to go to waste.

    I will say that... swallowing is an acquired taste (No pun intended, I swear). But I do feel like, if you're within the realm of a monogamous relationship, the fact that it means so much to your partner, one would hope that you'd compromise and at least be hoping to trying every now and again, if not each time.

  6. hoping = open (in the last paragraph)

  7. Mocha, you don't hold anything back. That is what I enjoy reading about your blog. It's all real and nothing artificial.

    I have only experienced one woman in my life that swallowed, and after it left me feeling like I was floating upon air, I realized she was "hooking me" solely on the good head.

    But I wasn't trying to go down that road with her. It is a great feeling though, one of the best.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

I Had Hope For Other Hair: Confessions in Black Motherhood

I had hoped for other hair...
(My Little One Reading a Book Before Bed)

... for my daughter.

No, I didn't want her to have "good hair"... hair that ebbed and flowed close to the weight of Whiteness. I didn't want that for her.  I didn't want her to have hair that was deemed "managable" or "a good grade". as if you can give hair letter grades or grade it on a curve.

I just wanted her to have any hair other than MY hair. She inherited my hair. And I cried.

When I found out I was having a girl, anxiety was replaced with dread. "Dear God.. I have to learn how to do hair". See, growing up, my mother was my stylist, even way into high school. So in between salon visits, she would relax or press my hair. She'd style it or comb it. And I never worried about it. I tried and tried to do my own hair... and failed. The only style I could keep up were Brandy-inspired box braids (which some poor, Senegalese woman would do for hours) or a very sho…

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…