January 4, 2011

Disappearing Acts

Scenario: You meet someone. The communication is going well. They seem into you. You go out...have an AWESOME date (by their own admission)...And for you..this may rank up there with one of THE BEST dates you've ever had....then...BAM...all communication comes to a screeching halt. Texts become sporadic and one or two words...phone convos are brief and not as rich...then all of a sudden...the convos just stop...cold. You call..they don't answer. You text...they don't reply back. Hmm...
Then you start analyzing the date. What just happened?? Are they THAT busy?? Was my breath funky? Was the conversation boring? Did I not laugh at the right jokes?
What gives w/ the disappearing acts?? *scratching head*
In proposing the scenario with a fellow blogger of mine, Peejay, over at Colored Girls Blogging, her answer was simply this:
They meet someone who also has good communication and good chemistry and they aren't sure which way they want to go and don't know how to multitask, so they just completely fall off. Then they realize that chick B wasn't as cool as they thought, so they start calling chick A again out of the blue, months later. At least that's been my observation.

Her answer is probably on point. Wait! So am I chick A or B? LOL... So what’s a girl to do? Sit by the phone. Hoping he calls back? Or move the hell on and don’t think twice?
I think I’d have to roll with B for $400, Alex! If you can’t balance the various women you are dating, then just date one at a time! Duh! Long gone are the days when chicks pine away and cry over “He didn’t call me back!” or blow a dude’s phone and text messages up. We get the hint, dude. You don’t want sh*t to do with us… You aint got to LIE to kick it!  Let me dust off my stilettos and go out with the next dude. If you don’t want to hang out anymore, date or communicate, a simple “I’m sorry but I don’t think we’ll mesh well…” will suffice. It’s better than leaving things unresolved and out in the cold…
Or maybe, just maybe, they aren’t into you…….they lied.
Why lie? If you aren’t into someone…then don’t even entertain them any further. Don’t fill their head with lies, flattery and utter bullsh*t. Why be all complimentary and charming...and....then just end it abruptly? I don’t get it. Why you putting on a show and bring your representative to the table?
My friend’s husband said this:
Most dudes would only do that if the situation were the 1ST one... he met you, y'all had a great time, he met someone else, they had a great time... and now he's either mulling over his decision, or he's chosen her and doesn't know how to tell you. As hard as it is for us to step up to the plate and genuinely tell you we like you... it's even harder for us to step up to the plate and tell you we don't.
Or basically…you were just something “to do”...to fill your nightly plans.  Dating is dating. You may be dating a variety of people, but the courteous thing to do is still communicate with those you are into, just to touch base, weigh the options. But don’t ask me out Just because you are bored and your Friday night is empty…
Or… (as my Soror said)...maybe they DID have a good time but for them...not enough of a good time to continue to go on dates or whatever. Say what? How is that even possible? that's bothersome to me for some reason. It's like you wasted the other person's time...but i think saying "it was good...but not good enough for future dates" means technically...it wasnt good at all. The point of a date is to WANT to go on future dates with the person...at least that's what I thought
I swear...dating is the most confusing thing ever. But you have to just dust your shoulder's off and realize....there are more fish in the sea...you just have to amp your bait game up *shrug*. (And..amp it up w/out compromising your beliefs..or who you are...now that's tough)

What do you do?

6 comments:

  1. Or perhaps the guy was just being nice and wasn't in to the woman at all but not sure how to say so. He may have hinted at this but the woman wasn't listening. It's a pretty weak way to leave things no matter how you slice it. As you basically said, there is nothing gained by misleading someone or wasting their time w/ conversation that you don't intend to lead to anything...

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  2. I'd move on. There's a good chance he'll show back up again in the future when what ever is currently occupying him isn't as new and fun. At that point you can go through the trouble of deciding if his flaky behind deserves a second chance.

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  3. Things would be so much easier if folks would just be direct about their feelings and not lie, deceive, or beat around the bush. But then, I guess if the dating game were that simple and straight-forward, everybody would be married to their Mr/Mrs Right, eh? *smh* But yeah, i thin you are right.... best to move on from situations like these. Men tend to come back once they know they've made a mistake, and at that time you can choose to give folks a second chance or not.

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  4. Karma said:

    Or maybe he was more physically into you and figured if he didn't get any after showing you a great time with great convo it wasn't worth it since he didn't get any.


    Funny how you wanted this guy to be more honest but when the guy who didn't approve of your body image was honest you wanted him to be a little less direct.


    Be careful what you wish for.

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  5. @Karma:
    Huh?? So it's ok for a person to show you nice, charming time And a person just ups and bounces? Not cool. He coulda been straight forward and said it wasnt what he wanted. The other guy coulda been honest too, but you can be honest with tact in both cases.

    While I appreciate your comments, you are a bit on the b*tchy side (lol)..like you got this personal vendetta against the stuff I post. Weird. I'm sure you may be someone I know so hiding behind "anonymous* rouses feels a bit safer, huh?

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  6. Karma said

    Lmao at b!tchy. Nope not at all guess you're mis judging me the way people call you bitter about the things you post (which I don't think you are).


    Guess if people don't agree with you or are rooting for you that makes them b!tchy.

    I love your blog and have even put some friends onto it. Nothing against you at all don't be so sensitive. Sorry, we don't know each other I'm just giving a different perspective on the situation because I know people like you.

    ;)


    P.S the anon comment is because I don't have one of those accounts. Which I why I always try to mention my name under the post.

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