April 19, 2010

Open Relationships: The World's Oldest Running Joke

One of my friends, Dani, asked me "So Mocha, what do you think about Open Relationships? You should blog about it"

So....I will oblidge her (cause she asked nicely).

Open Relationships are a complete misnomer. How can you be “open” when a relationship implies exclusivity? A relationship is a commitment between two people. Not you and a multitude of other people. Truthfully, do they even work? I have yet to meet a couple who have an open relationship that works. At some point, someone will catch feelings and feelings will be hurt.

I think people who say they want an open relationship are one of two things 1) scared and 2) greedy. A truly scared person wants an open relationship for fear of being committed and then being hurt. If there is no commitment, then they can’t get hurt by someone “without a title”. That person means nothing to them and they can dismiss emotions. It allows a person to hide behind a wall of constant fear and loathing of something that is truly unknown-opening their emotions up to something greater than themselves.

The second type of person who loves an “open” relationship is just greedy. They love having options. They love not running up in the same thing day in and day out. It allows you to cheat without any of the guilt. You have no fear and no desire for accountability of your actions. They think monogamy is boring. Monogamy, truly, is what you make it. It only is boring if you allow it to be. Saying you are in an “open” relationship just gives you all the benefits of exclusivity without the “hassle” of being committed. IF you feel commitment is a hassle, then you don’t need to be with anyone at all.

I’ve been aware of many people who have tried, yet failed at having a successful open relationship. Someone got hurt. Someone got pregnant. Someone wanted exclusivity…and not necessarily with them. I think that’s the part that stung the most. It’s like the movie 500 Days of Summer. She wanted nothing but fun and being open. HE wanted love. Yet, she decided to have love…just not with them. Often times, this is how those fun, exciting “open” relationships end- an absolute mess.

Would I participate in an open relationship? I’m not sure. I’m not sure if emotionally I could handle that. I don’t want to be someone’s option instead of their priority. When I hear men tell me “I want something open”, that means they are just looking for “fun” and not “the one”. I don’t have time to play those games. And I certainly don’t have time to develop feelings only to be hurt in the end.

Open relationships are a lost cause. And everyone ends up losing. You get cheated out of love and faithfulness. You lose the comfort and warmth in knowing that someone is going to love you and only you. You end up losing out on what could be great for selfish reasons.

I may not want love right now. I may have locked my heart up and be really off of relationships right now. I may not even get married again. But an “open” relationship isn’t a viable option for me. It may sound cool and modern. But for this “modernly traditional adventurous girl”…that isn’t for me.

Leave the “open relationships” for celebrities with money who are just as disillusioned as the concept. It's a total joke.

Try open your heart to something more.


  1. Nah. I am not down with open relationships either. But I always find them interesting to imagine and read about. You make a very good point concerning what if one or both end up with children on the way within or beyond the 'relationship' then what?

    Just one big uncalled for mess.

  2. I've never really believed any woman who states that they are genuinely happy and fulfilled in an "open relationship." It always makes me feel a little sad for them... as though they don't feel they are deserving of better.

    I feel that way about Monique, and the other celebs/non-celebs who proclaim that this is what they really want. It just never seems to ring true. *shrug* Just my opinion though.

    LOVE this line: Leave the “open relationships” for celebrities with money who are just as disillusioned as the concept.

  3. As humans, someone will eventually feel as if they are not getting the attention that they need.

    I agree totally with you.



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