Skip to main content

In a "Relationship" State-of-Mind

(Cartoon courtesy of )
I was talking to one of my superbly awesome and witty good friends, Cher, about love and relationships (our hot topic, of course). She was telling me about one of her girlfriends who is in a blossoming relationship and how she changed her attitude and approach to it. It wasn't about how she intereacted with guys or even reading the hottest self-help book. It all started with changing her attitude. Cher said (to paraphrase..cause I don't even remember the exact words...LOL):

"My girl was like..she got in a better frame of mind and started THINKING and acting like she had a man already! She said "I stopped living my life as if I was a single woman!  I began to act and treat myself as if I was a married woman.  Would my man like to come home and see a dirty room or me laying around in sweats?  NO!  So I keep my place clean and I dress up even if Im just lounging at home!" So now..she's going pretty hot and heavy into a relationship with a new guy...I'm thinking it's gonna lead to marriage" is where I had what Oprah likes to call an "Ah-Ha!" moment! It was like Ben Franklin tied a kite to my locs...stood me out in a lightening storm...and I was flooded with an electrical current of ideas. YES! That's it! EUREKA!! It was as if The Secret mixed with some sorta of Karmic-Cosmic ideology and flooded my heart (and I'm not one for hokey-socio-pop psychology crap)

I had to STOP thinking and acting like a single person otherwise I will remain single. 

The sista in the previous anecdote makes a valid point. If you want something, you can most definitely will it to you. I come home everyday..and do the same crap. I put on my comfy robe..I cook dinner...something quick and fast. On weekends..I wear any old thing....and don't really treat myself to anything. During the weeks of school, my house looks like a tornado of academia hits it: papers, books, pens, and notes all over the place. My fridge is stocked but def not full of things like chips, beer, and liquor that a fella would enjoy. If I run out anywhere that ISN'T special, especially on the weekends, I'm in a hoodie, sneakers and a cute top.

I did do a bedroom makeover that I spoke about. Now THAT is gorgeous...but I have to do better in other areas. I think as part of my new year's resolution I am going to def do better. Make sure I look cute even in the house..lounge in lingerie and cute sexy items. Make sure my house is stocked with wine, dark liquors and chips. Keep my "naughty drawer" full of condoms (OK..I got condoms but uhm...they ain't been used). Make sure the house smells good. Stock up on candles. Get a humidor and stock up on some cigars. Video games. Aside from the aesthetic, keep myself waxed, shaved and ready. Keep my pedicures and manicures up. Even when I eat, set another place setting. Keep a pleasant disposition on my face and smile. Speak sweet words...even to those I may not even care about (It's good practice..cause Lord knows I got the "quick, acid tongue" at times". I can really speak my Aries mind...)

I was watching Eat, Pray Love, and character played by Viola Davis had a box that she put under her bed, she filled it with her hopes and dreams, and just waited. She waited for the right time. She put baby clothes in it....Elizabeth Gilbert (the author played by Julia Roberts) put places she wanted to travel in her box...and Me? I'd put lot's of things in there...too private to share. But a box of possibilities is what it could be..

But in the meantime...I prepare my place....for all the possibilities my heart can hold,

I hope that dude is ready! :)


  1. I really like the idea of a relationship state of mind. And many of those things you named will just make you feel good anyway.

    I had a Hope Chest prior to getting married too! During my years working in the Res Hall and working on my doctorate I kept a pretty, satin covered little chest and inside I had a couple of my favorite childhood books that I had purchased from Amazon, cuz i knew I wanted to share them with my kids one day (ie, Miss Nelson is Missing, The Giving Tree, etc.). I also had a gorgeous nightie that I knew I wanted to wear on my honeymoon (I purchased it while working at Victoria's Secret one summer. It was costly but sooo stunning I had to have it), and several other things that represented my dreams/future. I didn't go so far as Charlotte, who had a magazine cut-out picture of her dream guy. :-) But I did believe that putting those positive things into the box, along with positive thinking, would help them come to fruition.

  2. Im slowly getting into that routine myself... im in the process of making my house feel like a home. granted... i do have a man in my life.. but this is something that i want to do for me. to make me feel happy and in home has to be inviting and comfortable to me.. everyone and everything is secondary

  3. This is pretty sound advice and I must admit that I've found it to be true. Once I stopped "wishing" and started "being", the dreams manifested.

  4. I completely agree with Cher & the way her friend approached dating/relationships and being single. I think that with ANYTHING, when you "Change your mind, you change the times" (i did a blog about this back in 2005).

    Whether we want to call it The Secret, Sowing & Reaping, the universal laws of attraction etc, what we expect, typically becomes what we experience If we want great(er) experiences, we have to have great expectations.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Art of the Dirty Talk

I am the queen of talking dirty after dark. I mean I am GOOD at it. VERY good. So much so I dated a guy and for months..all he wanted me to do was speak nasty to him. We never has sex. Nothing. Just a bunch of dirty talk....and he was happy. (Hey..a very safe sex fetish!) Heck..I'm even considering picking up some extra income in this economy and becoming a phone sex job does NOT pay enough.

I will say there is an ART to dirty talk. You cant be shy. You cant be a prude and say things 1) you are not comfortable saying and 2) that you certainly can't back up if you are in a position to act on those things with a trust partner. 3 ) things you have no real reference point of familiarity with. Don;t say you are down for a "golden shower" if you think that has something to do with "lemonade kool-aid". DOn't pretend to have a weird accent. That would be ROLE playing..and not "talking dirty". BUT a lot of "talking dirty" is role…

Dating and the Dark-Skinned Girl

Often times in the circle of close bloggers, who become friends, we get into debates (albeit friendly ones) but debates nonetheless. I happened to be on my "private" blog site reading a dear friend's blog. I love her to death and she's been like a big sister to me, helping me through my divorce as a shoulder to cry on and listening ear. And although I've never met her in person...I do consider her a friend (that may sound strange to most..but it isnt to bloggers!) She's a gorgeous Black and Mexican in southern Cal and raising her teenage son amazingly! I was reading her blog...and came across this:

Ok..just a random thought... What is with the expression "LSLH?" Because it's usually used in a negative way, I'm offended by it.It irks me to no end! I mean, does it make us less of a black women because we have lighter skin and long hair? So when I read blogs or websites that use that expression, I think it's sad. So what if I&…

The "Fleece Johnson" Guide to Dating

I am not sure if any of you saw the recent Boondocks where they spoofed prison culture and gayness. Well....if you haven' is a little clip of where they got their inspiration from. Fleece Johnson...the Booty Warrior... So yeah...Fleece is a little crazy..but we are about to roll with thiis for a minute. I am about to take the "Fleece Johnson" no holds barred approach to dating. If I see a dude it's going down  like this: I likes ya I wants ya We can do this the easy way Or the hard way....your choice. Now..Fleece might be talking about gay men and booty warrior and "hornin". But..I'm talking about taking the same approach to men. If I see a dude I want..I WANT HIM. Imma have him. We can play games and bullshit and do it the hard way...OR we can do it the easy give in to me and my desires (and yours)..and be happy. Which would you rather have? Would you rather have to do dumb sh*t to work for a good woman? Or take an easy approach with the sam…