April 26, 2010

Don't Put Baby in a Corner

I was talking to someone and we were joking around. I was watching the NFL draft and commenting on the draft (Yeah...I watch football...so…yeah...basically I’m the world's most perfect woman...LMAO. Might as well get a ring on it now...) and the comment went to how good looking the dudes were.
I said (jokingly): “Oh yeah…I’m a winner. I’m on my draft sight hard. Dudes better recognize.”

Dude goes: “Funny thing is, you’ll probably wind up with some artistic or roots and berry type dude that don’t even watch football”

Me: “Uhmm...I doubt that. Not liking football is non-negotiable. I don’t trust dudes who don’t watch sports. And don’t but Baby in a corner……I’m diverse w/ my men…”

Dude said: “Yeah...a dreadlock wearing, chew sticks eating, no pork tasting, poetry writing brutha who calls you “queen”. You’ll be watching the game and he’ll be going to a cipher...”

Me: “My ex husband was that dude. But...he also watched football all day long. Like I said...non-negotiable”

Dude (quite sardonically says): “Then you didn’t have that did you? There are good guys who don’t even like football. Maybe you need to expand the dating pool and don’t be so restrictive. Who knows where love lies?”


Let’s talk about how you won’t put Mocha in the corner with regards to my love life. I don’t fit in a mold. So what makes you think I even stick to some kind of “formula” or stereotype when it comes to dating? And who are you to stereotype someone with locs? Guess what? Black people are not a monolith. We are so varied. So because I fit the mold “looks” wise I am supposed to end up with a dude who’s like M-1 from Dead Prez or something? (I love Dead Prez BTW…) That’s not true.

There are many professional guys (in IT, engineering, etc) who have locs and who aren’t even into those “stereotypical” hippie type behaviors. I don’t fit any stereotype. And who is anyone to say who or what kind of guy I’d end up with? Or what kind of man is best for me?

I love men. Especially black men and their diversity. I can love a very conservative guy (and I have) and I can love a liberal (and I have). I can love a dude w/ a fade and I can love a guy with locks (although for the sake of argument I am sort of trying to get people to STOP trying to hook me up w/ dudes with locks… and be diverse) Ultimately, It doesn’t matter to me. How successful we are as a couple isn’t based on superficial things. But basing who I’ll be with based on my intellect and look isn’t putting me in a corner. And no one puts Mocha in a corner.

I was highly offended by that exchange. It was as if….people don’t think I can end up with a certain type or even class of man. Or I am just relegated to a certain kind of man. That isn’t fair to me and that’s totally closed minded thinking. There is no perfect man but I do believe in a perfect balance. Liberal in some areas...conservative in others. Earthy yet intelligent. Loves sports yet loves romance. That man does exist…and just like me...he won’t be put in a box…and he’ll open his mind and heart to me.

But not liking football……regardless…is not negotiable!  :)


  1. I like totally love you and your blog, sis. I am learning so much from you so do know you are appreciated by us young and restless folx. Muah!

  2. Leave it to you to keep it real! You say it like it is ALWAYS! I love it, you say what people are afraid to say. I too get the side eye when hubby comes around the corner. Some are blown away we are together, I've been told that we don't "match"!!! AS IF?!! Love is supposed to be blind right! What type of guy am I SUPPOSED to have and vice versa??!!

  3. You definitely have the right frame of mind. There is no question about it. I believe you will receive that which your heart desires. It appears to be within your essence. Agreed - Black people are not a monolith. We are so varied.



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