May 21, 2010

Facebook: The Addiction to "Knowing" it All


Some things are better left unsaid....or rather...”un-taged" and "un-friended" when it comes to Facebook. When I think about Facebook…my own crazy mantras come to mind:




Facebook: ruining relationships to hell one tagged photo, status update, and wall post at a time.



Or



Facebook: making you want to strangle yourself with the mouse chord one “happy couple” picture at a time.



Or better yet



Facebook: exposing the lies of liars one wall post and tagged pic at a time.



Facebook doesn’t let you know that when you post these pictures, somewhere, someone out there knows the truth. The night of his wedding, you had one last romp with your ex. That cute baby may not be her husband’s. Your husband wasn’t on the fishing trip with his boys but his mistress took the picture. That new house that you all bought is now in foreclosure. That is the ugly truth behind social networking.



For me, Facebook has created this crazy addiction to "knowing" everything. I have GOT TO KNOW everything. I look for the newest baby pictures. Wedding photos. Did you get new shoes? I want to see them too! Most times this addiction makes me sad. I long for what they have and say “Why not me?” And now this crazy addiction to “knowing it all” has filtered over to my love life. Sometimes “dudes you are crushing on” or want to get to know. But more specifically, my past loves, who happen to be on my friends list.



Most days when I go on Facebook, I’m totally fine. I am laughing at funny status messages or viral downloads…but then I’ll run across something that stings and it has me reevaluating my life and my choices when it comes to my love life. And usually that something has to do with my past..and those that used to be in it..



I look at one guy’s pics posted with his girlfriend (that I assume will be his fiancé eventually). They always pop up in my feed and I stop and look. To my friends, I call her “The Moose”. - nose way too large, teeth like a pack of Chic-lets. Physically, I don’t understand why he wants her. Not to brag, but I look way better but on paper…I lack what she has. A white collar job, degrees for various, prestigious schools. He told me once that “on paper we make a power couple”. I learned then that even men look at the bigger picture. She can take him in farther places than I ever could. She could be in his circle far easier than I ever could. He’d be much more proud to have her on his arm. I torture myself look at the pictures and asking myself “Why didn’t he SEE ME that way? Aren’t I all of those things?”



I go on to another guy, who’s now married. He met me when I was a shy, 21 year old and he was lively, funny, older and intriguing. All in all, we were still college kids …but he’s now married. By all appearances, they look happy and quite glamorous. Pictures show that they are well-traveled and deeply in love. I say “her makeup could be less oily” but all in all, she has him. I don’t. The ring on her finger is one to envy-platinum, antique-shaped, crafted with diamonds all around and I look at my now ring-less left hand and tears fill my eyes. Maybe it’s because I “borrowed” her husband once for my own foolish pleasure. Maybe it’s because had I been more open, that could have been me. Yet I am reminded I will always just be borrowing because I’ll never have him. In his profile he boasts of being an awesome husband but…I know the truth. I know we fall short



And most recently, Facebook exposed the lies of a very persistent “Texter” whose status went from “in a relationship” to “single”…and I saw every picture from his trip to Trinidad with “his non-girlfriend”. They seemed to be more than “just friends…”



All in all the faces change but the question remains the same: What happened? Why aren’t they with me? What does she have that I don’t?





But for me, this addiction of “having to know” has ruined relationships and often times just ruined me. It makes you sick, having to know it all. I sit obsessing over what I have, what I lack, and what I will never have. I sit and wonder why I was rejected or why I was used. I compare and contrast my life to others, even my close girlfriends whom I admire. It’s all so bittersweet: You want to be totally happy for them but the pain of your own shortcomings are often reflected in their achievements. Their happiness. Their love lives.



I wonder if anyone looks at my Facebook profile the same way…



I doubt it.



Someone asked me “Why not just leave Facebook and social networking if all of it causes you so much pain?”



I can’t



I’m addicted

7 comments:

  1. FB makes me crazy at least once a week *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sorry but could you please stay out of my life! As I read this I actually looked around my apartment to make sure there was no one here recording what I was doing and saying because this post (and past post) could have been typed from my fingers and come from my own life. I cannot believe how much your blog seems to mirror my own life. It is so sad because it seems that I am not the only one thinking like this but also running into these same type of men! That is a damn shame!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Omg, this post is sooo true! Facebook, hell social media in general, gets so addictive.... and it's way too easy to find information on a person via Google. Especially if that person has used the same screen name for their online interactions for years.... you can find out so much about them just thru visiting all the messageboards and stuff they belong to. Trust me, you arent alone in this. And yes, it is sooo addictive. Even if you know its not "good" for you its hard to stop!

    ReplyDelete
  4. We all have our issues, chick. You might be looking at pictures of (seemingly/or fake-ingly) happily married couples. Somebody else might be looking at YOU like...I wish I had her boobs or her hair or i wish i could lose weight and look fab like her.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There is always a REAL story behind these posed pictures, and status updates. We all have 'networking envy' from time to time, but believe me, some of these 'success stories' would probably rather be in your shoes. We all obsess about what everybody else is doing. That's why we follow & friend people we haven't seen or spoken to in years! Some of the interest is genuine, but usually, we're just nosey.

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  6. Perhaps it's my age included, but from reading all the stories and hearing what my daughter reveals to be true about Facebook, I am glad that the addiction passed me by.

    If I can ever get my book published then I plan to use FB for that sole purpose, alone.

    I don't know if you meant this post to be funny. But some of the things written had me cracking up. Sometimes I feel the same way about Twitter. If I at home and my TweetDeck is constantly sounding off, I usually feel the need to read whatever tweet.

    Then I had to stop and ask myself, "What am I doing?" Most social networking sites can become addictive, I agree.

    I also agree that there is always more than meets the eye.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is so true. I got to the point where I actually deactivated my account because I was getting so bad with it. So you are not in it alone Soror. I just have to remember, folks put out their good stuff on FB, never the bad. So you never know what is really behind most of these pics. Besides.. perhaps someone is doing the same to thing to us.. and we don't even realize it. Its all about perception.

    ReplyDelete

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