Some things are better left unsaid....or rather...”un-taged" and "un-friended" when it comes to Facebook. When I think about Facebook…my own crazy mantras come to mind:
Facebook: ruining relationships to hell one tagged photo, status update, and wall post at a time.
Facebook: making you want to strangle yourself with the mouse chord one “happy couple” picture at a time.
Or better yet
Facebook: exposing the lies of liars one wall post and tagged pic at a time.
Facebook doesn’t let you know that when you post these pictures, somewhere, someone out there knows the truth. The night of his wedding, you had one last romp with your ex. That cute baby may not be her husband’s. Your husband wasn’t on the fishing trip with his boys but his mistress took the picture. That new house that you all bought is now in foreclosure. That is the ugly truth behind social networking.
For me, Facebook has created this crazy addiction to "knowing" everything. I have GOT TO KNOW everything. I look for the newest baby pictures. Wedding photos. Did you get new shoes? I want to see them too! Most times this addiction makes me sad. I long for what they have and say “Why not me?” And now this crazy addiction to “knowing it all” has filtered over to my love life. Sometimes “dudes you are crushing on” or want to get to know. But more specifically, my past loves, who happen to be on my friends list.
Most days when I go on Facebook, I’m totally fine. I am laughing at funny status messages or viral downloads…but then I’ll run across something that stings and it has me reevaluating my life and my choices when it comes to my love life. And usually that something has to do with my past..and those that used to be in it..
I look at one guy’s pics posted with his girlfriend (that I assume will be his fiancé eventually). They always pop up in my feed and I stop and look. To my friends, I call her “The Moose”. - nose way too large, teeth like a pack of Chic-lets. Physically, I don’t understand why he wants her. Not to brag, but I look way better but on paper…I lack what she has. A white collar job, degrees for various, prestigious schools. He told me once that “on paper we make a power couple”. I learned then that even men look at the bigger picture. She can take him in farther places than I ever could. She could be in his circle far easier than I ever could. He’d be much more proud to have her on his arm. I torture myself look at the pictures and asking myself “Why didn’t he SEE ME that way? Aren’t I all of those things?”
I go on to another guy, who’s now married. He met me when I was a shy, 21 year old and he was lively, funny, older and intriguing. All in all, we were still college kids …but he’s now married. By all appearances, they look happy and quite glamorous. Pictures show that they are well-traveled and deeply in love. I say “her makeup could be less oily” but all in all, she has him. I don’t. The ring on her finger is one to envy-platinum, antique-shaped, crafted with diamonds all around and I look at my now ring-less left hand and tears fill my eyes. Maybe it’s because I “borrowed” her husband once for my own foolish pleasure. Maybe it’s because had I been more open, that could have been me. Yet I am reminded I will always just be borrowing because I’ll never have him. In his profile he boasts of being an awesome husband but…I know the truth. I know we fall short
And most recently, Facebook exposed the lies of a very persistent “Texter” whose status went from “in a relationship” to “single”…and I saw every picture from his trip to Trinidad with “his non-girlfriend”. They seemed to be more than “just friends…”
All in all the faces change but the question remains the same: What happened? Why aren’t they with me? What does she have that I don’t?
But for me, this addiction of “having to know” has ruined relationships and often times just ruined me. It makes you sick, having to know it all. I sit obsessing over what I have, what I lack, and what I will never have. I sit and wonder why I was rejected or why I was used. I compare and contrast my life to others, even my close girlfriends whom I admire. It’s all so bittersweet: You want to be totally happy for them but the pain of your own shortcomings are often reflected in their achievements. Their happiness. Their love lives.
I wonder if anyone looks at my Facebook profile the same way…
I doubt it.
Someone asked me “Why not just leave Facebook and social networking if all of it causes you so much pain?”