April 7, 2010

When Somebody Loves You Back

I'm tired.
I'm tired and I feel nothing.
Void.
Vacant.
No Occupants reside here.

There I said it...I'm burnt out from men and all things pertaining to them.: relationships, sports, Home Depot, beer, cars (LOL)

I've adopted this new attitude.

Why love a group of men, of people, who don't want to love you back? Who choose not to love you back? OR you aren't loving them the way THEY thing is right..although you are trying your very best?  It's so much easier to just be with someone you actually despise, maybe even downright loathe and someone who especially is emotionally unavailable. WHY? Because you feel NOTHING. At the end of the day, you can walk away and feel nothing if they hurt you. Then againt, it'll be an attempt at hurting you. Because as we stated before, you can't feel....

Steve Harvey, Hill Harper and Sherri Shepard (of all people..hmpf) are doing a panel in Atlanta for ABC Night Line news this Friday (airing TBD ) to talk about why successful black women are single.  It's actually around the corner from my house. I'm  debating.....should I go??

*sigh*
*groan*

At this point, I could care less. I'm tired . Tired of talking,. Tired of being preached to..and being told I need to DO and BE XYZ to get a man.... I'm sorry..black women are NOT a monolith. How many panels and shit are you gonna do BEFORE we just say the hell with you and yours... I've already done it! And I wish other sisters would. And stay the fuck out my city too, dude!! ATL is not the damn place where single, black female souls go to die........(or turn lesbian). How about...things are the way it is...BECAUSE IT IS. You bastards don't have the answer....and I'm not listening. (Actually..I'm not listening NOR am I feeling anything.) Why? Because...

I'm numb

Now..some may say numbness is pain or complaceny. Nah. I'm TIRED. Period. Tired. Not angry. Not sad. Just..feel nothing.  I don't walk around with a visible scowl. I smile and I'm pleasant..but inside..I could care less. What a masquerade I lead!

Do I want to be loved? Maybe.  Do I want to fall in love again? Nope. (LOL). I dont think I do anymore. I dunno...I cant go on in live being heartless and unloving.  But also...I'm not the typical statistic: I've been loved. I've been married so I know how to be "wifely".  I've been educated and I'm smart. I've been idealistic and infatuated and sexy and all those things.....

Yet....here I am. Single. Totally single.

It's cool though I guess I'll have to just wait for the day that black men want to love us back. But I'm not holding my breath. No...I'm not bitter. I just....quite frankly..I dont give a damn, Scarlet! Im sick of the systematic oppression, depression , exploitation, and annihilation of the spirit, hope and dreams of black women in this country.


ABC  Nightline can suck my ovaries!

3 comments:

  1. Hmmmmmm, I too raised my eyebrows at that choice of panel! Interesting. (lol) I dunno, I guess I might go out of morbid curiosity, if nothing else.

    See, this is exactly what you need to move to NYC... Derek has some nice lawyer colleagues/buddies who are ready and willing to love you back! *Note* They are so over the hardened, NYC chicks and LOVE them some southern belles! LOL!!!! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. oops, typo:

    what = why (you need to move to NYC)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yaki..I am definitely trying to make my way up there this summer (if at all possible). Are they cute? And secondly, would they like "my type" (being southern aside!..looks wise). Aiight..you are going to have to be my eyes and ears.

    ReplyDelete

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