Skip to main content

Off-Limit Love

You feel it

This attraction deep inside for someone

It's magic


Like the earth stood still when your eyes met

When the sound of his voice made your hairs stand on edge

It's sex on fire

It's smoldering sensuality

Just one little problem........

You Can't Have him

.....or Can you??

It's quite ironic really. Right after the post I made the other day abotu "crushes" little heart began to flutter and my mind started to imagine scenarios with a guy I've known a long time. You see...I dont know what it is just yet. Convos are small. Here and there. There's just something about him. I can't put my finger on it...and my finger isn't really what I want on IT anyway :) It's like a mystery...

One problem.

We have this friend in common...a close friend with close ties (almost like a relative)...and I REALLY think it would be VERY awkward to get something started with this person (esp since he knows me..our common friend...and I'm still very much holding on to the celibacy rule). But gosh..his smile..those eyes...that skin. I just can look at a pic...and get weak. Someone can mention his name....I start to sweat. I look at him..and fantasize...and in my's on and popping (now..I'm not sure if this would be the same in real life or not). In real life, he's just cordial to me. I don't know..I asked my girls if they thought certain convos and scenarios meant that he was flirting...of course they said yes. I didn't believe them...I asked a guy and they said..."Well..if he is interested..He will let you know. If he is can tell.". Of course...I can't tell because my man-dar is broken due to dealing with crazy dudes and he certainly hasnt' said anything to me other than friendly, cordial banter here and there. I'm a broken mess. I can't determine if he;s just being "nice"...or if he's flirting (which ironically...was a question my friend Nell had raised about men for our next "Ask a Man" segment"). I guess I'm not alone in that problem.

It's all so confusing.

What's even more confusing is that due to my own personal 13 month celibacy period I've placed on myself. I feel that this would be in vain. I"m going to want to touch him. If the touching gets good, I'm going to want to kiss him. If the kissing gets good...then I'm going to want to REALLY kiss him..and thing we know we are butt naked on my kitchen island. *sigh*. I don't want that shame cycle to start. I dont want tawdry,meaningless sex with a "off-limit love". We would probably have to sneak and be secretive. I mean..he doesn't have kids...not dating...etc. But...commonalities would just present a difficult and weird situation.

Yet and still...I wanna be places where he may be. I wanna talk about stuff that he's interested in. If there is a remote chance I may see him...I go all out w/ the makeup and hair. ( sounds a little borderline stalkerish..but I just wanna look good for him...LOL) . I wanna just.........I dont know. I wanna make love to his mind and have an orgasm of thoughts. I need clarity really. That would be helpful. But I dont know where he stands...he hasn't made a "real move"....and I just don't know if I should "stir the pot". Yet and still....I think about possibilities of a kiss...a touch....a remark.....something from him...and it makes me giddy inside. Yet's such an inappropriate "crush".

Do you take a chance on love...yet put yourself in an awkward situation with a friend? Are there any situations that should be off-limits?


  1. Crushes are always exciting..and the cool thing about this one is, he's not unattainable! Take it one day at a time and have fun with it!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…