I'm not trying to brag but....
I am a smart (attractive) black woman. I was educated in the fine public school systems of my county in the high achiever programs and made the honor roll.. I attended an HBCU (historically black college and university) and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I went on to attend graduate school and finished my Master of Arts in 1.5 years with a 3.67 GPA. I'm applying to PhD programs. I'm good at my job. I watch Jeoparday faithfully every night. I try to expand and improve my vocabulary everyday. I have a cursory knowledge of sports, literature and music and I love to read and learn about something new everyday. I feel like I'm a sponge. With that said...
I think my brain is a turn off to men.
I think guys take one look at me and they assume I have smarts...but perhaps they underestimate how smart I really am. (Then again..smart is relative. It's more intellegent and analytical more than anything). Men claim they want a smart woman. But....I think they are more attracted to "slightly dumb". Not really stupid...just sort of flighty. A woman they feel they can "teach" things to and she can be highly appreciative of it. I love to learn. I appreciate learning new things if taught. But...I dont like being taught something I already know.....nor do I feel like I should be talked "down to" like a kid. Therfore, in the best interest of my dating life, I'm going to "dumb it down" (to quote Lupe Fiasco)
Dont get me wrong, I'm not about to act like a total airhead. I'm just going to pull back on the "brain power" and perhaps exhibit more "p**y power". I dont mean be a total slut..just sorta pull back from the "talking about the Supreme court" and just sorta fall back on it. And because I'm also being cautious with my love and my heart........it sorta hurts (because men are far more physical than mental...). Do I really stand a chance out here? I do notice that seemingly "dumb" chicks do far better in the dating arena...while the "smart" girls (even those who are attractive)...are sitting home alone on a Friday night.
Guys I've dated since being out here dating arent really feeling the "knowledge" in my cranium. I asked a guy.."So what do you think about Sodemeyer being in the Supreme Court?" and he goes.."Who is HE? What is that?" I was so turned off. I watched Jeopardy with the same dude..and he was just yelling out stuff to annoy me. Again...I was turned off...and the same dude...also didn't know the difference between Serena and Venus Williams (Yes..before you ask..HE was indeed a brother!) He also made disparging and inaccurate comments toward HBCU's and Greek organzations and I was just done overall.
I've also been out with guys who try and educated me on something.....that I know I clearly told them about first. And when I call them on it..they talk over me. It's not only rude but hurtful. *smh*. Just acknowledge "Oh yeah..YOU DID tell me that..." Whats the harm in that? Im not asking for credit...just saves us time from having an uncecessary convo...that's all. *shrug*. After that..we had ever little conversation about TV and sports...if any convo at all. He rarely talked...and I love to engage in conversation. He's what I liked to call a "basic dude": everything was really basic with him.......
Guys I did engage with intellectually..we just didnt click on any other level..or if we did click on that level...it just fizzled fast. Something else was missing. I think that something was mutual attraction (on both of our parts).
And recently, I think my "mouth" (insight) combined with my "brain" put a serious dent in an attempt to forge new male contacts or friendships. I think perhaps the dude got offended when I offered my help. Now I'm crushed. My mind was working overtime just trying to help...and I think perhaps they took offense. I feel like perhaps I shoulda fell back with my overenthusiasm over the situation (because now I distinctly feel the cold shoulder). So do I sit back and watch a person make an ass of themsleves...or offer my assistance and prevent that. I think now maybe I shouldn't have said anything to him about it. I'm hurt in a lot of ways...cause maybe I came across as being a "smart ass" or slightly "rude". I dont know...but I do know I feel the cold shoulder and distinct smell of "b*tch get off me" is in the air.
Do I shelter my brain, intellegence, and knowledge...and just put my physical attributes on display for dudes for the sake of having "balance" (if you can call it that) in a relationship?
I certainly was not raised to be a dummy, dunce or a bimbo for that matter. But as a woman, does it make a man feel less than a man, if I show my "brainy" side and go hard w/ that. I'm proud of my achievements and abilities. I'm not going to use the word "intimidated"...but what is it?? I dont get loud. I dont pop my neck and roll my eyes. I dont argue a man down if he disagrees. I just say.."Thats cool..but I dont feel that way" and drop it.
From now on...I'll just tilt my "dunce cap" a little askew (uh oh..there I go w/ the vocab....) and sit in my corner and be a black Jessica Simpson.
The things we do in the name of love.........*sigh*
:-/
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