Skip to main content

The "Back Pocket" Girl

Your phone rings. You look at the caller ID , at first not recongnizing the number, and then you roll your eyes. It's him. You know him....the convo will be much of the same. Asking how you are..what you are up laugh a little at the jokes...that is.....until it rolls around to the inevitable.

You still single?

You let out a sigh and say..."Yes. And my answer was YES the last time you called me".

The dude laughs and goes.."Just know when I get ready to lock it down..I wan tit to be with you. You re wife know that right?"

Thus begins the "back pocket" check in.

We all know him. He's the man that calls you ever 3-4 months tio make sure you are still single. You entertain the convo and let out an exasperated sigh. You dont HAVE to be single. And there would be nothing stopping the two of your from having a relationship. You both are single. You both have great careers and goals. You both know what you want in a person and you both (seemingly) get along. Perhaps the two of you dated in the past. Perhaps there is still chemistry. And perhaps the sex was fantastic. (perhaps the sex is STILL fantastic..and you dip your toe in the water every now and then). Well...if everything is so great....then...

What's stopping it??

HIM. He is what is stopping it. He wants to still "see what's out there" but thus far, you top the list. Which begs the question, if you top the list, then why the hell is he out there looking in the first place? He's a MAN. And guess what..BECAUSE HE CAN and YOU allow it (you meaning the general you..the female you). We allow them to do it! Dont! Dotnt even allow them in your space!

I will be the first to admit this hasnt happened to me (at least not that I am fully aware of). I cant say that I am anyone's "back pocket" chick currently. I dont get the calls inquiring if I am single...etc. No one really cares that much since being divorced (ironically..I got more calls inquiring "you stil married/happy"...) But either way, this is often the experience of my girlfriends- talented, successful, and single women. They get calls from dudes who, once upon a time, they cared a great deal for. Only to have them ask them if they are still single and say silly sh*t like "Well..when we get married at 35..." or "I want you to have my kids"...and dumb crap.It just makes my heart ache to hear.

I say dont even bother entertaining it. You see that number..hang up. You take it out your phone. Block that fool from all social networks, email accounts, etc. Dont even give them the satisfaction of knowing if you are single or not. Why end up with someone who looks at you like the "ace in the hole"? That's not romantic at all. Who want's to be treated like lay-away? They are calling every few months to make sure that that no one bought you. But even so..somestimes calls get fewer..the dates get fewer...they exhibit less and less effort. (they are putting less and less down on their "lay-away" plans)

I dont want to be someone's "last resort". I want to be their "dream destination".

You should want to be that too!


  1. lol, all i could do is chuckle when i read this, because i've been that "back-pocket girl." and its always so, so, so obvious when the dude makes that "check-in" call or IM every so often. they dont realize just how obvious though! lol. good thing i never put all my eggs in just that one basket, although it sure was tempting.

  2. All I can say is "DAMN" when I read this because it is for real!! I guess hell I have been in that position of "back pocket chick" for more years then I am comfortable to admit..(ok it was more than five)..until I put a stop to it..I changed my number. I am out the


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…