Skip to main content

It's Still a Lie

Why tell a lie when you don’t have to? What makes you think a lie of omission isn’t a lie?

It's STILL a lie.....

Scenario 1:

I think I told you all about the dude I met via the dating website. We didn’t work out. Actually, his behavior turned from positively weird and strange to downright disrespectful. All he did was text and never call. He was VERY cheap which made me think he had a cheapened view of women (and me in particular).  I did some cyber-snooping and realized dude had a girlfriend the whole time. (Actually, It wasnt even difficult to find because social networks tell EVERYTHING.) Even took her on a Caribbean trip to his “homeland”. I found it strange that his page said “in a relationship”. When asked what that meant, he said “Oh just to ward off folks”. Trust me I wasn’t dumb and sort of fed dude out of a long-handled spoon afterwards. Recently, he decided to contact me via text (he never called always texted which was also strange and disrespectful and lacked social couth)... We hadn’t interacted or talked since November of last year. He said he missed me (huh?) …wanted to see lunch. I said very curtly “I’m busy” because I was no fool and realized dude must be between chicks right now. He was like “Ok”. I said. “So how was the trip with your girlfriend?” He goes “The trip was nice but I don’t have a girlfriend”. Funny…because I went to your social networking page and found that he went from “in a relationship” to “single”. He goes (in response to the change in status on his wall) “I don’t like being single”. He had his friends lamenting saying stuff like “Oh you never did like being single” and “Oh...when you two visited b4 the trip...It seemed to be going well”… AND the kicker “You are a nice will find someone and won’t be single for long”

*Blank Stare*



What the FUGG???? Didn’t I ask you first hand if you had a girlfriend? In a relationship? You vehemently denied. For what??? Be honest, patna. *smh* AND then to lie again to my face and say “Oh I didn’t take a trip w/ my girlfriend”. Ninja…if lies were dividends…you’d be a millionaire! *smh* I never wanna talk to dude again.

Scenario 2:

I was pretty good friends with a guy for about a year. We had a lot of commonalties and I actually dug him had a sort of crush on dude and we flirted. BUT...being that he lived out of state...I was like “Eh…he’s such a NICE GUY! I should hook him up w/ my friends who could benefit from meeting a nice guy”. I tried to hook him up w/ two of my friends. One...they didn’t hit it off. The second, they seemed to have good report. I actually met guy one summer he visited ATL. I was like...”Oh he’s so cute!!” and I even had the notion of thinking...”Hmm…damn...kind of fly”. Well…when I asked dude was he in a relationship, he goes…”Oh no...I got “understandings”” meaning “folks who kick it with”. That’s cool if you are single. Fast forward months later (as in last March), I’m on –line peeping for pics of a trip he went to and I read something weird in his timeline. He said “No...this is just a trip...broom jumping is next trip”. I see another comment from him replying to someone saying “No…just a month away. Registered at…..”


Broom Jumping??? WTF! Come to find out, dude was getting MARRIED. Had been engaged the entire time…but acting like he was as single as can be. I didn’t really feel bad for me (my emotions are fleeting). I felt bad for trying to hook his corny, lying ass up with my sweet, nice home girls. They def didn’t deserve to be his last hoorah. His attitude was quite nonchalant when confronted. Something to the effect of “I had my reasons for not telling you”. What reason other than trolling for ass and being a terrible FRIEND above all else is a reason to NOT tell someone you getting married? Not only that no way I would have flirted with someone like that in a relationship OR hooked him up (but I’m sure that was part of the reason he didn’t tell…..). I felt sorry for his fiancé because she probably had no clue (then again…we turn a blind eye at times…) I do wish his marriage well.........

These two scenarios (and countless others I didn’t even start to talk about…we’d be here all day) point out the same premise. There isn’t a reason to lie when the truth is a hell of a lot more liberating. The truth would have gotten both guys further. In Scenario 1, I could have kept a respectful distance from dude and realize his cheap behavior was probably because he had a chick to take care of. In Scenario 2, I literally lost a person who could have been a great friend and we could have been celebrating a joyous occasion.. (and I buy BOMB wedding gifts).  Instead, he’s now branded big ass liar who is a narcissistic sociopath. Keeping a secret is a lie. Omitting the truth about whom and what you are is a lie. All you are doing is hurting yourself and the next person in your midst. There is no reason to tell a lie in either of those situations. We still could have been good friends. I’d appreciate having a friend more than a booty call. I really dont even have a lot of male friends for this reason. I literally only have 3...that never tried me ever. And they are good, honest folks.

