The Scenario:
You meet a nice guy and have your first date/meeting. You all meet up, go out, and have a great time. You laugh and think even before the date ends."Gosh..I'd sure like to see this dude again!". He wants you to the door...and gives you a hug. You have butterflies and you call all your girlfriends and tell them "Ooooh girl...he was sooo fine! Lawd!"..and you all trade girlish giggles. The day passes and you sit and look at your cell phone. Hmm...why hasn't he called me?
Is it working?
Or.....should you call him??? I mean...You dont know what to do???? And should you call THE SAME DAY of the date? Is that too soon?
I'm reminded of that scene in He's Just Not That Into You
where Gigi sits and after the first date, contemplates calling and is absolutely in agonizing pain as to if she should call..or let him call... She is torturing herself.
Truthfully, we all go through this dance and I've come to realize there are two schools of thought: Traditional and Modern.
The Traditional Approach
The Traditional school of thought says.."Let the man call you first after a date". I've ask several people this and most of them being men, and they say let the man call you first. A man I asked said "In general, a woman shouldnt make the first move on anything. So don't call him because he is the pursuer. Men are hunters. Let a man be a man and pursue you. Otherwise, she'll never be happy with the outcome." Even some old-fashioned women say that a woman shouldnt appear too over-eager and just let the man make the first move.This is very traditional in the sense of the word. But this has it's complexities.
If you sit and wait for a man to call, do you relinquish the power to him to call you? So does that mean you have endless nights (and maybe even weeks) waiting by the phone? How long do you wait? And if he doesnt call, does that mean he doesnt like you OR that he's just extremely busy? Or worse...he's just a shy and self-concious man. See....what a tangled web we weave!
Or you can take the alternative approach...
The Modern Approach
Women, when I posed this question, went into an uproar! "This is 2010", they said. YOU can call first if you want and WHEN you want. Take back the power and call the man! Let him know you had a great time! There are no rules anymore! Hell...if you want, set up the next date...... Men like it when a woman knows what she wants when she wants it.
Hmmm..this too has it's problems. If you make the first moves, when are you allowing the dude to "woo" you? And if you call first, only to be dissapointed with the outocme, how can you recover from the egg on your face? OR if you call first, would you sorta bruise the guy's ego who was eager to call you ON HIS OWN time? ANd if you call right away and too soon, then do you seem too desperate?
Ughhhhh! WTF! After a while, you are stuck still and just looking at the phone in agonizing pain, just like Gigi.
So Ladies (and Gents)...what do you think:
Who should make the first call after a first date (and WHEN should that call happen)?
You meet a nice guy and have your first date/meeting. You all meet up, go out, and have a great time. You laugh and think even before the date ends."Gosh..I'd sure like to see this dude again!". He wants you to the door...and gives you a hug. You have butterflies and you call all your girlfriends and tell them "Ooooh girl...he was sooo fine! Lawd!"..and you all trade girlish giggles. The day passes and you sit and look at your cell phone. Hmm...why hasn't he called me?
Is it working?
Is the battery dead?
OH GOD! Maybe he didnt like the date at all.!!
Or.....should you call him??? I mean...You dont know what to do???? And should you call THE SAME DAY of the date? Is that too soon?
I'm reminded of that scene in He's Just Not That Into You
where Gigi sits and after the first date, contemplates calling and is absolutely in agonizing pain as to if she should call..or let him call... She is torturing herself.Truthfully, we all go through this dance and I've come to realize there are two schools of thought: Traditional and Modern.
The Traditional Approach
The Traditional school of thought says.."Let the man call you first after a date". I've ask several people this and most of them being men, and they say let the man call you first. A man I asked said "In general, a woman shouldnt make the first move on anything. So don't call him because he is the pursuer. Men are hunters. Let a man be a man and pursue you. Otherwise, she'll never be happy with the outcome." Even some old-fashioned women say that a woman shouldnt appear too over-eager and just let the man make the first move.This is very traditional in the sense of the word. But this has it's complexities.
If you sit and wait for a man to call, do you relinquish the power to him to call you? So does that mean you have endless nights (and maybe even weeks) waiting by the phone? How long do you wait? And if he doesnt call, does that mean he doesnt like you OR that he's just extremely busy? Or worse...he's just a shy and self-concious man. See....what a tangled web we weave!
Or you can take the alternative approach...
The Modern Approach
Women, when I posed this question, went into an uproar! "This is 2010", they said. YOU can call first if you want and WHEN you want. Take back the power and call the man! Let him know you had a great time! There are no rules anymore! Hell...if you want, set up the next date...... Men like it when a woman knows what she wants when she wants it.
Hmmm..this too has it's problems. If you make the first moves, when are you allowing the dude to "woo" you? And if you call first, only to be dissapointed with the outocme, how can you recover from the egg on your face? OR if you call first, would you sorta bruise the guy's ego who was eager to call you ON HIS OWN time? ANd if you call right away and too soon, then do you seem too desperate?
Ughhhhh! WTF! After a while, you are stuck still and just looking at the phone in agonizing pain, just like Gigi.
So Ladies (and Gents)...what do you think:
Who should make the first call after a first date (and WHEN should that call happen)?
The gentlemen in me believes the man should always call first.
ReplyDeleteBut the realist in me understands there are times where the woman might call first, and that's cool.
It shows the man that she is interested and enjoyed the date and look forward to more dates.
I'm curious though: If a woman is interested in a guy and he doesn't call as expected ... why do some women feel this could only mean that he isn't that interested?
He could possibly have the same underlying thoughts as the woman, and simply looks to see how she feels about it.
Right?
@Don...herein lies the dilemma, ya know! What ARE the times that it's permissible that the woman call first?
ReplyDeleteIf both of you are scared stiff..then who's gonna make the first move? You are both sitting there looking dumb at the telephone (LOL) AND what if the woman has expressed an interest that they enjoyed the date and would like to go out again..and the man STILL has yet to call? Then what? Does that mean the chick isn't his cup of tea ultimately?
You are both sitting there looking dumb at the telephone (LOL)
ReplyDeleteToo funny. Someone will break down and make the call I have to believe.
If the woman has expressed to the man that she approves....oh, well then, it sounds like the man is on some diva ish, or something.
He will learn.
Goodness I'm torn on this one too. Understand the "2010 I am woman hear me roar" thing but I'd also like him to come and get me so to speak. Also if I let him know during the date that I am really feeling him and would like another date. Then dammit after the fifth day of him not calling; I'm gonna call! Got take a chance out here. What if the girl he went out with the day after decided to call the next day and now they are on date 2 because she called him. Hell I don't know! lol
ReplyDeleteI say the woman can call! If i'm feeling you and I have any inkling that you feel the same way your getting a call! The saying "a closed mouth don't get fed" comes to mind. Just a simple call saying that you enjoyed the date and wouldn't mind hanging out again will suffice! If he's just not that into you...his loss!
ReplyDeletesuch a familiar dilemma! i play it case by case. sadly, seems to be the wrong decision each time. guess i need to be better at reading people. on a brighter note, i'm becoming more comfortable with rejection. instead of viewing it as a huge, personal failure when someone's "just not that into me", i realize, it just wasn't meant to be with that one, at that time.
ReplyDelete