Skip to main content

Just Liking P***y


(Serena Williams at the 2011 ESPY awards...killing em!)


I was having a conversation with a guy once. A guy I found to be smart, attractive, funny and accomplished. A guy I thought as this model of a man....he was and is a good friend.

We were having a good conversation so...I decided to pick his brain about what kind of woman he liked. In the past I knew he dated sort of a "type" of woman: models, actresses, airline stewardesses, singers/entertainers. I think there may have even been a stripper or something thrown in there. At any rate, I knew he had a type. But I also knew he seemed to have some sort of "interest" in me. Not sure what...but I'd like to know how I even fit this strange mix.

So I asked him.."So what's your type?"  He goes.."I dont have a type. I mean..everyone says I date the VH1 Model types..but I don't have a type. I just like p**y".

*Pause*

Ok. Is this the part where I should be flattered or concerned?? My inner "Michele Wallace/bell hooks" raised its point antennas to make me aware somehow. I felt numbed. I wasn't sure if he meant that in a non-descript way or in a generic way. I wasn't sure if he meant to say it as to say "Oh no worries...you have what it takes...you have a pu**y".

I instantly felt compartmentalized. Like I was the sum of my vagina or something: what it can do, what it can provide. That the rest of a woman. The Intellect? Humor? Kindness? was something that was put on the back burner.

What happened to simply saying "I like all types of women". That I would have been ok with. I also understand that we are a visual creature. I understand that too. But to say "I like p**sy" is to strip a woman of the very essence of who she is and to say she is just the sum of her parts.

 I instantly felt all of my limited Marxist theory reading come to the foreground of my brain: "A woman is not a woman. She is just what she can produce. She is her vagina. And what her vagina can produce is orgasms. That is all that is important in the male "consumer" sexual economy. My vagina has more value than the worker whose vagina it is. My vagina has become Marx's coat"

So here I was...just hearing this man say "I like p**y".  I was able to internalize and recognize my feelings. I was both stunned and appalled. I was thinking "Here's a guy with intellect...sensibilities.." when in fact he is just a guy...a guy whose animalistic base...his primal brain...had taken over with regards to women. Was the value in my "work" and worth my p**y?

What woman wants to be the sum of her vagina? I am thinking none. Not even a prostitute. Even they, too, want to be valued as human beings. And their vagina at least has a pricetag. And I most certainly didn't want to be "someone's p**y". Or "just some new p**y" or just that "good p**y". I want to be "someone's woman"...someone's "new good woman"....someone's "new girlfriend". I don't want to be part of the old adage "What's better than old p**y? New p**y". I don't wanna be "new p**y". or "old p***y"  I don't wanna be " p**y" at all. I want to be more than that.

Where do we go from here?

I don't think anywhere....not until the language surrounding women changes. If it's not "that p**y" then a woman becomes "That b*TCH"....if not "That b*tch..." then she is "That hoe"....and on and on until she is simply less and less valued....less and less a woman...and more and more the "sum of her parts".. or simply the "parts of her parts"

Dude can keep on liking ""p**sy". He can call me when he starts liking "women"



Comments

  1. I thought Serena looked a greased up HOT JANKY street walker mess at the ESPYS. She looked so stank to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I felt like Deja vu in reading this. Guys can really be jerks at times and I don't believe they realize the damage in what they say. I Think you said it best when you said he can call you when he likes "woman" cuz clearly he is not ready yet.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh goodness! That was a very crass and blunt way to put it. As you stated "I just like women" would have sufficed. He had to know that a comment like that would be off-putting!

    ReplyDelete
  4. No way...I think Serena looked great. I mean her physique is amazing

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
*sigh*
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.

But..…