February 12, 2010

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex operator...my job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role playing. You become a sex kitten....

Here are a few "dirty talking" tips" for the phone.

1) Get comfortable...have the mood set..put on some lingerie..or nothing at all...

2) close your eyes...take deep breaths..in between talking...moan a little bit.

3) be attentive to the person you are talking to. Dont just be general. If you know them..esp. if they are your guy....make sure you know what they like

4) throw in some suprises..make up some scenarios....exotic locals...props...food

5) most of all be comfortable.

For example....

Don't say something like

a) I want you to make love to/have sex with me

instead say.....

b) I want you to cum hard inside me

Don't say....

a) I want to give you oral pleasure

instead say...

b) I wanna suck your dick and swallow the.............

Well..you get my point. There's a big difference. The more graphic and dirty...the better and the higher the payoff.

Now..the tables turn when you are actually "IN THE ACT". You must turn up the notch..and if you have done any type of dirty talk before hand (via the phone...a text..SKype..whatever)..then I'm sorry..you HAVE to act on it. Hey...a promise is a promise! (LOL). I know..there is a lot to focus on. Sucking your stomach in..keeping balance......hand placement....controlling the jaw movement to mouth to tounge ratio (Oh boy....*mental note*...dont give away too many secrets....) but you do have to talk ...but A LITTLE. DOn't try and write sonnets in bed. Don't try and dominate the conversation (unless you are with that dude who LOVES the call and response method i.e. "You like that girl?? TELL ME" annoying type). But you must be balanced. Talk a little bit...between breaths..and humps... COMPLIMENT the man... Say something like.."Oh you feel so good"...or "Your d**ck is so big" (yep..even when it's not...stroke a little ego in your stroke! *wink* )

Don't say

a) a little bit harder...now

instead say

b) Fuck me Daddy! FUCK ME HARDER!!! In my....

Well..you get the point. Like I said..there is a fine line to talking dirty and sounding like a terrible porn or bad Cinemax movie or Harlequin romance (which really is too much prose to be dirty). Actually..my advice to you is to...
1) watch a porn. There is some talking in the pretty good ones....(well some of them)
2) record yourself and play it back (yes...practice makes it perfect)
3) get a trusted partner and try and talk dirty to them....
4) up your "dirty talk" vocab and use a "DICK"tionary or something...and think of different ways to say the same thing . There are 1000000 words for penis and vagina.
5) write it. Yes..the pen is mightier than the tounge. So...try and write down some things you may wanna say
6) be creative..spontaneous..and most of all (and once again)...relaxed
With Valentine's Day approaching, I hope you all take some of my tips and advice.....
Happy "Dirty Talking"
*Smooches, ya'll!*


  1. This post made me feel like a bad little girl today lol

  2. I promise I dont like you!!

    Because I've done the phone sex thing with a friend which led to INCREDIBLE sex-- that left me speechless, like Beyonce.



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