April 16, 2012

The Truth: Faking Orgasms




We all do it.
All women do it.
This is a universal fact..,

So get over it men.

But our reasons why may surprise you.

In my women's studies class, I was responsible for presenting on the sexual, personal and political implications of faking orgasms. Yes... Political.

This presentation was right up my alley. I mean, I'm a sex blogger for goodness sakes. While I always felt my orgasm or lack there of was a highly personal thing, I never thought of my faking it was some sort of participation in patriarchy or capitalism.

Hard to understand? Let me explain....

As women, when we fake orgasms, we totally remove ourselves from the sexual experience. We play into the stereotypes of passive women who just "take" sex. We are the ones who are laboring in the sex: giving men our orgasms as a "gift" to their hard work.  Sex becomes a negotiation. Orgasms become our capital in sexual economy. Women feel that a man is the only one who can GIVE you an orgasm. Men hold all the power. All the moves.


Furthermore, because so much emphasis is made on vaginal  orgasms (that guess what...most women do NOT have) little is paid attention to clitoral orgasms. Therefore, we are just "faking to make it".


SO why DO we fake it???  Women are not vocal all the time. They don't want to disappoint men. They want men to be happy. They want to stroke egos and make sure that a guy isn't mad at them. They don't want the man to leave them.  They don't want to cause an argument. Sometimes we are just tired and just want to sleep. Our  knees hurt (lol). We don't want to have sex with you ultimately and maybe just want it over with.....Also, we've been so desensitized to sex via porn that we have no idea what sex is supposed to look. Furthermore, there is an expectation, esp in long term relationships that you should be cumming during each and every act of intercourse.

*sigh* So many reasons.... most of which overlap....

I, for one, faked it many a time. Usually vaginally. (Confession: I've NEVER had a vaginal orgasm. Ever. In Life.)  Sometimes clitoral. I've watched enough porn to know what men expect. And I hate to disappoint. And I'm such a good actress (lol).  I kinda like the show of it all honestly. I fake to see if I can fake so convincingly that men will never know I was being fake.  I want to show a guy I am pleased with his performance So I guess in a way, it is a "gift". No one has caught me yet :)

I think, as my research and article pointed out, that there is so much pressure for women to orgasm. Men are always asking "Well did you come? Did you come?" That gets on our nerves until finally were are like ..."Let's FAKE like I came..so he can shut the fuck up!"  I think if men stopped putting pressure on themselves to be superior lovers, which in turns puts pressure on us, there would be less faking. If we would have open dialogue on our sexual expectations, then we would fake less. It's all about communication.

Faking orgasms happen. It's a part of sex. I won't promise that I won't fake anymore...but what I will promise is that I will be much more vocal about what works and what doesn't work.

and you should too :)

6 comments:

  1. I have never faked it. I am of the Jackie Reed school of thought I just let men know I don't achieve the Big O during intercourse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Daisy

    Wait so you dont achieve orgasm EVER during sex??

    O_o Not even clitorally???

    We need to get you some better teachers. LOL And PS: I hope your purchase has helped you as well :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I trashed that purchase after 3 tries it did nothing.

    I have never had the Big O during actual intercourse only orally.

    I polled my friends most said they had to assist using their hands/fingers or a toy to achieve the Big O and a few said it happens w/o assistant from them. I thought it would just happen *shrug* you know im clueless lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. lol @ "Sometimes we are just tired and just want to sleep."

    I know thats right.

    Yeah, when i faked it in the past with "T" it was totally to strokeh is ego, which was quite fragile.

    I would never fake it today. But then D isnt the type to put that kind of pressure on me, so i definitely dont feel compelled to do that. He understands that sometimes its going to happen during intercourse, and sometimes it isnt. It doesnt make the experience any less enjoyable, so neither of us put pressure on the situation.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LadyFromDatBoot4/21/12, 3:35 PM

    I've gone through stages--faked---told the truth--and now back to faked. When I was telling the truth, I could see the defeat in the face and it made me feel bad so back to faking I went. I do need better participants because even orally, I've never had an O. Only achieve that wonderful piece of heaven from my bullet (may she rest in peace). I'm starting to think that my clitoris doesn't respond to man and only likes the highest steady power on a bullet. Lord, I done broke my clitoris!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. LMAO@ LadyfromtheBoot

    Your clitoris is not broken. It might be a little desensitized. So take a break for a minute and come back to masturbation

    ReplyDelete

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