As I've stated more than once now on this blog, temptation since declaring I'm celibate has been coming at me left and right. I've stood my ground thus far and not given into it. I've been very diplomatic and very nice in not being a total b*tch and cursing dudes out when they come at me. I realize now that often times, that has been their aim all along. It is disheartening and disappointing. And although they say it doesn't bother them, me spurning their advances, I am sure a man can only take so many "no's" before they virtually lose their mind and the good sense God gave them.
That being said, my most recent, incident in "just saying no", made me realize that even if I was giving it up, I deserve more. In talking to a guy friend, a most attractive one, we had a conversation where he asked "Can we cheat?" In thinking perhaps this was a typo, I said "Do you mean chat? Sure?" He goes.."No. Not chat. Can we cheat? I mean, I want to sex you"
It wasn't the fact that he asked me that irked me. I knew eventually I'd get guys coming at me that way, although I vehemently declared that I'd be taking this break.. I knew I'd be tempted and folks would try and lead me astray.
But..uhm...YOU CAN ASK ME BETTER THAN THAT!
It isn't the face that you asked, it is how you asked. Whatever happened to "I want to make love to you" or "I'd love to experience your body" or something a hell of a lot more poetic than "I wanna sex you". Who are you? Color Me Badd? That's so disturbing to me. I deserve better than that. I deserve a little poetry in the seduction.
If/When I was having sex, telling me "I wanna sex you", would not get the panties at all. If anything I'd laugh in your face. But instead of laughing this time, I just ended the conversation abruptly (of course, after declaring no "sexing of me" would be going down). They said they understood and they "just asked" , but I don't believe it. Perhaps they think they have the "magic touch" (or magic stick) that will make me change my mind. But I'm not. I can't. I feel like if I do, I'd have disobeyed God. And that, I can't deal with.
Perhaps it is impossible for me to think some red, blooded American man will be patiently waiting for me. But when the time comes, and it's time to really undress to the barest of who we are, emotionally and physically, I need to hear the most magical, poetic words in the any language:
Eu te amo
"ti amo, mi sono innamorato di te"
Ich liebe dich
"I love you"
That wins any day. :)