All these lies….all these liars. I find it quit hard for me to be truthful to others and expect the same in return. I find it hard to even believe what people are saying. Furthermore, it makes it hard to trust a species of creature, your supposed mate biologically, if they want to think with their d*cks and not their heads. Little head will lead Big head to hell in a heartbeat. Little head will break some chick’s heart if they do all the thinking.

I’ve decided now that people don’t want to hear the truth. They would rather be walking illusions that reek of dishonest behavior. I don’t think I want to be that person but at the same time, I’m back to being closed up and sheltering my heart.

Since being divorced…I hate to say it but.

I am coming VERY close, dangerously close, to hating disliking men. I mean really, from the depths of my soul hating disliking men to the point that I don’t want them to even talk to me. I don’t want them to even SPEAK to me. I don’t want them to look my damn direction. Just keep it moving, brother. I’m not bitter. I am just…distrustful and don’t want to be open to lobe because they have NO IDEA how to be trustworthy and loving. They don’t love you enough to tell the truth. They don’t even love themselves enough to tell the truth.

As my Mama says “A lie don’t care who tells it”

Ain’t that the truth?


  1. YEs, lies by omission are totally lies!!! What folks don't understand is.... the internet is a SMALL place. It's like living in a small town - eventually, what's going on in the dark, is going to come to light. *smh*

  2. Sadly there are a plethora of women with similar stories (myself included). A year after I'd broken up with my ex, I found out that he was cheating on me while we were together. He got away with it because we both have very demanding work schedules and he was able to step out under the guise of "work". The way I found out was through an esoteric message on his public facebook wall which lead me to his baby registry and so on...Part of me felt like reaching out to his girlfriend and letting her know what type of man she has, but she may already know. If she doesn't, one day she will because a tiger doesn't change his stripes.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2018: A Year Without Fear

I used to make these lofty, resolution goals each year. The older I got, the grander my ideas became. That is until I reached the age of 30 and my entire life shifted.

At the time, I was divorced, living totally on my own, trying to rebuild myself financially and trying to figure out my next move toward happiness. That was at the time I started this blog.... which started out as my chronicling the dating and mating of a 30 something divorcee' in the South's Largest Metropolis. I was trying to date. I was trying to establish myself financially. And I was trying to find my purpose.

So much has changed in the almost 9 years since I started this blog. I've traveled alone. I gained and lost friends. I got into a Ph.D. program. I got re-married. I lost my mother, my best friend.... not to mention my uncle, cousin, and aunt. I gained a sweet baby girl.  I went from getting my bliss.... to trying to balance that bliss with my own life..... Yet in trying to find the balance, I alw…

Frat Boys, Toxic Masculinity and the #METOO Movement

(scene from Spike Lee's famous School Daze)

A few weeks ago, my sorority held its national convention on New Orleans. Coincidently, another fraternity was also holding their national convention in New Orleans. Naturally, the jokes, mostly in jest, played upon the fact that these two groups, full of single, attractive and smart folks would be "on the prowl" and looking to "hook up" in the city known for its strong drinks, Southern heat, and hospitality. It was all jokes until nastiness decided to rear its ugly head.

You had men in the other fraternity sexually harassing and being obscene to my sorority sisters who just wanted to have fun and handle the business of the sorority (and network.. and yes.. meet men in a somewhat safe space).  There were stories of men groping women. Men saying disgusting things and then being like "Well fuck you then" if women rejected them. You would HOPE and think that college-educated men wouldn't act this way.


The Ides of Birthdays

My 39th birthday is in two weeks.
You know, I feel like I write the same type of blog around my birthday every year. I get extremely introspective and pensive about the whole thing. But this is my last year of my 30s and I am feeling all of the feelings that have ever and could be felt. I hate trying to bring this up to folks.. who are always wanting to remind you of "well.. you got this.. you got that...". As if you haven't dealt with depression long enough to realize it doesn't matter what you have... if one piece is missing.. it throws it all off.
While yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I realized she wouldn't be here for my 40th. That was a hard pill to swallow. I thought for sure we'd be celebrating a lot that year... my Ph.D... a baby... a big, fancy car..... all of that. I only have one of those things so far but still... I was hoping that having her hold on at least until then would be the icing on my cake.
My life feels…